what should i do

[hawk]

My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married the only problem is that we argue all the time about when each of us go out. I like to go out dancing with my girlfriends but every time I do he gets mad. But when he wants to he thinks that it is all fine and dandy... and I dont care that he is going out with his buddies. His philosophy is that it is different for a girl, that I could be dancing for only 5 minutes and I would get hit on by a guy looking for "some". In my opinion the same thing could happen to him. This is the guy I want to marry but what should i do this always causes arguements between us. should I just do what I want and ignore his hipocritical remarks?

[Tony T]

I think you need to have a serious, heart to heart talk with this guy. If you can't get him to change his way of thinking, I don't care how much you love him as a controlling husband he could make your life hell on earth.

 

Don't even think about getting engaged until you see permanent changes in his attitudes. There are names for guys like him.

[Jenna]

There isn't any way to keep people from "hitting" on someone they are attracted to- especially if you are in a club setting. Thats really not the issue here anyways.... its trust.

 

People can come on to you all night- and if you are an attractive girl- they probably do- but it is loyalty, love and committment to your partner that keeps you from accepting someone's advances. So basically- your boyfriend doesn't trust you- and what kind of a marriage are you going to have without that essential element.

 

Chances are that you haven't done anything to cause this distrust- but the fact remains that- for what ever reason-he has trust issues.

 

Usually- once someone who has a problem in this area gets married the control gets worse- and this is what you will have to look forward to. Its not any fun to have to account for every second of your day- AND to the complete satisfaction of your husband. You will be expected to give all the details of who, where, why, how long, did you talk to anyone, what did you talk about, etc......

 

Time with friends will be controlled- because he will think you are talking about him or plotting against him. Pretty soon you will be confined to you house- only leaving with him- and going where he sees fit.

 

I realize that this sounds like an extreme version of the future- but what if??

 

If you truly love him- and want to work out this problem- ask him to seek counseling as a term of your staying in the relationship.

 

Since you recognize the problem- you will only have yourself to blame if you continue to ignore the possibility of this turning into something ugly-only to find out that it has.

 

I wish you luck- hope you can find an answer. Jenna

I think you need to have a serious, heart to heart talk with this guy. If you can't get him to change his way of thinking, I don't care how much you love him as a controlling husband he could make your life hell on earth. Don't even think about getting engaged until you see permanent changes in his attitudes. There are names for guys like him.