Never been in love? Possible at this age?

[malibustacydoll]

I am curious about people who claim they have never been in love. A close friend/romantic interest of mine (we aren’t dating) has claimed to never have been in love. He’s 40 years old and has never been married. He has been in serious relationships before, lasting several years each.

 

Is this a defense mechanism for him to claim after the fact that it wasn’t love? I feel like after the fact sometimes after having been in a relationship where the “love” word is used—you may start to feel like it really wasn’t used.

 

Is it really possible that after having dated around for 25 years that he has never found someone he loved?

 

Is this a red flag for me to back off?

[Philosoraptor]

You feel it when you feel it. Some people never find romantic love even though they get married and have a family. It doesn't mean they should be avoided, they just haven't had their spark yet.

[malibustacydoll]

You feel it when you feel it. Some people never find romantic love even though they get married and have a family. It doesn't mean they should be avoided, they just haven't had their spark yet.

 

I suppose you're right-- I didn't specify with him the type of love. I love a lot of people in my life-- friends, family, etc-- and I'm sure he has had that type of love. It just seems like something he would have had by now-- because why would you then stay in serious long-term relationships if love hadn't developed within a certain time-- a few months/a year/etc? I'd be afraid to start a relationship with him-- fall in love-- and either have him not ever feel the same or say it without meaning. Perhaps it's just his personality type-- I suppose different people express care/love in different ways.

[jyoun]

My mom recently confessed to me that she never really had romantic "in love" feelings. She blamed it on being physically abused as a child. Of course I wouldn't jump to that conclusion with your friend, there may not be any underlying reason.

 

I think you are doing the right thing being cautious though. You may not like being in a relationship where your partner doesn't quite feel the same things toward you as you do with him. I was in a 3 year relationship like that and it truly sucked for one of us - we were both almost feeling the same thing for each other, but that wasn't nearly enough, especially after that long.

 

And I agree people express love in different ways. They also have different definitions of what love is. Some see it in stark black/white, whereas other have varying shades. It's probably a good idea to be on the same page when it comes to that kinda stuff.