maybealone Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) The phrase 'unconditional love' never appeared in any of my posts. Sorry, that is how the thread began. I wasn't trying to attribute it to you, I was trying to continue the discussion of the OP. There are always conditions and standards, but if a person truly loved and cared for their partner they wouldn't be looking for loopholes to end it. If that be the case, why start? There are some things I do not see as loopholes. If I marry someone who is loving and attentive, who then becomes manipulating and controlling, I don't believe I have to stay with that person because I made a commitment. And if I chose to end the relationship, that doesn't mean I never loved him. But yes, it would mean I am putting my own happiness first. There are as many excuses and rationalizations as there are people. Oh, I absolutely agree with this! And I believe that some people enter into marriages with an "Oh well, if it doesn't work out we'll just get a divorce" attitude, and I am not trying to justify that. Maybe in those instances, the love was never real. But I do think it is possible to love someone truly and deeply but not be able to continue a relationship with that person. Edited January 12, 2012 by maybealone Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 There are always conditions and standards, but if a person truly loved and cared for their partner they wouldn't be looking for loopholes to end it. BINGO. This nails it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) Unconditional love is the kind of love we have for our children, because they are our flesh and blood whom we've brought into this world and cared for and raised. Romantic love is not the same. Romantic love comes and goes. People fall in and out of love. It's not unconditional. If we are mistreated, it can kill the love we have for a partner. If we loose respect for them or realize they are not what we want in a partner for whatever reason, we can fall out of love for a person. Romantic love is a feeling that can come and go, and needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. I loved my wife unconditionally. She left me, cheated on me. Told me she didn't love me anymore. She cost me over 7k in legal fees, I lost my house, my credit is in the toilet, and she tried to make it so I only saw our 8 year son every other weekend, but I never stopped loving her. I still love her and always will. That is true love for a person. Edited January 12, 2012 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 We as humans are not capable of perfect love, we have faults, we have baggage, we have issues that leave us afraid, that leave scars, that sometimes make us incapable of anything remotely close to perfect love. The secret is that we have to realize that others have these weaknesses too. Often times when someone walks away and we feel that we have loved them with all they we are, it's very difficult to accept that we became someone they didn't love, sometimes through no fault of our own. Oh we kick and we scream and we refuse to let go and we rage at the unfairness of it but it is life. None of us were handed a right to be loved. In order to love again, to live life and have peace and happiness at some point we must let go of the pain and the anger and the unfairness of it and we must find some peace. I hope you can find some peace willow. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I loved my wife unconditionally. She left me, cheated on me. Told me she didn't love me anymore. She cost me over 7k in legal fees, I lost my house, my credit is in the toilet, and she tried to make it so I only saw our 8 year son every other weekend, but I never stopped loving her. I still love her and always will. That is true love for a person. I'm not being snarky but I'm curious as to why you think that is true love? Why continue to love someone who treated you so badly? What is there to love? Just a feeling of what used to be? Link to post Share on other sites
SBC Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 We as humans are not capable of perfect love, we have faults, we have baggage, we have issues that leave us afraid, that leave scars, that sometimes make us incapable of anything remotely close to perfect love. The secret is that we have to realize that others have these weaknesses too. Often times when someone walks away and we feel that we have loved them with all they we are, it's very difficult to accept that we became someone they didn't love, sometimes through no fault of our own. Oh we kick and we scream and we refuse to let go and we rage at the unfairness of it but it is life. None of us were handed a right to be loved. In order to love again, to live life and have peace and happiness at some point we must let go of the pain and the anger and the unfairness of it and we must find some peace. I hope you can find some peace willow. Most excellent post LadyG Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) I'm not being snarky but I'm curious as to why you think that is true love? Why continue to love someone who treated you so badly? What is there to love? Just a feeling of what used to be? True love is love that doesn't die. As bad as she has treated me, I still love her. Beleive me I wish I could turn it off. I wish I could stop loving her. Edited January 12, 2012 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 True love is love that doesn't die. As bad as she has treated me, I still love her. Beleive me I wish I could turn it off. I wish I could stop loving her. I agree AND I can wholeheartedly relate. Your love might be true, even if hers isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 True love is love that doesn't die. As bad as she has treated me, I still love her. Beleive me I wish I could turn it off. I wish I could stop loving her. I wonder, (again I'm not being snarky) is being unable to let go and after someone treats you badly, when does it become no longer about love but an inability to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) I wonder, (again I'm not being snarky) is being unable to let go and after someone treats you badly, when does it become no longer about love but an inability to move on? I am moving on with my life. I've even dated a couple of girls, but these relationships didn't work out. They were only for a few months. Maybe you've never loved a person so deeply. Not everyone experiences that. My counselor told me that. One of those girls I dated had never been in love. I've only loved my wife and nobody else. I have dated other women prior to my ex-wife too. My ex-brother in law had never been in love with a women. Not everyone I guess gets to experience that. Edited January 12, 2012 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 There is a process of acceptance when love isn't returned, or is taken away. And while we may argue what love is or if it ever was, the reality is most of us rush into relationships before really knowing who the other person is. People who leave -even after years- or step out probably had the option in mind the entire time. The hope is we learn from these valuable (but painful) lessons. Link to post Share on other sites
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