Losing my mind with drunk mother

[sarah436]

I don't even know where to start with this...both my parents love to drink. They drink about three times a week. I realize that in itself is not a big deal. What is a big deal is my mother. She never has a "few" each and every time she starts about 5 in th evening and will still be up when I leave for work at 6 or 7 a.m. A few times she has not gone to bed until 11 or 12 a.m. I used to wonder how but I recenly discovered she is taking Dexatrim and other diet pills. I think it is like taking speed. She sits half conscious and I have to check her every few hours to make sure she has not dropped lit ciggarettes.

 

 

She either goes into one phase or the other. One is the "I love you phase". This one is where she she slurrs and tries to hug you contantly. She tells stories that make no sense and cries for no reason. The other is the angry phase. This is the one that makes life hell. She has put a frying pan through a window, punched my father, broke a picture over his head, tried to wrestle me for car keys (once putting us both through a glass coffee table).She has scremed through an open window that me father gave her STDs. Most recently on one of her still up at a 11 mornings she had gone to bed about an hour before and something woke her up. She chased my sister and I through the house with a knife. My father says next time he will call the police but he never does.

 

 

My mother is not a bad person. She always is running around doing to for everyone. She had a very bad childhood and is constantly stressed. My father can have a few beers and go to bed. She can not. My father says he is going to do something but whenever we try to talk to her she packs up and goes to Boston saying she is calling to have the house sold because she refuses to be bullied so we give in. If we try to approach the situation lightly she just does not get it. She will laugh and say "I did that?" the only time she showed remorse was the knife inncident. She cried and told us it would never happen again and if it did to have the police come arrest her.

 

 

I am 21 years old now and have a 16 year old sister. I am trying to get things together to move out (I hope) as of now financially between college and a part time job I am stuck here. I am sick of carrying her to bed and watching to make sure she is okay. I am tired of getting not sleep the night before 10 hour work day because she is talking and singing to herself. My father hates it but has pretty much accpeted it. He had a brief affair about two years ago and I guess he feels he "owes it to her to get off her back". However she has ben drinking like this for as long as I can remember. It does no help that he complains to me saying "I have to divorce her" then two nights later drinks with her!!

I know it upsets my sister but she keeps it all inside.

 

 

It had affected my whole life. I cry over every little thing, I am always depressed and tired. I have had people offer for me to stay with them but I can't. I feel like it would hurt my mother and I really do love her. She is a completely different person sober. Even her voice is different. I'm sorry this is so long. I had to vent. I dread coming in and hearing that voice. It has been hell for so long.

[shamen]

I totally sympathize with you as my mom too is an alcoholic. I moved out of the house when I was 17, but I left all my brothers and sisters there and felt really bad about it... My baby sister dealt with the brunt of it as she stayed there the longest.

 

So, I would suggest Al-Anon; it's a place to go where everyone else there is going through exactly the same thing: dealing with alcoholics. There is a bit of a god thing involved, as they want you to believe in something. So, if you're atheist, this might not be for you. There are other versions of this group out there. Get yourself into a support group to make it through this period of your life.

 

Please don't do what I did like an idiot. I just didn't talk to her for 5 years. We're finally talking again. Please be careful with your relationships as you get older too... I've ended up dating several alcoholics as well. Pattern? Probably. One that I'm trying to break out of!

 

Hope that you're OK. You might want to think about bringing your sibling/dad with you as well. Just a thought.

[sarah436]

Thank you so much for your reply. Rather than bad relationships I actually started drinking at a young age. I also began cutting school and drinking during the day. Luckily when I met the man I am dating now he opened my eyes to how wrong that really was. I have seriosuly considered Al-Anon but have been somewhat nervous. I know is may sound stupid but I am still very ashamed. The thought of talking openly about it really does not appeal to me. However I have heard very positive things about it. It definitley would not hurt to try. Again thanks for your reply. I wish you the best!

[HokeyReligions]

You don't have to talk at Al-Anon --- you can listen for a while. EVERYONE there is there for similar reasons and there is nothing to be embarassed or ashamed of. Your mother sounds like she is a danger to you and your sister & your father. If she has attacked your father and chased you and your sister around with a knife then it sounds like drastic measures should be taken. You, along with your father, can have your mother committed to a hospital for help. That is better than a neighbor calling the police and her getting arrested for abuse or attempted murder, or murder!

 

I know it's painful and frightening, but get yourself and your sister out of the house until your mother (and father?) are somewhere else getting treatment.

[velvetvavoom]

I am also putting in a plug for Al-Anon...I think feeling nervous is natural, you are used to keeping up a brave front in public. Having an active alcoholic in the family becomes some sort of unspoken "secret" agreement that you don't air family business outside the family.

 

However, everyone at Al-Anon is there for the same reason...to get help coping with the alcoholic in their life. They have gone through what you're going through...some start drinking early, some date alcoholics, some don't ever drink but walk around like they're holding their breath forever.

 

I am a recovering alcoholic myself who needed to go to Al-Anon meetings when I realized that the man I was living with was making my life a living hell with HIS own alcoholism...I looked at him and thought, "Well, he doesn't drink like I did so he mustn't be an alcoholic." Regular drinkers don't end up passed out face down in the laundry, though.

 

Al-Anon really helped. You don't have to go alone, too, bring your sister or a friend who really loves you. The important thing is that you're doing it FOR YOU...you alone can't help your mother...but you can definitely help yourself and maybe your sister.

 

my heart goes out to you!

[sarah436]

I really want to thank everyone for thier replies. I have lived so long trying to hide this from the outside world. It is truly an unspoken agreement that it should never be spoken about outside the fmaily. Luckily for me I have heard enough here to start attending Al-anon meetings. My boyfriend offered to come with me. I think it will be good for him as well. There are things I have dealt with that affect our reationship. For instance if he goes out with some friends and has a few drinks it upsets me so much. Before I told him about my mother he thought I just didn't have trust in him. He never knew why. Now he understads that for me drinking is associated with only bad feelings. Al-anon sounds like it will be a wondeful help to me and I will try to update as soon as I have gone to my first meeting. Again thank you all so much. Your words have had more impact than you know.

[WomenAreNuts]

man..that's rough...i say write her a letter..just like the post you wrote here...see how she reacts...let her know how you're feeling and make it evident to her that her actions are ridiculous. Good luck.

[sarah436]

I actually tried that when I was younger and she said I was "dramatic" . I think I'll just have to accept the fact that I can't change her. My real concern now is a happier me!