I still can't work her out.

[Wings Of Love]

This may take some explaining.

 

For close to ten years, I have had two very close friends. For the sake of this post, I'll call them C and J. J and I met when she comforted me over the loss of my grandfather, even though we did not know each other at the time. We really hit it off. C joined our little duo a few months later. For the rest of our school years and our first year of college, we were inseperable. Naturally though, we soon began relationships and things went wrong. J moved away with her older boyfriend because few accepted their relationship. Regrettably, we lost touch for a few months. C and I tried to stay close, but she disliked my boyfriend and we allowed it to come between us and stopped talking. Over a year later, my boyfriend left me just as J moved back to the area with her new baby. She was there to hold my hand through the heartbreak and it was as though we had never lost touch.

 

Missing the old days, we invited C to meet us one day. She accepted and despite everything, it was as if our friendship had never died. The three of us became very close again. After a while J left her partner and soon after C did too. Now I was very close to C's partner long before they started seeing each other, but after their breakup she asked me not to have anything to do with him again. It was hard, but I agreed, because she hinted at trying to spend time with my ex (even though, as mentioned before, she really disliked him). I tried not to think of this as spiteful.

 

So the three of us stayed close, telling each other everything and supporting each other through everything. There were a few occasions when C would drift away for a few weeks, wouldn't return our calls or texts. She always had an excuse though. Then, in January 2011, she left my house after a long day of putting the world to rights. This particular day would have been mine and my ex boyfriend's anniversary, so I was always a little down on that particular day. When she asked what was wrong, I told her it wasn't important, having no desire to talk about him. Bizarrely, she took this the wrong way and just walked out. I tried calling and texting her over the next few days and received no reply. About a week later, she began ignoring J too.

 

It has now been more than a year and she hasn't said a single word to either of us since. J was rushed into hospital several times in Spring 2011 and though C was informed she did not contact any of us. She ignored us when we wished her a happy birthday and didn't offer any birthday wishes to either of us, or J's son who she adored. I later found out that at the time she asked me not to speak to her ex again, she was actually spending time with mine.

 

It has also come to light that she is bad mouthing me to mutual friends. One of these friends told me he had heard her saying spiteful things to a guy I was very close to (incidentally, we both had feelings for this guy at one point) and he chose to believe what she said was true. We no longer speak.

 

J, who will not take this treatment from anyone, has long since blocked C and wants nothing more to do with her. I, on the other hand, can't understand what I did that was so terrible. I don't appreciate what she has done since she ended our friendship, but I do miss her. Any ideas what could have happened? I'm clueless.

 

Sorry for the length, I felt this needed the backstory of our friendship.

[SpiralOut]

She is super pissed at you about something, that's for sure. Nobody here can say what it is, though. Have you tried asking her what's wrong?

[Libra16]

It just sounds like she's not your real friend. I know it can get to you sometimes because you guys were such great friends, I've been there. But honestly, if she's going to be this way, just pray for her and move on. Don't waste any more time wondering what if and just be thankful for the good friend you have in "J".

[Wings Of Love]

I have tried asking, yes. I have sent her several messages asking what I did to offend her and of course received no reply. I have only bumped into her once since this happened and she just walked straight past me without a word.

 

I am very thankful for J, I realise she was a real friend from the start and we've grown even closer since C cut us off. She's a friend for life.

[SpiralOut]

I have tried asking, yes. I have sent her several messages asking what I did to offend her and of course received no reply. I have only bumped into her once since this happened and she just walked straight past me without a word.

 

I am very thankful for J, I realise she was a real friend from the start and we've grown even closer since C cut us off. She's a friend for life.

 

Well then in that case, I agree that it's best to let go. You've done the best you can to try and save the friendship. If she was a real friend she would have at least tried to talk things out with you.

 

She sounds like the sort of person who holds a lot of anger inside and cuts off people who don't meet her expectations. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that she has acted this way with other people, other ex-friends.