monkey00 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 To make a long story short, so I met up with this girl for a first date and went to a bar, each had 2 drinks. I covered our tab. We left, I put my arm around her waist and as we were walking I went in for a kiss...and it felt totally natural for the both of us. Got to the restaurant. ate. And the tab came and went dutch. She offered to pay her share and I accepted. I realized after I may have made a big mistake. But it didn't matter because the restaurant accepts cash only and I only had enough to cover myself. Eventually we got to the train station and parted and we gave each other a kiss. I offered to get together again this week but her mom is coming into town later in the week (Thurs - Sunday), but early in the week at night she's supposed to be free. But she declined to get together and suggested next week when she's free again. I think overall the date went pretty well and it felt pretty natural for both of us. I also saw that when she got home she logged into her OLD account. hmm...What do women think about being payed for on a first activity and going dutch on a second activity on a first date? Link to post Share on other sites
soulm8 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 It's hard to say, but I think her logging into her OLD account when she got home is not great. She could have simply had a message notification but... IME, if I'd had a good date... I have no need for attention from other men for at least a few days. That is more concerning to me than the fact that you shared the bill. It'll be more clear if and when you get the next date. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 She offered, you accepted. What's the problem? The kind of girl that would think poorly of you for accepting her offer is not the kind of girl you'd want to date in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hmm.. hard to say.. Personally I'd rather pay for the both of us (I'm a girl), than to go dutch. Thats just so... hmm.. independant, indivdualistic and impersonal and okay... CHEAP:p But I dont know, under some circumstances I guess its not that big a deal. You can tell her that looking back on it, you regret it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Well the thing was that at the bar when I got the tab. She asked if I needed help with that or if she could chip in. I had already put the money down and she asks me that...ok. I said "nah don't worry about it, if you want to though - I was thinking of hitting up the restaurant and if you want you can cover me there." The above was why we were both kind of waiting for the other to grab the restaurant tab. Then when I finally pulled out my wallet, she offered to chip in. I felt like she totally tested me... But actually the girls I've been going on dates with have been pretty classy about it, and many times have offered to pay all or half. In which most cases I decline and cover them, and then for another activity they cover me. Edited January 9, 2012 by monkey00 Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hmm.. hard to say.. Personally I'd rather pay for the both of us (I'm a girl), than to go dutch. Thats just so... hmm.. independant, indivdualistic and impersonal and okay... CHEAP:p But I dont know, under some circumstances I guess its not that big a deal. You can tell her that looking back on it, you regret it.. Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. Actually tomorrow I'm thinking of texting "Hey I had a great time yesterday, see you soon!" How's that sound to you guys? Should I mention about regretting going Dutch too? Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Got to the restaurant. ate. And the tab came and went dutch. She offered to pay her share and I accepted. I realized after I may have made a big mistake. But it didn't matter because the restaurant accepts cash only and I only had enough to cover myself. LOL. Always make sure you have enough cash for dinner. If you have seen the posts of some of the women on this forum, then you know such a thing might be a dealbreaker. I can see the thread tmrw ... My date only brought enough cash for himself. Should I ax him? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well the thing was that at the bar when I got the tab. She asked if I needed help with that or if she could chip in. I had already put the money down and she asks me that...ok. I said "nah don't worry about it, if you want to though - I was thinking of hitting up the restaurant and if you want you can cover me there." OK, so she didn't really offer to go dutch at dinner, you told her beforehand that you expected her to pay for your dinner. Which put her in an awkward position because you paid for her $3 drink and then told her that she could pay for your $15 dinner. You basically told her that she could cover the more expensive part of the date. I always offer to split the bill on dates, but usually the guy politely declines my offer and pays for me. I wouldn't think less of him if he accepted my offer to pay half, but I would be annoyed if he expected me to pay the whole bill. I'm offering to pay for myself, not both of us, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 OK, so she didn't really offer to go dutch at dinner, you told her beforehand that you expected her to pay for your dinner. Which put her in an awkward position because you paid for her $3 drink and then told her that she could pay for your $15 dinner. You basically told her that she could cover the more expensive part of the date. I paid for her $10 + tip on drinks. My meal was $7. her drinks were more expensive I always offer to split the bill on dates, but usually the guy politely declines my offer and pays for me. I wouldn't think less of him if he accepted my offer to pay half, but I would be annoyed if he expected me to pay the whole bill. I'm offering to pay for myself, not both of us, lol. You'd be surprised I've gone out with Leo girls, and they have no problem paying for guys or taking turns paying. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 If I'd offered to pay, it's because I think you're broke. Honestly just get the tab. Usually the guy pays for dinner and the girl being generous, offers to go dutch for the dessert. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 You'd be surprised I've gone out with Leo girls, and they have no problem paying for guys or taking turns paying. Are you talking about astrology? What does that have to do with anything? I'll pay for a guy once we're in a relationship. I treat my boyfriend to dinner on his birthday or if he just got a new job. Otherwise, we split the bill, since we've been together for awhile and I don't expect him to pay for me all the time. But on the first few dates, I would think he was cheap if he expected me to pay for him. Especially since he's the one who asked me out. (If I invite him out, that's a different story.) Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I don't think it is that big of a deal.. She doesn't think you stuck her... but... Next time take enough money to pay for the date dude... and for the second date.. cover it all or the first dates cheapness will ruin you. I wouldn't have let a girl pay for any part of a first date or any date for that matter but that is just me.. a gentleman of yesteryear... I'm of the mind that a man chases a girl and pays for dinner and the evening... Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well the thing was that at the bar when I got the tab. She asked if I needed help with that or if she could chip in. I had already put the money down and she asks me that...ok. I said "nah don't worry about it, if you want to though - I was thinking of hitting up the restaurant and if you want you can cover me there." The above was why we were both kind of waiting for the other to grab the restaurant tab. Then when I finally pulled out my wallet, she offered to chip in. I felt like she totally tested me... But actually the girls I've been going on dates with have been pretty classy about it, and many times have offered to pay all or half. In which most cases I decline and cover them, and then for another activity they cover me. I think its not that big a deal.. The way you describe it, sounds really natural to me. If you are gonna put something in your message you could say: 'I know you paid half, but I feel a little bad about it, can I buy you an icecream (thats cute:P especially in the winter hehe, think of something else) to make it up to you?' something like that. If the girl were me I wouldnt mind if the rest of the date was okay! I actually like to pay, because otherwise I feel guilty:p but on the first date there is this thing that man are supossed to pay hehe culture! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well the thing was that at the bar when I got the tab. She asked if I needed help with that or if she could chip in. I had already put the money down and she asks me that...ok. I said "nah don't worry about it, if you want to though - I was thinking of hitting up the restaurant and if you want you can cover me there." The above was why we were both kind of waiting for the other to grab the restaurant tab. Then when I finally pulled out my wallet, she offered to chip in. I felt like she totally tested me... But actually the girls I've been going on dates with have been pretty classy about it, and many times have offered to pay all or half. In which most cases I decline and cover them, and then for another activity they cover me. This is what bothers me. You said that almost jokingly but when it came to actually pay you really expected her to grab the check. That is just unbelievable. If she does take the bait for a second date, you have a hell of a time to make up for your mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well the date today lasted pretty long for 5 hours and we had 3-4 activities. If she wasn't having fun I don't think she would have stuck through all that with me. But not like she really had plans today either. This is what bothers me. You said that almost jokingly but when it came to actually pay you really expected her to grab the check. That is just unbelievable. You make it sound like it's the end of the world. I had a first date once with a girl who did not hesitate to pay for the first activity - she completely insisted, and then the lunch I paid for it. Needless to say I didn't ask her out again. I think if a girl really likes a guy, she won't really care so much about treating him to things on a first date or taking turns. I notice women in their late 20's+ understand how to treat a guy or take turn paying on dates. Whereas younger women expect to be treated like a princess when they go out. I'm not saying or insisting women go dutch or pay for the dates. Just about every time when I take a girl out on a date I will always pay, unless we wind up in a relationship which is a different ball park. But just because a woman is dating a guy doesn't mean she can't treat him to something every now and then. If I find her to be buddy buddy then I will consider going dutch if I don't want to see her again. But this time I think it was more accidental and not thinking straight with this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 If I find her to be buddy buddy then I will consider going dutch if I don't want to see her again. Yeah.. well.. I think many younger guys think the same way.. I think you should ask her out for a second date.. and make all the plans.. and pay the way... that is if you like her I mean.. if she is just a buddy buddy then let it go Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well the date today lasted pretty long for 5 hours and we had 3-4 activities. If she wasn't having fun I don't think she would have stuck through all that with me. But not like she really had plans today either. You make it sound like it's the end of the world. I had a first date once with a girl who did not hesitate to pay for the first activity - she completely insisted, and then the lunch I paid for it. Needless to say I didn't ask her out again. I think if a girl really likes a guy, she won't really care so much about treating him to things on a first date or taking turns. I notice women in their late 20's+ understand how to treat a guy or take turn paying on dates. Whereas younger women expect to be treated like a princess when they go out. I'm not saying or insisting women go dutch or pay for the dates. Just about every time when I take a girl out on a date I will always pay, unless we wind up in a relationship which is a different ball park. But just because a woman is dating a guy doesn't mean she can't treat him to something every now and then. If I find her to be buddy buddy then I will consider going dutch if I don't want to see her again. But this time I think it was more accidental and not thinking straight with this girl. Reread what I wrote - you really expected her to grab the check. You said we were both kind of waiting for the other to grab the restaurant tab. Again could be that you were nervous or whatever, but honestly did you really have to hesitate? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I had a date last week where the check came and SAT there without either one of us making a move to even look at it. He ultimately got up to use the restroom, and I used that opportunity to just pay the whole thing myself, as it was clear that he wasn't going to just be a gentleman and grab the whole thing. Won't be seeing him again, I don't think. And not just for that reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 If a girl goes dutch with me right off the bat I'll love it. I won't settle for anything less then splitting all expenses once we become gf/bf... unless the girl has some sob story of why she can't pay and then I'll take care of her. With a first date though I'm usualy in control of where we are going and what we are doing. I don't really pick anything that expensive. Generaly I try to make my first dates cost under $20. I don't want the girl thinking about money. If I naturaly pay for dinner and then she offers to treat me to desrt I say its a good first date! Bottom line you don't want her thinking or worying about how much things cost and whos paying. Don't make a big deal about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I think overall the date went pretty well and it felt pretty natural for both of us. I also saw that when she got home she logged into her OLD account. hmm...What do women think about being payed for on a first activity and going dutch on a second activity on a first date? Look, if not having cash turns her off... do you really want a bitch like that? Seriously... she isn't worth your time if she thinks like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Look, if not having cash turns her off... do you really want a bitch like that? Seriously... she isn't worth your time if she thinks like that. If you really think women who take issues with men who don't pay for dates are bitches then I'll bet your pretty lonely... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Look, if not having cash turns her off... do you really want a bitch like that? Seriously... she isn't worth your time if she thinks like that. I'm going to disagree. In what way did this make her a bitch? If he doesn't have cash he shouldn't have suggested dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Just realize 'I went dutch at the end' sounds a lot like some crazy sex position hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I had a date last week where the check came and SAT there without either one of us making a move to even look at it. He ultimately got up to use the restroom, and I used that opportunity to just pay the whole thing myself, as it was clear that he wasn't going to just be a gentleman and grab the whole thing. Won't be seeing him again, I don't think. And not just for that reason. I think he sounds passive aggressive with the getting up to use the bathroom thing while the check is just sitting out on a first date. As the guy it was his responsiblity to atleast ask you to split the bill with him before it became awkward like it did. I'm suprised you paid for him after his behavior. I guess you just felt like a bad ass doing that to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 If you really think women who take issues with men who don't pay for dates are bitches then I'll bet your pretty lonely... I'm about as lonely as you. If she takes issue with it... then Yes she is a bitch. I've dated those girls before, it isn't worth the time. Plenty of women out there who are not just after your wallet. I'm going to disagree. In what way did this make her a bitch? If he doesn't have cash he shouldn't have suggested dinner. I never use cash. My credit card pays me 1-4% on each purchase 6% for gas. My financial programs track and categorize all of my purchases. Paying in cash means I have no tracking and I have to keep those receipts. It's a huge pain in my butt. She hasn't rejected him yet... but seriously... Who has the right to get upset if someone doesn't pay for them? Gotta admit... that's kind of bitchy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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