Things are Going from Bad to Worse

[Marek]

I have an appointment with a psychologist. It's on the 19th of this month. But I don't know how well it's going to go. I talked to family and my doctor about how I'm being abused and slandered every single damn day, yet they have trouble believing such events are occurring.

 

I drive around town and a dozen people will look at me contemptuously and mouth off and insult while they're in their cars. I walk around town and people have a really hard time suppressing their laughter when they see me. People look at me and chat to the person beside them and then shake their heads and look at me disdainfully. The list goes on and on...

 

Yesterday was particularly bad. I was out and about town and during my drive and time spent in the mall I chalked up a new Personal Best: 22 people laughed at me, or abused me (very quietly, without the intention that I hear), or maligned me. (I took mental note of the number. Hence I remember it.) Most of the culprits were women. This all happend within roughly 90 minutes. I arrived home and felt very angry and very down.

 

I woke up today and it's still playing on my mind. I'm still angry and downbeat. These "people" truly deserve a brutal form of retribution. I say that with sincerity. I'm starting to feel violent anger towards most people, especially women. They are adversely affecting my life with their contemptous treatment of me. They see that I'm down yet they continue with their hate-campaign; that is simply callous.

 

What's bugging me is that when I tell others about my plight, they don't believe it. They think I'm misconstruing things. But I'm certain that I'm not. Life is extremely difficult. I can't concentrate on anything because my mind is constantly replaying negative events and that's fueling the fire of anger.

 

Anyway, I have a feeling the psych won't believe me, either. Because what I'm experiencing is so unusual people tend to chalk it up as being all "in my head." But I'm an unusual person, and unfortunately, I'm treated with an incomprehensible amount of open animosity and contempt. I do not know another person who is more downtrodden than I. What can I do?!

[Emilia]

Why do you think people take an issue with you?

[Buttercup84]

Ok why do they laugh at you ? I find it hard to believe that so many people would do that

[Marek]

They do it mainly because of the quoted italic-type below. I wrote this post below about a year-and-a-half ago. However, as I wrote, it's getting a lot worse. Hence my new thread.

 

"Well, I suppose I really should have provided some background information in my first post. I'm a 26-yr-old guy who's a social misfit due to anxiety problems and a general lack of social skills. Two years ago I was in a motorcycle accident which resulted in me being made partially immobile around my torso and hence I'm left with an awkward gait.

 

Due to this awkward gait I'm on the receiving end of never ending abuse. And the few people who actually respond to my small talk, quickly snub me upon the realisation that I can't hold a conversation and the conversation itself become pretty awkard(because I don't have social skills!) Therefore, people put those two things together: Inability to hold a conversation & an awkward gait. "Jeez, there really is something wrong with you, isn't there!" they have said. (Yes, in conversation I have ACTUALLY been told that.)

 

But then again, most people DON'T even bother to talk to me. They see me hobbling along and automatically assume that there's something inherently wrong with me. "Freak", "retard", "queer"... and so forth. I've heard every derogotary name in the book.

 

Do you know how many times I've actually been complimented since the start of this year? Once. Do you know how many times I've been called some derogotary name since the start of the yeah? Well over 100 times.

 

So I'm pretty much excluded and viewed with contempt from the outset. But what can I do about it?"

[Emilia]

I understand that you find lack of socials skills difficult to live with but I think you are wrong about people badmouthing or laughing at you. An awkward gait isn't unusual, most people wouldn't even notice. I have never heard anyone laughing at a person because they had difficulty walking

 

Maybe a child would be rude enough but not adults. I think you are quite paranoid, I don't think people pay this much attention to one another really, especially not to a complete stranger.

 

Maybe you are just really lonely and you wish that people cared more?

[Marek]

I understand that you find lack of socials skills difficult to live with but I think you are wrong about people badmouthing or laughing at you. An awkward gait isn't unusual, most people wouldn't even notice. I have never heard anyone laughing at a person because they had difficulty walking

 

Maybe a child would be rude enough but not adults. I think you are quite paranoid, I don't think people pay this much attention to one another really, especially not to a complete stranger.

 

Maybe you are just really lonely and you wish that people cared more?

*Sigh* The paranoia stuff again... just because it's unusual for one to be treated this way, doesn't mean it's impossible. I admitted in the original post that it is very unusual. But it's my reality. I'm undoubtedly one of the most disdained people in my city.

 

By the way, the people who are treating me this way aren't, by and large, teenagers and young kids. I'm talking about young adults in their early twenties and even women (and some men) in their thirties, forties and even fifties.

 

You are right in saying I'm really lonely and wish that people cared more, however. I have not one person I can call a friend. My social life is nonexistent. It's a worthless, lonely life. But if people just left me alone, I wouldn't have so much anger and depression.

[Emilia]

*Sigh* The paranoia stuff again... just because it's unusual for one to be treated this way, doesn't mean it's impossible. I admitted in the original post that it is very unusual. But it's my reality. I'm undoubtedly one of the most disdained people in my city.

 

 

So everyone who says that's not the case is wrong and you are right? Sounds to me that you are lonely because you are not prepared to trust other people. You have to find in yourself the way to let others in.

[twinkles]

Marek..

 

Please listen to this message

http://www.joelosteen.com/Broadcast/Pages/ThisWeeksMessage.aspx

 

 

Listen to the one titled "I am" listen to the whole thing and think about it.

 

You are projecting to the world what you think about yourself and people are simply reacting to what you think of yourself.

[Marek]

So everyone who says that's not the case is wrong and you are right? Sounds to me that you are lonely because you are not prepared to trust other people. You have to find in yourself the way to let others in.

I've talked to only my father and my doctor, but they haven't walked in my shoes. They haven't been out in public with me to witness my experiences first-hand.

 

I don't understand why people find it hard to believe that such a thing is possible; people get bullied for being different; people get mistreated for being different. The world is cold and cruel. That's reality.

 

I'm not lonely because of my lack of trust. I'm lonely because people want nothing to do with me because they genuinely believe I'm defective. Moreover, nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly put-down in public and badmouthed. It would reflect poorly on the person who is seen with me. People, especially women, are quite shallow by nature and wouldn't risk their reputation to be seen with me.

 

I've tried connecting with people around my age during my most recent stint in college. However, they all shunned me. Not one single student wanted anything to do with me. I'd ask them questions, trying to get to know them, and they'd have this stupid stuck-up smirk smeared on their faces, as though me even talking to them is beneath them. The females were by far the worst in terms of insolent treatment. They appear to be lacking in empathy. There are a few good ones, but the italicized "few" doesn't emphasize strongly enough how very few good females there are.

 

I'm not gender-bashing here, by the way. It's just been my experience that 80% (a rough estimate) of the time, females are the ones maligning me and generally putting me down. Naturally, experiencing such contempt from the opposite sex over the last couple of years has inadvertently caused me to have a lesser opinion of them.

[oldguy]

A competent, professional therapist will NOT dismiss you. The purpose of therapy is not to judge but to analyze & help you. If you suffer from anxiety they may suggest getting that under control first as that can effect your treatment & may be in some cases contributing to your social awkwardness. Finally, people can be cruel and there is no way to control their perception of you or their cruel behavior, there are methods to help your perception of them & their insensitively. Find a good therapist, be patient & be prepared to do some hard work.

 

Why have you chosen 'Marek', is it how you feel about yourself?

[Marek]

Marek..

 

Please listen to this message

http://www.joelosteen.com/Broadcast/Pages/ThisWeeksMessage.aspx

 

 

Listen to the one titled "I am" listen to the whole thing and think about it.

 

You are projecting to the world what you think about yourself and people are simply reacting to what you think of yourself.

I don't actively use negative self-talk. I have my own abilities of which I'm aware. However, nobody else believes I have anything positive to contribute. Therefore, they treat me contemptuously. I don't walk around with my head down, scolding or with a frown on my face (most of the time, anyway). I don't think I project any negativity.

 

What I do project, however, is much awkwardness. It's innate and very difficult to change, as it's been part of my personality for my entire life.

 

People are extremely prejudiced. They judge me on face-value. To them, what you see is what you get. My mannerisms, speech and so forth all reflect my personality and ability to these people. And what it reflects to them is less than appealing. People form opinions of others within minutes. If you come off as "different," you're going to get treated differently. This is what I've noticed, and its veracity is evident to me.

[Marek]

A competent, professional therapist will NOT dismiss you. The purpose of therapy is not to judge but to analyze & help you. If you suffer from anxiety they may suggest getting that under control first as that can effect your treatment & may be in some cases contributing to your social awkwardness. Finally, people can be cruel and there is no way to control their perception of you or their cruel behavior, there are methods to help your perception of them & their insensitively. Find a good therapist, be patient & be prepared to do some hard work.

 

Why have you chosen 'Marek', is it how you feel about yourself?

I'm seeing a psychologist on the 19th, as I wrote earlier. I don't know if I'll find ways to happily live with this constant contempt I face. The psychologist may give me tools to try to help me become less aware of people's treatment of me, but I will most likely be skeptical of their efficacy. I'm just developing this really anti-society mindset that's filled with all sorts of fantasies.

 

I didn't choose the handle "Marek" from "Marek's Disease," if that's what you're implying (or does the name have another connotation?). It's just a name I heard when I was a teenager, and I liked it.

 

Anyway, thanks for your reply, oldguy. (And everyone elses' replies, too.)

[twinkles]

Marek the truth is everything you say is negative. You put yourself down far too much.

 

Yes the world is cruel, people are cruel. Instead of focusing on the negative people start hanging around with people who lift you up. People who judge you are the ones with the low self esteem.

 

I have a neice who walks aroung with spiked fushia hair, piercings everywhere and dreadful clothing but she just doesn't care what people think of her. This is where you need to get yourself at.

 

We all find ourselves awkward in different situations. Even people who seem perfect on the outside have internal flaws. It's all in how you handle it.

 

You have got to find some peace within yourself.

[True2form]

Ok so, you said that you've had no one with you to experience the laughing and staring and pointing first hand...so....do it. Take your father out with you. Take him with you and tell him to be honest, crushingly honest about what he sees. Not to be nice and try and sugar coat someone obviously laughing at you... but also, there may be an instance where you see two young women sitting down having coffee and they're giggling and you might automatically assume "Oh god, they saw me and they're just trying to stifle their laughter." And your dad or whoever you manage to take with you (I'd bloody volunteer if I lived in your town, but I doubt you're in the UK) might, as your second pair of eyes, realise that actually, as you were walking up to them, they hadn't even seen you and they were engrossed in conversation.

 

I don't doubt that people stare and they probably even do the semi-awkward initial look up and then "Oh god I shouldn't look he'll think I'm staring and being rude" and then purposely look away for AGES.

 

Part of your social ineptness you so readily diagnose yourself with might be that you totally misread what people are thinking or doing. I'm not going to lie, some people are downright cruel and will shout out awful things. They are ill-educated and not properly taught how to handle other people's feelings. They also shout at anyone they feel like, because they're just completely rubbish.

 

I'm seeing a therapist because I also have anxiety. Mine is born of something I deem absolutely ridiculous, which makes it all the more frustrating to deal with. There are times when you will feel that your therapist is against you and judging you, but it's just your perception so be ready for feeling that, and telling yourself it's not true. It will also take a while for you to settle in and stop worrying that they have some sort of disdain for you. Anxiety is a total bitch but it's important you give this a shot, it could be an amazing turning point for you.

[Marek]

Marek the truth is everything you say is negative. You put yourself down far too much.

 

Yes the world is cruel, people are cruel. Instead of focusing on the negative people start hanging around with people who lift you up. People who judge you are the ones with the low self esteem.

 

I have a neice who walks aroung with spiked fushia hair, piercings everywhere and dreadful clothing but she just doesn't care what people think of her. This is where you need to get yourself at.

 

We all find ourselves awkward in different situations. Even people who seem perfect on the outside have internal flaws. It's all in how you handle it.

 

You have got to find some peace within yourself.

It can be hard to think positive when you're taked down a peg every day, multiple times a day. I have to get to point where I don't care about such things, you're right, but it's very hard. All this sadness and anger is eating away at me. I have trouble doing things I once enjoyed. I just can't unwind anymore. Nevertheless, I'll have to see what the psychologist has to say.

 

Ok so, you said that you've had no one with you to experience the laughing and staring and pointing first hand...so....do it. Take your father out with you. Take him with you and tell him to be honest, crushingly honest about what he sees. Not to be nice and try and sugar coat someone obviously laughing at you... but also, there may be an instance where you see two young women sitting down having coffee and they're giggling and you might automatically assume "Oh god, they saw me and they're just trying to stifle their laughter." And your dad or whoever you manage to take with you (I'd bloody volunteer if I lived in your town, but I doubt you're in the UK) might, as your second pair of eyes, realise that actually, as you were walking up to them, they hadn't even seen you and they were engrossed in conversation.

 

I don't doubt that people stare and they probably even do the semi-awkward initial look up and then "Oh god I shouldn't look he'll think I'm staring and being rude" and then purposely look away for AGES.

 

Part of your social ineptness you so readily diagnose yourself with might be that you totally misread what people are thinking or doing. I'm not going to lie, some people are downright cruel and will shout out awful things. They are ill-educated and not properly taught how to handle other people's feelings. They also shout at anyone they feel like, because they're just completely rubbish.

 

I'm seeing a therapist because I also have anxiety. Mine is born of something I deem absolutely ridiculous, which makes it all the more frustrating to deal with. There are times when you will feel that your therapist is against you and judging you, but it's just your perception so be ready for feeling that, and telling yourself it's not true. It will also take a while for you to settle in and stop worrying that they have some sort of disdain for you. Anxiety is a total bitch but it's important you give this a shot, it could be an amazing turning point for you.

Just a quick note regarding the above bold-type. I have been abused by people in professional jobs (e.g. pharmacists and lecturers) as well, not just by the un-educated welfare recipient down the road.

 

Anyway, I once went for a drive with my dad, and pointed out a few instances of were I saw occupants in another car staring at me and laughing. He didn't seem to think that was the case. He said they could have been talking about anything. It didn't appear, to him, that it was negative or that it was directed at me. However, I still disagree. I think I have an exceptional ability to read others' bodylanguage, unlike my dad. I think if my psychologist says it not the case, then I'll tell him to come for a walk with me around a near-by mall. He'll then see what my reality is like.

 

Thanks for your posts, guys.

[oldguy]

No, I didn't think you had the disease I just wondered if you felt like you shared the same social isolation that Joseph Merrick did.

 

It's a process, one you have to commit to but it can be life changing.

And it involves something that you may consider to be completely unfair; 'you' have to change your perception of those people. It's all about perception

 

I'm happy your taking the first step & wish you all the best.

 

P.S. if your referred to an MD or a psychiatrist to prescribe medication, (a psychologist can not prescribe medication), for anxiety, think of it as a band-aid or a cast while you heal. If your psychologist declares you cured after the medication has relieved your symptoms, If it where me I would seek a therapist or psychologist that would help me to determine the cause of the anxiety. Again, best wishes & luck to you.

Edited January 9, 2012 by oldguy

[twinkles]

See Marek, there are people here who care and like you.

[Marek]

Yes, but they are few are far between, twinkles. Also, I think if you guys met me in real life, you would probably have a negative opinion about me (everyone else does). However, I think you, twinkles, and others who have posted in this thread, would be nice enough, respectful enough, not to voice that opinion.

[twinkles]

The only way I would form a negative opinion on you is if you gave me cause to.

 

Gotta go to work talk to you soon.

 

Wishing you good things.

[spiderowl]

I don't know how real the way you feel you are being treated is. I can understand if you feel this is happening excessively and assume everyone who you meet is being malign, that your psych will be concerned and worried about possible paranoia and psychosis. Your anger is a risk to others at the moment.

 

I can understand that you are feeling angry and upset about the way you feel you are being treated. I don't know how different your gait is from normal but anything that does not fit the norm and is obvious attracts attention. It may well be attracting less attention than you think. The problem is that you are assuming the worst of others (maybe justified in some cases as there are always some insensitive people) and thinking negatively about yourself and others. If you think this is not a psychiatric condition that you are suffering from (and I think it may well be worth you trying prescribed psychiatric drugs for a while just so you can see if the problems improve for you (not for others but for you!). If you are really dead against this, then there is another route: Basically, you assume that you are seeing things in a excessively negative way (something we are all prone to and maybe moreso in your case if you do have an obvious gait problem). On the basis that it does not do you or anyone else any good for you to assume the worst of people, you make a deliberate and conscious effort to assume the best of them, not to become paranoid about what they say/do but to turn this to positive effect by treating them well and by being happy yourself. Basically ignore all the negatives and assume the world and the people in it care about you, are treating you well, are curious but not malign and could well be your friends if you assume the best of them.

 

This represents a whole change in your world view that would be better for YOU. You are suffering at the moment. You are getting angry. Abandon this negative approach and work on the basis that reality is much nicer than you have been thinking. Deliberately avoid negative thoughts and negative attitudes and behaviours on your own part. You will find that if you are positive and full of humour instead of anger, that people will respond in kind. Some might not: ignore them and move on. Your current world view is severely biased and not doing you any good. Consider seriously what support your psych could give you to alleviate any over-sensitivity. I suffer from over-sensitivity so I know that some medications can relieve this and provide a buffer against the worst excesses of the outside world.

 

Whatever you do, don't turn this anger against people. It does mostly come from within and you need to be aware of that and learn to manage your sensitivity. Believe me, your attitude to the outside world will make a whole lot of difference. I suggested considering using psychiatric drugs as a tool to help you get things in a more comfortable focus. I do not think you are crazy, but I do think your level of sensitivity is so acute at the moment that you need a break from it. Some psychiatric drugs can help and a psych would advise. I wish you all the best. I know what it's like and I know you can come through this and feel much better.

[Buttercup84]

Have you heard of body dismorphic disorder ? Google it . Yes I know you gave been in an accident and your body changed . I'm not saying its paranoia.

 

I for one , might notice you but that's because I am a people watcher . None of my friends or I would ever laugh at you or moke you .

 

**** them ! They are insecure *******s.

[HeavenOrHell]

Wow, you must be living in compassionate world that I've never been to then

I've had the p*ss taken out of me for years because my hair is quite thin, and no I wasn't projecting how I felt about my hair onto other people, I didn't notice it was thin until others started pointing it out to me, after years of 'I like your bald patch' or bald eagle' or 'oh how sexy!' I did get highly self conscious about it and feel ugly (and I had felt attractive up until then), so that it is on my mind every time I go out. I always hope it rains, so I can wear my hood or put my umbrella up.

My hair isn't even that bad, but obviously it's noticeable enough for people to be abusive to me about.

So please don't patronise, or call us paranoid, or tell us that people don't badmouth or laugh at us or other people, you're just very lucky that you're unnoticeable enough not to have it happen to you over and over again.

 

 

I understand that you find lack of socials skills difficult to live with but I think you are wrong about people badmouthing or laughing at you. An awkward gait isn't unusual, most people wouldn't even notice. I have never heard anyone laughing at a person because they had difficulty walking

 

Maybe a child would be rude enough but not adults. I think you are quite paranoid, I don't think people pay this much attention to one another really, especially not to a complete stranger.

 

Maybe you are just really lonely and you wish that people cared more?