PoppyLove89 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I've come to realise that silence sometimes speaks louder than words. If your ex doesn't contact you, it's probably because a) they're over it or b) their pride/ego won't let them. Move on. I'm forcing myself to. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 While I agree that silence can sting the most. One shouldn't force themselves to move one, they should allow themselves to. It seems that which stops us from moving on is nothing but ourselves. We can not force the issue away but analyze ourselves and allow progress to be made. Link to post Share on other sites
Rimer Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 While I agree that silence can sting the most. One shouldn't force themselves to move one, they should allow themselves to. It seems that which stops us from moving on is nothing but ourselves. We can not force the issue away but analyze ourselves and allow progress to be made. What do you mean by analyze ourselves ? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Spending time analyzing ourselves from an impartial and logical point of view. Looking at yourself honestly and making a point to try and correct anything that you personally see that you would like to change. In the context of a relationship we much analyze our own issues that led to the end of collapse of the relationship (as it is extremely rare if not non-existant for one person to have had all of the issues). Once we find out what we were not happy with we make a vow to ourselves to not make the same mistakes again and at that point we can find forgiveness within ourselves. After we have forgiven ourselves and our ex we can truly find the inner peace inside to have moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 "Once we find out what we were not happy with we make a vow to ourselves to not make the same mistakes again and at that point we can find forgiveness within ourselves. After we have forgiven ourselves and our ex we can truly find the inner peace inside to have moved on." No, we don't just find forgiveness, when we realize our faults within the relationship. We can say, next time I will deal with things differently, because of what I've learned, but hell no, I don't find any inner peace 3 months on from knowing I pushed her away because of the way i wasn feeling, (v down). It's more about realizing they're not coming back, you must go on living or die, not much choice and you are sick of moaning and feeling crap, so you find a little more acceptance every day.....TIME is the key, not forgiveness....I will never forgive her, but I will endeavour to find some happiness and calm within, so i can become a better more whole person so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Does this lack of forgiveness bring you any sort of closure or happiness? Not forgiving one is the same as holding a grudge or letting someone else continue to hurt you. Everyone has been wronged at some point in their life. Some end up jaded for years and thoughts continue to hurt them when brought up. Even when cheated on one should still strive for forgiveness as later thoughts do not bring up any feelings outside of sorrow for the person who made the mistake and wronged us. "To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself." - Master ChengYen Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I see the merits of forgiveness I guess, cause right now resent is what attaches me to my ex, and forgiving is a trait that goes hand in hand with forgetting. thought if the ex was a real B****/B****** then it can be really hard to just think "oh I forgive you for walking out of my life w/o any explaination.." but yea, onto the topic, I agree wholeheartedly with Silence speaks louder than words" it's a textbook response from a jilter to just abandon a past lover and not say anything, either like you said their ego is out of wack (coughlikemyexcough) or they've simply moved on. the key to this however is to apply this as a rule of thumb when it comes to knowing when a person loves/does not love you anymore. no attempt on their end, might as well move on.. something I've learnt way to often now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Heartache3 Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) The key here is to remember and internalize the age-old adage, "Forgive but never forget." I will certainly never forget what my ex girlfriend of 3 years did to me. She cheated on me twice within a week after about the second year mark, flirted with other guys all throughout the relationship, and emotionally abused me to the point where I truly thought she was higher than me in every respect. But you know what? 11 months on, I have learned to forgive her despite all of this. Not only does it make you the better person, but it helps you finally let go of the hate and resentment toward your ex and move on up the healing ladder. Of course it takes some time to get to this point, but when you do it feels like a huge weight is lifted off of your shoulders. I suppose it takes getting to the point where the hate really doesn't matter anymore, and you only wish for them to be happy. In a nutshell, forgiving helps you heal, never forgetting makes you stronger for the future when looking out for red flags and the sort. Plus, being silent really does make an impact. My ex has thrown several small breadcrumbs in the last few months. Ignoring each one has forced her to contact me less and less frequently. Perhaps she is finally getting the right idea. Edited January 10, 2012 by Heartache3 Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) The key here is to remember and internalize the age-old adage, "Forgive but never forget." I will certainly never forget what my ex girlfriend of 3 years did to me. She cheated on me twice within a week after about the second year mark, flirted with other guys all throughout the relationship, and emotionally abused me to the point where I truly thought she was higher than me in every respect. But you know what? 11 months on, I have learned to forgive her despite all of this. Not only does it make you the better person, but it helps you finally let go of the hate and resentment toward your ex and move on up the healing ladder. Of course it takes some time to get to this point, but when you do it feels like a huge weight is lifted off of your shoulders. I suppose it takes getting to the point where the hate really doesn't matter anymore, and you only wish for them to be happy. In a nutshell, forgiving helps you heal, never forgetting makes you stronger for the future when looking out for red flags and the sort. Plus, being silent really does make an impact. My ex has thrown several small breadcrumbs in the last few months. Ignoring each one has forced her to contact me less and less frequently. Perhaps she is finally getting the right idea. Are you saying that being silent could possibly get them back then? My ex disappeared out of the blue a few months ago after we'd started e-mailing again (it was a bit cat and mouse though). I do miss him and know deep down he doesn't deserve me, but am hoping he will throw me a breadcrumb again soon even now it's nothing at all. My job is sadly ending this Sat (although at least I can catch up etc) but am a bit afraid that I will have too much time on my hands to think about him again. I can only guess that perhaps he got back with his ex (who he started dating same time as me) hence the silence. I'm determined to find a more healthier 'relationship' this year though and not just a fling! All the best. Edited January 10, 2012 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Are you saying that being silent could possibly get them back then? My ex disappeared out of the blue a few months ago after we'd started e-mailing again (it was a bit cat and mouse though). I do miss him and know deep down he doesn't deserve me, but am hoping he will throw me a breadcrumb again soon even now it's nothing at all. My job is sadly ending this Sat (although at least I can catch up etc) but am a bit afraid that I will have too much time on my hands to think about him again. I can only guess that perhaps he got back with his ex (who he started dating same time as me) hence the silence. I'm determined to find a more healthier 'relationship' this year though and not just a fling! All the best. You contradict yourself. You say he doesn't deserve you yet you desire a breadcrumb from someone who left you for someone he started dating while with you. Do not accept anything less than happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Philosoraptor - I suppose that I try to take comfort in the fact that if it's meant to be he will miss me and come back (yes I know that makes me sound like a doormat). I would be weary of it being out of loneliness though and would tell him along the lines of that I'm no fallback. Hopefully I will be in another relationship then though, if and when it happens! He got in touch a couple of years later after we'd last been in touch when he broke up with his long term ex, which was ok because they had already been together a while before we'd met as colleagues, but this is something else! I am trying to move on though - honest! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Philosoraptor - I suppose that I try to take comfort in the fact that if it's meant to be he will miss me and come back (yes I know that makes me sound like a doormat). I would be weary of it being out of loneliness though and would tell him along the lines of that I'm no fallback. Hopefully I will be in another relationship then though, if and when it happens!He got in touch a couple of years later after we'd last been in touch when he broke up with his long term ex, which was ok because they had already been together a while before we'd met as colleagues, but this is something else! I am trying to move on though - honest! Wait, you've been split up with this guy for years and he only contacted you when he broke-up with his long-term ex? He sounds like an ass Link to post Share on other sites
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