Ex has reduced me to FWB status....

[chelsea2011]

 

You hit the nail on the head with devaluing what we had together. That's exactly it. I can handle knowing our relationship went bad but we'd always love each other is a special way. I can't handle knowing that a man I hold in such high regard, has very little respect for me and my feelings.

 

This is interesting because I was just talking about this very subject in therapy last night. I realized that I allowed this type of behavior to happen due to shame. I let it carry on as long as I did because I didn't feel I was worth being treated any better subconsciously. It was my "inner" perception of myself that caused me to lower the standards of how I was being treated. It wasn't his fault - he was just saying, "okay, if you don't mind me treating you this way, I will." It was up to me to tell him to stick it and say, "no, absolutely not. I won't be treated that way." If I wasn't carrying that shame, I would have told him that.

 

My point is, look at why "you" allowed this treatment to happen in the first place instead of blaming him. He is just a guy who is getting away with what he can. What is going on inside of you that is allowing you to accept subpar treatment? And then go from there.

Edited January 10, 2012 by chelsea2011

[Hopeless_1116]

This is interesting because I was just talking about this very subject in therapy last night. I realized that I allowed this type of behavior to happen due to shame. I let it carry on as long as I did because I didn't feel I was worth being treated any better subconsciously. It was my "inner" perception of myself that caused me to lower the standards of how I was being treated. It wasn't his fault - he was just saying, "okay, if you don't mind me treating you this way, I will." It was up to me to tell him to stick it and say, "no, absolutely not. I won't be treated that way." If I wasn't carrying that shame, I would have told him that.

 

My point is, look at why "you" allowed this treatment to happen in the first place instead of blaming him. He is just a guy who is getting away with what he can. What is going on inside of you that is allowing you to accept subpar treatment? And then go from there.

 

Hi Chelsea. Thanks for your post. I always find it comforting to know I'm not the only one out there going through a particular problem. In my case, I did tell my ex not to treat me in a certain way unless he was looking for something more. Why did I let it go as far as it did the other night? I don't know. Maybe secretly I had hoped he changed his mind; although, in retrospect I feel like I already knew he never would.

 

I certainly do not believe I deserve to be treated this way. I know that I have a lot to bring to a relationship - I understand this more now than ever before as I like you have also been working on myself. I endured a very abusive relationship with my son's father and carried a lot of my unresolved issues into my relationship with the man that brought me here to post. Did I mean to? No. Do I wish we had do-overs in life? Yes....but we don't. I lived, I learned, I've worked hard on myself and I know that I am a good person. Just not the right person for him, and that's fine. My point is that I know my value, I know my boundaries but for whatever reason I let myself get caught up in a moment and because of my actions I'm hurt and feel like I did 11 months ago when the break-up first happened. I will not make that mistake again. That being said, it takes two people to engage in a conversation, and although I'm accountable for my actions I'm struggling to understand why a man who claims he will always love and care for me would want to cause me more pain. That is something that is on him and not me as he was definitely aware of my feelings for him and the fact that I didn't want a sexual relationship outside of dating/committed relationship. This is why I feel cheap and disgusted. I am constantly realizing more and more that I don't really know who he is

[chelsea2011]

The funny thing is, is that I truly mean it. In my first attempt to reach out 8 months ago, I did hope that we could reconcile but once we came face to face in September, I understood that he had moved on and I was happy that he is happy. Do I miss our relationship? All the time. Will I always love him? I believe I will, but his happiness means everything to me, so I choose to remember that he is happy and that just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean I can't still love him and be there for him as a friend. I am accountable for my actions and changing the dynamic of our friendship by taking part in the texting was foolish on my part. I have understood for some time that he doesn't want to be in this relationship, but in the moment I got caught up. I am not holding him accountable for what happened. The only thing I'm holding him accountable for is not caring enough about me to know where to draw the line if he doesn't want anything more than sex. He is a man and I'm sure he can find that with someone else. Why complicate a friendship with a person who genuinely cares for you and has your best interests at heart? Perhaps I'm missing something, but I just don't think it's respectful of the friendship knowing my position.

 

If someone is showing you, through actions, that they are not respectful; how can you expect them to be? You should remove yourself from the situaton instead of trying to force someone, who is treating you disrespectfully, to change. If they want to act like a douche bag, that's on them. The only option you should be considering is whether or not you want to be associated with someone like that. If you choose to continue, you can't get angry at them; you can only be angry with yourself.

 

Look at yourself for the answers; that is where you will fin them.

[chelsea2011]

Hi Chelsea. Thanks for your post. I always find it comforting to know I'm not the only one out there going through a particular problem. In my case, I did tell my ex not to treat me in a certain way unless he was looking for something more. Why did I let it go as far as it did the other night? I don't know. Maybe secretly I had hoped he changed his mind; although, in retrospect I feel like I already knew he never would.

 

I certainly do not believe I deserve to be treated this way. I know that I have a lot to bring to a relationship - I understand this more now than ever before as I like you have also been working on myself. I endured a very abusive relationship with my son's father and carried a lot of my unresolved issues into my relationship with the man that brought me here to post. Did I mean to? No. Do I wish we had do-overs in life? Yes....but we don't. I lived, I learned, I've worked hard on myself and I know that I am a good person. Just not the right person for him, and that's fine. My point is that I know my value, I know my boundaries but for whatever reason I let myself get caught up in a moment and because of my actions I'm hurt and feel like I did 11 months ago when the break-up first happened. I will not make that mistake again. That being said, it takes two people to engage in a conversation, and although I'm accountable for my actions I'm struggling to understand why a man who claims he will always love and care for me would want to cause me more pain. That is something that is on him and not me as he was definitely aware of my feelings for him and the fact that I didn't want a sexual relationship outside of dating/committed relationship. This is why I feel cheap and disgusted. I am constantly realizing more and more that I don't really know who he is

 

You are very welcome. I only figured this out last night in therapy. It turns out, my anger and shame had nothing to do with him at all. It was about something else entirerly. I just happen to lump him into it. He didn't create it; his treatment of me corresponded to how I was feeling on the inside. People treat you based on the energy you are putting out there. If you demand respect yet compromise your own boundaries, then there is some "inside" work to do.

[geegirl]

I'm struggling to understand why a man who claims he will always love and care for me would want to cause me more pain. That is something that is on him and not me as he was definitely aware of my feelings for him and the fact that I didn't want a sexual relationship outside of dating/committed relationship. This is why I feel cheap and disgusted. I am constantly realizing more and more that I don't really know who he is

 

I don't believe you're struggling to understand his motives but more so struggling with the fact that you were devalued.

 

I've come to realize that people can express words of how much they love and care about you but it does really boil down to their actions. Words are so easy. Look at his actions. You stated that he was hot and cold with you in your relationship. I have a feeling you maginified it in your mind to be more than what it actually was because you wanted so much to love and to be loved. Crazy love as you called it. You were caught up with the excitement, passion and drama of what was but I wonder if, when you look back on your relationship, do you actually believe that a relationship of that nature is what love is all about? Love is not crazy and full of twists and turns and hot and cold with a pot full of mistrust and emotional immaturity. That just sounds like two people in an unhealthy situation parading under the guise of passionate love.

 

Define what love is in your mind. Ask yourself if what he was giving you was really love or were you just blinding yourself into believing it was love? Did you believe he was emotionally healthy and mature to give you real love or to even know what love is when you state emotional immaturity, mistrust and hot/cold behavior to be reasons for the break.

 

Honestly, if someone cared and loved you, a sense of wanting to protect your heart would shift into gear. The loving and empathetic thing to do would have been to guard your heart from the start of your relationship. A healthy love as I would see it.

 

Please don't feel cheap and disgusted. You just wanted to be loved and cared for, and you went in with good and honest intent. There is nothing wrong with sometimes making those risky choices that are often fueled by emotion. If there is anyone that should feel disgusted, it should be your ex. He may not see it because he's emotionally and most likely mentally immature. He probably doesn't even realize the repercussions of his actions towards your feelings and is most likely feeling it's no big deal. The good thing is that you see this for what it is. I understand your hurt after investing your heart and soul only to receive such treatment and to be devalued in such a way. Please don't beat yourself up.

Edited January 10, 2012 by geegirl

[chelsea2011]

Excellent post geegirl.

[geegirl]

Excellent post geegirl.

 

Thanks Chelsea. It's such an awful feeling to be devalued. I struggled with it for awhile after my breakup. I felt like something under someone's shoe but looking back now, that has changed. I truly do pity my ex for being the person that he is. Sometimes a painful lesson is a wonderful blessing. And it truly was for me.

[chelsea2011]

Yes, it is an awful feeling. In my case, I don't think he truly meant to devalue me. He was just being a guy. Looking back, I can ONLY imagine the impression I was giving off back then. :\ No wonder he plunked me into the FWB category! He knew I was too good to give up (haha), but he wasn't about to get involved any further unless he knew it was safe.

[Hopeless_1116]

Yes, I second that geegirl. Thanks for your kind words.

 

I do know our love was real and not built up in my mind. We talked about marriage, kids, a future, he asked me to move in. Our relationship was great in the beginning (as most are) but things changed when he lied to me. My abusive ex used to lie to me about other woman, and that was enough to trigger my defense mechanisms. I was the one who blew hot and cold for a while. I think he grew tired of trying to prove his love for me and rightfully so. Oh, how I wanted to believe him so badly, but my past haunted me. I pushed him away because I was too afraid of giving too much of myself only for him to take advantage. I was terrified of being hurt and in the end, I created exactly what I was afraid of all along..... I did come to realize my self-fulfilling prophecy, and I changed for the better but in the end that change didn't seem matter. He had his own unresolved issues he was dealing with. He was married and separated within the same year and ultimately they divorced. I don't think he ever came to terms with the end of his marriage as he left her abruptly on the eve of their one-year wedding anniversary, only to realize 4 months later that he loved her and wanted to try, but it was far too late. The hurt was already done.

 

So what do you get when you take two people in love still struggling with their pasts? Crazy love! haha. It was a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but let me tell you, I have never loved anyone so much in my life, and I was engaged to my son's father and with him for 6 years. Our problems themselves weren't all that bad, but our communication sucked. We used to be able to talk about anything we were feeling, but at some point we stopped trusting each other. I do often question though if the man I loved ever really existed or if he just played into my fantasies of what I wanted in a relationship as his behaviour post break-up has been that of a person I don't even recognize. I guess I am starting to see him for who he really is......I'm not anymore special than his wife. He didn't stick around for her and he sure as hell isn't going to stick around for me or anyone else for that matter until he gets help. It seems as though women are easily replaceable in his eyes. Toss one away, pick up the next, and leave a few dangling for a rainy day.

 

I truly do wish him all the happiness in the world, but I can't be a part of his life anymore.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Hopeless_1116

[Hopeless_1116]

Yes, it is an awful feeling. In my case, I don't think he truly meant to devalue me. He was just being a guy. Looking back, I can ONLY imagine the impression I was giving off back then. :\ No wonder he plunked me into the FWB category! He knew I was too good to give up (haha), but he wasn't about to get involved any further unless he knew it was safe.

 

Is that why you think he "plunked" you in the fwb category? Because he didn't want to give you up or because he knew he could take advantage of your love for him and fulfill he own needs and desires? Sleeping with you without commitment seems counter-productive if he is trying to create a "safe" relationship built on trust and respect, but that's just my opinion.

 

I had to laugh when you said "just being a guy". I think it's funny how we justify men's bad behaviour as if this is in their genetic make up. He was being a douche. Real men are respectful.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Hopeless_1116

[geegirl]

This reminds me of my past relationship. At the beginning when defenses are down and the pressure of commitment isn't close at hand, the comfort of talking about the future seems natural because it's quite normal when two people are in the honeymoon stage. My ex was talking about growing old together, marriage, moving in, etc., but soon turned out to be a "love em and leave em" guy. I don't believe it is an indication of love but more so "feeling the moment" and fantasy thinking.

 

I remember being cheated on before my recent ex, and going into my recent R, I was so guarded that I do believe while he blew hot and cold, I did that too. A defense mechanism. In the end I think we lost the objective of what we were supposed to be doing in building a relationship, instead we were too focused on building walls because we were too afraid to open up and love. Granted just before the break up I found out he was cheating but it didn't change the fact that we both had so much unresolved issues from our past. There was nothing healthy about it. And sometimes you mistake toxicity for love. I too felt that it was love, love I would never find again but looking back now, I mistook the passion and drama for love. Love doesn't build walls, it pulls them down. It makes you feel secure enough to open up. It doesn't plant mistrust not does it leave you sitting on a rollercoaster ride. That is exactly what I experienced.

 

I believe that people are on their best behavior at the start of a relationship. Hence the honeymoon period where love blinds you from the realities of what's infront of you. The test of true love and commitment comes when you're now faced with the reality of pushing to the next level. Stay or go? If he's there for the long run, and for all the right reasons, love runs deeper. If not, I believe it was rather shallow, lacking depth. And guys like that tend to have commitment issues that make it hard for them to go the extra mile. While in the beginning he impresses as a man who is there for the long haul and he may believe he can go the extra mile, as time goes on, he soon is faced with the reality of commitment and that is when the facade is broken and he can't follow through. It's very short lived. Then you wonder who he really was because everything about him was a contradiction.

 

It's good that you see the light. If you want to be friends with him, only when you are detached emotionally. If not, and I don't believe you need someone like this as a friend in your life, I wish for you to move on to better and brighter!

Edited January 10, 2012 by geegirl

[chelsea2011]

Is that why you think he "plunked" you in the fwb category? Because he didn't want to give you up or because he knew he could take advantage of your love for him and fulfill he own needs and desires? Sleeping with you without commitment seems counter-productive if he is trying to create a "safe" relationship built on trust and respect, but that's just my opinion.

 

I had to laugh when you said "just being a guy". I think it's funny how we justify men's bad behaviour as if this is in their genetic make up. He was being a douche. Real men are respectful.

 

I was joking and making light of my situation because I am so relieved I had that epiphany last night. It feels good to finally "see" my part and own it. You are correct, it was disrespectful behavior. There were some extenuating circumstances though. In any case, I just had the realization last night, so I'm still processing it all.

[flow15]

Hi hopeless.... I recently went through the same thing, my ex came back knowing that i still had feelings for him and started 'seeing' me and sleeping with me... all the while i thought it was going somewhere, but it wasn't- he was only interested in one thing.

 

After reading this I've come to realise it wasn't entirely his fault, i shouldn't have let him do it, i shouldn't have put myself in that position- all the signs were there, that he didn't want a relationship but i chose not to see them! all i could think about was that we were one step closer to being back together....

 

I soon realised what was going on and had to walk away, and I too felt so torn that someone who said would always love me and have a special place in their heart for me, could use me in such a hurtful way. I felt devalued, i felt like one of his one night stand girls.

 

 

I dont know if this will help- but he apologised to me recently and told me he couldn't see what he was doing. he was only thinking about himself, and wasnt putting himself in my position and couldnt see what it was doing to me. Its good that he finally realised, cos i was so shocked that this person who i thought so highly of could treat me with such little respect!

 

So maybe your ex just can't see how his actions are hurting you, he's being selfish... but maybe one day he will realise too.

 

I'm not saying this means you will get back together- but it will help in getting rid of the anger and bitterness, and to stop analysing your ex's actions so much.

 

I also agree- there has to be a reason why we let someone treat us this way!

Edited January 10, 2012 by flow15

[Hopeless_1116]

Thanks, Flow, for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that with your ex. It's true that we need to own our part in it, but when they know you still have feelings they're taking advantage of you and it takes two to tango as they say.

 

In my case it's not possible for my ex not to be aware of how his action affect me, as I've told him in no uncertain terms the flirting is uncomfortable and confusing and FWB is not an option. Perhaps someone erased his memory?! In any event, I doubt I'll ever see the day of an apology. Judging by his lack of response, he could basically care less. He's probably getting off to my pictures right now as I type this happier than a pig in **** It will be the last he ever sees of me that's for sure.

[chelsea2011]

I also wanted to add hopeless1116, that I was angry and blamed him for a long long time. It was like I was stuck in this cycle and couldn't get out of it. And to be honest, I'm glad I finally realized that I had no one to blame but myself. It broke the cycle and it's liberating. I no longer have the desire to focus on is actions...I am want to focus on me and my growth.

 

I know it's hard to be devalued and it is very important to feel the anger, but just know, there are better days ahead.

[sugarmomma]

This post really hit home for me. Boy meets girl, we fall in love talking about the future, he tells me he loves me everyday, how I'm the best thing that's happened to him blah blah blah. Six months down the line real life situations happen which call for us to be accountable and communicate, problem solve and move forward, he can't handle it. He tells me "we need to rebuild as friends" to I don't want anything serious with anybody" to "you never know what the future holds".

 

After the break up (about 6 weeks) he tells me we should talk about what happened, I agree, we talk but not about what we were gonna do moving forward i.e get back together or go our separate ways. All the while he knows I wanna work things out. New Years day he invites me over for dinner starts making subtle moves but the couple times I hinted about us, he didn't wanna talk about it. That was my cue to HIT THE DOOR. If I had stayed any longer I would have been chopped and SCREWED.

 

I texted him the next day saying "I thought it was really uncool to invite me over knowing that I want to get back together but you don't. Please don't do that to me. I found it very confusing. I respect your decision but let me go." He responds "I'm sorry I didn't look at it like that" Right!

 

 

I could never accept a demotion from being his woman to being his "friend". I know that once a man has put a woman in a different category, if she allows it, she may never go back to being his woman.

 

Check these articles out

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/breaking-up-and-moving-on-by-cutting-contact-part-2/

 

http://madamenoire.com/126786/why-you-should-say-no-to-his-offer-of-just-friends/2/

[Hopeless_1116]

This post really hit home for me. Boy meets girl, we fall in love talking about the future, he tells me he loves me everyday, how I'm the best thing that's happened to him blah blah blah. Six months down the line real life situations happen which call for us to be accountable and communicate, problem solve and move forward, he can't handle it. He tells me "we need to rebuild as friends" to I don't want anything serious with anybody" to "you never know what the future holds".

 

After the break up (about 6 weeks) he tells me we should talk about what happened, I agree, we talk but not about what we were gonna do moving forward i.e get back together or go our separate ways. All the while he knows I wanna work things out. New Years day he invites me over for dinner starts making subtle moves but the couple times I hinted about us, he didn't wanna talk about it. That was my cue to HIT THE DOOR. If I had stayed any longer I would have been chopped and SCREWED.

 

I texted him the next day saying "I thought it was really uncool to invite me over knowing that I want to get back together but you don't. Please don't do that to me. I found it very confusing. I respect your decision but let me go." He responds "I'm sorry I didn't look at it like that" Right!

 

 

I could never accept a demotion from being his woman to being his "friend". I know that once a man has put a woman in a different category, if she allows it, she may never go back to being his woman.

 

Check these articles out

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/breaking-up-and-moving-on-by-cutting-contact-part-2/

 

http://madamenoire.com/126786/why-you-should-say-no-to-his-offer-of-just-friends/2/

 

I love your tag line!! I just woke up to a text from the ex sent at midnight that read "Your night must have been super boring without me...what was your back-up plan?" Total ego stroke in my opinion, and I'm not responding. It hurts me to cut him out of my life like this, but I don't need a "friend" like this in my life. My night was actually much better off without being used for sex by a person whom I'm still deeply in love with. I had dinner with my sister and chose to love and respect myself. It's not a back-up plan, it's my plan to move forward and the only way I will live my life. Love myself and respect myself and I will only bring people who love and respect me into my life.

 

Good for you for being able to see the situation for WHAT IT WAS and loving and respecting yourself enough to get out. Disappear from your ex's life. He is selfish and will continue to try to take all of you while offering nothing more than breadcrumbs. This man does not have your best interests at heart. Be strong.

Edited January 11, 2012 by Hopeless_1116

[chelsea2011]

This post really hit home for me. Boy meets girl, we fall in love talking about the future, he tells me he loves me everyday, how I'm the best thing that's happened to him blah blah blah. Six months down the line real life situations happen which call for us to be accountable and communicate, problem solve and move forward, he can't handle it. He tells me "we need to rebuild as friends" to I don't want anything serious with anybody" to "you never know what the future holds".

 

After the break up (about 6 weeks) he tells me we should talk about what happened, I agree, we talk but not about what we were gonna do moving forward i.e get back together or go our separate ways. All the while he knows I wanna work things out. New Years day he invites me over for dinner starts making subtle moves but the couple times I hinted about us, he didn't wanna talk about it. That was my cue to HIT THE DOOR. If I had stayed any longer I would have been chopped and SCREWED.

 

I texted him the next day saying "I thought it was really uncool to invite me over knowing that I want to get back together but you don't. Please don't do that to me. I found it very confusing. I respect your decision but let me go." He responds "I'm sorry I didn't look at it like that" Right!

 

 

I could never accept a demotion from being his woman to being his "friend". I know that once a man has put a woman in a different category, if she allows it, she may never go back to being his woman.

 

Check these articles out

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/breaking-up-and-moving-on-by-cutting-contact-part-2/

 

http://madamenoire.com/126786/why-you-should-say-no-to-his-offer-of-just-friends/2/

 

Wow, good for you for respecting yourself and fleeing the scene! That's exactly how it should be handled. If I had been feeling better about myself at the time, I would have done the same thing.

[geegirl]

I just woke up to a text from the ex sent at midnight that read "Your night must have been super boring without me...what was your back-up plan?"

 

Try not to romanticize/idealize this man and hold on to what you know and what you know is what he is now showing you. Everytime you fall down a path of idealization, keep reminding yourself as to who he really is. Good for you for not responding. I don't believe this is the last you will hear from him. He will bait you for as long as he wants in hopes of getting what he needs. It is now all about you and what you hope for.

[Hopeless_1116]

Try not to romanticize/idealize this man and hold on to what you know and what you know is what he is now showing you. Everytime you fall down a path of idealization, keep reminding yourself as to who he really is. Good for you for not responding. I don't believe this is the last you will hear from him. He will bait you for as long as he wants in hopes of getting what he needs. It is now all about you and what you hope for.

 

You're right. In moments of weakness, I have a tendancy to put him on glorified pedestal that he doesn't deserve to be on. I will keep reminding myself who is really is. And how do I know who he is really is? Because, as you've said, he's shown me. Actions speak louder than words.

[Hopeless_1116]

He just texted again "...or you can ignore me :p" I'm feeling pretty bad at the moment. I know its best to stay away from him right now, but I feel like he doesn't understand and will be hurt by my silence. I have to do what's best for me, but I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now

[geegirl]

He just texted again "...or you can ignore me :p" I'm feeling pretty bad at the moment. I know its best to stay away from him right now, but I feel like he doesn't understand and will be hurt by my silence. I have to do what's best for me, but I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now

 

It's a tactic. Don't fall for it.

 

Trust me, he's not hurt. His ego is taking a beating. I would believe being hurt if he was emotional about you. Remember, what he desired. This doesn't hurt him. It's just a form of rejection he cannot fathom. It's normal to feel bad but please continue to look at the big picture and to realize that he cannot give you anything, at least for now while you are still emotional. You want him in your life as a friend, sure, but please heal. You never gave yourself a change the past two times you were on NC because NC wasn't about healing but giving him time to change his mind. This go around, use NC for you.

 

He's probably going, "What is the meaning of Hopeless not contacting me, but, but only days ago she was twisting herself into a pretzel for me and now she's ignoring me?" I told you he would bait you again.

 

Why do you believe he does not understand? Haven't you been on the NC journey with him more than once? Haven't you reiterated over and over again that you can't accept a friendship based on his terms? Do you not believe this grown man knows not how this is affecting you and your need to heal seeing that you are emotional or are you making excuses for him in hopes of maybe making contact so that you can explain your terms again, and maybe this time he will change his mind.

 

If he's smart enough to play this game, he understands what it means.

[radiodarcy]

He just texted again "...or you can ignore me :p" I'm feeling pretty bad at the moment. I know its best to stay away from him right now, but I feel like he doesn't understand and will be hurt by my silence. I have to do what's best for me, but I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now

 

ugh. i'm sorry you're having to go through this Hopeless. but at least you're not making the same mistake i did. i allowed my ex to use me for sex for 2.5 years after he dumped me; thinking it would magically make him come around and give me the relationship i wanted. he never did and wound up ending things for good saying he was ready for a relationship only not with me. instead he said he was going to venture back onto online dating in a search for the one.

 

to make a long story short. fast forward to 8 months later - - he contacts me out of nowhere. turns out he did find the one. she is now 4 months pregnant with his child. he then told me he thought what was missing was a relationship. but he realized that it wasn't for him. nevertheless, he's staying with the gf. but that didn't stop him from trying to get me to hook up.

 

needless to say- - i stopped talking to him after that. i too feel guilty for ignoring him like this - - even though he pretty much ignored me at his leisure off and on during those 2.5 years we hung out. so i don't know why i'm the one feeling so conflicted when he is the one who is treating me like a just another disposable blow up doll.

[geegirl]

We feel conflicted because there is still an emotional attachment. I used to feel the same way. I felt I was being rude, unkind, you name it but now that my attachment is completely gone, his lame and mindless attempts to get an ego boost means just that.

 

Why do you think it doesn't bother them to ignore you? There is no attachment. Radio, would you bother to reply, as you say, to a disposable blow up doll?

[radiodarcy]

We feel conflicted because there is still an emotional attachment. I used to feel the same way. I felt I was being rude, unkind, you name it but now that my attachment is completely gone, his lame and mindless attempts to get an ego boost means just that.

 

Why do you think it doesn't bother them to ignore you? There is no attachment. Radio, would you bother to reply, as you say, to a disposable blow up doll?

 

that's the thing that bothers me the most -- that i feel conflicted over someone who treated me so poorly. i mean -- i don't feel as though i'm back at square one since this recent contact. but is frustrating that i this has been more of a setback than i expected. even though i know i shouldn't beat myself up over how i feel.

 

i see your point though - - there's no use in responding to someone you have no value/interest in; especially if they allow them themselves to be treated that way in the first place.