Help...I need advice. Fast.

[Peachy]

Please help me...I welcome all opinions..

 

Well, here is the story. I have been married over 20 years to a good man. We have 3 kids and the youngest is 10 years old.

 

The last 4-5 years my husband has been a total workaholic and while he was a good provider, he was never around. When not at work, he was on business trips, on the cell phone or laptop. We would be in bed together and he would have his laptop with him. While he was never abusive or cheated on me, he was just never there and he was sooo stressed out that sometimes he was in a very ill mood.

 

I love him, ,but am not sure if I am in love with him, I went to my class reunion and spoke to a very old friend. Well..one thing led to another and I was unfaithful to my husband on two different occassions since my reunion.

 

I was soo unhappy before and tried telling my family and noone would listen. While I feel miserable for hurting my family, I am not sure that this will work. My husband swears that all I have to do is say I will stay and he will forgive me. ,But....every time he gets a little anxious he tells me to leave...wonders who I am on my cell phone with or interrogates me.

 

I have very strong feelings for the other man and he makes me feel like I have never felt before. (The two times we were together, I have never felt that way). I have tried to be intimate with my husband to see if there is any spark and I just do not feel it.

 

I have to make decisions regarding divorce in the next several days and I need honest advice. If I stay, I am not sure I will feel the same. If I leave, I feel horrible as well. I have been on an emotional whirlwind and just need some tell it like it is advice. Does it ever work out if you stay...Does it ever work out with the other man?

[Karlise13]

Could you both agree to a trial seperation before divorce?

 

Maybe 6 months apart...and then have a discussion about whether to pursue fixing the marriage or seperating for good.

 

Did you two discuss counseling?

 

Lots of people get swept away in the whirlwind of an affair when the marriage turns rocky.

Unfortunately, it's really just escapism......not true love. That takes time to develop.

You may be loving the passion, but to throw away a family life and a marriage that could be repairable seems tragic.

 

I would think this over very carefully.

I would suggest maybe living apart for a while and both thinking things over before leaping into divorce proceedings.

[Peachy]

Thank you for the reply. A trial separation is out of the question at this point in time. We are within a few weeks of our divorce being finalized. I just keep wavering back and forth. In some ways going thru the divorce is very good...even my attorney said to me and my husband..."You can always get remarried!!".

Really...he said that.

 

My husband gave me this article from a magazine that was about Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe. It stated that she had a midlife crisis and now she is miserable with out him but he has a sweet young thing now and has no intention of taking her back. It was all about how miserable and what a mistake she made.

 

Look...I know that what I did was not right and I am deeply remorseful for that. What I do not know is if I feel the way I do now and will we ever be able to work things out. I feel that I could really be feeling something for my friend. I am sick about tearing my family apart but life is soo short. I am so torn.