True2form Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 As I've said in another thread I'm very tense in my current relationship. This is because in my experience, all relationships end. Obviously... Otherwise I wouldn't be here in this new one. However, the last one that really set the marks and mental triggers was one that went over a year from me being terrified he'd leave me... to me being terrified to leave him. I'm scared it's starting to happen with my current partner. I've been in the scared he's going to leave me mode, but 6 months in he's still here - admitted he loved me... but I don't feel any better as suddenly, my mode is shifting to the looking out for his mean streak which unfortunately reared it's ugly head this weekend. Now the thing is, I don't know if I'm overreacting because I'm trying to protect myself from being mentally manipulated and abused again or if he's actually overstepping the line of being cruel. So any suggestions of what boundaries I should set? Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Can you tell us about the mean streak, what happened at the weekend so we have an idea if it is him or if its you overreacting. Outside opinions often help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author True2form Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Can you tell us about the mean streak, what happened at the weekend so we have an idea if it is him or if its you overreacting. Outside opinions often help. Ok so, he was moving house which I understand is stressful. He just got quite ratty but was very up and down with it. One minute he'd be chilled and sweet and nice, the next, after struggling with Ikea furniture would be snappy and tactless with his words. When it finally got to me after a whole evening of rollercoaster moods (despite me being understanding and patient, I mean...flatpack furniture, URGH amirite?), he got very defensive when I got visibly upset. It does seem his initial reaction if I cry or get irritated to berrate me for such as he believes that because "no one's died" I shouldn't be crying. I'm a simple creature, all I need is a comforting hug. I have explained this to him, as of our weird fight so we'll see if that changes next tiff we have. Also, I got sick from food poisoning. He was very sweet and looked after me till I was better, but the next morning was very very cold as he wanted his space back. I knew this and was very much prepared to leave. When I reminded him that I had stated the night before that I was leaving to give him space to finish his move he admitted that he had been worried that I might try and stay another day if he had been nice to me. I just hope that when I remind him he said that in a couple of months time HE WILL CRINGE! Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I feel for you. That's about all I can offer. Perhaps you should prepare yourself to face this as an eventuality and try not to take it that you're the one with the problem. I personally don't think there's any excuse for either party to gamble with the long term relationship with short-term or momentary nastiness over small stuff. I also think you shouldn't be so afraid as to not have a talk with him over his demeanor. Let him answer for himself. If he tends to fault you then he is probably not right for you. If he admits to shortfalls and takes responsibilities then hold him to that next time after that if he messes up again. If he's young, I say he gets a little latitude to grow up, but if you're talking about someone over say, 35, he should be grown up enough to face when he's been a jerk and do something about it if he cares. Link to post Share on other sites
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