brave enough to bungee but too cowardly to face her..

[moosekaka]

hi guys,

 

she left me in early Nov and we have been in NC since then. trouble is we work in the same building and lab and while the holidays have pretty much made our schedules not run into each other, I am starting to see her more now. I have not exactly bumped into her yet, maybe because I go out of my way to avoid her path.

 

i did a cowardly thing today, I saw her in the distance outside and pretty much hid/ran away, I'm pretty sure she did not see me. Tell me this, why am I willing to make myself scared sh**less bungee jumping off a bridge, skydive,learn gymnastics at age 30 etc....but yet....I am afraid of facing a 20 year old girl?

 

I have been seeing a therapist, practicing yoga daily, mindfullness mediation,antidepressants, working out myself to death etc. and yet I can't seem to quell my anxiety when I sense her presence or even the possibility of bumping into her. Is two months too short/long enough for one to deal with this? would talking to her help? or just avoid her for as long as possible?

[BoredAgain]

You've been broken-up less than three months. I'm willing to bet that those anxious feelings will fade over the course of the next few months. Sometimes you just have to give it time.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Even the most adventurous and daring men show fear when the sake of their heart is involved. What you are feeling is completely normal and as BoredAgain said, just give it time. Those feelings will fade slowly but surely, besides, avoiding her is probably the best thing for you to do this early in the break up. Face her when you feel ready

[moosekaka]

thank you guys, glad to know two months is still considered early, although we were only together for six months.

One thing that does concern me is that the longer I avoid her/put off talking to her the bigger a deal my mind seems to be making out of it for the inevitable moment when it does happen (since we work at the same place), you know what I mean?

I just know I would crumble if i were to bump into her and say an awkward hi and she brushes me off/act nonchalant.

 

why are girls so good at faking it/compartmentalizing their emotions?

Edited January 10, 2012 by moosekaka

[Philosoraptor]

It's very normal to be worried about such things when you are still healing and in pain. Once you've let go of such pain you will find your peace and seeing her will be no big deal. Everyone finds their path to healing at different rates.

[SelfCentered]

I don't blame you! I'd much rather deal with a physical risk than a emotional one! The idea of scuba diving terrifies me, yet I'd do that right now to avoid speaking or seeing my ex. Don't feel bad about it. You're going NC after all.

[mr.goodguy]

hi guys,

 

I have been seeing a therapist, practicing yoga daily, mindfullness mediation,antidepressants, working out myself to death etc. and yet I can't seem to quell my anxiety when I sense her presence or even the possibility of bumping into her. Is two months too short/long enough for one to deal with this? would talking to her help? or just avoid her for as long as possible?

 

Be careful with how much you workout as your dont want to over exercise.

 

I don't see anywhere in the above about you changing your diet. I personally believe this is a huge factor in recovery. "We are what we eat". It is very true. If you want to get in great shape (physically and mentally) it isn't necessarily working out that builds the muscles and brain, it's the food that repairs them.

 

I broke up with a woman two months ago, immediately had anxiety, my kidneys hurt and insomnia. One hour sleep for a week before going to the doctor. He was of no help. Started researching and came across something called 'Adrenal Fatigue' or the worse case 'Adrenal Exhaustion'...these aren't necessarily recognized by the medical community but by the naturopathic community. (google Adrenal Fatigue home test...not sure how reliable they are but they could gauge whether your adrenals are suffering)

 

Anyways, look it up, apparently 80% of people will suffer from this...I mean stress is the 'silent killer' . When the Adrenal glands (above the kidneys) get overworked they release cortisol which triggers the fight or flight in us, in other words pumps our body with adrenaline, hence the reason I could not sleep. I've taken the steps to change my diet and eat "Clean food" (no sugars, caffeine, flour, yeast products, fast food, etc. Just really steamed vegetables, chicken, fish, coconut oil, etc.) You can google Adrenal Fatigue diets. Repairing will take a bit of time but I have noticed a HUGE change. I'm also taking some supplements, mainly vitamin D3 as I'm in Canada and need it during the winter, and I'm feeling happier and not as anxious...for the first time.

 

Well my point is, I hope you and everyone gets over their anxiety cause I suffer from it as well although it is diminishing quite rapidly. Diet has helped me and hopefully it does you so that you can walk down the hall with new profound confidence and not worry about your ex. In fact if she see this type of confidence she'll probably want you back..but we'll cross that bridge another time.

 

Also take her down from her pedestal...she's a person, you're a person, you're on the same level.

[moosekaka]

Be careful with how much you workout as your dont want to over exercise.

 

I don't see anywhere in the above about you changing your diet. I personally believe this is a huge factor in recovery. "We are what we eat". It is very true. If you want to get in great shape (physically and mentally) it isn't necessarily working out that builds the muscles and brain, it's the food that repairs them.

 

thanks for this advice, I have been eating cleaner, starting with completely abstaining from alcohol,less fast food, more lean proteins and wholemeals/complex carbs/fish oils. I come from a running/track background so I do know how diet affects my performance.

 

Actually my musculature and definition has improved since I started training/running again and taken up yoga/gymnastics. Physically I am in better shape than ever, its the mental battle that is lagging....

[moosekaka]

ok, some update. today at our lab meeting we were in the same room for the first time in two whole months, I am pretty sure she has not seen me at all until this meeting.

 

Preparing myself mentally to attend this meeting was like going to war, I spent the whole morning doing yoga exercises, breathing and meditation, on top of that I took a little xanax as insurance to calm myself.

 

The meeting itself, I basically slipped into the room a minute or so after everyone had settled in and I avoided looking at her/making eye contact with her the entire hour we were in the room, and I left the minute the meeting was over. I was anxious/nervous/distracted multiple times during the meeting and had to continually practice mindfullness and breathing techniques to stay present in the meeting.

 

Is it suppose to be this hard? Am I making things more dramatic than what it really is? I talked to my therapist right after and he thinks I should give myself credit for having the courage to attend the meeting, but I don't know if I can stomach this drama weekly. Anyone have similar experience to share where you are basically forced to break NC regularly?