Hindsight is 20/20

[collegeguy_24]

That saying is true you know? Only by looking back at the past does one realize what mistakes they made.

 

And for some reason, I have been doing that.

 

After my break up with the ex, its quite famous on here, I made a lot of mistakes.

 

-I begged her to reconsider.

 

 

-yelled at her and threw accusations, (even if some were right).

 

-gave up all dignity and pride to try and win her back.

 

-grew vengeful as time went on.

 

-stated a text message war with her when two weeks after leaving me she was in a new relationship on facebook.

 

-spread rumors about her.

 

-pleaded like a desperate, clingy boy to come back.

 

To be fair, I did have a complete mental break down, even tried to commit suicide twice.

 

But I look at all that and I wonder to myself, just who was that person?

 

Thats not the me as I know myself, thats not the me that my friends know.

 

So who was that person? I don't know, I became a monster, and I pushed her further away because of it.

 

That monster almost cost me my current relationship as well.

 

After all this reflecting, I have promised myself to never get that low again. For I had sunk to a new bottom.

 

I have grown up and matured over this past year and a half since she left.

 

When we were together, I was a wimp, I never could make decisions and always deferred to her.

 

Now, I am different.

 

I am a man, I have grown up, I make decisions and defer to no one. I will listen to others opinions, and consider them, but in the end I decide. I have become a man.

 

I just recently bought my first car, my very first car, and its a new car, 2011 model.

 

I am on the verge of moving out of my parents and getting a place of my own.

 

I am a man, a man who has grown up, a man who has realized his mistakes, and is sorry for them.

 

I don't know what kind of monster I became after she left, all I know is that it scared me, scared me to know I could sink so low.

[Pens55]

Im glad you've come back so strong, sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to rise to your full potential.

 

I was guilty of some of the same things you mention, and I learned from my own mistakes and from everyone else's experiences. I am happy to say I am handling my situation much better this time around.

 

As kicking my wimp habit, well I think that just became my new years resolution.

 

Congrats again for your growth

[TheJiltedGeneration]

I can see the values of retrospecting, but as a man who is limited by this, I can say now that inordinate fixation on what went wrong can really mess up future prospects in life. maybe give it some time just after the break up, and then move on, don't occupy yourself. otherwise your gonna be spending time trying to fix a broken mirror doing harm to yourself while you try to re-piece the shards. I know I could do so much better in my current predicament if I just let go, and the only reason I am still here is because I am still stuck in the past... think about this ...

[collegeguy_24]

I have actually healed, completely since that time.

 

In the past I was always worried I might run across her in town and wonder what I should do.

 

Now though, I don't. She is just a normal person like me, if I run across her, I will treat her like a normal person.

 

If we make eye contact, I shall nod my head, smile, and say hello. That what I do when I run into random people in town, its being polite.

 

Would I like to see her again? Sure, I have moved to a stage in my life to where the hurt is longer there.

 

I wouldn't mind catching up with her, see what each of us has been up to. We can either be friends or acquaintances, no big deal.

 

Or we can both simply maintain NC.

 

I am fine either way. I have grown up and moved on, and I know she has long since moved on.

 

I would personally like it if we could be friends, but at the same time, I am not affected if we aren't.

 

I have my own life, she has hers. We are simply two human beings living on the same planet, in the same town, that is all.