My Coping Journal

[perfectlyflawed459]

So I finally decided to start one of these haha! I have really been reflecting on these last 3 and a half months of NC and I am very pleased with the progress I have been making I can honestly say that I do not hold anymore bottled up anger or grudges towards my ex. I believe I am finally putting the past pain to rest and have forgiven him and myself for the wrongs we have done to each other. I have managed to do a lot for myself in my NC months. I have started running again (which is great for your mental health too in my opinion), started looking at Pharmacy schools, been acing all my classes, met many knew friends and have reconnected with old ones, and have been pampering myself. I feel like I have been able to better myself as a person and I feel as though I have more confidence and more positive outlook on life.

 

It has been awhile since I have had a down day, which is great! Honestly, I do think about my ex everyday though. It just doens't really make me sad anymore though, but rather makes me happy. I guess you could say I am still in love with him, and I would love to start fresh with him. However, I am trying not to hope for much. Who knows what will happen right?

 

Currently I have no idea what is going on in his life. I have not asked anyone about him and I deleted him on Facebook (I highly recommend this to people who are hurting). I have been pondering the idea of reaching out to him finally. I feel as though I am in a good place in my life and emotionally and I would love to rebuild that bridge with him. For people who do not know, he did break NC six weeks into it and approached me personally to try and talk to me, however I gave him a cold shoulder and walked away because I wasn't ready. Then next week he broke it again sort of and told my mom something was missing in his life. I do still talk to his family and I am greatful that they are so nice to me and that I have not completely lost them in this whole break up. I had lunch with his mother yesterday and it went very well! We just caught up and I did well in not bringing up my ex. She told me that she still thinks very highly of me and that she is very proud of how strong I have been. She told me I helped inspire her to go back to school too! His sister also messaged me yesterday saying that she really misses me and that they want to have a get together with my family soon. I do not know if that will happen, but I will keep everyone posted!

 

That is about all I have got right now, so stay tuned

[perfectlyflawed459]

I have done a lot of reflecting the past few days and have thought back to how I acted during my relationship. I haven't really been thinking about it much during my NC period because it hurt, but I felt as though I am finally in the place emotionally where I can reflect. Looking back, I was an ugly person. I was so jealous and insecure in my relationship with him. I have realized that this stems from my past with other guys before my ex. Before my ex, I had never been in a "real" relationship. Whenever I liked a guy, I was always look upon merely as an "option." I would invest so much into the guy, but in the end, it was never enough to win him over. There was always another girl on the side too, my "competition" per se. The past two guys I liked before my ex entertained the idea of dating me, but acted on the idea of dating the other girl instead. I was lead on twice and shot down twice, and I never realized that these situations tore at my self esteem and confidence. I always asked myself why her and not me? Am I not pretty enough? Funny enough? Cool enough? These insecurities grew within me, but I ignored them and tried to move on from the past heartache.

 

Fastforward a year, and I meet my ex. From the moment we met, we clicked. It was magic and I had never felt this way about any other guy before, even the past two guys I really liked. He was different, so special. He actually put me FIRST. He ditched everyone just to talk to me for a mere five minutes. He ignored every other girl for me. For once, I was not an option...I was finally THE BEST. It only took two weeks upon meeting him for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't believe it! It all happened so fast, so perfectly. Everything was perfect! He absolutely adored me and he was the missing piece to the missing puzzle in my heart. He made me so happy, catered to me always, held me till no end, looked at me with eyes of love and longing, kissed me as if it was the last time he would ever see me. We were in love, he loved me, and I loved him.

 

However, those insecurities never died away. No matter how beautiful he made me feel, I still didn't feel good enough. It all seemed so surreal, and I was so scared of it falling apart in an instant because of some other girl. It made my very flesh and blood boil when another girl would even try to talk to him, even if the girl wasn't attractive. I always felt that the other girls around me were better than me, prettier than me, smarter than me, just better. I surpressed this for so long and we did have a very happy relationship, till these feelings finally overtook me in the very very end. This right here, I have realized, is what triggered many of our fights towards the end of our relationship. Eventually, I suppose he couldn't take it anymore, and then he left me.

 

Looking back, I realize how freaking RETARDED I was for having such a negative, self-destroying outlook. I found out months later that he was telling his friends that he knew we were drifting apart and that it was killing him on the inside, but he never communitcated this to me. He even said told his friends when we broke up that I never did anything and that it was all his fault. We both never communicated our isssues to each other, and it tore us apart. To this very day, I regret acting like this and mistreating him. I would give anything just to convey to him how much I love him and how truly special he is to me right now, and I only wish that I would have realized how self destructive my behavior was to both of us and our relationship before it was too late.

 

I have changed for the better now and I embrace my mistakes so I can learn these valuable lessons from them. I no longer hold any grudges towards him or myself, just unconditional love. I have learned to let him go because when you really love someone, sometimes that is the best thing you can do. I do hold a shred of hope that one day I will have to opportunity to show him my emotional growth and build an even stronger relationship with him, but I do not know if I will ever get that chance. Life works in funny ways, and that is the beauty of it. All I know is right now, I must continue to move forward gracefully like the beautiful, confident woman that I know I am and let whatever happen happen.

[stitch702]

I just want to let you know that I have been on these forums reading how people have handled their break-ups and I have to say that your posts and replies and another member, philosoraptor or something like that have really allowed me to move foward in my life. I truly admire your perception and your strength. It has been a little over 2 months since my break up and I have since learned to forgive my ex for the way she treated me post break-up, but I am also slowly learning to forgive myself for my mistakes that led to the ending of our relationship and have made an effort to make sure I will not make those mistakes again in my next relationship.

 

Usually I have moved on from past relationships by blaming the ex and holding a bit of resentment whether they dumped me or I them. However, this time around I have tried to use you as a perfect example of how I want to move on, through forgiveness, strength, and no resentment. I know I still have a long road a head of me, but I really hope to truly reach that point where you are at. Although I have really accepted the fact that our relationship is over, I don't think I am ready to speak to her or to see her with her new boyfriend whom she left me for, but I'll get there eventually.

 

Anyway, keep on trucking along girl. I just wanted to let you know how your positive responses and perception about break ups have really helped me to move on in a healthy and positive light.

[Dust]

I just want to say "you're sexy and you know it!" Also "wiggle wiggle wiggle!"

 

The guys before your ex and your ex arn't responsible for the way you act. Sounds like you're taking responsibility for making your own happyness. Unless your ex cheated on you then its sounds like you want to get back togather with him.

 

If you're not going to get back togather with him you don't have to burn the bridge per say but you will lose most contact.

[perfectlyflawed459]

I just want to let you know that I have been on these forums reading how people have handled their break-ups and I have to say that your posts and replies and another member, philosoraptor or something like that have really allowed me to move foward in my life. I truly admire your perception and your strength. It has been a little over 2 months since my break up and I have since learned to forgive my ex for the way she treated me post break-up, but I am also slowly learning to forgive myself for my mistakes that led to the ending of our relationship and have made an effort to make sure I will not make those mistakes again in my next relationship.

 

Usually I have moved on from past relationships by blaming the ex and holding a bit of resentment whether they dumped me or I them. However, this time around I have tried to use you as a perfect example of how I want to move on, through forgiveness, strength, and no resentment. I know I still have a long road a head of me, but I really hope to truly reach that point where you are at. Although I have really accepted the fact that our relationship is over, I don't think I am ready to speak to her or to see her with her new boyfriend whom she left me for, but I'll get there eventually.

 

Anyway, keep on trucking along girl. I just wanted to let you know how your positive responses and perception about break ups have really helped me to move on in a healthy and positive light.

 

Oh my! This is like one of the best things anyone has ever said to me. It makes me very happy to know that I have been able to impact someone's life in such a positive way I have absolute faith that you will reach this point. It is a hard road, but it does get easier and you will make it through. I wish you the best of luck and do keep us posted on your progress!

[perfectlyflawed459]

I just want to say "you're sexy and you know it!" Also "wiggle wiggle wiggle!"

 

The guys before your ex and your ex arn't responsible for the way you act. Sounds like you're taking responsibility for making your own happyness. Unless your ex cheated on you then its sounds like you want to get back togather with him.

 

If you're not going to get back togather with him you don't have to burn the bridge per say but you will lose most contact.

 

Haha I cannot tell you how many times hear that song on a daily basis due to it being on the radio all the time, but I will keep that in mind ;P lol.

 

My ex never cheated on me, but we did cause each other a lot of pain. I would love to reconcile with him and my heart will always be open to him if he ever decides to find me again, but I am not putting my life on hold for him if that makes any sense. If another guy walks into my life then so be it.

 

As far as bridges go, I suppose what I want from NC is not only to heal myself, but for him and I to truly put the past behind us and grow up a little bit. We are both very young so the separation will do us good I am sure. That way, if we ever do cross paths again, then we can start fresh and build a new stronger bridge. As for contact, I am still trying to decide if I am ready to open the lines of communitcation with him again. We will see haha

[Dust]

Haha I cannot tell you how many times hear that song on a daily basis due to it being on the radio all the time, but I will keep that in mind ;P lol.

 

My ex never cheated on me, but we did cause each other a lot of pain. I would love to reconcile with him and my heart will always be open to him if he ever decides to find me again, but I am not putting my life on hold for him if that makes any sense. If another guy walks into my life then so be it.

 

As far as bridges go, I suppose what I want from NC is not only to heal myself, but for him and I to truly put the past behind us and grow up a little bit. We are both very young so the separation will do us good I am sure. That way, if we ever do cross paths again, then we can start fresh and build a new stronger bridge. As for contact, I am still trying to decide if I am ready to open the lines of communitcation with him again. We will see haha

 

Well you have a good attitude cutie. Your ex knows what he needs to do to get you back. Not a "we need to talk" but a "Trying to forget you is a waste of time, I just can't live with out you" etc etc. Basicly he's got to be a man and come for his woman if he see's you that way.

 

He's lucky I don't know you because you seem like a very special girl! Many guys are going to be after you!

[perfectlyflawed459]

Well you have a good attitude cutie. Your ex knows what he needs to do to get you back. Not a "we need to talk" but a "Trying to forget you is a waste of time, I just can't live with out you" etc etc. Basicly he's got to be a man and come for his woman if he see's you that way.

 

He's lucky I don't know you because you seem like a very special girl! Many guys are going to be after you!

 

Well thanks, but I honestly do not think he will try to get back with me My friend told me today that he saw him with that other girl yesterday, but she thought they just looked like friends. She said they weren't all over each other, but still, it hurts to know that he is seeing her. So I am kind of gutted today, but it will be okay. Thanks though, I mean many people tell me he was very lucky to have me, but for some reason I do not think he sees it that way if he can easily be with this other girl. Maybe he loves this girl and is happy to finally be rid of me. Who knows, but I guess it shouldn't really matter anymore...

 

[perfectlyflawed459]

Well today was very exciting...I saw freaking Matthew McConaughey at the grocery store I work at My day was made a thousand times over, ugh he is just too dreamy

 

Hehe sorry, I had a fan girl moment there In other news, I am very excited to be starting up school again for the semester! I am just one step closer to being able to apply for Pharmacy School. I also got to see some family that I haven't seen in a year, so that was also very nice. Life is beautiful and I appreciate everything and everyone I have in my life right now

[perfectlyflawed459]

Well I had my first day of school and it was awesome! I got see all my some familiar faces again, which is always nice! I also had four guys approach me randomly, which helped boost my confidence a little bit! I am not interested in a relationship or anything, but it is nice to get some attention from some guys and make some more new friends I am looking forward to this semester and I have a good feeling that it is going to be a great one!

[Dust]

Well I had my first day of school and it was awesome! I got see all my some familiar faces again, which is always nice! I also had four guys approach me randomly, which helped boost my confidence a little bit! I am not interested in a relationship or anything, but it is nice to get some attention from some guys and make some more new friends I am looking forward to this semester and I have a good feeling that it is going to be a great one!

 

Wow a girl who actually takes it as a compliment to be approached by guys. Keep up the posotive thinking may rub off on me!

[perfectlyflawed459]

Wow a girl who actually takes it as a compliment to be approached by guys. Keep up the posotive thinking may rub off on me!

 

Do most girls not take it as a compliment to be approached by guys? haha and yes! Gotta love that positive energy

[Dust]

Do most girls not take it as a compliment to be approached by guys? haha and yes! Gotta love that positive energy

 

Most people make me want to step on them! You are a sweetie pie!

[perfectlyflawed459]

Most people make me want to step on them! You are a sweetie pie!

 

Haha well I am glad I do not give you the urge to stomp on me then! And thanks

[Anela]

 

I have changed for the better now and I embrace my mistakes so I can learn these valuable lessons from them. I no longer hold any grudges towards him or myself, just unconditional love. I have learned to let him go because when you really love someone, sometimes that is the best thing you can do. I do hold a shred of hope that one day I will have to opportunity to show him my emotional growth and build an even stronger relationship with him, but I do not know if I will ever get that chance. Life works in funny ways, and that is the beauty of it. All I know is right now, I must continue to move forward gracefully like the beautiful, confident woman that I know I am and let whatever happen happen.

 

You are beautiful, and your grace does show in your posts.

 

I wish that I'd had that confidence when I was your age, but different experiences... nevertheless, it's really nice to see a young woman learning this early on.

[Dust]

You are beautiful, and your grace does show in your posts.

 

I wish that I'd had that confidence when I was your age, but different experiences... nevertheless, it's really nice to see a young woman learning this early on.

 

You want me to send your mind back in time into your younger years. Be careful what you wish for haha... might come true!

[perfectlyflawed459]

You are beautiful, and your grace does show in your posts.

 

I wish that I'd had that confidence when I was your age, but different experiences... nevertheless, it's really nice to see a young woman learning this early on.

 

Thank you so much I appreciate your kind words!

[moosekaka]

Thank you so much I appreciate your kind words!

 

Perfectlyflawed459, I envy you. You seem to have reach that place of inner peace and self forgiveness, and you did it in what, 3.5 months of NC?

 

Like you I have been doing everything I can to improve myself physically if not mentally and trying out new things almost on a weekly basis. However I have not being able to reach that point where I don't feel regret and an urge to run away and give up everything when I think about my ex or how to move forward without closure or a final word with her.

 

Its been two+ months of NC for me, I know everyone is different, but did you go through a period of extreme pain/loss of motivation just before the fog cleared, i.e. the darkest night before dawn , or was it a gradual lifting of your spirits?

[Anela]

You want me to send your mind back in time into your younger years. Be careful what you wish for haha... might come true!

 

When you put it that way, I sound ancient.

 

Some people think that's actually possible. I read about it in Living the Field, or The Intention Experiment.

[Dust]

When you put it that way, I sound ancient.

 

Some people think that's actually possible. I read about it in Living the Field, or The Intention Experiment.

 

How interesting and magical. I was just using your words! Don't feel ancient.

[Anela]

How interesting and magical. I was just using your words! Don't feel ancient.

 

It's okay, you made me laugh.

[Anela]

Thank you so much I appreciate your kind words!

 

You're welcome.

[Dust]

It's okay, you made me laugh.

 

Good and you peaked my interest so I'm watching youtube videos on awakening to zero point.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Perfectlyflawed459, I envy you. You seem to have reach that place of inner peace and self forgiveness, and you did it in what, 3.5 months of NC?

 

Like you I have been doing everything I can to improve myself physically if not mentally and trying out new things almost on a weekly basis. However I have not being able to reach that point where I don't feel regret and an urge to run away and give up everything when I think about my ex or how to move forward without closure or a final word with her.

 

Its been two+ months of NC for me, I know everyone is different, but did you go through a period of extreme pain/loss of motivation just before the fog cleared, i.e. the darkest night before dawn , or was it a gradual lifting of your spirits?

 

The first days of NC were absolutely unbearable. I would break down and cry several times during the day and at work, and cry myself to sleep. I really felt like it all seemed hopeless and that I was going to be stuck in darkness. I would say the turning point for me though was at week 2 of NC, when I ran into my ex's mom and I ened up telling her about my situation with him. She was so understanding because she went through the exact same situation with her now husband when they were younger and even said I reminded her so much of herself and that her son is so much like his father in his younger days. She passed me the same advice that her husband's mother gave to her during her break up many years ago: "Just let him go and be a boy. Sometimes loving someone means allowing them to be free, and if they come back, then it was meant to be. Right now, let go of the pain and forgive yourself and him, that way if he does seek you out again, you will be ready to build something new." She also told me to never forget how valuable and beautiful I really am and to always remember to love myself. This conversation made me truly realize how important it is to love yourself and allow yourself to forgive. If you do not love yourself and find your inner happiness, how can you expect your ex or anyone else to love you and be happy with you? And if you cannot let go of the past, how can you ever expect to start over with someone down the road and rebuild a stronger relationship? I slowly started to allow myself to finally let go of all the pain that we both caused each other in the past, and over time I began to feel more liberated from the darkness. That is when I started to truly heal and focus on making myself a better person by learning from my past mistakes and finding my inner happiness. Not everyday is perfect, I still do have my "down" moments and I still do love and miss him. However, you start to accept these feelings and not allow them to bring you down anymore. You begin to truly cope and it gets easier and easier each passing day.

 

You can make it to this point Never forget that. I cannot stress how important it is to focus on you, accept, forgive, and let go. I know it is easier said than done because by human nature, we tend to lean towards holding the grudges and inner turmoil. In reality, not allowing yourself to let go is punishing you everyday when you do not deserve that. Life is so precious and you do deserve to find your inner happiness. You do have the strength to let go and I know you can make it through this Take it one day at a time and in baby steps. Never forget how valuable you are and that this too shall pass.

[perfectlyflawed459]

I have been thinking a lot lately about this whole No Contact buisness. While it has healed me and put me in a better place emotionally, sometimes I feel like No Contact is a mind game you are playing with your ex. Yes I am all healed up, but I never intended for my ex to feel like I wanted him gone forever. That is the complete opposite of how I really feel...Now that I look back on it, I was a little harsh with my ex when he reached out to me. He actually walked up to me and wanted to talk to me face to face, but at the time, I blatently ignored him because I was trying to stick to NC. Although I did it for healing purposes, part of it was to kind of to get back at him too I realize; to put him in his place and show him I could fair off without him. I felt like my actions were justified at the tiem, but now I realize that might have been a little harsh and I probably gave him the idea that I never wanted to speak to him again. I mean he freaking ditched his supposed girlfriend just to try and approach me face to face, but I threw it all at his face. I know it hurt/bothered him...I saw his face fall a little from the corner of my eye, as if I punched him in the gut. He literally just stood there as I walked off and started talking to other guys in front of him, then walked off on his own, not even to reunite with the other girl.

 

I guess I am just having a moment right now, but as grateful as I am for the healing NC has granted me, I feel like I gave off the wrong vibe to my ex. Yes he did hurt me and I guess at the time I felt like he did deserve to get smacked in the face like that, but at the same time it still hurt me to do that. I never intended on hurting him or giving him the idea that I never wanted to talk to him again. I guess the moral of the story is to be careful how you use NC. Use it to heal, not spite your ex or get a reaction out of them. If you use it for the wrong reasons, you can convey the wrong idea and then you guys will be stuck in a circle of ridiculous mind games.