Hopeless_1116 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) I must admit I'm shocked by my sudden relapse.....I thought I was "coping" fine and had moved on with my life. Sure, I still love him and miss the relationship, but I was happy that we had found a so-called friendship after all the anger and pain. I was happy he was happy and that we could still be in each other's lives. Since I recently found out that my ex, who once adored me and told me he'd always love me and hold a special place in his heart for me, now views me as nothing more than a sex object, I've been sinking back into a depression. I'm having trouble concentrating at work and haven't been sleeping or eating well. He's been on my mind steady, and I cry as if it was the first day of our break-up 11 months ago. I've been playing the last time I saw him before the break up over again in my mind, wishing I hadn't been so immature and impulsive to walk away the way I did. I've been thinking about the final emails we exchanged and how he refused to see me to tell me to my face it was really over (he said he couldn't say these things to my face....coward!). I feel the same pain in my chest knowing that I probably won't ever see him again. I really don't understand where all these emotions are coming from. I suppose maybe I'd supressed them to make myself believe I'm over it, or appear to him like I've moved on. I feel foolish for admitting to him that I still love him and that's why he can't and shouldn't be flirting or seeking a sexual relationship with me. Oh, I cringe to think about the ego boost it must have been to hear me utter those three powerful words after all this time. I'm so embarrassed....I want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I'm in such a horrible place right now Edited January 12, 2012 by Hopeless_1116 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 We all get down at times. Instead of focusing on the bad things from the past try and put more focus on the good things in your life. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 How were you moving on with your life when after every attempt at NC, your motive was to reconnect at some point in hopes of rekindling/reconnecting? Hiding behind the guise of friends after a break up is just a false sense of security. It's a band aid on a wound you would rather not deal with. That is why it temporarily relieved and blinded you of the anger and pain. Now you are sinking because the reality and most importantly, finality of it all is hitting you. There is no more crutch but to just face your pains that it's the end. Before you held on to hope believing that there was a chance. That wasn't moving on, that was just denial. Now you face the reality of it all and it is hitting you like a ton of bricks. You are grieving for what was and what you hoped for. It is very natural and healthy. It's a process, a painful one but needed to get to a better place. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 So sorry to hear your feeling so down right now. The emotions you are feeling right now are normal and the best thing can do is to allow yourself to feel them. If you need to lay in bed and cry; do it. If you need draw a picture of him, tack it to the wall and throw darts at it; do it. Do whatever it is you need to do to allow yourself to just feel. Let the emotions course through your vains and imagine your body cleansing them like a dialasys (sp?) machine. And before you know it, you will start to feel stronger. Hang in there sweetie and be kind and gentle to yourself right now. You're healing and need some tlc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_1116 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 How were you moving on with your life when after every attempt at NC, your motive was to reconnect at some point in hopes of rekindling/reconnecting? Hiding behind the guise of friends after a break up is just a false sense of security. It's a band aid on a wound you would rather not deal with. That is why it temporarily relieved and blinded you of the anger and pain. Now you are sinking because the reality and most importantly, finality of it all is hitting you. There is no more crutch but to just face your pains that it's the end. Before you held on to hope believing that there was a chance. That wasn't moving on, that was just denial. Now you face the reality of it all and it is hitting you like a ton of bricks. You are grieving for what was and what you hoped for. It is very natural and healthy. It's a process, a painful one but needed to get to a better place. I've read your post quite a few times in disbelief, but sadly, this might be kinda true. I guess in the back of my mind I had always hoped he would somehow find his way back to me. In the meantime, I would be his "friend" so in the event he does someday entertain the idea of getting back together, he would have already had the opportunity to see all the positive changes I've made and if not, then at least I didn't have to lose him from my life completely as that seemed far more painful. I tricked myself into believing I could handle anything, but the minute he reduced me to sex-friend status, I became emotional all over again. I wasn't prepared for that. The part about reality/finality hit me hard. You are so right. For the first time since our break-up, I am actually seeing this for what it really is.....over with no chance to reconcile. It hurts me to push him out of my life, but I know I have to do in order to move on. Besides, who wants a friend who puts you in the same category as the random chick at the bar on Saturday night. Not me. I am worth way more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_1116 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 So sorry to hear your feeling so down right now. The emotions you are feeling right now are normal and the best thing can do is to allow yourself to feel them. If you need to lay in bed and cry; do it. If you need draw a picture of him, tack it to the wall and throw darts at it; do it. Do whatever it is you need to do to allow yourself to just feel. Let the emotions course through your vains and imagine your body cleansing them like a dialasys (sp?) machine. And before you know it, you will start to feel stronger. Hang in there sweetie and be kind and gentle to yourself right now. You're healing and need some tlc. Thanks Chelsea. Right now I am sitting at my computer at the office choking back the tears, but when I get home I am going to have a really good cry and let it all out. I know it will take some time before I feel better, but unfortunately I need to feel the pain before I can heal. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks Chelsea. Right now I am sitting at my computer at the office choking back the tears, but when I get home I am going to have a really good cry and let it all out. I know it will take some time before I feel better, but unfortunately I need to feel the pain before I can heal. Oh hun, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It's reminding me of all those days at work where I had to make my runs to the restrooms to let it out. Yes, go home and cry, scream, shout, throw daggers at his pic. Purging those emotions is a good release. If there was an easier way to heal, we all wish. But you will get there. Keep posting and sharing your feelings. It's therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks Chelsea. Right now I am sitting at my computer at the office choking back the tears, but when I get home I am going to have a really good cry and let it all out. I know it will take some time before I feel better, but unfortunately I need to feel the pain before I can heal. You're welcome Hopeless. I know it's hard right now. The silver lining is that you are truly healing now. You will feel stronger and stronger after each wave of emotion dissipates. You're on the right track...keep up the good work! PS - If you decide to go with my suggestion about throwing darts at his picture, make sure you tack it to a sh***y wall. You don't want to add frustration to the mix by having to dish out money to repair it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_1116 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 PS - If you decide to go with my suggestion about throwing darts at his picture, make sure you tack it to a sh***y wall. You don't want to add frustration to the mix by having to dish out money to repair it! I hope you didn't learn this the hard way!!! Thanks for the laugh! Just a side note to also say I love this site! When I split with my son's father 4 years ago, I was in a far worse place than I am now with this current break up (if you can believe that). I was a really big mess! I found this site and it really helped me. I think it's great that people take the time to read and offer advice to each other. Thanks to anyone who has or will respond to any of posts. I appreciate it more than you know Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Your ex sounds like a real bombaclot. First, you have to cut him off and go cold turkey. It's hard and I did not do it at first, but when he got too cruel, I cut him off and refused to be friends with him. Think about changing your sign in name. Why are you hopeless? Why are you not hopeful? Do things, even little things that bring positivity to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
moosekaka Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 hi there, I am writing to commiserate and offer my support to you as you have done for me. I do understand the stress of hoping for a reconciliation and not being able to get it, but personally I prefer things to be clear cut and definite rather than open ended. It is interesting from a male's perspective, I just want to forget my ex ever existed and move 1000 miles away or further. Most females I see here prefer to hang around (be they dumper or dumpee). I miss my ex and get down a lot too, and I always hope to reconcile, but I think part of it is because I know she is physically close by. From past experience I have been able to move on faster once I am physically separated. Link to post Share on other sites
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