How likely is it for a male dumpee to reach out and contact the female dumper?

[Lionblue92]

How likely is it for a male dumpee to reach out and contact the female dumper? ...Whether it is to reconcile or just to say sorry, if they were blatantly in the wrong (not cheating) which resulted in the break up? Is a mans ego from being dumped just too big to do this? Even if he still has feelings? What if he is still not mature. And is it more or less likely if they were in a LDR anyway?

[PoppyLove89]

Depends what caused the dumper to dump them. Usually the dumpee is too hurt to contact the dumper or fears being ignored so I reckon the chances are pretty low.

[Chs]

I did it too many times to count, even when she only did it twice and for selfish reasons. I still fight the urge to contact her even after she replaced me and i almost cant resist. So it depends on the guy i would say

[Lionblue92]

I did it too many times to count, even when she only did it twice and for selfish reasons. I still fight the urge to contact her even after she replaced me and i almost cant resist. So it depends on the guy i would say

 

 

why were you dumped?

[Chs]

Too many fights and jealousy. I foundation out she was texting another guy which she had told me was something she wouldnt do in a relationship. When i confronted her she thought it best to end things. So it sure isnt pride, because i have absolutely none left.

[Ajax]

My question is, if your ex was in the wrong, and caused you to break up with him, why do you want to hear from him now?

[Bsham]

This is a 50/50 question. An unanswerable question.

 

How likely will he be to reach out? Well, depends on how his life is going. If he feels happy and having fun then it's zero. If he feels sad and lonely then it's 100%.

 

Dumpers/dumpees only reach out when when they don't find what they're looking for to fill the emotional void in their life.

Edited January 13, 2012 by Bsham

[fucpcg]

I love my ex, and I screwed up with her. At the time personal struggles were getting to me, and it affected my mood and personality in our relationship. I realized it and apologized to her before she dumped me, and we talked bout it, but then she dumped me like 2 weeks later. I tried over and over to get her to talk, sne wouldn't. After about a month of being split apart, and me asking every weekend to talk, she sent me email ending it all, listing everything she felt I got wrong. I started working on my apology letter the next day, and addressed everything she said, line by line, and went over it and over it till I felt I got it right, meaning expressed myslef the way I wanted. It took 6 weeks, then I dropped off to her door that next day.

[fucpcg]

My question is, if your ex was in the wrong, and caused you to break up with him, why do you want to hear from him now?

 

Everyone screws up in life, and by default in relationships. This attitude in here that someone screws up and you move on and never talk to them the most ridiculous attitude I can imagine. Additionally, I disagree 100% with bsham, unless you have only dated total morons. I could have a date every night of the week if I wanted... who cares, its not with the woman I love.

 

No gorgeous girl or random fling takes your mind off a girl you totally fall in love with.

[Lionblue92]

Everyone screws up in life, and by default in relationships. This attitude in here that someone screws up and you move on and never talk to them the most ridiculous attitude I can imagine. Additionally, I disagree 100% with bsham, unless you have only dated total morons. I could have a date every night of the week if I wanted... who cares, its not with the woman I love.

 

No gorgeous girl or random fling takes your mind off a girl you totally fall in love with.

 

 

I see, Atleast you know where you went wrong and tried to fix it. I broke up with mine about two weeks ago and the one time he reached out was just to thank me for his mom because I dropped a thank you card for her christmas gift to me off at her house. But nothing other than that. He's 18, never loved anyone before me and im now 100% sure he is too caught up in the fact that i actually broke up with him (since he obviously didnt think i would) to try apologize let alone reconcile. Like whats the point.

[BoredAgain]

As has already been said in this thread, it's practically impossible to predict such a thing. You can look at this board and see that some dumpees incessantly contact their Ex, others are too hurt or indifferent or whatever and never contact their Ex ever again.

 

My question is, why do you want him to contact you? If you thought he was both able and willing make amends for his error(s) (whatever they were), then I assume you wouldn't have broken up with him.

[Trimmer]

I see, Atleast you know where you went wrong and tried to fix it. I broke up with mine about two weeks ago and the one time he reached out was just to thank me for his mom because I dropped a thank you card for her christmas gift to me off at her house. But nothing other than that. He's 18, never loved anyone before me and im now 100% sure he is too caught up in the fact that i actually broke up with him (since he obviously didnt think i would) to try apologize let alone reconcile. Like whats the point.

So you broke up with him, and now you expect him to apologize and/or try to reconcile? You are playing games. Why?

 

Also, you are not giving anywhere enough context for anyone to answer your original question meaningfully. If you want useful answers, you need to provide sufficient information. What part did each of you play in the relationship that led to the breakup? What finally led you to the decision to break up? If you decided to break up (which means "to stop seeing each other") then why are you expecting/awaiting his move toward reconciliation? Without this level of information, answers are useless.

 

If you give a generic description that doesn't really describe your situation in detail, then any answers you get will be generic, and will not relate to your situation either. Waste of time.

[chados]

if he can see youre moving on, theres normally a big chance yes, often out of jealousness. if the guy is young and the relationship was a good one. i would say that even a reconciliation is possible, probably wont last though.. but it really depends on the person. from personal experience i would say that the the most reconciliations in younger age at least, is cause by the dumpee moving on with his life and starts to date others.

[Philosoraptor]

Why would he need to contact you? If he is working on himself then you don't matter anymore. He should be examining himself, forgiving both himself and you for whichever issues happened in the past, and finding peace within himself.

 

The path to healing is pretty much the same for the dumper and dumpee. One might have a head start in some cases but the path to happiness is peace within themselves.

[Lionblue92]

So you broke up with him, and now you expect him to apologize and/or try to reconcile? You are playing games. Why?

 

Also, you are not giving anywhere enough context for anyone to answer your original question meaningfully. If you want useful answers, you need to provide sufficient information. What part did each of you play in the relationship that led to the breakup? What finally led you to the decision to break up? If you decided to break up (which means "to stop seeing each other") then why are you expecting/awaiting his move toward reconciliation? Without this level of information, answers are useless.

 

If you give a generic description that doesn't really describe your situation in detail, then any answers you get will be generic, and will not relate to your situation either. Waste of time.

 

 

Yeah, I explained the situation in full detail in my last thread about NYE. But I just wanted to know an assessment in general for these types of situations. And its only cause I missed him and wish he would have reached out and apologized. But I see now that this will either never happen, or not for a reallyyyy long time. Which happened in my past relationships, they reached out close to a year later if they wanted to apologize...or a lot sooner than a year if they just wanted to "talk."

 

I talked to one guy I had a short, very short but sweet, with a TERRIBLE ending off and on a few times after a period of months. but it wasnt until a year later, after seeing me completely moved on with someone else for about 5 months that he actually apologized for his actions when we were together. And he didnt have to, although he needed to, because we had talked about general things before, but he wanted to. He hadnt been in any relationships in between the time though.

[collegeguy_24]

I am a guy, and my ex dumped me. I truly loved her and even though its been over a year, I still don't know why she dumped me.

 

She gave me several different reasons, all the while denying the previous.

 

Now though I have moved on and have forgiven her for everything.

 

As the dumpee, I did try to contact her again, and I must say, it was sad and pathetic.

 

Initially I contacted her to try and win her back, I begged, pleaded, I gave up all my dignity and pride, it was sad and pathetic.

 

Eventually, I stopped and tried to move on, date someone else. I did try to contact her again some months later because I felt we could be friends, and she agreed. But the damage had been done.

 

I had spread possibly false information about her and the guy she left me for, posted her name all over the internet, etc. What I had done was shameful, and I tried to apologize for it when she found out about it.

 

Now, I have pushed her so far away there is no chance of us ever contacting each other again. Even though I have forgiven her for all the wrongs she had done to me, and its an extensive list, I do not know if she has forgiven me.

 

She asked me to not contact her again, and if she wants contact she told me she would contact me. She has not in a years time, and I doubt she ever will.

 

I do not know why you and your ex broke up, I might have missed it in this thread, but hopefully you and others can learn from my experiences so you do not make the same mistakes I did.

 

I regret all of them, each and every single one. I would like nothing more then to start over, even as friends, but I know that may never come.

[Jono85]

I am a guy, and my ex dumped me. I truly loved her and even though its been over a year, I still don't know why she dumped me.

 

She gave me several different reasons, all the while denying the previous.

 

Now though I have moved on and have forgiven her for everything.

 

As the dumpee, I did try to contact her again, and I must say, it was sad and pathetic.

 

Initially I contacted her to try and win her back, I begged, pleaded, I gave up all my dignity and pride, it was sad and pathetic.

 

Eventually, I stopped and tried to move on, date someone else. I did try to contact her again some months later because I felt we could be friends, and she agreed. But the damage had been done.

 

I had spread possibly false information about her and the guy she left me for, posted her name all over the internet, etc. What I had done was shameful, and I tried to apologize for it when she found out about it.

 

Now, I have pushed her so far away there is no chance of us ever contacting each other again. Even though I have forgiven her for all the wrongs she had done to me, and its an extensive list, I do not know if she has forgiven me.

 

She asked me to not contact her again, and if she wants contact she told me she would contact me. She has not in a years time, and I doubt she ever will.

 

I do not know why you and your ex broke up, I might have missed it in this thread, but hopefully you and others can learn from my experiences so you do not make the same mistakes I did.

 

I regret all of them, each and every single one. I would like nothing more then to start over, even as friends, but I know that may never come.

 

dude, seriously, stop beating yourself up over it. you did some things you werent proud of, but guess what? you did those things as a REACTION to the sh-tty things she did to you. she was the one that did awful things to you; so awful and so many things you said you could make a long list. well sometimes immense pain makes you do crazy things. just forgive yourself already. she drove you to do those things. you learned your lesson. but at the end of the day, whether you did those things or not, she already made the decision not to be with you. accept that, it's her loss. don't beat yourself up over it, and go find someone who DOES want to be with you.

[Rimer]

I've been almost 4 weeks NC after my ex dragged me on for 4 months giving me false hope of getting back together to only tell me she doesnt care for me that kinda way but still wants to be friends and that we could go out for diner, walk the dog etc bla bla bla and that once I was ready I should contact her. I know i'm not ready. But I wonder should I still contact her? Reasoning behind this I guess is hope she misses me but if she did wouldn't she contact me or is her pride that she told me to contact her stopping her from contacting me.

[Graceful]

How likely is it for a male dumpee to reach out and contact the female dumper? ...Whether it is to reconcile or just to say sorry, if they were blatantly in the wrong (not cheating) which resulted in the break up? Is a mans ego from being dumped just too big to do this? Even if he still has feelings? What if he is still not mature. And is it more or less likely if they were in a LDR anyway?

 

The way this guy treated you regarding NY Eve is all you need to know. He's an inconsiderate, selfish, immature, lazy college freshman who didn't want to take the time or the trouble to plan NY Eve with you, after discussing it with you and knowing you wanted it to be special. If he had *wanted* to make it happen, he would. He didn't.

 

What couple doesn't want to be together on NY Eve, even if it's just to watch a dvd and eat take out? It's not a big deal to everyone, but what person, who is in a LDR, wouldn't be more than happy to ring in the new year with their GF / BF? You'd rather be home on holiday break, lie to your GF / BF, say you were going out with your FAMILY, in order to spend it with friends, and leave your GF / BF in the lurch? What? HUH?

 

There's no future with this guy. He's not that into you, and an apology would be the most meaningless gesture anyhow. He didn't even want to see you for sex (sorry to be crass), so throw this one back in the water and start fresh for the new year.

 

He's just some dude you dated for a while in your freshman year of college. Put him in the dating history book and end the chapter.

 

Really, don't use up any more of your brain cells on this guy. This has nothing to do with his ego or his pride. He has none. He's a transparent simpleton. I have him all figured out and I never even met him. Know what I mean?

[chados]

I've been almost 4 weeks NC after my ex dragged me on for 4 months giving me false hope of getting back together to only tell me she doesnt care for me that kinda way but still wants to be friends and that we could go out for diner, walk the dog etc bla bla bla and that once I was ready I should contact her. I know i'm not ready. But I wonder should I still contact her? Reasoning behind this I guess is hope she misses me but if she did wouldn't she contact me or is her pride that she told me to contact her stopping her from contacting me.

 

 

if she tells you its over, dont put yourself through the pain.. "if" this would be a test from her, most often it isnt, but if thats the case, dont fall for it.. have the selfrespect and walk away.. if it doesnt hurt you to see her with someone else, yes you could stay friends. if it would, walk away..

[Graceful]

I've been almost 4 weeks NC after my ex dragged me on for 4 months giving me false hope of getting back together to only tell me she doesnt care for me that kinda way but still wants to be friends and that we could go out for diner, walk the dog etc bla bla bla and that once I was ready I should contact her. I know i'm not ready. But I wonder should I still contact her? Reasoning behind this I guess is hope she misses me but if she did wouldn't she contact me or is her pride that she told me to contact her stopping her from contacting me.

Her pride? Why is her pride at stake? She dumped you, is not interested in you as a romantic partner and offered you a demotion to the friend zone and to pick up dog poop with her. That's her offer, friend zone. So why is there even a question in your mind. Huh?

 

Writing is on the wall in big neon letters.

 

You walk. Not the dog, either. You walk in the opposite direction of any idiot who insults you into offering you crumbs. You want crumbs? Then you're the one who left his pride at the door, but I hope not.

 

This ship has sailed. She strung you along for four months. I think you've already done enough to boost her ego. Don't you? What about you? You're never going to boost your own ego and self-esteem if you take the crumbs that have been offered you by your ex. She's just trying to assuage her guilt by offering you the friend zone. Damned insulting, if you ask me. She dumped you and wants to make it the "gift that keeps on giving" -- a constant reminder that she dumped you. That's the LAST thing you should want, seriously, dude.

 

You'll NEVER be ready to be her friend because she is your EX, not your FRIEND. Get it?? That's not the same thing. An ex is NOT your friend. She is someone you used to know. You can never go back. And you shouldn't want to, either.

 

Stay NC and don't even consider contacting her. There's nothing there for you but your broken heart and the constant reminder that she dumped you. You want that? Sound like fun to you? Sounds like crap to me. And it should sound like crap to you, too.

 

You're a guy, right? Then act like one.

[EgoJoe]

her pride? Why is her pride at stake? She dumped you, is not interested in you as a romantic partner and offered you a demotion to the friend zone and to pick up dog poop with her. That's her offer, friend zone. So why is there even a question in your mind. Huh?

 

Writing is on the wall in big neon letters.

 

You walk. Not the dog, either. You walk in the opposite direction of any idiot who insults you into offering you crumbs. You want crumbs? Then you're the one who left his pride at the door, but i hope not.

 

This ship has sailed. She strung you along for four months. I think you've already done enough to boost her ego. Don't you? What about you? You're never going to boost your own ego and self-esteem if you take the crumbs that have been offered you by your ex. She's just trying to assuage her guilt by offering you the friend zone. Damned insulting, if you ask me. She dumped you and wants to make it the "gift that keeps on giving" -- a constant reminder that she dumped you. That's the last thing you should want, seriously, dude.

 

You'll never be ready to be her friend because she is your ex, not your friend. Get it?? That's not the same thing. An ex is not your friend. She is someone you used to know. You can never go back. And you shouldn't want to, either.

 

Stay nc and don't even consider contacting her. There's nothing there for you but your broken heart and the constant reminder that she dumped you. You want that? Sound like fun to you? Sounds like crap to me. And it should sound like crap to you, too.

 

You're a guy, right? Then act like one.

 

All I read when I saw this was: GRACEFUL SMASH!

Edited January 15, 2012 by EgoJoe

[Graceful]

EJ:

 

You're the bomb. Love it.

 

:laugh:

 

I am on a roll.

 

Anyhow, thanks, buddy. I'm laughing so hard my stomach is hurting me!

 

I miss leaving my little love notes to these poor unsuspecting people who don't know me!

 

Good Night. Sunday's child is full of Grace and that means I need sleep.

Hope to see you around.

[Ajax]

All I read when I saw this was: GRACEFUL SMASH!

 

Yeah. I don't have anything to add to this, but Graceful has articulated her point very well, as usual. And it's nice to see you back after a long hiatus, Graceful

[Glove_slap]

100% chance of being contacted by a male dumpee eventually.

Even a male dumper will contact you.

 

Females on the other hand...