RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It was the equivalent of a one-night stand for me, although I've been good friends with this guy for a couple years now. I never found him attractive and I still don't. In any way. I would never be his girlfriend. He's been pursuing me for a while. We got really drunk and kissed a couple months ago, and after that he continued to ask me to get together. I feel comfortable with him. He is much younger than I am and I can tell him anything. He thinks I am hot. We have a special relationship. He is definitely more into me than I am into him, but he has made it clear that we're just friends and nobody should know about us - which I totally agree with. I always have a lot of fun with him. I did enjoy the sex, but I wouldn't care if it stopped. I dropped my cell phone in his car - must have fallen out of my purse, and I am really afraid of what his wife may do. They have a son together and she has a son from her first marriage. He said he cheated on her before they got married and she sort of punished him for that still, but he doesn't bash her. He says he loves his wife and I wish their marriage succeeds. He is just not quite happy right now, he says. What I do know is that he keeps going out and says she doesn't mind, but she is jealous. We spent all day together yesterday and I haven't felt that good in a long time. I know I will not fall in love with him because I don't really find him attractive in any way. He is just a friend in my eyes, with some appreciation and willingness to please me sexually. I don't really care. I am still single.
goldengirl86 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Hmm, i get the impression that your not guilty about your actions at all, more just scared that his wife will find out and you will have to be put out and inconvenienced. This guy and his wife are prime examples of how the effects of adultery linger long after the affair, and how some people should not be married. And i would probably just stick too being friends with this guy, because while it means nothing to you it will probally mean something to her. There are plenty of other single people out there to have sex with.
Dust Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Poor poor beautiful yet naive Recordproducer. A woman like you needs to be making sweet music with her love making. Not giving it to some undeserviing guy who happens to apreciate your beauty. You're a girl if you keep having sex and spending time with the guy you won't be able to help but develop some feelings for him. Get out now while the drama is minimal. This guy isn't smooth and you know it... he will get caught and very likely drag you into his drama one way or another.
RickFox Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I'm with Glinda on this one... Just had to brag eh?
Dust Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 She didn't really come here for advice, but saying she was bragging is false. No where do I see a person who is bragging. She's a smart women who's put herself in a bad situation. She knows she's better then this.
alexandria35 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 What a weird post. Why would you risk getting caught sleeping with a married man who you are not even the slightest bit attracted to? How can you even really enjoy sex with someone you're not attracted to?
KathyM Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Wow, I gotta say, why on earth would you lower yourself to that level? So not worth it. You aren't even attracted to the guy. Eww. And doesn't it bother you how much it would hurt his wife and child, and how much you are jeopardizing their family? Gosh, I can't imagine what benefit at all that would have. If you just wanted sex, you could have gotten that anywhere with a guy that would probably be more attractive that this deadbeat.
SoMovinOn Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It was the equivalent of a one-night stand for me... ... but he has made it clear that we're just friends and nobody should know about us - which I totally agree with. I always have a lot of fun with him. I did enjoy the sex, but I wouldn't care if it stopped. ...We spent all day together yesterday and I haven't felt that good in a long time. I know I will not fall in love with him because I don't really find him attractive in any way. He is just a friend in my eyes, with some appreciation and willingness to please me sexually. I don't really care. I am still single. Your first line doesn't seem to match the rest of your post. It seems everything else indicates you intend to continue a sexual relationship with him. Is that correct? I dropped my cell phone in his car - must have fallen out of my purse, and I am really afraid of what his wife may do. Does she know you and he have been friends and worked together? Wouldn't she just think you were in his car for those reasons?
MissBee Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It was the equivalent of a one-night stand for me, although I've been good friends with this guy for a couple years now. I never found him attractive and I still don't. In any way. I would never be his girlfriend. He's been pursuing me for a while. We got really drunk and kissed a couple months ago, and after that he continued to ask me to get together. I feel comfortable with him. He is much younger than I am and I can tell him anything. He thinks I am hot. We have a special relationship. He is definitely more into me than I am into him, but he has made it clear that we're just friends and nobody should know about us - which I totally agree with. I always have a lot of fun with him. I did enjoy the sex, but I wouldn't care if it stopped. I dropped my cell phone in his car - must have fallen out of my purse, and I am really afraid of what his wife may do. They have a son together and she has a son from her first marriage. He said he cheated on her before they got married and she sort of punished him for that still, but he doesn't bash her. He says he loves his wife and I wish their marriage succeeds. He is just not quite happy right now, he says. What I do know is that he keeps going out and says she doesn't mind, but she is jealous. We spent all day together yesterday and I haven't felt that good in a long time. I know I will not fall in love with him because I don't really find him attractive in any way. He is just a friend in my eyes, with some appreciation and willingness to please me sexually. I don't really care. I am still single. Sooo what are you hoping for here if you don't really care?
MissBee Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Hmm, i get the impression that your not guilty about your actions at all, more just scared that his wife will find out and you will have to be put out and inconvenienced. This guy and his wife are prime examples of how the effects of adultery linger long after the affair, and how some people should not be married. And i would probably just stick too being friends with this guy, because while it means nothing to you it will probally mean something to her. There are plenty of other single people out there to have sex with. That is true... But oddly married people in effed up scenarios always spark feelings of amazing connections that single people cannot compete with it seems. Anyway Record...you should ask yourself why you want to continue to have sex with your married friend whom you find unattractive....? If you are also scared of his wife finding out...unless his privates are made out of platinum and spew diamonds...I am sure you can find someone else to love you up, besides a man you don't even think is attractive, and who is already in an effed up situation. Edited January 13, 2012 by MissBee
LadyGrey Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Why do such a self destructive thing? Snap out of it, you know better. You have survived too much and come out on the other side, so don't go down that road. It's so not worth it.
Author RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Hmm, i get the impression that your not guilty about your actions at all, more just scared that his wife will find out and you will have to be put out and inconvenienced. Well, I am not the one who is married. His marriage is really his responsibility. This guy and his wife are prime examples of how the effects of adultery linger long after the affair, and how some people should not be married. I know, and it doesn't seem to bother him one bit that he cheated again. Once a cheater... You're a girl if you keep having sex and spending time with the guy you won't be able to help but develop some feelings for him. Get out now while the drama is minimal. This guy isn't smooth and you know it... he will get caught and very likely drag you into his drama one way or another.You're sweet, as always. I'm not going to develop any romantic feelings for him, but you're right that if he gets caught, I'll be dragged into his drama. I sure don't need that. Just had to brag eh?No, I wanted to share it and hear a different perspective. How can you even really enjoy sex with someone you're not attracted to?Booze makes you enjoy the stupidest things. I wouldn't have done it if I weren't drunk. Well, I'll stay friends with him, but nothing more than that. And doesn't it bother you how much it would hurt his wife and child, and how much you are jeopardizing their family? Of course it bothers me, but it's him who is jeopardizing his family - it's not my family. He goes out to hang out with friends and comes back home in the middle of the night, on a regular basis. To me that's a screwed up marriage. It's almost like giving your husband a green light to cheat. In any case, it means they don't care about spending evenings and going to sleep together. He's not even there for his child every evening. As far as I know, she could be having an affair herself or stays with him for financial reasons. I don't see why else she would be cool with him not being home. Your first line doesn't seem to match the rest of your post. It seems everything else indicates you intend to continue a sexual relationship with him. Is that correct? No, I don't intend to continue. It was fun once, but the wrong thing to do. Plus, I am not into him. Does she know you and he have been friends and worked together? Wouldn't she just think you were in his car for those reasons? I don't know what she knows about me, but he told me that night that he wasn't going to tell her he'd hang out with a woman because she would be jealous. I don't even know if she knows about the phone. We're classmates, we don't work together. I'll find out next week what he told her, but his email said "you forgot your cell in the car when I gave you a ride after class yesterday." Yeah, after class. Like 8 hours after the class was over! So, obviously, something is not right if he was giving me a hint or trying to prove something to his wife. If it were me, I'd figure he's lying. I mean, you don't remind people you gave them a ride "after class" and "yesterday." I replied: hey, it's no big deal, enjoy your trip, see you next week. I should've replied "Nah, must've fallen out of my purse while we were doing the nasty in your van!" That was another stupid thing, we could've gotten arrested. But oddly married people in effed up scenarios always spark feelings of amazing connections that single people cannot compete with it seems. I think every time a guy wants to get in a woman's pants, he'll create an "amazing connection." I guess I liked his attention, and since I'm not invested in it, it felt good. Anyway Record...you should ask yourself why you want to continue to have sex with your married friend whom you find unattractive....? If you are also scared of his wife finding out...unless his privates are made out of platinum and spew diamonds...I am sure you can find someone else to love you up, besides a man you don't even think is attractive, and who is already in an effed up situation. That was so funny - the platinum and diamonds thing. No, they are not made of anything valuable. You're right about everything. I should find someone for me. Why do such a self destructive thing? Snap out of it, you know better. You have survived too much and come out on the other side, so don't go down that road. It's so not worth it.I am snapping out of it. No more. Edited January 13, 2012 by RecordProducer
East7 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Hi RP, I have read some very smart posts of yours but now I'm wondering what's your point with this thread.. I think it was purely sexual, you were craving some sex and you took the easiest way So what kind of opinion would you like us to give you ? Just don't think that because you "believe" that you can control your feelings, for sure nothing will ever happen. It gets not much to get attached to someone especially if the sex was good. So if you don't want to play with it, it's best to go NC with him for a while to cool off. Staying friends and pretending nothing happened will be almost impossible. At some point you both will enjoy the thrill and go for sex all over again. Most of affairs start with people convinced that they can control it.
jsb58 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Just had to brag eh?Married men or women available to screw anything willing are a dime a dozen. A damn shame, yes. Brag worthy, no.
Author RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 So what kind of opinion would you like us to give you? I guess I wanted to hear that I shouldn't do it again. I mean, I knew I would hear it, so I guess I made up my mind before I posted. I needed the cold shower. Just don't think that because you "believe" that you can control your feelings, for sure nothing will ever happen. It gets not much to get attached to someone especially if the sex was good. The sex wasn't that good. I don't think I can control my feelings - I just don't have any feelings for him. So if you don't want to play with it, it's best to go NC with him for a while to cool off. Staying friends and pretending nothing happened will be almost impossible. I don't care either way. I am disappointed that most guys I've befriended in my life have tried to get in my pants at some point. I thought men in their 20s would not pursue a woman in her 30s, but thankfully,guys don'tthink I am too old for them. At some point you both will enjoy the thrill and go for sex all over again. Yes, this was the thing that bothered me: I wanted to make a clear decision that I am not doing it again. Married men or women available to screw anything willing are a dime a dozen. I agree. And he plans to stay married and he does sleep with his wife. It's not like his marriage is falling apart or anything. I would never cheat on a spouse. I even felt bad when I slept with someone during my first marriage - and this was a couple months after my ex-husband packed his bags, announced our marriage was over and left me and the kids. We did get together one more time later but after 6 months we split for good.
Author RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Hopefully he get's tested for std's.Well, I know I didn't get anything from him or he from me. Hopefully, his wife won't find the box of condoms.
norajane Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 RP, you have to say no to the "bad" things in life in order to have room to say yes to the "good" things when they come. This guy, this relationship is not what you want for yourself or your boys. Maybe it fills a few gaps, a few needs, that you have right now, but it will create larger issues in your psyche that will create problems for you when you meet a good man you want to love. You've been doing great things for your life and for yourself. Don't veer off into this dead-end that could have significant negative consequences for you. You've had plenty of drama. You don't need this. Neither do your children need a mom whose head is messed up. Take better care of yourself than this.
2sunny Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 RP - This is not the person you wish to be. I'be known you now for years...I'm hoping, for you, this is just a momentary lapse in judgment. The alcohol is concerning - and doesn't help anyone make wise choices. MOST married men can't DO a friendship - know that. The unusual ones who can without trying to have sex can be meaningful friendships. This guy isn't your "friend." if he was - you wouldn't be a secret. Your choices - they do affect you. Find out why YOU would choose such a self destructive situation to participate in. You can learn a lot from this - and grow. You can learn what you DON'T want to choose for yourself in the future if you set a solid, healthy boundary. It may be an ego feed now... But handing over your peace of mind can kill the beauty and spirit of you. I want more for you than THAT! You deserve more. Lay off the alcohol - it clouds anyone's better judgment. Complicating life this way will never make you happy... Get busy growing and changing - to get past your pain and negative thoughts of men. See a counselor if it helps. Hugs!
White Flower Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 We spent all day together yesterday and I haven't felt that good in a long time. I know I will not fall in love with him because I don't really find him attractive in any way. He is just a friend in my eyes, with some appreciation and willingness to please me sexually. I don't really care. I am still single. Hey RC! Long time no see... Ok, so you hadn't felt that good in a long time, but you know you won't fall for this guy because you're not attracted to his looks. But you know what they say about APs, it's not about their looks; it's how they make you feel. How long before you'll need that feeling again?
daisy love Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Eww, you did the nasty in the back of a van? Girlfriend, that's GROSS! Honey, go to the bathrooms at The Four Seasons. They have couches and everything! Eww, now when this guy gets drunk and horny and looking for easy lovin in the P*ssy Wagon, he be callin you. Promise me you'll say no next time ok!!!
2sunny Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It's NOT a ONS - since you have "known him" for years... And likely to see him again. It will happen again if you keep in contact with him and throw drinking into the mix. Ask yourself each day - how can i participate throughout my day by being proud of myself? Your self worth is a stake here RP - don't throw it aside for such harmful behavior. Harm to self - harm to others... Should always be considered.
Author RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 This guy, this relationship is not what you want for yourself or your boys. Maybe it fills a few gaps, a few needs, that you have right now, but it will create larger issues in your psyche that will create problems for you when you meet a good man you want to love. This is a great thought. This is not a relationship, though. You've been doing great things for your life and for yourself. Don't veer off into this dead-end that could have significant negative consequences for you. You've had plenty of drama. You don't need this. Neither do your children need a mom whose head is messed up. Take better care of yourself than this. Okay, thanks. But don't worry, I am not getting back together with him. This was a one-time insignificant thing with no consequences. MOST married men can't DO a friendship - know that. The unusual ones who can without trying to have sex can be meaningful friendships. This guy isn't your "friend." (sigh) I know. Guys can't be friends, which is unfortunate since I get along better with guys as friends. Hugs! Thanks for all the great advice and hugs, 2sunny and everyone else. I really appreciate it. Ok, so you hadn't felt that good in a long time, but you know you won't fall for this guy because you're not attracted to his looks. But you know what they say about APs, it's not about their looks; it's how they make you feel. How long before you'll need that feeling again?Urgh... if you only knew this guy, you would know why I could never fall in love. He embarrasses himself all the time. I felt good as in I had fun. This is not going to be an affair. It was a one-night stand with a married "friend."
Author RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Eww, you did the nasty in the back of a van? Girlfriend, that's GROSS! Why? You've never had sex in a car? Promise me you'll say no next time ok!!! I promise. It will happen again if you keep in contact with him and throw drinking into the mix. It won't happen. He's not that irresistible. Ask yourself each day - how can i participate throughout my day by being proud of myself? That's a great advice. Thank you.
darkmoon Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 i once had sex in a toilet cubicle on a train going out from central London to a London suburb; but i was very young and very in love! :laugh: maybe we should have a competition for who made out in the craziest place i think this guy probably screws around with others from time to time. marrieds don't leave for their affairs, they leave coz they were fed up with the marriage and some leave and don't want to move in with the affairs who represented freedom and fun while the affair was just a safety valve
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