I had sex with a married man

[2sunny]

LMAO!Yeah....because the bathroom is much more classy than a van!

 

Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black 'daisylove'?

 

Aren't you the P*ssywagon your MM calls when he wants some easy lovin'?

 

Where does he do the "nasty" with you?

 

His wife's bed?

 

This is not necessary - or helpful!

[MissBee]

Hey RC! Long time no see...

 

Ok, so you hadn't felt that good in a long time, but you know you won't fall for this guy because you're not attracted to his looks. But you know what they say about APs, it's not about their looks; it's how they make you feel. How long before you'll need that feeling again?

 

Excellent question WF!

 

That's how MOST people get caught up in certain relationships and even other destructive habits, because of an addiction to the [often temporary] feelings they bring.

 

I have experienced this myself and based on Record's responses about being glad men in their 20s find her attractive and she is glad he is a friend who wants to please her sexually...just seems like this situation is being used as a self-esteem booster and ego stroke. I don't doubt that she doesn't want to date him but it is still problematic to get into any relationship much less affair based on such premises.

[2sunny]

A few things to take note of in the future:

 

He was pursuing... He's married.

 

He needed to keep you a secret. Should say everything when you have your logical mindset in place.

 

You did things with him while drunk... Not wise.

 

 

It may be a very temporary ego boost - but you stated he's not attractive and the sex wasn't good.

 

Nothing about continuing contact with him would be a good outcome for you or anyone involved.

 

Sometimes it may be useful to ask yourself "if my kids could see me and what I'm doing right now - would I still choose this?"

[quankanne]

norajane and white flower are spot-on with their advice. And because I've known you a good while, I can kind of see where your decision came from, because it's really not like you to make a choice like this. That said, the only advice I have for you is "don't sell yourself short."

 

yeah, Cougar Lady he was saying the right stuff at the right time, but honestly, it's not what you *really* want, even though it appeared to be so at the time. My guess is that while it was a sort of relief in some ways, screwing him really didn't do anything to help you psychologically ... been there, done that. Many, many times over.

 

you're a fantastic lady, I've always thought so; I just hate knowing that you've made a decision like this understanding that it prolly isn't the answer you're looking for to start with.

 

flirt. Like mad, if possible, but stay away from the married boys. There's someone incredible out there just waiting for you, even though it'll seem like forever 'til you get to meet him. Just don't sell yourself short, okay?

 

XOX,

quank

[climbergirl]

i once had sex in a toilet cubicle on a train going out from central London to a London suburb; but i was very young and very in love! :laugh: maybe we should have a competition for who made out in the craziest place

 

 

Elevator, van (exciting, especially in a bad neighborhood!), lifeguard stand and toilet cubicle at MSP airport (and here I thought it was just a 'Minnesota' thing).

 

In all seriousness, glad to see you on LS again, RP!

 

I might have missed this but does this wife know that you and he hang out after class??

[Gentlegirl]

I don't get why you would have sex with a married man who is unattractive to you????? Maybe it was the booze?

 

Also why do you like hanging out with him if your'e not that into him?

 

Does his wife know you are friends?

 

It just doesn't make any sense, but who am I to say anything. I don't make any sense to myself.

 

I just want to say to you.... STOP IT like the school mistress that I am! Sorry , can't help myself sometimes. You are better than this.

 

Best wishes,

 

GG

[RecordProducer]

C'mon, peaps, stop talking as if I am going to have an affair and fall madly in love with this creep! You're grossing my dinner out! Seriously, he's a lot of fun, but he's a moron in his own way. He's the kind of person who says his mother told him lox was what Jews ate, so he won't eat it. He said about a professor who was cheating on her husband that she's a "slut" - I guess that only refers to women. I can't begin telling you about all the embarrassing things he's said in classes; like, people, even professors, would comment on his stupid comments. And he's one of the best students if you look at his gpa. Go figure.

 

I mean, can't you people see that this was just fun and nothing else? Fun because it was precisely one time and maybe even a little fun because it was wrong? I mean, this whole thing is not such a big deal, it's just a stupid little adventure.

 

LMAO!Yeah....because the bathroom is much more classy than a van!

Yeah, the van is at least his private space, probably cleaner than his living room sofa.

 

Where does he do the "nasty" with you?

 

His wife's bed?

Eww, now THAT is "dirty."

This is not necessary - or helpful!

Hey, humor is always necessary and I think Daisy is a funny girl and can take it. Daisy's comments were also technically insulting, but charming. And the sofa in the public bathroom "suggestion" was funny... if... it was meant to be funny? Is the sofa there for men who want instant gratification for the expensive dinner they paid for?

 

What is esteem boosting about an unattractive married man wanting to screw you in the back of his van?

SMH.

No, the esteem boosting is that he was pursuing me for a while. BTW, I thought the van thing was kinda adventurous and spontaneous. My first husband and I sometimes did it in our car while we were married - just for the fun of it, because it reminded us of our dating days.

 

What's SMH?

 

He needed to keep you a secret. Should say everything when you have your logical mindset in place.

But that would be relevant if I were to consider seeing him. Or marrying him. He's a non-person to me.

 

It may be a very temporary ego boost - but you stated he's not attractive and the sex wasn't good.

Oh, the least attractive guys are the ones from whom you'll receive the best admiration. Anything seems good when you're drunk, but not good enough for me to come back for more.

 

Nothing about continuing contact with him would be a good outcome for you or anyone involved.

Ok, I am not sleeping with him. It's a deal. I'll move on to someone else, much hotter, maybe just engaged this time rather than fully married... Um... I am in my joking mode - but sober.

Sometimes it may be useful to ask yourself "if my kids could see me and what I'm doing right now - would I still choose this?"

Urgh... don't be a downer, 2sunny. When was the last time you had wild fun and wanted your kids to see you at that moment? This is sex - we never want our kids to see us having our basic instincts entertained.

 

 

And because I've known you a good while, I can kind of see where your decision came from, because it's really not like you to make a choice like this. That said, the only advice I have for you is "don't sell yourself short."

Well, in my defense, I do refrain from choices like this. I had a ONS with a guy who was in a LTR a few months ago. I was really attracted to this guy, so I wouldn't have pursued anything more with him because there would've been a risk that I could develop feelings for him. In fact, just thinking about that night still gives me butterflies. Well, that guy felt really bad about cheating. Funny thing, he owns a bar near my house and I go there occasionally, sometimes with dates or friends or even alone. And this married friend and I were at this bar the other night and the owner was there. Isn't that hilarious? But the bar owner had no idea who that was nor did we talk. He just saw us fooling around.

 

My guess is that while it was a sort of relief in some ways, screwing him really didn't do anything to help you psychologically ... been there, done that. Many, many times over.

What do you mean been there many, many times? Were you a badgirl, Quan?

 

you're a fantastic lady, I've always thought so; I just hate knowing that you've made a decision like this understanding that it prolly isn't the answer you're looking for to start with.

I am looking for love, and meanwhile, some guy who can "benefit" me. But not a taken guy, of course.

XOX,

quank

XOX back.

[MissBee]

I mean, can't you people see that this was just fun and nothing else? Fun because it was precisely one time and maybe even a little fun because it was wrong? I mean, this whole thing is not such a big deal, it's just a stupid little adventure.

 

If I had such a low opinion of someone I slept with I'd never mention it, further broadcast it on a forum.

 

If you say that was the end of that...then so it is. But it is peculiar and contradictory for you to get on here to talk about it and what a moron he is and other stuff...none of it computes. NSA sex doesn't really seem like it needs discussion....so when someone says they do not care or it is not a big deal but proceeds to talk or make forum posts about this allegedly unimportant thing, one can't help but raise an eyebrow.

 

If you didn't think it mattered why make a thread dedicated to it? Then make it seem like everyone else is acting like it matters. It makes no sense...it doesn't add up...but only time will tell whether it or not it was inconsequential. I will say though that I don't care about whether or not you plan to "fall inlove" but more about why you would choose to have an "adventure" with an unattractive, married, moron? LMAO it sounds funny when spelled out...then tell people about it...then say you wanted to hear you were wrong...why? Why do you need us to validate or invalidate your choice?

Edited January 13, 2012 by MissBee

[jerbear]

Darn you woman!! Why didn't you give me a call?!

 

Honestly, you did what you did and it just happened. He filled a void in your life and that is it. I had a ONS and all I knew, at that time, was her first name and she was married with kids. Other than that I didn't care. The ONS sex was fun.

 

Still you will still see him in the future and secrets don't always stay secret.

[2sunny]

Since you asked... Ahaha

 

I have recently been having fun with a guy half my age (25) at the baseball field - in the dugout!

 

Ahaha, yep - its been fun - but only because neither one of us is attached and no one will be harmed from it. ;-) I wouldn't care if my kids know...they expect me to have fun as long as its harmless.

[carhill]

Please go to an AA meeting. Please.

 

[frozensprouts]

 

Eww, now when this guy gets drunk and horny and looking for easy lovin in the P*ssy Wagon, he be callin you.

!

 

 

ewww.... why say it with a bit more class than that and call it "the shaggin' wagon" ( i know, i know, that was in bad taste.. last i called a van that was when i was in college and we used to teae a friend about her and her boyfriend in her an...we called "the shaggin'wagon" to which she angrilly replied (it's not a shaggin' wagon, it's a (plymouth) Voyager"

[daisy love]

ewww.... why say it with a bit more class than that and call it the shaggin' wagon( i know, i know, that was in bad taste..

 

Oh. Duh. It was a cultural reference. Sheesh ppl! http://www.tarantino.info/wiki/index.php/Pussy_wagon It's not like I didn't give her a classier alternative. I guess you guys never been in a Four Seasons either.

[carhill]

It was the equivalent of a one-night stand for me, although I've been good friends with this guy for a couple years now.

 

But that would be relevant if I were to consider seeing him. Or marrying him. He's a non-person to me.

 

My tongue is bloody from being bit so hard. Suffice to say I know exactly what you mean. I'm reminded of an old friend; a long ago love. Interesting how life works.

[johan]

Hey, RecordProducer. I know you've had a hard time since moving to the US. You aren't really the type to do this kind of thing. Sometimes when you're down you do desperate things that are out of character, hoping it will help you feel better. In this case, I don't get the impression you got much satisfaction out of it, and now you have to live with the idea that you did it. Not pleasant.

 

This is a lesson, I guess. My concern is not as much about this "experiment" and what it means as it is about how you're going to start feeling like yourself again. Maybe finishing school and getting a steady job will help. And you're an attractive, smart woman, so it's just a matter of time before you are pursued by a guy worth being with.

 

Have faith in yourself and be patient. Try to limit the number of crazy things you do in the meantime. Most of them, like this one, are only going to make you feel worse.

[RecordProducer]

I will say though that I don't care about whether or not you plan to "fall inlove" but more about why you would choose to have an "adventure" with an unattractive, married, moron?

Well, maybe I came here to hear your opinions on why. Obviously, I didn't come to brag, knowing the audience. And I heard some great thoughts, although I still think for what it's worth it was taken too seriously. And regarding his wife, he chetaed on her the moment he decided to cheat and proceeded to invite me, not when I accepted the invitation. After all, his marriage is his problem.

 

Hey, RecordProducer. I know you've had a hard time since moving to the US. You aren't really the type to do this kind of thing. Sometimes when you're down you do desperate things that are out of character, hoping it will help you feel better. In this case, I don't get the impression you got much satisfaction out of it, and now you have to live with the idea that you did it. Not pleasant.

 

This is a lesson, I guess. My concern is not as much about this "experiment" and what it means as it is about how you're going to start feeling like yourself again. Maybe finishing school and getting a steady job will help. And you're an attractive, smart woman, so it's just a matter of time before you are pursued by a guy worth being with.

 

Have faith in yourself and be patient. Try to limit the number of crazy things you do in the meantime. Most of them, like this one, are only going to make you feel worse.

Thanks, Johan. That's a generally great advice. I appreciate it.

 

Johan that's what I wish I had said. What a great post. I need to learn to be more gentle and kind

It's kind of you to say that.

[whichwayisup]

Hey, RecordProducer. I know you've had a hard time since moving to the US. You aren't really the type to do this kind of thing. Sometimes when you're down you do desperate things that are out of character, hoping it will help you feel better. In this case, I don't get the impression you got much satisfaction out of it, and now you have to live with the idea that you did it. Not pleasant.

 

This is a lesson, I guess. My concern is not as much about this "experiment" and what it means as it is about how you're going to start feeling like yourself again. Maybe finishing school and getting a steady job will help. And you're an attractive, smart woman, so it's just a matter of time before you are pursued by a guy worth being with.

 

Have faith in yourself and be patient. Try to limit the number of crazy things you do in the meantime. Most of them, like this one, are only going to make you feel worse.

 

This pretty much sums it up.. That and getting yourself to AA, finding a sponsor, someone you can talk to and rely on.

 

RP, be good to yourself honey.. Your kids need you and going down this path you're on, making some mistakes that will come and bite you in the bum isn't going to be fun.

[RecordProducer]

Okay, guys, thanks for your replies. I think it's time to let this go. We turned a one-night stand into a two-day discussion.

[oldguy]

Someone mentioned here they thought you must have been hurt by another woman but I'm pretty sure it was a man who hurt you. You should probably deal with that at some point.

[2sunny]

RP -

 

I found I was making poor choices for myself when I was drinking. My judgment was completely clouded. My choices for myself were poor.

 

Can you stop the booze? If you need help you may want to consider AA... It works if you do the step work with a sponsor.

 

Find out what your self destructive pattern is - and how not to do those familiar things anymore.

 

We're here if you need support/help.

 

Sending you love!

[carhill]

Someone mentioned here they thought you must have been hurt by another woman but I'm pretty sure it was a man who hurt you. You should probably deal with that at some point.

IMO, you didn't get licensed as a psychologist/therapist for your lack of insight, that's for sure. Spot-on. RP's a smart gal. She knows what she needs to do. It's a matter of will and choice.

[kaylan]

Well, I am not the one who is married. His marriage is really his responsibility.

That kind of attitude is the kind that will turn me off to a woman.

 

Personally, for me, its a deal breaker if a girl has cheated in the past. I have no leeway with my feelings towards that.

 

When it comes to chicks who hook up with men they know are in relationships, thats a big deal breaker as well. Sometimes I will give a girl a pass depending on the circumstances and if she truly regrets what she did.

 

If a chick is like you, and flat out doesnt care about someone elses family or feelings, and just lacks all around empathy regarding love and relationships, than thats someone I probably couldnt even respect enough to be friends with.

 

It shows lack of character, imo, to be uncaring about someone elses emotions, even though I feel the cheater is still doing worse. If I was getting to know a girl and she told me about her being the other woman, and just seemed not to care about the consequences, Id assume shes no better than a cheater. And I wouldnt date her because Id feel that she could be uncaring enough to betray me.

 

I have high respect for people who respect others. I truly admire those who treats others as they want to be treated. Thats how I am. I dont cheat because I know how crappy it feels and I couldnt do that to someone. I also stay away from people who are taken because I wouldnt want to be the cause of someone elses pain. It would weigh on my conscience too much.

 

Plus I believe that what goes around, comes around 3 fold. Also, I try and do good by people because it helps me believe others out there are good as well. If Im gonna be selfish towards others, why would I expect anyone else to be different?

 

I have to say this thread surprised me RP. It really contrasts with the kind of woman I thought you were based on all your posts Ive read.

 

I only say all this to you because there are guys out there who will steer clear of behavior like this and not consider you for a relationship or even close friendship. You dont want to do things like this because then good dudes will ignore you...so I guess Im just trying to give you a little warning. Youre better than what you did.

Edited February 13, 2012 by kaylan

[PinkInTheLimo]

Er, congratulations? Were you wanting a golf clap, a medal or something?

 

My thoughts exactly.

[robf1971]

and she told me about her being the other woman, and just seemed not to care about the consequences, Id assume shes no better than a cheater. And I wouldnt date her because Id feel that she could be uncaring enough to betray me.

 

The problem is, they never tell you.

[MissBee]

The problem is, they never tell you.

 

Rob, where are you getting this info from?

 

I don't recall your story, but what side of the A triangle were you on, if any?

 

Anyway, I have been the OW before and it has come up in my getting to know someone. It is my past, something I learned from and is not who I am today and I think that comes across, and no one has had a problem with that. It is not some dirty secret that I hide, neither is it a badge of honor. It was a fact that happened and I'm sure many fOW have no problems being honest about that.