Insecurities...

[JolliX]

So my question. How does one (myself namely) works towards eliminating insecurities that I have (insecurities in romantic relationships to be particular)? I've started therapy for depression and anxiety, so I can bring it them up there. But how should I bring it up? Also, any other methods or advice would be appreciated.

[Philosoraptor]

Generally what I've found is that confronting these insecurities is generally the best method.

 

Anything specific that you'd like to share?

[oldguy]

You did a petty good job of bringing it up here so just bring it up the same way.

I don't know how old you are or how long you've been suffering from anxiaty & depression but I can tell you that we live what we learn & if you've had problems with depression through your teen age years on you probably need to "catch up", on social skills. The good news is your therapist can help you or refer you. Groups or simple progressive assignments work well but you will have to make the effort And be gentle with yourself.

Edited January 17, 2012 by oldguy

[JolliX]

My insecurities aren't really social. I've dealt with a lot of my social anxieties. My insecurities mainly pertain to romantic relationships (afraid of being left once I have feelings for someone, feelings of being forgotten, not being good enough). I knew things bothered me, and that I felt this way, but I've never admitted that they were insecurities, just always assumed they were fact (or were going to happen). Though, I'm finding out that they aren't really fact, at least until my insecurities get to me, and I let them strain and stress the relationship I'm in.

[Philosoraptor]

It seems you might be in need for a self confidence boost. Sometimes relationships end, but a bad match does not make one an unworthy person.

[JolliX]

Well I'm stuck in a hard place right now. I'm on a break with the girl I was dating. My insecurities got the best of me, and I turned to sabotaging things (what I've been exploring and figuring out in therapy). New Years Eve, I was mean to her and called her names because of how I felt, and it hurt her a lot and added stress to her life (we've had some arguments like that over the last few months, no namely calling, but still arguing).

 

The next day she was very upset of course (I can't blame her) and wanted a break so she could have time to not be upset and focus on school. We have a rule of no dating or intimacy with others while on the break, and I'm supposed to contact her (she said I messed up big time, so I need to chase her). I know she is very hurt and has changed anxiety medication and has been very down since that argument.

 

Since then I've tried to figure out why I feel frustrated and worried when it comes to her, and I've seen the pattern has been in past relationships as well. I discovered and admitted to myself that I have insecurities, and that they make me miserable, and only hurt myself and others. So right now I'm going to therapy twice per week, on prozac (hopefully it'll help with my depression and anxiety), and overall working on figuring my issues out.

 

I am struggling with wanting to talk with her though. I want to contact her and see her. But we've already talked about all this. She's wary of me, because I tried another SSRI a couple months ago and it did nothing (at the time I only thought I had anxiety, and that it wasn't related to/caused by anything in particular), and she's not sure that my issues are fixable (i.e. they are personality traits). So for now I'm trying to give her space, and work on myself (which is tough).