Gf wants to wait till marriage when she's not a virgin

[UmsteadE]

People what would you think if your nonvirgin bf or gf came up with that thing?

 

I've been dating this woman for 2 months and I'm sure if whether to continue dating her or break it off. Part of me tells me this is really BS.

 

I would understand if she was a virgin and would wait but she's not. She has been with 6 men in the past. As a man I careless about a woman's past or inexperience but the leading me on and pretending to be or acting like something you're not is what bothers me.

 

Why would a nonvirgin all of the sudden wanted to wait till marriage? What difference does it makes? She did it with the other 6 men so what's the big deal about it?

Edited January 13, 2012 by UmsteadE

[UmsteadE]

Would anyone consider this a deal-breaker?

[Casablanca]

This is very odd....is she like a born again christian maybe?

[UmsteadE]

This is very odd....is she like a born again christian maybe?

I know right it's so weird. To make it even weirder she's actually an atheist but according to her, she just chose this path because she now wants to make it meaningful. :confused:

 

It's not like she's a shy, introverted woman either. She used to partied a lot in the past and sometimes still does it. I'm not worry about that because she calls me everyday and I'm always invited (I can't assist those parties sometimes because I work but even so she still calls me).

 

But I don't know something inside me tells me I'm getting BS. Perhaps it might not be possible cheating but something in that statement of hers just doesn't seem right.

[aj22one]

That sounds really fishy and strange. Trust me, I date a woman from a conservative culture and even she doesn't act that way.

[UmsteadE]

That sounds really fishy and strange. Trust me, I date a woman from a conservative culture and even she doesn't act that way.

This is what my gut instinct is telling me. She doesn't really act like what she says nor wants. She definitely doesn't fit the character of a highly morally, conservative woman.

Why would she be telling me that? For what purpose?

 

It's not like it'll magically erase those 6 men she's been with.

Edited January 13, 2012 by UmsteadE

[Wolf18]

Dump her, it's way too shady.

 

If she was a virgin I would stick around. But if she's been with 6 guys already that's just not fair. Don't be shocked if there's another guy in the picture .

[Freddys]

You been dating her for 2 months and she already mentioned marriage?!

Are you a rich guy? Do you own a BMW M3 Convertible?

Hope you don't buy her Moet Champagne on every date . . .

 

Something is wrong, or you don't tell us the whole truth.

[UmsteadE]

You been dating her for 2 months and she already mentioned marriage?!

Are you a rich guy? Do you own a BMW M3 Convertible?

Hope you don't buy her Moet Champagne on every date . . .

 

Something is wrong, or you don't tell us the whole truth.

No I'm not a rich guy nor poor guy but I won't stand getting used either lied to. It was when we were making-out and it was leading towards more that she mentioned that all of the sudden.

[Eddie Edirol]

She could be testing you to see if you mean something to her, or she is looking for a reason to sabotage your relationship. If she is for real, you might as well dump her, because she has probably been burned and doesnt know how to look for men tjhat are actually into her. So she thinks that staying celibate will find a match. It wont, and she is pretty ignorant in that regard. You wont be able to change her mind, so break it off. If she just sprung this on you after two months of dating, then she was trying to get you attached to her first. Move on.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Because women like to change up the game whenever they feel like it.

 

For example, let's say she was with 30 guys and then she decided to do this.

 

It doesn't make a difference, a woman gets her mind set on a good idea in theory or they try and turn back the wheels of time to somehow correct those mistakes from the past by doing something as drastic as this.

 

She's obviously been put through the ringer in her last relationships, probably got used up quite a bit and heart broken by these men, which is why she expects you to endure the punishments of their behavior instead of empower herself to make better decisions by being confident. Now she is trying to secure this trust and other lacking qualities so she don't get screwed over by men again even though practically it doesn't work. But she won't get that.

 

If you reaaaallly want to be with this woman, then stick it out. Don't pay attention so much to the fact that she doesn't want to have sex until marriage than proving yourself as a worthy companion.

 

But for myself, I'd have never even stuck around that long likely..she'd have to be a pretty mind-blowing woman but just for the fact that I'm paying the bill from these last guys alone tells me she has way too many issues, I mean women and people in general do this but this is an extreme in my book...an ineffective ploy in my book.

 

My verdict: Dump her before you waste more time, she's damaged goods

[UmsteadE]

My verdict: Dump her before you waste more time, she's damaged goods

That's what I'm going to do. It's not my fault what those men did to her. Plus it takes two to tango.

 

Insecurity or unconfidence in a woman is a deal-breaker to me.

[carhill]

She can be plenty sexual without your penis inside her. If she's attracted to you and wishes to save intercourse for marriage, then she'll act commensurately with her feelings. You (or she) don't have to go unsatisfied.

 

It's not my fault what those men did to her.

 

What did they do to her, other than have consensual sex with her?

 

Nothing wrong with some honest communication prior to 'dumping' her. See how it goes.

[CocoaBrown]

Maybe she's been used in the past and doesn't want to feel used again? She's been with 6 men and who knows what she went through with them. Could be she's been hurt and thinks waiting on the sex will help her make better decisions. Maybe she is having sex with someone else and doesn't want to be having sex with 2 men at once? Maybe she likes spending time with you but doesn't want to have sex with you? Maybe she's testing you to see if you will wait? Point is who knows. If you're not comfortable with it then move on.

[Oxy Moronovich]

UmsteadE, this sounds way too fishy to be legit. Don't go for it. Look for other women. You can talk to her like carhill says, but you should still look for other women.

[phineas]

op, tell her you don't buy a car without test driving it first.

 

Or, it's technically not pre-marital sex if you have no intentions of marrying her.

[Woggle]

It means she is not really attracted to you.

[thatone]

It means she is not really attracted to you.

 

yeah, she's happy letting you give her attention and pay for her entertainment but she wants to screw some other guy and this is how she justifies it in her twisted/demented brain.

 

solution is the same as every other scenario: take the attention away. she'll run back half naked or disappear, one or the other.

[FitChick]

It means she is not really attracted to you.

 

I agree, especially since she's far from being a virgin. Tell her you only want to date virgins from now on.

[Emilia]

It means she is not really attracted to you.

 

Yeah this. She a) either doesn't really fancy you and she'd been f***d up by guys in the past whom she fancied but who weren't good for her or b) she doesn't like sex.

 

I'd move on and date someone who appreciates physical intimacy as much as you do.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

The fact is it doesn't matter how many men she was with, this is what her choice is now. You either like her enough to give it a shot, or you hold it against her because of a competition you have in your head wit hthe other men she let herself sleep with.

 

Ultimately, it's her choice to do with her body what she wants. You either respect that or you don't.

 

As a woman, I personally don't think it's so strange for an nonvirgin to all the sudden want to make different choices about sex. When your young, sex seems really important and you do everything you can to get to as soon as possible. But as you get older, you learn things about yourself and others. You don't always want to make the same choices you once had. Whether it's sex or other things. Someone that use to smoke can choose to stop smoking. Someone that use to eat alot can choose to eat better. Someone that use to have sex can choose to wait until marriage. And the reality is, she doesn't have to justify that to you. You either accept it and work with her and see where the relationship goes, or you don't accept it and break up and find a woman that will give you sex as soon as you please. Relationships are about two people. Sometimes you can make certain sacrifices for someone and sometimes you can't. But I don't think it's fair for you to say she is acting like someone she isn't. She didn't lie to you about being a virgin. She was honest about it and she is also being honest about what her needs are now.

[xxoo]

I can think of a couple reasons a person would do this.

 

1. she had a religious-based change of heart regarding premarital sex

 

2. she regrets having sex with her previous partners, and doesn't want to add more regrets. She is hoping that the next man she has sex with is the LAST man she has sex with.

 

If you decide to continue dating her, I think it will be fairly obvious if she is unattracted to you, or uninterested in sex. Even with out being expressly sexual, her attraction should be evident in her kisses, her roaming hands, her hanging on you.

 

Personally, I would be VERY wary about marrying without having had a sexual relationship first. I simply woudn't be willing to marry under those circumstances. But I would be more understanding about delaying sex until the relationship is quite serious, with both partners considering the other as serious marriage potential.

[kaylan]

Im thinking its an attraction issue as well OP.

 

Id bail.

[FredRutherford]

OP,

It's not uncommon for women who regret their pasts to make a change, like Disenchanted posted.

 

Take this poster on another board.

She calls herself a "born again" or reborn virgin, which I totally respect.

 

 

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Originally Posted by newwave

To those who waited for the right person, you gave your partner a terrific gift.

For those who are still waiting, I truly respect that you have enough self respect not to just lose it.

 

I lost mine at 16 to a guy I thought loved me, only to have him ditch me a month later for someone else. [COLOR=red]

If I could take it back I wish I could and give it to someone who cared[/COLOR].

 

 

 

..........

 

 

 

Originally Posted by NewWave

 

Thank you. Yes I do regret losing my virginity to a guy who later broke my heart,

and I do regret many of the times I slept with men who didn't care.

 

In fact I regret much of my past life with regards to dating because it's exactly why I'm having issues now (broken hearted by a man I loved who rejected me like I rejected him years ago).

 

Many years ago I made the choice to be a born again virgin because I see the mistakes I made.

It's funny because I go to another forum with younger women and they are all talking about sleeping with a guy on a first date. I often tell them to re think this because they could end up with regrets like I do.

 

 

 

 

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[Feelsgoodman]

People what would you think if your nonvirgin bf or gf came up with that thing?

 

I've been dating this woman for 2 months and I'm sure if whether to continue dating her or break it off. Part of me tells me this is really BS.

Of course it is BS! Why would you even entertain the idea of continuing to date her?? This woman is trying to use sex to coerce you into getting married. And once you do, she probably won't have sex with you you either. Or maybe have sex with you once a month. And even it would probably be mediocre at best. I say run as fast as you can!

 

[And by the way...6 men my ass! When a woman tells you the number of her sexual partners, you have to multiply it by 3.]