DontWorryBHappy Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Hello loveshack... This place was a haven for me for quite a while during a brutal break up I went through in April of last year. I remember waking every single day for months feeling completely empty and utterly depressed.. Just a shell of a person. I had loved my ex like crazy, and could not understand how the bond I thought we had, had broken. To this day I sometimes have trouble understanding it all (when I take time to think about that). Luckily though, things have improved tremendously. It took many months, and cutting every sliver of contact, but I can now finally go about my life without thinking of him except for very randomly on occasion. Unfortunately, on a few of those occasions I'm still prone to associating emotion with him... I know even after all this time and zero contact, my only hope of staying stable is to never talk to him, see him, or hear anything about him. Luckily that's easy since I recently moved. Furthermore, after several months I had started contacting him and asked if we could write letters to eachother. He wrote me a letter that was sent back to him in the mail, and I wrote him one that got there successfully. The thing is, I didn't know that his letter hadn't made it or what happened because he had stopped responding to my text messages. I sent a few asking if he was OK, then after finding out he was, asking why he wasn't talking to me. Finally I got him to talk, but only because I sent a message from another number. He says he wasn't ignoring me, because he assumed we were just writing letters only, but this seemed like a weak excuse due to the nature of my texts (asking if he was OK, etc). So I got upset and sent another letter, this time detailing how wrong he was, telling him not to contact me, telling him not to try to find me in the future, etc. Some may say sending that was a mistake, but to this day I don't regret it because it was the one thing that enabled me to cut contact with my ex for real. Before, when it seemed we were on alright terms, talking to him would set me back every time. Since then I also deleted my facebook and haven't had an account for a while. That was essential for my healing, so that I can't look him up. So with the combination of sending that contact-cutting letter, moving away, and deleting facebook, my perception of the situation is actually pretty healthy. The only bad thing is that I feel a bit like a time bomb. One look at his facebook or something similar to that would probably cause some real negative effects. But luckily, I'm away from where he lives, no facebook, no mutual contacts. I guess this is just an update. I've learned that when the pain is strong enough, sometimes the best solution is to eliminate as much of those triggering things (anything that causes you to think of them) as possible. You know you're better when you stop needing to come on here to vent your pain. To anyone who feels that way, you will be alright. Have faith in you. Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 that's good to hear, and thanks for sharing your story. indeed it is common for there to be a fight of some kind (the anger phase). it enables one to move away and start the healing process. let's see what happens if you bump into him accidentally somewhere or see his FB. i think when you have stayed away long enough, the emotions may diminish, and in any case you'd be able to handle them better. i can tell you from experience that seeing my ex after a long period of NC was something like what a recovered alcoholic must feel when left in a room alone with alcohol. i wanted it, but i wouldn't have touched it. but, oh, yes, inside, i was reaching out and wanting it. it passed after a few days. it was straaaaange. it was not pain and not emotion, but it was something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 So what did I do after writing this post? I googled him. (I know, why?) .. And I found a bunch of stuff that I really have no business looking at. Like the fact that he's gotten heavily into photography.. Of models.. And there was a nude shot. Yeah yeah it's artistic, blah blah. Models. Nude models. My ex. And tons of comments about how great his photos are... HUUUUURRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL! I'm never talking to him again. And not because of the nude models (but it doesn't help). Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 So you took some steps forward but lost your balance and fell on your face. It's ok, we all do it at times. Just get back up and continue on your path to healing. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius Link to post Share on other sites
I have no title Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 So what did I do after writing this post? I googled him. (I know, why?) .. And I found a bunch of stuff that I really have no business looking at. Like the fact that he's gotten heavily into photography.. Of models.. And there was a nude shot. Yeah yeah it's artistic, blah blah. Models. Nude models. My ex. And tons of comments about how great his photos are... HUUUUURRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL! I'm never talking to him again. And not because of the nude models (but it doesn't help). Lol I honestly think you are still not over him at all..I think you will be truly over it when you will create a new facebook account, look at his pictures and think "hmm, ok they're nice, whatever" - then you are completely over it...I used to do the same with my ex..everytime he put up a new picture with his new gf (the one he dumped me for), i was soo jealous, angry, mad! I was throwing things around, cursing him and saying I would never talk to him again....its been 1.5 year now, and I still have his facebook, and he is still with that girl - whenever I look at their pictures, I feel absolutely no emotion..I can picture him having sex with some other chick in my head, and I feel absolutely no anger or anything like that...even when I look at the pictures of him, I think he is not that attractive anymore and I don't understand why was i so crazy about him....That is partially because I have met a better guy than him, so I know now that there is better out there for me! I wish that to you too! Take your time, and beleive me, there will come a moment when you will be able to look at his pictures with nude models or whatever and feel absolutely no emotion! it will come! stay strong and goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
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