One issue with making a man wait for sex

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Why? I wouldn't date a man who wasn't giving me sex either. I love getting hot and sweaty with someone I find sexy, love it when he whispers dirty things in my ear and gets hooked on being physical with me. Love it when he wants to make me happy in any way he can. Why on earth would someone not want that???

 

What person here said they didn't like or want sex?

[Emilia]

What person here said they didn't like or want sex?

 

Quite a few of the women actually - in a roundabout kind of way. They view it as something they 'give up' to the man when they 'let him' have sex - after making sure he is after more (which is impossible by the way, a lot of men won't know whether they want more until they had sex since sexual compatibility is impossible to judge otherwise).

 

I think if something is so vehemently withheld, it is withheld because the person doesn't really want to give it. Which is why think a lot of cautious women don't really like sex that much, they just go along with the man they want to keep.

 

Or, they simply misjudge the importance of sex in a long term relationship and they pick a man based on specific attributes rather than attraction. It is VERY hard to find someone you fancy and see as long term potential too

[Emilia]

 

So, that's the thing: I WILL make sure I want him as my partner before I sleep with him. How compatible we will be in bed is something we will explore together anyway over a longer period of time (and from our discussions beforehand). I sure won't dump someone for his sex skills alone, especially if everything else clicks (because it's the "everything else" that's difficult to find nowadays). And if we don't end up together anyway, at least we will both have tried. This way nobody is gonna end up feeling used in the end. And feeling used is one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

It's not about skills. How someone expresses themselves sexually is an essential part of their personality and it isn't something you can turn into compatibility if it's not there. I don't know why you think "everything else" is harder to find. It's hard to find a good lover who isn't afraid of intimacy and who is loving and is aware of his sexual persona. Just look at the threads posted by men and women. Decent sexual connection that's mutually satisfying doesn't come your way that often. It's good to find out whether it's there sooner than later.

 

Feeling used... such a relative term. I think it depends a lot on whether you have a victim mentality or not. I don't see men as creatures who are constantly trying to take advantage of me.

Edited January 16, 2012 by Emilia

[ThaWholigan]

Quite a few of the women actually - in a roundabout kind of way. They view it as something they 'give up' to the man when they 'let him' have sex - after making sure he is after more (which is impossible by the way, a lot of men won't know whether they want more until they had sex since sexual compatibility is impossible to judge otherwise).

 

I think if something is so vehemently withheld, it is withheld because the person doesn't really want to give it. Which is why think a lot of cautious women don't really like sex that much, they just go along with the man they want to keep.

 

Or, they simply misjudge the importance of sex in a long term relationship and they pick a man based on specific attributes rather than attraction. It is VERY hard to find someone you fancy and see as long term potential too

 

I kind of agree with you to be honest, however what I understand about some women is that their attraction and trust factors into their sexuality and how she expresses that, and she may only feel comfortable with someone she has spent a lot of time with and got to know, as far as I understand it. It may be due to their emotional involvement in the person they are having sex with. I don't think I would belittle that, some people are just like that, there are men I know who do the same thing.

 

I wouldn't know, but I don't think I would be so emotional about it, I am very much able to detach parts of myself. People don't think it's a good thing, but I personally think it serves me well. I can respect a woman's decision to wait as there are perfectly good reasons why a lot of them will, but I have met and heard of an alarming amount of women who play the waiting game because they are not attracted and use the idea of sex to the man to keep him around for other reasons while they date other men. This is a real thing that happens more often than other women would realise, and perhaps why men are so excessively vehement in this thread, because it has happened to them. DY also had a good point though, there are some sex hungry desperate men who will use sex as a weapon to some women in the way she described, that is not new, I have heard things like that happen. Either way, I think it's in the man's interest to keep his cool, and if he is not happy with the arrangement, he can exit respectfully and amicably as possible.

 

It's not about skills. How someone expresses themselves sexually is an essential part of their personality and it isn't something you can turn into compatibility if it's not there.

 

Feeling used... such a relative term. I think it depends a lot on whether you have a victim mentality or not. I don't see men as creatures who are constantly trying to take advantage of me.

 

This is also true, and relates to what I was saying above. Women express themselves sexually in a variety of ways as I understand it. Some are just not comfortable with the idea of sex with someone they may not have complete attraction, trust and respect for. Maybe they just don't respect a lot of men . It just highlights the different views on sex that men and women seem to generally have (apart from you of course lol)

 

Women won't have sex with someone if they are not completely attracted and think it will be bad sex, they won't partake at all (understandable). There is a saying among a lot of men though - "Sex is like pizza, when it's good, it's great. When it's bad, it's still pretty good" .

[silvermercy]

It's not about skills.

How someone expresses themselves sexually is an essential part of their personality and it isn't something you can turn into compatibility if it's not there

Just as there are so MANY other parts of their personality that you will need to know if someone is mostly compatible with you. Sexual expression is only ONE part and can mean nothing in the end if nothing else is compatible. Besides you can almost always tell how a person will sexually express themselves without sleeping with them (as long as you spend some more time with them).

 

Feeling used... such a relative term. I think it depends a lot on whether you have a victim mentality or not. I don't see men as creatures who are constantly trying to take advantage of me.

Then I will have to 100% assume (no ifs or buts) that you haven't met any players. Also, we will have to assume the majority of women are victims simply for not wanting to give their body to anyone who may take it. Or for wanting to feel safe and secure. If that's victim mentality, then what I can say...

Edited January 16, 2012 by silvermercy

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Quite a few of the women actually - in a roundabout kind of way. They view it as something they 'give up' to the man when they 'let him' have sex - after making sure he is after more (which is impossible by the way, a lot of men won't know whether they want more until they had sex since sexual compatibility is impossible to judge otherwise).

 

I think if something is so vehemently withheld, it is withheld because the person doesn't really want to give it. Which is why think a lot of cautious women don't really like sex that much, they just go along with the man they want to keep.

 

Or, they simply misjudge the importance of sex in a long term relationship and they pick a man based on specific attributes rather than attraction. It is VERY hard to find someone you fancy and see as long term potential too

 

No. No woman here said she didn’t like sex. Even in a “roundabout” way. And insinuating they had is false. Just because some women are more careful in getting into a sexual relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t like sex. Any more then just because you like to get quickly to the sex, that you don’t want a stable good relationship. If some of the women here made the assumptions and judgements about you and how you like to conduct your relationships that you are making about other women that don’t want to jump into sex, I doubt you would look on those assumptions kindly.

 

For a lot of women, sex requires a certain amount of vulnerability and trust. Those are not things you just hand over with a smile and with your legs spread. Those things require time. When I have sex with a man, I am inviting him into my body. That puts me at a very vulnerable spot. He will see me naked and raw and that’s not something I take lightly.

 

I also don’t agree that it is “impossible” for alot of men to know whether they want more until they had sex. If a man thinks sex is the biggest and most important part of a relationship, if he considers that the only reason to be with a woman, perhaps he feels that way. However, if he is a man that thinks a woman has more to offer him then just sex, he will be happy to take the time to get to know her. He will be happy to give of himself and let her give of herself in all the ways that are important other then sex.

 

I think a lot of people get into the wrong relationships because they get blinded by the sex. They jump into it, and relay on it when they need a filler for the other ways they haven’t yet connected and might never connect on. I think sex is wonderful. But it can also be a hinderance to really getting to know a person and really getting to see if you are really compatible. Which is why when the first bloom of passion peters out, people are all the sudden left in a relationship they don’t understand or aren’t willing to work for. So they move on to someone else and start the cycle again. Just look at the state of relationships in today’s culture? People have such a throw away attitude about it. I don’t think sex makes people more connected or is making them find better partners. I think it’s actually the thing that makes things less stable. Because people go by what *they* feel and they don’t think about others. And this thread is a good example of it with the number of men that are acting like women are “withholding” sex from them to “punish” them. When it’s more the case of a woman wanting to make sure that she is in a safe environment to make herself so vulnerable to a man. A man that wants sex right away is a man that doesn’t know how to appreciate anything else a woman has to offer that isn’t connected to sex.

[Emilia]

It's not about skills.

Just as there are so MANY other parts of their personality that you will need to know if someone is mostly compatible with you. Sexual expression is only ONE part and can mean nothing in the end if nothing else is compatible. Besides you can almost always tell how a person will sexually express themselves without sleeping with them (as long as you spend some more time with them).

 

 

Agree with the first part but not the bolded part. Sex is a very primal thing and it is probably I have more experience of than you but I can tell you, people behave in very unexpected ways sometimes. My last squeeze was a friend before we started going out and knowing him (including having trips away with a group of us etc) didn't prepare me at all for what he would be like in bed (very weird basically).

 

Then I will have to 100% assume (no ifs or buts) that you haven't met any players. Also, we will have to assume the majority of women are victims simply for not wanting to give their body to anyone who may take it. Or for wanting to feel safe and secure. If that's victim mentality, then what I can say...

 

I have met many, one of my former flatmates must have slept with about 500 women and he would try to practise his lines on me sometimes, it was hilarious. One thing I'm good at spotting is someone who is trying to manipulate me in a certain way. I actually sort of dated one as an experiment without ever sleeping with him (mainly because he was somewhat neurotic rather than for any other reason) and it was a very productive experience for me.

 

Talking to men, making friends with them, understanding their approach individually, learning to be better at judging character are infinitely more productive ways of finding a good mate than constantly worrying and accusing guys of only wanting sex. The number of posts I read here when a girl takes offense because her bf or ex or date expresses some sexual desire!

[ThaWholigan]

A man that wants sex right away is a man that doesn’t know how to appreciate anything else a woman has to offer that isn’t connected to sex.

 

I agree with much of your post, I have met many women like that and it's perfectly understandable from my POV, I would be happy to wait for such women.

 

This part though was quite a bold claim, and while it may be true for a significant portion of men, I don't know if I would attribute it to all men who want sex straight away.....

[Emilia]

No. No woman here said she didn’t like sex. Even in a “roundabout” way. And insinuating they had is false. Just because some women are more careful in getting into a sexual relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t like sex. Any more then just because you like to get quickly to the sex, that you don’t want a stable good relationship. If some of the women here made the assumptions and judgements about you and how you like to conduct your relationships that you are making about other women that don’t want to jump into sex, I doubt you would look on those assumptions kindly.

 

For a lot of women, sex requires a certain amount of vulnerability and trust. Those are not things you just hand over with a smile and with your legs spread. Those things require time. When I have sex with a man, I am inviting him into my body. That puts me at a very vulnerable spot. He will see me naked and raw and that’s not something I take lightly.

 

I also don’t agree that it is “impossible” for alot of men to know whether they want more until they had sex. If a man thinks sex is the biggest and most important part of a relationship, if he considers that the only reason to be with a woman, perhaps he feels that way. However, if he is a man that thinks a woman has more to offer him then just sex, he will be happy to take the time to get to know her. He will be happy to give of himself and let her give of herself in all the ways that are important other then sex.

 

I think a lot of people get into the wrong relationships because they get blinded by the sex. They jump into it, and relay on it when they need a filler for the other ways they haven’t yet connected and might never connect on. I think sex is wonderful. But it can also be a hinderance to really getting to know a person and really getting to see if you are really compatible. Which is why when the first bloom of passion peters out, people are all the sudden left in a relationship they don’t understand or aren’t willing to work for. So they move on to someone else and start the cycle again. Just look at the state of relationships in today’s culture? People have such a throw away attitude about it. I don’t think sex makes people more connected or is making them find better partners. I think it’s actually the thing that makes things less stable. Because people go by what *they* feel and they don’t think about others. And this thread is a good example of it with the number of men that are acting like women are “withholding” sex from them to “punish” them. When it’s more the case of a woman wanting to make sure that she is in a safe environment to make herself so vulnerable to a man. A man that wants sex right away is a man that doesn’t know how to appreciate anything else a woman has to offer that isn’t connected to sex.

 

This is a bit long for me to argue for point to point but I think that sex has always been around just as much as it is today but it was taboo outside marriage (mainly for dogmatic religious reasons) and I for one would never want to go back to the old days.

 

As I said in a previous post further up the thread, feeling vulnerable is completely normal, happens to me as well when I feel I have the potential of falling for someone and I need to slow it down. It usually indicates to me that I know something might be off and I generally need more time to get to know them to decide whether I want a relationship or not rather than sex specifically.

 

There are men I wouldn't have slept with if I kept dating them because medium term we weren't compatible but then I would have missed out on great sex and in some cases a lot of tender affection so I'm not sorry at all. I think my life is richer because those men made me feel like a queen even if sometimes for short periods of time.

 

I'm sure you are right about women enjoying sex but not showing it as much. I'm sure many would accuse me of the same in real life because it usually takes me a while to meet someone I really fancy. My posts make it sound like I'm constantly having a time of my life but unfortunately that's not the case

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Emilia

This is a bit long for me to argue for point to point but I think that sex has always been around just as much as it is today but it was taboo outside marriage (mainly for dogmatic religious reasons) and I for one would never want to go back to the old days.

 

I don't advocate going back to the old days either. I however think the culture we have now isn't doing us any favors either. I don't think we have alot of balance and health in our society when it comes to sex.

 

As I said in a previous post further up the thread, feeling vulnerable is completely normal, happens to me as well when I feel I have the potential of falling for someone and I need to slow it down. It usually indicates to me that I know something might be off and I generally need more time to get to know them to decide whether I want a relationship or not rather than sex specifically.

 

Then why would you pretend that women that want to wait to have sex, is wrong?

 

There are men I wouldn't have slept with if I kept dating them because medium term we weren't compatible but then I would have missed out on great sex and in some cases a lot of tender affection so I'm not sorry at all. I think my life is richer because those men made me feel like a queen even if sometimes for short periods of time.

 

There where men I slept with too that were good lovers but because I needed more then just good sex, my life was not "richer" for those experiences. I might have gotten laid good but afterwards, it was empty and pointless. Looking back on them, my life isn't "richer" for those men. My life is "richer" for the men that cared about me more then they cared about having sex with me.

 

I'm sure you are right about women enjoying sex but not showing it as much. I'm sure many would accuse me of the same in real life because it usually takes me a while to meet someone I really fancy. My posts make it sound like I'm constantly having a time of my life but unfortunately that's not the case

 

I don't see anything wrong with your approach to relationships. It works for you. You clearly can handle the approach you've taken to sex and relationships. But I also don't see anything wrong with a woman that wants to wait for marriage.

[silvermercy]

This is a bit long for me to argue for point to point but I think that sex has always been around just as much as it is today but it was taboo outside marriage (mainly for dogmatic religious reasons) and I for one would never want to go back to the old days.

 

As I said in a previous post further up the thread, feeling vulnerable is completely normal, happens to me as well when I feel I have the potential of falling for someone and I need to slow it down. It usually indicates to me that I know something might be off and I generally need more time to get to know them to decide whether I want a relationship or not rather than sex specifically.

 

There are men I wouldn't have slept with if I kept dating them because medium term we weren't compatible but then I would have missed out on great sex and in some cases a lot of tender affection so I'm not sorry at all. I think my life is richer because those men made me feel like a queen even if sometimes for short periods of time.

 

I'm sure you are right about women enjoying sex but not showing it as much. I'm sure many would accuse me of the same in real life because it usually takes me a while to meet someone I really fancy. My posts make it sound like I'm constantly having a time of my life but unfortunately that's not the case

The bolded part in your post is the main difference with the rest of the women who want to wait: those women would simply not have felt they have missed out on great sex; because for them, great sex comes with more parameters. And the tender affection would be seen either as a waste of time (at best) or, at worst, they would be left with feelings of emptiness afterwards when this was all done and dusted. (The equivalent of a temporary sugar-high, followed by a major glucose drop, followed by more craving, followed by even more sugar afterwards).

 

But I suppose, yes, it's relative.

[Emilia]

 

Then why would you pretend that women that want to wait to have sex, is wrong?

 

 

I didn't pretend. A lot of the time that wait is disingenuous. If you tell me that women only date men whom they are attracted to, never for attention, never for their wealth, never for company, I think you are naive.

 

I'm also fed up with women taking the passive stance, making men initiate everything, allowing them to take the lead, discarding how important sex is in the relationship. A lot of the time a woman says no she isn't feeling vulnerable, she has no other way of weeding out the bad ones. Passivity is a very ineffective way of weeding out the bad ones!

 

There where men I slept with too that were good lovers but because I needed more then just good sex, my life was not "richer" for those experiences. I might have gotten laid good but afterwards, it was empty and pointless. Looking back on them, my life isn't "richer" for those men. My life is "richer" for the men that cared about me more then they cared about having sex with me.

 

 

Then I'm sorry for you but I do think it's a certain kind of attitude. Yes I had meaningless sex or boring sex or whatever but can't say any of that plays on my mind. The worst sex I have ever had were with two partners who both wanted to date me long term. Big deal.

 

I'm not worried the slightest whether anyone judges me for the way I date. From what I can see here I'm less bitter (well, don't feel bitter at all to be honest) than most, but then I take charge of my life and I don't see men as the enemy who just constantly disappoint.

Edited January 16, 2012 by Emilia

[Emilia]

The bolded part in your post is the main difference with the rest of the women who want to wait: those women would simply not have felt they have missed out on great sex; because for them, great sex comes with more parameters. And the tender affection would be seen either as a waste of time (at best) or, at worst, they would be left with feelings of emptiness afterwards when this was all done and dusted. (The equivalent of a temporary sugar-high, followed by a major glucose drop, followed by more craving, followed by even more sugar afterwards).

 

But I suppose, yes, it's relative.

 

Yes I'm sure you are right. It's a very sad way to feel and think and in my opinion and this is why I believe a lot of women don't actually appreciate sex for what it is.

[silvermercy]

Yes I'm sure you are right. It's a very sad way to feel and think and in my opinion and this is why I believe a lot of women don't actually appreciate sex for what it is.

I don't see it as sad at all though. And I think many women do appreciate sex as it is. They just don't want the possible complications that may arise from it if things go wrong.

 

It's like chocolate. If I could help it, I personally would have huge mouth-watering servings of it replacing all my meals for a long time; my breakfast, my lunch and dinner and everything in between. But I just don't...

Edited January 16, 2012 by silvermercy

[carhill]

Carhill, then for you, the only way you can be loved is through the sexual and you receive no emotional support or intimacy from women other then sex?

 

I’ve agreed with everything Cyprus has said. Basically what a lot of guys on here are saying is that there is no reason to stick around with a woman unless your getting sex. Isn’t that the kind of men women are trying to avoid?

Do my posts on these forums really indicate that? If so, then I'll bow out now and take the lessons I've learned and apply them in real life. Done.

 

And TBH, save for the wives of a coupe of friends and the lady in the box on my mantle, I have received no emotional support and intimacy from women in my lifetime. Truth.

Edited January 16, 2012 by carhill

[ThaWholigan]

Yes I'm sure you are right. It's a very sad way to feel and think and in my opinion and this is why I believe a lot of women don't actually appreciate sex for what it is.

 

To be honest, I'm not sure if this is correct. I'm in no position to decipher, but I think that much of that is to do with men (then again, how a woman relates to men in general may have an impact, which is why I agree with much of what you have said). I think that men do have to be a certain way to make sex more enjoyable for women in general, whether they want to wait or not.

[Emilia]

To be honest, I'm not sure if this is correct. I'm in no position to decipher, but I think that much of that is to do with men (then again, how a woman relates to men in general may have an impact, which is why I agree with much of what you have said). I think that men do have to be a certain way to make sex more enjoyable for women in general, whether they want to wait or not.

 

It's quite complicated. I think women are often not very good at picking men who are good for them sexually because they emphasize other aspects more. So I think a lot of them don't necessarily know what good sex is.

 

I think this is true to a large degree for men too actually. Ask your male friends to define good sex to you.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Emilia

I didn't pretend. A lot of the time that wait is disingenuous. If you tell me that women only date men whom they are attracted to, never for attention, never for their wealth, never for company, I think you are naive.

 

And I think the men on here are naive to say that since they are a good guy, that women should just be having sex with them.

 

I never said women don't date men for false reasons. Not sure what that has to do with the conversation. A man can avoid these types of women by getting to know her, seperate from sex.

 

I'm also fed up with women taking the passive stance, making men initiate everything, allowing them to take the lead, discarding how important sex is in the relationship. A lot of the time a woman says no she isn't feeling vulnerable, she has no other way of weeding out the bad ones. Passivity is a very ineffective way of weeding out the bad ones!

 

Women at large, tend to be less aggressive then men at initiating things. I don't think that's a commentary for women to hold power over men so much as how most women handle dating. And there is a big difference between passivity and not being aggressive or initiating in stereotypical gender forms that are catagorized by the way men would initiate.

 

Then I'm sorry for you but I do think it's a certain kind of attitude. Yes I had meaningless sex or boring sex or whatever but can't say any of that plays on my mind. The worst sex I have ever had were with two partners who both wanted to date me long term. Big deal.

 

You don't need to feel sorry for me. I am just showing you the different way things are looked at.

 

I'm not worried the slightest whether anyone judges me for the way I date. From what I can see here I'm less bitter (well, don't feel bitter at all to be honest) than most, but then I take charge of my life and I don't see men as the enemy who just constantly disappoint

 

Then your better then all the awful women that have been hurt by men and are a little more guarded for it.

[zengirl]

It's quite complicated. I think women are often not very good at picking men who are good for them sexually because they emphasize other aspects more. So I think a lot of them don't necessarily know what good sex is.

 

I think this is true to a large degree for men too actually. Ask your male friends to define good sex to you.

 

Emilia,

 

This is ridiculous. The truth is what is great sex to one person might not be great sex to another. There is very little "fact" involved here (we could probably agree on some guidelines on the rubric, sure) and a lot of opinion.

 

For some people, it's all about the physical and the moves maybe. For some, the chemistry. For some, it really is also about the emotional connection. You seem to want sex to be a purely physical act, but for MANY people, it isn't. There are also emotions involved, and it can be a much deeper experience with someone you know well and love to many people. There's nothing wrong with expressing your sexuality however is true to you, but women are not necessarily repressed or disliking sex just because they don't jump into bed right away. They might simply have differing views on what makes great sex than you do.

 

Part of sexual compatibility is also timing. If someone cannot wait for their partner to be ready, and their partner is not ready, those people may not be sexually compatible. C'est la vie, and that's fine and all.

[Emilia]

And I think the men on here are naive to say that since they are a good guy, that women should just be having sex with them.

 

I never said women don't date men for false reasons. Not sure what that has to do with the conversation. A man can avoid these types of women by getting to know her, seperate from sex.

 

Actions speak louder than words, no? If your definition of loving is physical as much as emotional then sex is part of the equation. How does a guy know whether she is into him without her expressing it physically?

 

 

Women at large, tend to be less aggressive then men at initiating things. I don't think that's a commentary for women to hold power over men so much as how most women handle dating. And there is a big difference between passivity and not being aggressive or initiating in stereotypical gender forms that are catagorized by the way men would initiate.

 

 

You are either passive or your are active. There is no middle road.

 

 

You don't need to feel sorry for me. I am just showing you the different way things are looked at.

 

Then your better then all the awful women that have been hurt by men and are a little more guarded for it.

 

Fair enough. I was merely trying to explain that instead of giving into the fear, taking control over the outcome is more productive in my opinion.

[Emilia]

Emilia,

 

This is ridiculous. The truth is what is great sex to one person might not be great sex to another. There is very little "fact" involved here (we could probably agree on some guidelines on the rubric, sure) and a lot of opinion.

 

For some people, it's all about the physical and the moves maybe. For some, the chemistry. For some, it really is also about the emotional connection. You seem to want sex to be a purely physical act, but for MANY people, it isn't. There are also emotions involved, and it can be a much deeper experience with someone you know well and love to many people. There's nothing wrong with expressing your sexuality however is true to you, but women are not necessarily repressed or disliking sex just because they don't jump into bed right away. They might simply have differing views on what makes great sex than you do.

 

Part of sexual compatibility is also timing. If someone cannot wait for their partner to be ready, and their partner is not ready, those people may not be sexually compatible. C'est la vie, and that's fine and all.

 

Actually, I don't recall giving my definition of what good sex is here as no-one has asked for it so you can't make that assumptions. Also, it is not true.

 

Your post doesn't relate to the point I was making.

[ThaWholigan]

It's quite complicated. I think women are often not very good at picking men who are good for them sexually because they emphasize other aspects more. So I think a lot of them don't necessarily know what good sex is.

 

I think this is true to a large degree for men too actually. Ask your male friends to define good sex to you.

 

I dunno, women are all different individually, so compatibility ranges differently. Some want an emotionally fused experience to have an earth shatteringly good sex life. Others don't need to have that. It's different strokes for different folks.

 

I think you are right that some are not good at picking men good for them sexually at the expense of other aspects, however, there are a LOT of women who are the opposite and sometimes as a result they hurt more.

 

As for men, from what I hear from girls and men who talk to them, a lot of men are selfish lovers anyway and this is why they don't encounter girls willing to open up to them sexually. I have often asked my male friends, one close friend of mine had an illicit affair with an engaged woman, and often remarked about his ability to be completely masculine with her when her fiance was the opposite and she hated it. He regularly talked about making her squirt multiple times and in every room of the house.

 

(But the woman in question said that he is 10 inches, so that makes sense )

[Emilia]

I dunno, women are all different individually, so compatibility ranges differently. Some want an emotionally fused experience to have an earth shatteringly good sex life. Others don't need to have that. It's different strokes for different folks.

 

I think you are right that some are not good at picking men good for them sexually at the expense of other aspects, however, there are a LOT of women who are the opposite and sometimes as a result they hurt more.

 

 

Yes, I suppose you get the variation of all sorts. We chase different things. I suppose what I have been trying to put through is that ultimately we are responsible for the whole experience over our lifetime ourselves.

 

 

As for men, from what I hear from girls and men who talk to them, a lot of men are selfish lovers anyway and this is why they don't encounter girls willing to open up to them sexually. I have often asked my male friends, one close friend of mine had an illicit affair with an engaged woman, and often remarked about his ability to be completely masculine with her when her fiance was the opposite and she hated it. He regularly talked about making her squirt multiple times and in every room of the house.

 

(But the woman in question said that he is 10 inches, so that makes sense )

 

 

I think women are often afraid of their own sexuality because we are not encouraged to express it a lot of the time. Men are sort of encouraged but only if it's masculine of course. That engaged woman is a good example. What is she doing with a man who isn't compatible with her sexually? It's all screwed up.

 

I have encountered selfish lovers and they would be always the ones you would expect the least to be selfish! Amazing isn't it. Usually less experienced men, those that would be seen as marriage material by most. Human sexuality is fascinating I think.

[ThaWholigan]

Yes, I suppose you get the variation of all sorts. We chase different things. I suppose what I have been trying to put through is that ultimately we are responsible for the whole experience over our lifetime ourselves.

 

I agree. Some people just cannot detach their emotions from things. I am lucky to have this ability. Some would say I am not, but honestly I am less likely to allow myself to be vulnerable to the wrong people as a result.

 

 

I think women are often afraid of their own sexuality because we are not encouraged to express it a lot of the time. Men are sort of encouraged but only if it's masculine of course. That engaged woman is a good example. What is she doing with a man who isn't compatible with her sexually? It's all screwed up.

 

I have encountered selfish lovers and they would be always the ones you would expect the least to be selfish! Amazing isn't it. Usually less experienced men, those that would be seen as marriage material by most. Human sexuality is fascinating I think.

 

It was a long story with the lady in question.

 

You are right about women not being bold enough to fully express their sexuality. In some ways, men aren't either (in my area, you are ridiculed for performing oral sex in women). I think much of that is to do with a significant portion of men, and the people who listen to them. It takes a man exceptionally good at communicating his desires and making women feel at ease with theirs I feel. And a man who likes his sex to be mutually pleasurable. My main fantasy has always been women getting off , so I'd like to think that I will always make that happen. If she ain't enjoying it, I may not.......

 

Human sexuality is indeed fascinating, I always like reading about it. I think it comes from a somewhat strict upbringing, my mother was quite conservative, and as she opens up about things, she still maintains that edge. I think that men absolutely need to educate themselves about women's sexuality and just be more open to experiment. They need to be more bold in the bedroom as much as women.

 

But don't take my word for it, I don't actually know that

[Emilia]

 

(in my area, you are ridiculed for performing oral sex in women).

 

Really? I didn't think it happened much in London in this day and age.

 

 

My main fantasy has always been women getting off , so I'd like to think that I will always make that happen. If she ain't enjoying it, I may not.......

 

Luckily, that's the most common experience I've had! A lot of men take pride in their work

 

 

I think that men absolutely need to educate themselves about women's sexuality and just be more open to experiment. They need to be more bold in the bedroom as much as women.

 

But don't take my word for it, I don't actually know that

 

We all do. I'm sure your time will come soon!