One issue with making a man wait for sex

[9Lives]

I keep seeing the threads about waiting for sex but have you ever thought that if a man wanted sex with you bad enough he would wait and the once he got what he wanted do what someone that got it on the first date would do. There are some men that would do that. It like I heard from someone once: If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while. Then, at some point, their true self will be revealed. And you will feel like you wasted a lot of valuable time (and money).

 

sex is still a big deal for a woman! it is in our best interest to get to know a fella because sex changes things for us. We not like men where we can have sex and not get hurt. Especially if we are sexing you for a while. Therefore it is not a game to prove something to you, we have to be careful. Guys can be very decieving and very cold and you can actually scar a woman with your reckless behavior when it comes to sex. We are emotional and we feel the pain inside and can carry it for long time. It is in our best interest to be careful when it comes to sex.

 

It is also good for the man. If he doesnt see her as someone he cares about then he can walk too. No love lost either way.

[joystickd]

sex is still a big deal for a woman! it is in our best interest to get to know a fella because sex changes things for us. We not like men where we can have sex and not get hurt. Especially if we are sexing you for a while. Therefore it is not a game to prove something to you, we have to be careful. Guys can be very decieving and very cold and you can actually scar a woman with your reckless behavior when it comes to sex. We are emotional and we feel the pain inside and can carry it for long time. It is in our best interest to be careful when it comes to sex.

 

It is also good for the man. If he doesnt see her as someone he cares about then he can walk too. No love lost either way.

It is but the thing is there are women that withhold sex as a form of manipulation. Its a way to maintain control in a relationship. Women can be deceiving and very cold about certain things. I wouldn't be the way I am today if it wasn't for a cold hearted b**ch messing me up. Its messed up when with one person a woman can have a ONS but with another man she makes him wait.

 

That is why I suggest men really get out here and learn how attraction works and make these women earn everything from them because some of these women out here are not about being careful. Its about manipulation and power. Men rate their success with how physical a woman gets. Even when talking to a woman the first thing they usually ask is " have you had sex with her". Guys you got to check women on this bulls**t. You can't build a connection with someone then not reciprocate.

 

You worry about players but remember players are created by women. Also consider there are no bigger players than women. They say its a man's world but women work in the background pulling the strings.

[carhill]

To plagiarize the late Johnnie Cochran a bit for style, "If you doubt, get out"

 

Translated, it means, if you (as a man) doubt a woman's sincerity about intimacy and that 'connection' you all are 'building', get out. She might be hot; she might be solicitous. It's hard (yeah, that too ). But get out. Your doubt is the canary. Trust those canaries. Looking back, it was not listening to those canaries of doubt which sealed my fate in every unhealthy situation I was involved in. That's on me.

[veggirl]

sex is still a big deal for a woman! it is in our best interest to get to know a fella because sex changes things for us. We not like men where we can have sex and not get hurt. Especially if we are sexing you for a while. Therefore it is not a game to prove something to you, we have to be careful. Guys can be very decieving and very cold and you can actually scar a woman with your reckless behavior when it comes to sex. We are emotional and we feel the pain inside and can carry it for long time. It is in our best interest to be careful when it comes to sex.

 

It is also good for the man. If he doesnt see her as someone he cares about then he can walk too. No love lost either way.

 

Oh, FFS. Please speak for yourself.

 

Sh.t, I am NOT so fragile that sleeping with a man who later decides he doesn't want to be with me or WHATEVER is going to "scar" me. Nor do I fall in love with a man just because we had sex. Jeez.

[joystickd]

9 lives acts like pu**y is platinum.

[soserious1]

Well, for starter's i'd like to know if the "make him wait" crew engages in what I and carhill described as intimacy without sex.

 

I think silvermercy (dr who girl) told me no but nobody else i've asked has even responded.

I don't know if their avoiding the question on purpose or what.

 

All I want is sex, the quicker a guy and I get naked and get down to business the better I like it. I also refuse to bore men going on and on with so called "emotional intimacy crap"

 

IMHO, men are for fscking & sucking, if i want to run my stupid yap about my life problems I'll speak to my girlfriends.

[musemaj11]

Women are so overrating sex.

 

The reason women see sex in a more emotional viewpoint than men is simply because they have been conditioned to do so.

 

The truth is that women are just as capable as men to have sex without emotional attachment.

[phineas]

What you say here suggests that you have missed a fundamental difference between men and women. This is how women are with their friends - they talk about everything and share everything - what it means is she really likes you. Sexual attraction doesn't necessarily follow though.

 

If she knows i'm looking for a sexual relationship, And she isn't, then why is she still going out with me & letting me believe it's leading to that?

 

 

 

Well, yes, if a woman refers to you as her 'friend' and doesn't tell people you are actively dating then she probably has no interest in you sexually and may be stringing you along - you were perhaps a little naive rather than being a dumb-ass!

 

No, I was being dumb. LOL!

 

However, as you say, there are women who want to be friends 'first', while they decide if they are into you are not. What's wrong with that? Both men and women flirt all the time - it doesn't mean they want to jump into bed with you.

 

There are some guys who mistake friendly behaviour for being given the 'come on'. I had a male friend in my 20s who, on one occasion, sat in my room at Uni and watched me doing my hair and make up for a night out. He later told me I was giving him 'signals' by the way I was brushing my hair!!! Erm, no! Maybe I'm just naturally 'sexy' when I'm doing ordinary stuff - he obviously thought so - but I certainly had no intention of 'getting him horny' or 'getting him wanting me'. That was his interpretation! Fortunately we were good friends and nothing was 'spoiled' but it proved to me how easily men can assume sexual interest when there is none.

 

Do you tell men you arn't interested in having sex with:

You shave your woman parts?

What gives you an orgasm?

You swallow

You don't like anal?

Places you like to have sex?

 

Do have phone sex conversation with them?

Do you change your clothes in front of them?

Do you kiss them on the lips?

 

Do you want to watch porn with them?

 

Trust me on this, I know the difference between a woman who want to take it a slow & an attention whore.

 

I'll do "friends first" but i'm going to have other "friends".

 

I'm older than you are and I have always 'taken it slow'. I can assure you I have no issues with men. I have just been careful which men I give my body to - and when I was online dating, I put 'friends first' in my profile.

 

 

 

As I said earlier - how often are you seeing these women within that first month? If you're expecting sex by the third or fourth date, it sounds like once a week which, for a lot of women, isn't enough. From what you say, you are looking for a long term relationship, but it sounds as though your starting point is a sexual attraction that's so overwhelming neither of you can wait. If you can find women who are looking for the same thing then you don't have a problem. However, it is just as possible to experience a very powerful physical attraction and still want time to get to know someone - because compatibility with the person inside the body is worth so much more to them than physical attraction.

 

There's nothing wrong with either way of doing things - everyone just needs to find someone who like to approach things the same way that they do- matching values is one of the most important indicators of long term compatibility

 

If I choose to take it slow I will not answer to a woman. period. but i've NEVER had a take it slow woman not want to know where I am or who i'm with. Sorry, but i'm not in a relationship with her & that's none of her business.

if you want to do "friends first", cool but just because you arn't an attention whore doesn't mean they don't exist in droves.

 

I don't "expect" sex by the 3rd or 4th date. It has always just happened that way.

 

except, as I said, I've waited 3 months & it never happened because they dropped me to literally sleep with someone else or they were already sleeping with someone else.

 

I've since learned to stop wasting too much time with these women, however if i'm meeting up with two different women i'm going to go with the one who wants to have sex first because honestly, being a divorced guy at 40 "long term" really doesn't mean all that much to me anymore so I might as well get laid if she's going to bail on me when someone else who catches her fancy comes around.

Edited January 21, 2012 by phineas

[phineas]

All I want is sex, the quicker a guy and I get naked and get down to business the better I like it. I also refuse to bore men going on and on with so called "emotional intimacy crap"

 

IMHO, men are for fscking & sucking, if i want to run my stupid yap about my life problems I'll speak to my girlfriends.

 

I love this post.

I love it so much I want to marry it & have a bunch of little posts just like it.

[soserious1]

Women are so overrating sex.

 

The reason women see sex in a more emotional viewpoint than men is simply because they have been conditioned to do so.

 

The truth is that women are just as capable as men to have sex without emotional attachment.

 

I have never understood women who make men wait, wait & wait some more

before finally having sex. Wouldn't it be far smarter & a better use of one's time to have sex as early as possible to decide if the sex is good enough or has enough potential to warrant a full on relationship?

[Lovelybird]

Women are so overrating sex.

 

The reason women see sex in a more emotional viewpoint than men is simply because they have been conditioned to do so.

 

The truth is that women are just as capable as men to have sex without emotional attachment.

I am wondering where you got the "truth"

[LittleTiger]

I love this post.

I love it so much I want to marry it & have a bunch of little posts just like it.

 

This post of yours speaks volumes phineas. There's no problem with you valuing women for sex above all else, but nice to see you finally 'admit' it.

[LittleTiger]

I have never understood women who make men wait, wait & wait some more

before finally having sex. Wouldn't it be far smarter & a better use of one's time to have sex as early as possible to decide if the sex is good enough or has enough potential to warrant a full on relationship?

 

Some women would rather check out the man's other qualities first, before having sex with him. If the man 'inside' isn't good enough or doesn't have enough potential to warrant a full on relationship, why would you want to have sex with him?

 

Different strokes for different folks!

 

.......and for the gazillionth time - women do not make men wait for sex!!!

[ThaWholigan]

I have never understood women who make men wait, wait & wait some more

before finally having sex. Wouldn't it be far smarter & a better use of one's time to have sex as early as possible to decide if the sex is good enough or has enough potential to warrant a full on relationship?

 

Some women can't do that. For some women, sex is very much tied in with other factors that make it difficult for them to just jump into bed with a guy, so they understand that if they wait until they build up sufficient rapport, then they proceed from there. It works for them really.....

[Fondue]

Its messed up when with one person a woman can have a ONS but with another man she makes him wait.

 

This here is pretty key.

 

We hear this quite often. "Oh, he's a relationship-quality man, I'm gonna wait before I have sex with him."

 

But just days prior, she boned a dude whom she met just hours prior.

 

I don't understand this.

 

This is why I no longer value relationships, I just meet women for the hell of it and see if it eventually leads to a sexual encounter. If not, then I cancel that friendship.

[musemaj11]

Its funny how a woman will punish you with the gentleman tax if she sees you as a relationship prospect. She will make you wine and dine her and make you wait for sex.

 

On the other hand, if a woman doesnt see you as a relationship material, she will give you sex without any hoops.

 

If this isnt proof that women are illogical, then I dont know what is.

[ThaWholigan]

It is but the thing is there are women that withhold sex as a form of manipulation. Its a way to maintain control in a relationship. Women can be deceiving and very cold about certain things. I wouldn't be the way I am today if it wasn't for a cold hearted b**ch messing me up. Its messed up when with one person a woman can have a ONS but with another man she makes him wait.

 

That is why I suggest men really get out here and learn how attraction works and make these women earn everything from them because some of these women out here are not about being careful. Its about manipulation and power. Men rate their success with how physical a woman gets. Even when talking to a woman the first thing they usually ask is " have you had sex with her". Guys you got to check women on this bulls**t. You can't build a connection with someone then not reciprocate.

 

You worry about players but remember players are created by women. Also consider there are no bigger players than women. They say its a man's world but women work in the background pulling the strings.

 

I can't believe I didn't see this post but I pointed out the bolded parts as being highly important. Men must try to limit the complaining and just learn how attraction works and make it fun.

 

And the other bolded part is important because this is the focal point of the entire thread. We as men do recognize that there are women (as referenced in the thread) who legitimately have perfectly understandable, romantic and valid reasons why they wait before they have sex with the men in their lives. However, they unfortunately seem to be uncommon, as many of us have experienced or have met MANY women who will have sex with one man and make another wait for reasons that simply boil down to some form of manipulation. I think that is the one thing that has gone missing in this thread, instead becoming a tit-for-tat about why women should or shouldn't wait, when it is purely an individual thing regardless.

[ThaWholigan]

Its funny how a woman will punish you with the gentleman tax if she sees you as a relationship prospect. She will make you wine and dine her and make you wait for sex.

 

On the other hand, if a woman doesnt see you as a relationship material, she will give you sex without any hoops.

 

If this isnt proof that women are illogical, then I dont know what is.

 

It's funny, but I understand exactly why it happens. A true gentleman is always well rounded enough to be sexually attractive to a woman, enough so that he doesn't even have to wine and dine her to have sex with her. Trouble is, a lot of "gentlemen" are missing vital ingredients that make them well rounded, complete men. I will include myself in that matter, there are many times when I feared my own sexuality with regards to women, and in the end virtually neutered myself in her presence, only to then lament that it could have been so different had I been more daring.

[snug.bunny]

I can't believe I didn't see this post but I pointed out the bolded parts as being highly important. Men must try to limit the complaining and just learn how attraction works and make it fun.

 

And the other bolded part is important because this is the focal point of the entire thread. We as men do recognize that there are women (as referenced in the thread) who legitimately have perfectly understandable, romantic and valid reasons why they wait before they have sex with the men in their lives. However, they unfortunately seem to be uncommon, as many of us have experienced or have met MANY women who will have sex with one man and make another wait for reasons that simply boil down to some form of manipulation. I think that is the one thing that has gone missing in this thread, instead becoming a tit-for-tat about why women should or shouldn't wait, when it is purely an individual thing regardless.

 

Very good point.

 

A lot of these guys have been burned in the past by a particular woman so that's why they have a negative perception towards waiting. Or, they feel "gypped" because a woman waits with HIM, but, not someone else from her past.

 

It's easier to understand where the other person is coming from, if/when they approach it from that angle, versus "well if a woman doesn't put out by x, y and z, I dump her" and/or ridiculing those who wait before becoming sexually intimate.

 

Approaching it from the latter, won't generate much support from others...

[phineas]

This post of yours speaks volumes phineas. There's no problem with you valuing women for sex above all else, but nice to see you finally 'admit' it.

 

Nice snide comment.

If it was meant to be an insult it wasn't.

 

Exactly what else does a woman have to offer me that I can't get from my family & male friends?

 

Sex is it.

I don't know why you feel a need to point out something i've said multiple times before on this forum myself.

 

 

I don't call you a prude or insinuate things about you because you do things differently.

 

I didn't claim you in particular had issue's either.

 

But, the fact that out of everything I put into my last response to you the above is all you've been able to come up with about me is laughable.

 

How can you ignore the laundry list of things I've experienced with women who claimed they wanted to take it slow?

 

Perhaps you are the one with issues here?

 

I agreed with her post because she is saying what most of the other men are saying.

 

Because honestly, if I wait 2 to 3 months for a woman to put out & she don't do oral and or just lays there like a bump on a log I will break up with her.

 

So it's less messy to get that out of the way sooner than later.

 

But seriously, you act as if it's impossible for a guy to like a woman & want to bang her at the same time.

Edited January 22, 2012 by phineas

[phineas]

Some women would rather check out the man's other qualities first, before having sex with him. If the man 'inside' isn't good enough or doesn't have enough potential to warrant a full on relationship, why would you want to have sex with him?

 

Different strokes for different folks!

 

.......and for the gazillionth time - women do not make men wait for sex!!!

 

So, are you saying the below bolded situation doesn't happen?

 

This here is pretty key.

 

We hear this quite often. "Oh, he's a relationship-quality man, I'm gonna wait before I have sex with him."

 

But just days prior, she boned a dude whom she met just hours prior.

 

I don't understand this.

 

This is why I no longer value relationships, I just meet women for the hell of it and see if it eventually leads to a sexual encounter. If not, then I cancel that friendship.

 

If this isn't making a man wait for sex then what exactly is it?

[bolase]

Its funny how a woman will punish you with the gentleman tax if she sees you as a relationship prospect. She will make you wine and dine her and make you wait for sex.

 

On the other hand, if a woman doesnt see you as a relationship material, she will give you sex without any hoops.

 

If this isnt proof that women are illogical, then I dont know what is.

 

I'm a woman (26) and if I don't see you as relationship material, I sure as heck won't be giving you sex without any hoops. Or with hoops. Silly argument.

 

Secondly don't you want to be seen as relationship material?? Taking away the likelihood of having sex with someone - don't you want to be seen as a desirable person in general by women rather than a hot ****** only good for sex?

Edited January 22, 2012 by bolase

[ThaWholigan]

I'm a woman (26) and if I don't see you as relationship material, I sure as heck won't be giving you sex without any hoops. Or with hoops. Silly argument.

 

Secondly don't you want to be seen as relationship material?? Taking away the likelihood of having sex with someone - don't you want to be seen as a desirable person in general by women rather than a hot ****** only good for sex?

 

Well, he'd rather be both, but in the absence of one, he'll be the hot dude who gets the sexy time rather than the guy who goes home with blue balls and a bad mood.

 

Being seen as "relationship" material is the death knell of any man seeking to be sexually attractive to a woman. It's code for "boring" in my experience. They'll tell you that, and do pretty much asexual activities with you while keeping you at arms length, then they go home and text the guy she really wants to see, and he comes over and gets the benefit of her intimacy, while you were the one who likes her more and tried hard make yourself appealing to her.

 

Now, picture that scenario and times that by.....hmm, maybe 10 times. And you have the experience of many guys who find it difficult to get a girlfriend or date.

 

I am lucky in that I have never allowed myself to be that stupid.....but I've been had before, once, and I'm still recovering, and she does not even remember .

 

This is why I advocate for men learning whatever they can about attraction, how to spot it, and how to build it. How to be attractive and charming enough so that this never happens to them.

[silvermercy]

So, are you saying the below bolded situation doesn't happen?

 

If this isn't making a man wait for sex then what exactly is it?

The man is free to live at any time.

[phineas]

The man is free to live at any time.

 

And then, as shown in this thread he's accused of only wanting sex.

 

It's funny how no women in this thread even want's to admit that other women purposefully lead men on. They ignore it when a guy points it out or makes up excuses about the guy misunderstanding or something just as lame then say "nobody made him date her" ROTFLMAO!

 

You got it set up so no matter what, the guy is wrong.