One issue with making a man wait for sex

[bolase]

Well, he'd rather be both, but in the absence of one, he'll be the hot dude who gets the sexy time rather than the guy who goes home with blue balls and a bad mood.

 

Being seen as "relationship" material is the death knell of any man seeking to be sexually attractive to a woman. It's code for "boring" in my experience. They'll tell you that, and do pretty much asexual activities with you while keeping you at arms length, then they go home and text the guy she really wants to see, and he comes over and gets the benefit of her intimacy, while you were the one who likes her more and tried hard make yourself appealing to her.

 

Now, picture that scenario and times that by.....hmm, maybe 10 times. And you have the experience of many guys who find it difficult to get a girlfriend or date.

 

I am lucky in that I have never allowed myself to be that stupid.....but I've been had before, once, and I'm still recovering, and she does not even remember .

 

This is why I advocate for men learning whatever they can about attraction, how to spot it, and how to build it. How to be attractive and charming enough so that this never happens to them.

 

What about to women looking for a great (all round desirable) guy though? I would never start hanging out with a guy who I wanted and liked, and take it slow while texting another guy I didn't like for booty calls. I think that's gotta be the exception to the rule, yet you make it out that women do this commonly.

 

If I really want you and like you and you are an option to me, I would not wait a long time for sex anyway let alone call some other dude for sex alongside you, that's messed up.

[ThaWholigan]

What about to women looking for a great (all round desirable) guy though? I would never start hanging out with a guy who I wanted and liked, and take it slow while texting another guy I didn't like for booty calls. I think that's gotta be the exception to the rule, yet you make it out that women do this commonly.

 

If I really want you and like you and you are an option to me, I would not wait a long time for sex anyway let alone call some other dude for sex alongside you, that's messed up.

 

Well, it does happen a lot more often than you would think, I know of too many guys that it's happened to, and surprisingly quite a few girls who have even admitted doing this. There is an understandable reason behind it now, which you also pointed out in the bolded text.

 

Men these days are either one extreme or the other. They're either a gentleman who is always respectful and polite, puts others before himself, is super sensitive to what people want, and all the other stuff you associate with a guy like that. Then you have the hot dude, who is sexually dominant, confident, fit, slightly more selfish, puts himself first at all times, many options so never serious etc. There never seems to be a guy who embodies the central attributes of both, and integrates them, and puts together a unique personality with a core of character traits that is bound to attract many friends and many admirers of the opposite sex.

 

But guys don't really do this anymore. It's one or the other.

[bolase]

Seems that way, I am thinking of asking this guy who I like on a second date today cause there is potential but I suspect he is a bit of a player. If that comes across strongly this time then theres no potential any more..

 

But the guys you mention who are unfailingly good guys - those are all good attributes and thats the guy I want to meet, as long as he's sexually confident as well (last boyfriend was not - religion messed with him).

 

Not all good guys are unsexy!

[ThaWholigan]

Seems that way, I am thinking of asking this guy who I like on a second date today cause there is potential but I suspect he is a bit of a player. If that comes across strongly this time then theres no potential any more..

 

But the guys you mention who are unfailingly good guys - those are all good attributes and thats the guy I want to meet, as long as he's sexually confident as well (last boyfriend was not - religion messed with him).

 

Not all good guys are unsexy!

 

They are all great attributes, I agree (I like to think I embody much of them myself), and I understand why women want them in a man, but it's difficult for a woman to be attracted to a guy who doesn't know how to be attractive physically and sexually to her, no matter how unfailingly good he is. There are a lot of guys out there who can do it, but they end up taken very quickly, they always have options too, just like the players.

 

It's up to men to cultivate attributes from both sides of the spectrum IMO. Not all good guys are unsexy to women, but they are few and far in between as I am beginning to understand it, from both men and women's comments. So much so that I am often relieved to hear from people in committed, loving and LONG relationships/marriages.

[JohnP82]

Secondly don't you want to be seen as relationship material?? Taking away the likelihood of having sex with someone - don't you want to be seen as a desirable person in general by women rather than a hot ****** only good for sex?

 

I've always been seen as the relationship material guy and it sucks. Why would any guy want to be seen as relationship material only? Most guys want to be lusted after even if they want a relationship because as much as women may deny it they would just as soon test the waters of the "piece of meat" guy for a potential relationship as the "relationship material" guy---probably sooner.

 

Also after being burned and learning how most women are the hard way, I just don't want to be the waiting chump any more.

[Titania22]

Exactly what else does a woman have to offer me that I can't get from my family & male friends?

 

Sex is it.

 

If this is truly how you feel, then don't bother dating women at all. Go see a prostitute and get you sex need fulfilled.

 

The only reasons not to take that route, are if in fact you do want more from a woman then just sex, or if you are too cheap.

[phineas]

If this is truly how you feel, then don't bother dating women at all. Go see a prostitute and get you sex need fulfilled.

 

The only reasons not to take that route, are if in fact you do want more from a woman then just sex, or if you are too cheap.

 

LOL!

 

Bitter at men much?

 

Beside's a prostitute won't make me sam'ich when i'm done.

Edited January 22, 2012 by phineas

[Titania22]

LOL!

 

Bitter at men much?

 

No, realistic.

 

Seriously if all you want from women is sex, if that is their only worth, what is the problem?

 

It's simple, gets what you want, and you don't have to deal with all our crap and risk being manipulated.

 

If I was a man, had sex like a man and just wanted sex, I would consider it.

 

Hell, if casual sex was satisfying to me as a woman I would consider it.

[somedude81]

Surprisingly enough, I can actually contribute to this thread

 

I was sending emails back and forth with a woman that is long distance. We got to talking about sex. In reply to something I said to her, she basically said "I don't have non-committed sex with relationship material men. And you SD81 are relationship material."

 

I know she meant it as a compliment, but at the same time told me she wouldn't sleep with me. Which just made me wonder, if I wasn't relationship quality, would we have sex?

 

IMO being able to sleep with a woman is worth far more than anything she could ever say to me. I can't think of a better compliment.

 

Of course, being called relationship material is still miles better than her saying I'm a nice guy or some junk like that.

Edited January 22, 2012 by somedude81

[joystickd]

The thing is being relationship material is not getting these guys any pu**y. I will say this again its bulls**t for a woman that has a history of having ONS to make someone that is "relationship material" jump through hoop for sex. I will also say men if you meet a woman like this show that hypocrite ass the door.

 

Ladies how you feel if a man bought the last woman a Ferrari but you come along and he gets you a Ford Pinto? Wouldn't you feel slighted some? Be honest

[colliejoanie]

LOL!

 

Bitter at men much?

 

Beside's a prostitute won't make me sam'ich when i'm done.

 

I'm actually pretty shocked the comment "what else are women good for" came from you. That's a pretty childish and pathetic statement.

 

Good luck with that.

[Titania22]

 

Beside's a prostitute won't make me sam'ich when i'm done.

 

I missed this line when I read it.

 

You know i am sure she would make you a 'sam'ich' when your done, if you asked beforehand.

 

Many prostitutes service all kinds of fetishes.

[soserious1]

I missed this line when I read it.

 

You know i am sure she would make you a 'sam'ich' when your done, if you asked beforehand.

 

Many prostitutes service all kinds of fetishes.

 

Okay, so if men who want sex should visit and pay prostitutes to service their needs, I'd say that women who require all sorts of emotional based hand holding and arse kissing before they are willing to spread em wide and show a man pink should also visit and pay male prostitutes to service those needs...

 

You aren't interested in fscking and sucking? well guess what? most guys aren't interested in sitting there serving as your emotional tampon till you decide to relent and give the poor dog a bone.

[Titania22]

Okay, so if men who want sex should visit and pay prostitutes to service their needs, I'd say that women who require all sorts of emotional based hand holding and arse kissing before they are willing to spread em wide and show a man pink should also visit and pay male prostitutes to service those needs...

 

You aren't interested in fscking and sucking? well guess what? most guys aren't interested in sitting there serving as your emotional tampon till you decide to relent and give the poor dog a bone.

 

I was responding to what phineas was saying. If he can't see any value in women besides sex ans sandwiches, then it is a problem easily fixed. No one is telling him he has to spend time dating women. If it makes him unhappy, he shouldn't do it.

 

Seriously, it's not that hard.

 

There are plenty of men who value women as more then just sex objects. And I am sure they will be very happy with less competition.

 

Likewise if you do value women, but don't want one is whines at you about emotional things, don't date one of those. Find one that's different. The world is populated by many different types of people, with very different personalities.

 

No one should spend time with someone, if they don't enjoy that time. If they have better things to do, they should be doing those things.

[phineas]

No, realistic.

 

Seriously if all you want from women is sex, if that is their only worth, what is the problem?

 

It's simple, gets what you want, and you don't have to deal with all our crap and risk being manipulated.

 

If I was a man, had sex like a man and just wanted sex, I would consider it.

 

Hell, if casual sex was satisfying to me as a woman I would consider it.

 

If you were a man, you'd be the one the women bang behind the "relationship guys" back.

[Titania22]

If you were a man, you'd be the one the women bang behind the "relationship guys" back.

 

Thankyou for the vote of confidence. I always wondered if I would be able to get laid if I had been a guy.

[somedude81]

Thankyou for the vote of confidence. I always wondered if I would be able to get laid if I had been a guy.

LOL, completely off-topic but I actually think about female posters and whether they'd actually be able to get laid if they were dudes.

 

A few come to mind as "no way in hell" but I'm not going to name any. But don't worry Titania, you're not among them

[phineas]

I'm actually pretty shocked the comment "what else are women good for" came from you. That's a pretty childish and pathetic statement.

 

Good luck with that.

 

Good luck with taking one thing I said out of context & using it to lob insults at me.

 

Oh wait, you already did.

 

Care to comment on my laundry list of things women have done to purposefully lead me on?

 

Nope, you won't. No woman has in this thread.

They refuse to admit women lead-on men on purpose.

Instead they blame shift & say "nobody made you date her" or some other crap while then accusing the guy of only wanting sex.

 

Like I said before, you have it all set up so a man is damned if he does & damned if he doesn't.

[phineas]

The thing is being relationship material is not getting these guys any pu**y. I will say this again its bulls**t for a woman that has a history of having ONS to make someone that is "relationship material" jump through hoop for sex. I will also say men if you meet a woman like this show that hypocrite ass the door.

 

Ladies how you feel if a man bought the last woman a Ferrari but you come along and he gets you a Ford Pinto? Wouldn't you feel slighted some? Be honest

 

I tried this about 10 pages back.

The women ignored the question.

[colliejoanie]

Good luck with taking one thing I said out of context & using it to lob insults at me.

 

Oh wait, you already did.

 

Care to comment on my laundry list of things women have done to purposefully lead me on?

 

Nope, you won't. No woman has in this thread.

They refuse to admit women lead-on men on purpose.

Instead they blame shift & say "nobody made you date her" or some other crap while then accusing the guy of only wanting sex.

 

Like I said before, you have it all set up so a man is damned if he does & damned if he doesn't.

 

Ugh! I feel sorry for you feeling sorry for yourself. What if a woman listed everything a man has done to lead her on??? It's life, right? And I know it happens.....we all make mistakes.....it's how we deal with them that counts. Bitterness leads to loneliness. And not by choice.

[phineas]

Ugh! I feel sorry for you feeling sorry for yourself. What if a woman listed everything a man has done to lead her on??? It's life, right? And I know it happens.....we all make mistakes.....it's how we deal with them that counts. Bitterness leads to loneliness. And not by choice.

 

I am most certainly not feeling sorry for myself.

Nor am I "bitter" (a favorite of the women on this forum when a man won't roll over & just accept their way as the only way)

 

I'm just proving a point.

 

No woman wants to admit other women lead men on. Period. They refuse to do it because it pokes holes in their "make him wait" argument.

 

However, I myself & other men in this thread readily admit other men lead women on for sex. I don't do this.

 

Do you honestly believe I can't get laid?

 

I'm home on a Sat night on the inter-webs because I have my kids every weekend & their sleeping.

Not because i'm alone feeling sorry for myself & "bitter"

 

But it seems since my now winter nights without kids are Wed,Thurs, & Sunday night, my only choices between the women I meet are bang buddies (sleeping with other dudes) or attention whores (sleeping with other dudes)

 

I'm now trying online dating. Seeing if I can wrangle up a higher quality of woman.

[colliejoanie]

I am most certainly not feeling sorry for myself.

Nor am I "bitter" (a favorite of the women on this forum when a man won't roll over & just accept their way as the only way)

 

I'm just proving a point.

 

No woman wants to admit other women lead men on. Period. They refuse to do it because it pokes holes in their "make him wait" argument.

 

However, I myself & other men in this thread readily admit other men lead women on for sex. I don't do this.

 

Do you honestly believe I can't get laid?

 

I'm home on a Sat night on the inter-webs because I have my kids every weekend & their sleeping.

Not because i'm alone feeling sorry for myself & "bitter"

 

But it seems since my now winter nights without kids are Wed,Thurs, & Sunday night, my only choices between the women I meet are bang buddies (sleeping with other dudes) or attention whores (sleeping with other dudes)

 

I'm now trying online dating. Seeing if I can wrangle up a higher quality of woman.

 

Not getting laid didn't really come up in my comments. Honestly, I've seen your posts and I've never thought of you as the "bitter" type but maybe I'm wrong. I've enjoyed what you've had to say and your take on things. I just hope (because I'm a single mom in my 36's) there are others out there who don't hate women......Because I don't hate men....even though I've been screwed over a plenty.

[Titania22]

Ladies how you feel if a man bought the last woman a Ferrari but you come along and he gets you a Ford Pinto? Wouldn't you feel slighted some? Be honest

 

An honest answer to this would be that there are 2 sides to me. The ego/mind/emotional side which acts like a spoilt baby. That side would obviously feel sleighted.

 

And then there is my other side (the part of me that is really in charge of my life, because spoilt babies are crap at everything apart from sleeping and crying). That part would feel very appreciative for the gift, and might even feel concerned that you were overextending yourself especially after buying the last girl a ferrari. Of course I would also wonder if you would be upset if i sold it. Cars come with many expenses and I would have to see if those expenses were within my budget. If I couldn't afford the car and you would be upset if i sold it, then I would most likely just give it back to you.

 

But I know what you are getting at. A few years back I heard a story about a woman who had been given a BMW by her exhusband years later as a thankyou for the good job she did raising their kids. At the time I thought, "How did she get so lucky to have an exhusband like that?" and then "I wonder what she did to deserve such a gift?" That's just passing thoughts, but obviously it stuck in my head, because I could never imagine a man being so generous to an EX, i.e. someone he hasn't got any chance to get back with. It seemed like a completely selfless thing to do. I like that.

 

 

A few come to mind as "no way in hell" but I'm not going to name any. But don't worry Titania, you're not among them

 

Thanks Somedude. I could see myself either being really good with women, or completely terrible. But just as i am now, I would continue to walk to the beat of my own drum.

 

 

I'm now trying online dating. Seeing if I can wrangle up a higher quality of woman.

 

Goodluck Phineas, I honestly haven't had good success with online dating. But I hope you have better luck.

[Titania22]

Because I don't hate men....even though I've been screwed over a plenty.

 

This is the crux of everything. Bad things happen to everyone, it's how we choose to change because of them that determines the type of people we are.

[Michael30]

This is the crux of everything. Bad things happen to everyone, it's how we choose to change because of them that determines the type of people we are.

 

Yea well everybody in this world doesn't change for future partners. Doesn't mean they don't deserve anyone.