will i ever be able to let anyone in again?

[nowwhatnow]

its been almost a year and a half since one night he just decided to dump me, out of the blue, ending a 2 year relationship - and never told me why.

 

the past year and a half have been an emotional roller coaster and living has been a challenge. i reluctantly built myself up again - i have no idea how i ever made it through.

 

the problem i am having now is that i am conflicted about starting a new relationship. i do want to be with someone, but at the same time i cant seem to let anyone in. as soon as they get close i put up a wall. i never want to go through what i went through a year and a half ago ever again. i am very internally conflicted. when i think about it - the bad out weighs the good in thinking of starting a relationship. its that i dont like or am not attracted to other guys, but that i just cant see the benefits. how will i ever be able to trust again? i still dont know why my ex just dumped me, and i never will. i just cant move past this!!

[hamster123]

You sound just like the last girl I was seeing so I can kind of relate...

 

She started chasing me, so when we started seeing each other I thought things had potential. After 6 months I asked her what she thought of becoming more serious, and she pretty much ran for the hills. She explained to me that she did like me but doesnt like the thought of getting serious as shes scared of getting hurt due to her first and only boyfriend cheating on her 2 years ago. 6 months later she tried reclaiming me back, although by this time I had moved on and it was too late.

 

I understand that it must be hard to trust again. But you have to keep reminding yourself that not every guy is the same, and if other people can have loving and fulfilling relationships then why can't you. By all means be cautious, but make sure you don't let a great opportunity pass you by, like my ex did.

 

Good luck!

Edited January 14, 2012 by hamster123
wrong info

[Pens55]

Yes, it is a huge risk after being hurt like that. But I think that when you find the right person, you will have the strength to move forward. Maybe you just havent found the right person yet.

 

If it makes you feel any better, there are more of us that feel the same way as you. Its normal and we can all overcome it.

[Philosoraptor]

One thing you can't do is hold someone up against another's wrongs. Your ex hurt you, not these new people so if they seem worth giving a chance to then you need to allow yourself to open up. But do not do anything until you feel ready. Spend some time within yourself and decide where you are healing wise.

[lilyblue]

I know what you mean. I was friends with my last ex for years before we got together and he said/did everything in the world to assure me he wanted to be with me before disappearing out of the blue. If he could do something so cruel then what stops anyone else from doing that??

 

I don't have any helpful advice. I don't understand what to do either. It seems stupid to trust at this point.

[bestrong]

You will let someone in again. Remember how you used to ask yourself if you will love again in the previous relationships? It took me two years to finally be able to tell myself I will love again and I will be willing to open my heart when the feeling comes. I am not ready to be in a relationship, but one day I will. Don't forget to love yourself!

[fallenheart]

Can't speak for anyone else, but I doubt I'll ever let anyone in again. Just been burned too many damn times. The girl I wanted to spend my life with left me after two years and pretty much gutted everything.....took it all with her.

 

Years later I finally found myself in a serious relationship again but I always had my guard up. I was always ready for that other shoe to drop. And it did. Again, right around the two year mark, she left me.

 

F#ck it. I'm tired of it. I'll never let myself get hurt like that again. Maybe I'll start doing the hurting from now on. It must be fun inflicting that kind of pain on other people....why else do they all do it to us?

[Kamila]

its been almost a year and a half since one night he just decided to dump me, out of the blue, ending a 2 year relationship - and never told me why.

 

the past year and a half have been an emotional roller coaster and living has been a challenge. i reluctantly built myself up again - i have no idea how i ever made it through.

 

the problem i am having now is that i am conflicted about starting a new relationship. i do want to be with someone, but at the same time i cant seem to let anyone in. as soon as they get close i put up a wall. i never want to go through what i went through a year and a half ago ever again. i am very internally conflicted. when i think about it - the bad out weighs the good in thinking of starting a relationship. its that i dont like or am not attracted to other guys, but that i just cant see the benefits. how will i ever be able to trust again? i still dont know why my ex just dumped me, and i never will. i just cant move past this!!

 

It's going to be okay !

 

I know exactly how you feel. I also had my heart broken by my 'first love'. Well, I've dated before, but my ex-bf was really the one I wanted to marry and I was very much in love.

Hell, he was my air, my everything.

He rejected me and yeah it hurt. But I've learned so much from this nasty experience.

 

I know men (with long legs and a great smile) can't be trusted !

No, just kidding, I mean, don't trust men too much and too easily.

Have some personal boundaries and learn to say 'no!'.

 

If something is wrong in your new relationship, tell it. Grow a spine.

You'll be able to let someone else in again, but with vigilance and caution.

Don't force it too much. See, I'm also single since 1.5 years, nothing wrong with that. We just need some more time.

 

Never say never !