DontWorryBHappy Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) OK this is an "emergency post" of sorts, because today has been a bit negative ever since I made a bad decision to google my ex (after a long stretch of hearing and seeing nothing). I found out that he now photographs models a lot (including artistic nude photos).. And for whatever reason that set me off a bit. So many thoughts went through my head..... "oh great, I bet he's REALLY enjoying taking pictures of nude girls.. The bastard!"............... "It doesn't matter. He'll do his thing, you'll do yours. Plus he's probably not getting laid anyway"............ "but what if he is?... Let me think about this vividly.."................. "he's out of your life. You shouldn't give one crap about anything he does."................. The last one is probably most accurate. I'm taking a big reality check. This isn't The Notebook. My ex boyfriend didn't break up with me then come back ready and willing to do what it took to keep me in his life. There are no rings of him on my other line... Nothing. After the break up he did come back. But it had to be on his terms... He didn't want to talk about the issues, or fight for the relationship in any way. In the end he realized that he much preferred his freedom over being with me. And I have to keep moving on. 9 months post break up, and this can still get to me. It's amazing. But I have to believe that one way or another things will be OK. They kind of need to be. Edited January 15, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 You need a hobby. one that keeps you around new people. Meet new people, not to date, just to distract. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 This shouldn't be about distraction. It's about being ok deep inside. I've done a lot of things in these 9 months, and as I said, these days i've thought of him only rarely. But I'm still capable of allowing myself to get to the point where it can affect me. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Your ex sounds like a butt wipe. You are better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 An interesting idea someone gave me recently is that you may be holding onto things like regret or remorse as a way to avoid getting hurt again. By holding onto something that keeps you in the past, you avoid opening up and bonding with someone new, with the risk of being hurt attached to that. Could that be what you're doing now, nine months after he decided to find happiness without you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) I don't know, I mean I'm really bad at psychoanalyzing myself. But maybe. What I do know is that there are better men out there than my ex. And someone who is much better suited to me is out there. I realize that this hang up of mine is likely a lot more about me than it is about him. I'm just waiting for the day that I won't secretly pine for him at all anymore. It's so insane that I am now, because he truly is not right for me. He was insanely religious and I'm not, he told me that he tends to mess with people's emotions, and doesn't have any emotions of his own. He's also very immature, a little crazy, unstable, and doesn't really do well with relationships for all those reasons.... Yet another part of me remembers the fun side of him (which was there constantly, because the emotional or serious side didn't exist for the most part), and this "bond" that I thought we had.... But the emotional support wasn't there. He definitely didn't know how to behave like a real man.. And for now, he's extremely content not being tied to anyone in a relationship. He's into traveling and thrill seeking. But hey, every single day that passes is another day that I don't know who he is anymore. Anything that I think about who he is could either be true or not, and I probably won't find out which it is. After he ignored several of my text messages a little while ago, we went from ending on ok terms to bad. But to be totally honest with you, I'm glad we aren't on good terms right now. I wasn't strong enough to cease contact when we were on better terms, so I kept messing with my heart by talking to him. But there really isn't anything more to say to a guy after you've told them they're a jerk for ignoring you and telling thm not to talk to you anymore. That is the only reason why I've managed to finally stay nc... And why I will keep nc. I would actually look pretty insane if I were to contact him now. Plus, there would be no point. He's a stranger.. I don't even know him anymore. And I'm thinking that is absolutely for the best. However, I've banned myself from googling him or trying to find out anything about him ever again... When you burn your hand on a hot stove, don't go back for more... Edited January 15, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy Link to post Share on other sites
moosekaka Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I feel for you, I really understand about the part about being OK deep inside and not just being distracted. Believe me I have tried and done A LOT of things to distract and occupy myself and I am still not feeling healed inside. If it makes you feel better, at least you don't have to see him or be put into a situation where you have to be around him, such as if you and him were coworkers..... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) You know the right path for you, and you're following it. I think we can think too much about things like this, and it's the thinking not the thing that leads to trouble. Some say you are what you think you are, but I agree with someone who said what thoughts you have, you are. If you have sad thoughts, you're sad. If you have happy thoughts, you become happy. To that end, what made you smile today? Edited January 15, 2012 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
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