Total loss of confidence

[dicky_fish]

I've been posting a lot in my coping log http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t310814/ but I'd like a little more input on this post so I've copied it over and added to it a little into a seperate thread:

 

The big question in my head that has had me crying in a ball every day for almost a week now:

 

What did I do to make myself so inherently unlikable?

 

I actually can't remember the last time someone outside of my family volunteraly spoke to me or messaged me without me being the instigator. Ever since I was dumped my phone has been more or less silent, I don't get messages on Facebook, and on the occasions when I do go out I'm always just left to my own devices because no one wants to talk to me. I know that it swings both ways, but I'm always the one to make the effort. Just yesterday I messaged out to see if anyone wanted to go to the cinema with me and I just got a blanket silence so I ended up going by myself. What a fun experience that is...

 

I actually don't understand this. I've never been nasty to anyone, I try to be nice all the time and am fiercly loyal as a friend, although I do have my quirky side - I love science fiction and prog rock, and sometimes I can have a serious case of foot-in-mouth syndrome, but that's part of my quirks. My ex was the only person to fully accept all my "warts" but she eventually cottoned on to the fact she would be so much better off without me, as everyone else always has done in the end. I thought I was a lovely person with a heart of gold, but it turns out I'm not. I'm just short, podgy, ugly and obviously unlovable. I'm one of those guys who will only get one shot at this type of happiness, no second chances, and I screwed it up. I don't know what I did but I must have deserved to have been cheated on and dumped.

 

Is a little normality too much to ask for?

 

I know people on here would say "get out there" or "just do the things that make you happy" or the worst of them all "just concentrate on you" but when all hope and self confidence is gone, and the things that used to make me happy no longer do, and the idea of concentrating on myself just leads back to knowing I'll be on my f*cking own because whenever I've tried to be who I want to be it always comes crashing down, what do you do?

 

It seems ironic that I was watching one of my favourite comedians - Dylan Moran - last night and he did a little skit on male PMS that made me laugh, but at the same time there was an undertone of bitter understanding, it went like this:

 

"Every time I try and do something for myself you carbonise and then sh*t on my dreams... Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?"

Edited January 15, 2012 by dicky_fish

[dicky_fish]

Anyone?

[Exit]

I wish I had some kind of advice for you but all I am able to do is let you know that I'm going through the exact same thing. I had very few friends left as is, and they were all mutual friends that my ex and I both know, so to avoid any awkwardness I've stopped contact with them too (and none of them have cared to ask me how I'm doing), and am pretty much left alone. I've gotten off of social networking sites for the same reasons, to avoid any drama, so I can't even have the fake social life of logging onto a website and making brief conversation with "friends". Not that I really miss it, I always found that stuff kind of annoying, but at least it was some sense of being connected with others.

 

I go through the exact same things you do, people tell me I need to be the one to initiate making plans with people, so I try, I've told people about bands that were coming to town and said they should meet me at the show, I've asked people to go to the movies, I invite people to stop by and visit me, and generally nothing ever comes of it. I try to tell myself it's mainly that these other people are flaky/unreliable, but like you, eventually I end up turning the microscope around onto myself and asking... what the hell is it about me that nobody else wants to see me, or even desires to have a conversation with me? I'm a good, reliable, trustworthy person, yet it seems like the people who just want to run around and party and treat people like objects for entertainment are the ones who have a better social life.

 

When all the "just put yourself out there" type of advice ends up failing, then people turn to "you just don't know the right people, there are people out there who would appreciate you and your friendship, you just need to find them", but that is an equally impossible task. I've had family and even my therapist act like I'm going to find the best friends of my life by striking up a conversation with people at the gym or other random public places... and my response to that is that you end up looking like a desperate psycho when you do that.

 

It can be very hard to maintain a positive self image without positive feedback coming from other people, it's just human nature. Most days I try to tell myself I'm a good person, I don't have any destructive habits, I'm an emotionally stable person who is capable of actually having adult relationships with other people... but at the end of the day, without having any feedback from other humans to tell me that I'm a good/desirable person, it's easy to slip back into depression. It's hard to reconcile the two conflicting ideas; can I really be a good person when at the prime of my life, my phone never rings and I never have anyone interested in seeing me? If I'm a good person with lots of good qualities, wouldn't people want to be around me? Certainly some portion of self confidence should come from within and it doesn't always have to be about the feedback you get from other people (that would be shallow narcissism), but can a healthy outlook really be maintained solely by trying to feel good about yourself without anyone else to make you feel good?

 

I have never spent this much time alone and I am amazed that I've even kept myself somewhat sane this long. I go do stuff by myself, I have to try to act happy when I know the high point of my day will probably be playing a videogame or watching a movie by myself, I immerse myself in books and spend a lot of time reading about health and diet/exercise to at least try to improve how I feel about myself physically, I've been doing a lot of cleaning and getting unnecessary clutter out of my life, but no matter how much I try to keep busy, every day there is a point where there's a lull in the action and I end up staring at the wall thinking "what the hell did I do so wrong". It's become such a treat just to have a text message from maybe the two or three people who will still at least say hi to me and ask what I'm up to. Sadly a few of the people who I talk to through text messages are just people I've known online for a few years and we don't live close or hang out in person, and two other people are friends who now live out of state and again, I can't really make plans with.

 

I'm really at a loss for suggestions about what we can try to improve our situations. I don't know how much longer I can wake up every day knowing I have nothing to really look forward to, yet keep myself going. It would be one thing if I knew I had some major flaws and just chose to be in denial about it, but I'm totally open to introspection and trying to figure out what it may be about me. If I knew an area that I really needed to work on, I would be glad to do it. All I can identify so far is that I was definitely more confident when I was in better physical shape, and I'm already pursuing to remedy that with all the energy I can spare. At this rate I could lose 50lbs and feel amazing and still be faced with the same issues... where are the people who care about me? The only other things I could change are areas where I don't really feel like compromising, it's not my idea of fun to constantly be out drinking and getting into trouble as a form of entertainment. Sure I could just catch up with whatever friends spend most of their nights hanging at a bar, throw back a couple drinks, and try to enjoy myself, but is that really the type of environment where I'm going to meet quality friends with the type of lifestyle that I want to be around? And it certainly contradicts my goals of getting healthier if I have to surround myself with alcohol and cigarettes just to have some social contact.

 

Sorry for the rant but maybe with the detail I went into you'll see that I really do feel like I'm going through the exact same thing you are. I wish I had some ideas to share with you... but I really don't. I'll just end up spouting the same old BS, take a class, go volunteer, think of activities that involve other people like joining a gym with a specific training method where you'd be working closely with other people, and hope to god you come across someone who you'd like to spend time with. But I know all of that is easier said than done and certainly isn't any guarantee that it would help anyway. Guess we just have to keep hoping for better days, although I can't back that up with any reason or motivation on how to really keep going on a day to day basis.

Edited January 16, 2012 by Exit

[Rimer]

Hello

 

I'm on the same boat guys. I feel like no1 besides family wants to be in contact me. I'm always the one to call/text my "friend(s)" first. I don't know what's wrong with me why no1 likes me anymore. Maybe it's because I'm not happy with myself and that reflects out as so much negative energy it actually drives people away. I know I have to lose a lot weight to able to accept myself but I do feel scared that even if I do that... will I still be happy with myself? Will anyone else accept me more? Would people like me If I was more of positive energy not negative? Call me crazy but I think these questions are the reasons keeping me back from losing weight. The what if I lose weight and nothing else changes but my psychical well being? I guess the only thing that can be done is to try but what if that doesn't help? I don't think I would be able to take this life after that... The losing weight getting confidence is my last string of getting a life... what if??

 

Again.. I also have no advice as I'm in the same boat but except find that confidence and that inner positive wibe and everything will change to the better... a cliche but is there anything else left?

[esteem-jam]

In the same hell as you both.

[betterdeal]

I'm currently reading How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, and I am impressed by it. I do so like advice from the older generation like Dale. His advice is solid, grounded and easy to implement. I recommend it highly.

 

Maybe take this fallow period as an opportunity to do some reading, some thinking, some adjusting and changing. It's easier to become who, what and where you want to be when times are quiet. Life will throw quiet times at you. Learning to make use of them will be a valuable lesson, and, ironically, the better you are at enjoying your own company, the more likely other will want to be part of it.

 

One step at a time.

 

Oh, and kudos on liking Dylan - he's ace. Are you a Black Books fan?

[Exit]

Maybe it's because I'm not happy with myself and that reflects out as so much negative energy it actually drives people away. I know I have to lose a lot weight to able to accept myself but I do feel scared that even if I do that... will I still be happy with myself? Will anyone else accept me more?

 

Maybe you're on to something there. I am a very negative person. I don't think I really show it externally, it's not like when I hang out with people and they come up with ideas for something to do I'm the downer who tells everyone it's a stupid idea or anything, I don't act out with my negativity like that, but maybe it's just something that can be sensed. I really don't like myself lately, maybe I have a general depression that is more noticeable to others than I think. But this is just another one of those issues that gets added to the category of "okay, I get it, but how do I fix it". I've been going to therapy and I experience this same thing there, talking to someone helps me identify what I'm unhappy about or what my problems are, but still lacking any actual solutions.

[betterdeal]

You may be carrying that extra weight in order to push people away from you. Your subconscious mind may figure that it got hurt by people so keep away from people, and being overweight is a way to do that. However, you can keep people at a distance without being overweight - you simply emotionally disengage with them. It doesn't have to be forever, just for now, while you need space.

[zerovandez]

I think you need to stop being so negative first of all. I know it's hard not to, but you need to try harder at it. I was also dumped and cheated on, I was unhealthy and a bit overweight then and felt the same as you currently do after she left. I was a complete wreck.

 

I started to workout with P90X and sure enough, 3 months later, guys and girls took notice! It was nuts man! I never got so many compliments in my life. I've never felt so confident. Everywhere I went there was at least 3 lookers. I'm still a shy guy so it takes some getting used to lol. Oh hey, it brought back the ex, well, kind of. But that's another story.

 

Just be active. If you go to the movies alone, enjoy it! I've done it many times and I now do not have a problem doing it at all. I've actually picked up a date or 2 that way. Believe it or not. Confidence comes from within, work on that first before you "put yourself out there." Do it when you are ready. Get a haircut or shave your head. Just do something! It will all fall into place, friend.

[CopingGal]

Hi. I know somone who is fat, has a rounded back almost to the point that she has a hump on her back, has a big nose, has large, unattractive glasses, and the last time I saw her she was getting married.

 

I know someone who is extremely short and only has one leg. He is married.

 

I could keep going on. The point is, I think there is someone for everyone. I have never been married before. Sometimes I feel hopeless about that. But I continue to hope that somone will be good to me and marry me.

 

I went searching and searching and searching on the internet. What I got was a monster and now I'm paying for it.

 

So I'm concentrating on my life. I am having a relationship with myself. I am focusing on me. Hopefully I will get married, but if I don't, I still have me.

 

I like going to the movies alone. I can really get into the film. Do things that make you happy. If you feel lonely, do volunteer work for a worthwhile cause.

 

Try to get comfortable being alone. And besides, you are not ugly.

[dicky_fish]

Thanks everyone. Your input has been very supportive, and I'm grateful.

 

My "friends" have done something really sucky this last week. They've all booked to go on a holiday together this summer and guess who was the only one not invited...?

 

Looks like I'm going to have to get comfortable on my own, cause that's the only company I'm gonna get.

 

I'm starting to feel like I want to burrow into my head and scrape out the memories of my ex as they haunt me all the time. The better, fulfilling and happier life I had and worked towards with her is starting to get to me so much. I just got home from another trip out on my own, I cried all the way home and did a little more when I got in the house. And all the while she's living that life we built, just with me not there.

 

"Every time I try and do something for myself you carbonise and then sh*t on my dreams..." - Still applies.

[Pens55]

As I've mentioned, its hard re-integrating yourself back into friends' lives once youve been over-consumed in a relationship. It does take some work, and some friends take some time to accept you're back.

 

That being said, why dont you just let them know you wish you couldve gone...maybe they have an extra spot, or can somehow make accomodations.

 

I'll just mention one more thing that I am discovering today. When I was dumped, I knew I should get back to the gym. So I went, and the first few times sucked...I didnt want to be there and I would be thinking the whole time I was there. Today, I went to the gym, found this great motivation and when I got home, I was (and still am) on such a high. I cant explain it, and I know that there will be times when I am down again...but this has given me hope to say I can live my life and enjoy it as it comes. Maybe the gym is something that will produce this feeling for you too, maybe its something else - but you'll find it and will begin finding that life is still worth enjoying.

[moosekaka]

Today, I went to the gym, found this great motivation and when I got home, I was (and still am) on such a high. I cant explain it, and I know that there will be times when I am down again...but this has given me hope to say I can live my life and enjoy it as it comes.

 

I know that feeling, its the endorphine rush we get from a good pump/workout/run etc. It can get quite addictive, almost like a good relationship which is also due to endorphines.

 

only problem is....the next morning can be pretty crappy once the high wears off and you are feeling sore. provided you don't get injured, at the very least you will be left with an improved physique/fitness if not mental confidence. I cannot imagine though what I would do if I got injured and was unable to workout....

Edited January 18, 2012 by moosekaka

[Pens55]

only problem is....the next morning can be pretty crappy once the high wears off and you are feeling sore. provided you don't get injured

 

Haha yeah I hear ya. I never quit exercising, I try to run outside most of the time and I also have a treadmill at home, so the soreness wasnt an issue. But it always seems like youre more productive if you work out at a gym. I did take a bit of a break from lifting for a while, so I was sure to take it easy when I started going back. All is good though.

 

But yeah, moral of the story, get out and do something you enjoy and/or that benefits you in some way. Takes some effort at first, but we humans are fairly adaptive creatures

[dicky_fish]

I'm still feeling really demoralised. Everywhere I look there's people happy in their relationships, laughing with their friends, going to their jobs, talking about their bands, planning adventures away and I'm just... stuck!

 

People have told me to be thankful for the little things I've got - a family, a roof over my head, food and drink etc. But they seem to miss the point; I am grateful for these things but they make me feel like a spunger and a burden on all involved. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet again and not be a charity case.

 

What saddens me the most is I feel like I know my best years are now behind me. The time when I was happiest and totally free to be who I want, and do as I please is over. My life while I was at university was my high point - I had thought that life would continue as me and my girlfriend progressed into our adult lives, but no. Everything, and I do mean everything, I have ever worked towards; giving it my all - sweat, blood and tears, has completely crumbled to pieces.

 

Ergh! How can one enjoy Earth when they have already tasted Heaven?

Edited January 21, 2012 by dicky_fish

[Exit]

I sympathize with what you're feeling. There's no way I believe your best years are behind you though. I had to go digging through your other thread to figure out your age and you're not even 24 yet. Sometimes it's important to ask ourselves follow-up questions to some of our negative beliefs. You say you're no longer free to be who you want and do what you please. Why? What makes you say that? You can wake up tomorrow and take your life in any direction you want it to go. Yeah, it's not the direction you thought you were going in when you had a gf and were making plans for the future with her, but now you're free to make new plans. Hell, you're probably more free to be who you want and do as you please now that you're single, moreso than when you had a gf. Try not to tell yourself that your best years are over with or you may very well make that belief come true. What do you want out of life? What would make you happier. What would you like to accomplish in 2012 to be able to say it was a good year? Figure it out and get started.

 

I told my therapist something this week that is very similar to what you said, I feel like I tried my best throughout all of my life, everyone else was messing around, wasting time, getting into trouble, going to school without any idea what they wanted to do, meanwhile I was working hard, getting good grades, thinking I had a plan for my life, and so far, it has all amounted to nothing. The people who screwed around and never gave a crap are the ones who have jobs and girlfriends and I'm sitting here with nothing. And it's also hard to just "Try again" because I feel like I spent all my energy already, I made my one big push to try to be successful by the time I was this age, and it didn't happen, and now I just feel tired and defeated.

 

I think I'm too similar to you, I almost never have any good advice to give, all I can do is say I feel the exact same way lol. It would require someone with a bit of a different perspective to really be able to help. It's like I'm sitting the in same boat with you, lost at sea, so I certainly don't have any better ideas about what we are supposed to do.

 

All I know is my own depression has started to lift a tiny bit, and it helps. It doesn't mean I have any huge plans about what to do with my life or any solutions for all my problems, but at least my mood has improved a little bit.

[adastra]

well dicky_fish, at first I was pretty concerned about how depressed you sounded, but then I noticed you appear to be British so this melancholy could be normal.

 

just kidding.

 

In all seriousness, when I was your age I went through a terrible depression. I was already divorced, had ended a long term relationship with someone I truly loved, had more than one addict in my life I had to go NC with, screwed up a few more relationships, was jobless and completely broke. I've had problems with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. I cringed at the thought of you having nobody to go to the movie with because at the time I was where you are, I could not bear to do anything like that alone.

 

I think a good bit of what you are describing is typical of any relationship ending. There is some time of redefining. Exit had some great suggestions. And yes, you are FAR from having the best years of your life over. I would take my 31st birthday over my 21st ANY day : )

 

If you haven't yet, I would recommend reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. My mom recommended it way back then and I thought it was crap. About 5 years ago I picked it up and it clicked.

 

You have to break this cycle some how. Try to get out and do something you like. If you can't find anyone to do it with, try it alone. Get a second part time job; take a class; volunteer; hell, go to twelve step meetings - they're full of people looking for good clean fun. Find an online forum to participate in. I have a group of online "friends" that have been in contact for 5 years yet most of us have never met in real life. You just have to do something. Fake it until you make it - that is what most people are doing anyway.

[dicky_fish]

Exit - I think my final point at the end of my last post signals why I feel like things are beyond me. I was happier than I thought actually humanly possible for me to be during the ages of 19-22. And part of that included a time when I had a complete mental breakdown. I was a mess during my final year at uni and the subsequent battle that went with it. But I still had the best time of my life. My one constant for that though was her. She never gave up on me during that time. It's funny you should mention what I want to do with my life because it's what she asked me a few months prior to the break up. By the time I hit 22 I'd got the job I'd always wanted - I became the technical manager of a theatre. I'd always assumed I'd work towards that role and gain it when I was in my early 30s after years of working my way up, but out of some weird twists of fate I became one of, if not the youngest person to ever hold that title. As far as I was concerned this time last year the only life "goal" I had left was to get married and have kids.

 

But skip forward to the present day and I was dumped after being cheated on, I got made redundant from the dream job, and I'm stuck back in my home city with people who spent most of my teenage years wishing I was well away from. Although that has something to do with my ego I'd imagine. When I was at uni, or when I was with her and our group of friends I was a somebody - Didn't have to hide away or feel belittled by anyone, I felt a distinct sense of respect that I'd been yearning for since I turned 13. Hell, just tonight I was out in a bar and ran into some old amatuer dramatics friends and they asked me to come back and rejoin the group, I just wanted to scream "no! I worked really bloody hard to get away from being an amateur!" It's sort of like the ultimate admission of failure - going back to what you tried to escape from and accpeting your lot. Which is what I feel like.

 

It's fear and anxiety that's mostly making things difficult. The 5 years I spent building the real me appear to have been in vein because since the break up I've been reduced right back to the state I was in at 18. Lost, confused, and knowing something out there was better for me but I just wasn't good enough to reach it. I'd like to think that just moving away from my home city would be massively beneficial to my mental well-being, but social mobility and the economic climate are even making that damn-near impossible. What was adastra saying about melancholy Brits...?

Edited January 22, 2012 by dicky_fish

[adastra]

See- Your sense of humor seems to still be there. This is good.

 

Sounds like several crap circumstances hit at once. Which is enough to make anyone nuts. I also have ADD and it has made crawling out of the depression hole much harder. What people don't appreciate about ADD sometimes is the problems with motivation it can cause. You can desperately want something to happen but you just can't figure out what step is the first one to take. If you have benefitted from medication in the past, now might be a good time to take it if you aren't already.

 

I think Life has been sucking for thousands of years now and people seem to carry on regardless.

[Buttercup84]

If your friends only want to stick around when you are happy , then they are not your friends .

 

As hard as this is , use this to really change your life . Become a better version of yourself , confident , happy etc . People flock to people who are happy .

 

If you don't want to go out and party , don't .Go for a walk , do some volunteering and meet some nice people that way .

 

Don't pressure yourself to heal at a certain time and having to live the single life a certain way .

 

It is totaly understandable that you feel this way . For a long time after the breakup I felt so paranoide about people not liking me .

 

I felt there must be really something wrong for my ex not to love me . If he sees it , then others must , right ?

 

You seem like a really sweet guy and care so much for a girl and so many women including me would give anything to find a man who would love us and remain so loyal .

[Exit]

I can understand where you're coming from with your latest reply. The only flaw I can identify (because I'm very guilty of this too) is that too much of your happiness came from the influence of someone else, your ex. Having a great girlfriend made you feel like a million bucks, and I know exactly how that goes. But when you have another person as one of the foundations that you built the rest of your life on, if that person ever chooses to leave, the entire house of cards comes tumbling down. I realize it wasn't all about her, you mention how the job made you feel good about yourself too and unfortunately in the same period of time that ended up not working out too. A lot of bad things happened in a row. That's enough to send anyone into a depression, so there's nothing wrong with you.

 

I've always done the same type of thing in my life. I can find marginal amounts of happiness in my life, but for some reason, when I have a girlfriend, it just feels more worth it to even open my eyes in the morning. It's easier to deal with the rest of life, it's easier to deal with other crappy people when you know you have someone great in your life. But looking at this from another perspective, it makes it sound like a crutch or a bandaid. When I'm happy in a relationship, I let myself get out of shape, I get complacent at my job, I stop putting as much effort into other friendships, and then when they leave, my crutch is gone, and everything sucks again.

 

Look at it this way, you have a great opportunity now if you feel like you're at rock bottom. Some day soon you're going to start rebuilding again, even if you feel like that day may never come, it will. And now you've learned the lesson, the main foundation of your life has to be built all around you. I know this is easier said than done, but you need to figure out how to feel like a million bucks and how to attack life with enthusiasm and a smile on your face, without a girlfriend having to be a key component in the machinery. This isn't to say you have to treat relationships like a meaningless little bonus in life, they can still be very important to you and come close to the top of your list of priorities, but you have to make that stable foundation for your life out of things that only involve you. If you can manage to do this, then for the rest of your life, regardless of who comes and who goes, when they leave, they will only be taking themselves away, and not taking your happiness and your life plans with them. In order for people to rob us of our happiness we have to have handed it to them at some point in the first place. I'm guilty of doing this many times.

 

Many people enjoy that romantic notion of "this other person completes me" but it is a dangerous game to play. Nothing lasts forever. The only person you can count on being there for the rest of your life is you. It almost hurts me to have to type some of this stuff, because my entire life I wanted to believe in that romantic love, I wanted to believe that I'd find someone to be there with me forever, and I'm not saying I've given up on love completely, but with all the breakups and divorces going on in the world every day, I have to be a little more skeptical about trusting that someone is never going to leave me.

 

From rock bottom, the only way to go is up. That's a strange statement to make, it's equally depressing as it is hopeful. Being at rock bottom sucks. But we do have the chance to do things differently this time. We have to try to be complete, happy people first, and then decide to share our lives with someone else. Once you fall into that trap of thinking things like "having this person in my life makes it easier just to wake up in the morning and make myself go to work", it's a nice way to feel, but that's exactly the type of thing that can be ripped away from you if the person decides to leave.

 

Throughout your various threads I've also seen you talking about this issue of reconnecting with friends who you aren't really all that excited to be hanging out with again. It's really up to you how you choose to handle it. In my life, despite how depressing being lonely can get, I still don't bother to hang around with people if I know they're less than ideal for me. I vary rarely drink or smoke or anything like that. There's probably 5 people I could call on any given night and go meet them at a bar and try to have an enjoyable evening, but it's not really where I want to be, so instead I'm at home. This may not apply to everyone, and if you feel the lesser of the two evils is to at least get out of the house even if it's not perfect, then just try to see it for what it is, you may not be out with your favorite people in the world, but at least you're out.

 

I know this sucks. I can't say it enough, I'm very similar to you. I worked hard in school, I knew exactly which career I wanted to get in to, I got that job, and I ended up losing it. I thought I knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I ended up losing them. I'm being forced to start over at square 1 too, and I've thought about just giving up, but I haven't so far...

Edited January 22, 2012 by Exit

[dicky_fish]

I felt there must be really something wrong for my ex not to love me . If he sees it , then others must , right ?

 

Hit the nail on the head there Butter! She got all over me, my disgusting stuff too, as I thought I did her. The difference being I accepted all her "flaws" - she flat out rejected mine.

 

You seem like a really sweet guy and care so much for a girl and so many women including me would give anything to find a man who would love us and remain so loyal.

 

It's funny; I was watching The Mask the other night and I felt totally like Jim Carry's character (he even wrote a letter to a newspaper about nice guys finishing last and the reporter said something very similar to what you said here). I think the problem in the future is as much of a "great guy" I know I can be, I don't think my heart will ever be in it as much ever again. Mostly because it still belongs to her, and there's nothing I can do about that. The real bitch being that while I'm like this I am going to be the least attractive guy on the planet.

 

 

Check out the bolded stuff Buttercup