nature Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye (Oliver is my dog). We havent talked in over two years. Broke up over 3 years ago. Was a hurtful breakup. Explosive and sad. Broke my heart. I see him around fairly often, as our city isn't that big. and often times he's been with his new fluff ball girlfriend. But I've done and said nothing and just kept to my own business. This email came to me out of the complete blue. Seems condescending to me with the use of the word "unfortunate", as he behaved like a complete jack ass which is why the break up was so hurtful. What are you views on it? Am I being a b*tch by thinking he's being condescending? Why did he send this to me now? Link to post Share on other sites
arbrne_vet Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye Not sure if i am in any position to offer any advice, but..... Sounds like my ex to the T. Something she would do. my opinion, doing the "poor me" and maybe "victim" mentality, or seeing if she can "suck" you into a conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Not sure if i am in any position to offer any advice, but..... Sounds like my ex to the T. Something she would do. my opinion, doing the "poor me" and maybe "victim" mentality, or seeing if she can "suck" you into a conversation. Pay attention... the op is female, and her ex is the guy....!! nature, he still obviously feels attached enough to still have your email... maybe he's smarting from a recent break-up and is fishing to see whether you'll take the bait.... Ignore it.... Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 What Tara said. It's a trial balloon, a fishing expedition... he's looking for validation and a response. Ignore it like the plague.. don't validate him with any answer. Period. You don't need him anymore to be whole. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 Thanks so much for the responses. A fishing expedition, is it? Wants to see if I'm still "there"? Thats kind of what I figured, but then thought, maybe I'm just being a b*tch thinking that. My honest opinion and thoughts is that fluff ball was a rebound. He hooked up with her while he was still calling me and trying to get me back a year after we broke up....telling me he loved me and was sorry and he regretted being such a dick to me, etc. But I wouldn't go back, and suddenly he was flaunting around with fluff ball. Sorry that sounds mean, but she really is a ball of fluff he has takent to my hang out spots that have been mine long before he even moved to this city....taking her biking on my path where I walk my dog every day. Who knows, but thanks for the responses. I haven't responded!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 First thing I would do is check the time of the email. If it's very late or early morning he might have been drunk. Two years NC is a long time to receive that email though. Link to post Share on other sites
Cmac Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Two years NC is a long time to receive that email though. I agree, seems a bit odd Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Nothing odd about it. He had gigs, he came back at the 12 month pattern mark and the OP rejected him, hes still trying 3 years later, its simply just gigs Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Pay attention... the op is female, and her ex is the guy....!! nature, he still obviously feels attached enough to still have your email... maybe he's smarting from a recent break-up and is fishing to see whether you'll take the bait.... Ignore it.... Tara is on the ball. I also think she is dropping the "maybe" to get you to think about the INTENT behind the email moreso than the CONTENT which if you looked at is very self-absorbed. My translation in addition to agreeing with tara: Sorry (passive aggressive fake apology) you obviously dislike me (assumption based off of a reasonable expectation) and feel very negative (because I deserve it but won't admit it) and low towards me (inflated sense of self worth based off of denial), very unfortunate (I need more cake!) I'm sorry (this is an outlier because it is a personally attached apology...problem is...to nothing). Hope Oliver doing well(but not you)! Bye (please email me because I need validation) Ignore, ignore and ignore some more. If he is sincere he will MAKE AMENDS and hold himself accountable instead of just passively apologizing while he panders to you and himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 OMG you guys are all so great. Thank you so much for your responses. I really do appreciate it. You validated the feelings I had when I received his email, which by the way EgoJoe was sent at 12:30pm (lunch time) on Saturday. It felt very condescending to me almost. Sorry I feel this way about him? He made me feel this way. He is not owning up or acknowledging what a dickhead he's been. It is definately self serving I believe. Thanks so much everyone. I have not, and will not, respond. I agree about the GIGS as well. I think that's prob what happened. Because what we had was pretty damn special at one time. He threw it away like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 You can take some small comfort that things have not been peachy keen for him and he has very likely been sitting on this for a while. As far as the time sent...could be hungover, could be this could be that or he could have had a night of rejection or some dreams which caused him to wakeup and reach out. Does it matter? No. That was not an acceptable apology or contact from "out of the blue" and it was reminiscent of emotional dumping. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 You can take some small comfort that things have not been peachy keen for him and he has very likely been sitting on this for a while. . I feel sorry for him, this is my worst nightmare, to become like this guy Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Like me or the guy who contacted Nature? Hah! Link to post Share on other sites
Glove_slap Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye (Oliver is my dog). We havent talked in over two years. Broke up over 3 years ago. Was a hurtful breakup. Explosive and sad. Broke my heart. I see him around fairly often, as our city isn't that big. and often times he's been with his new fluff ball girlfriend. But I've done and said nothing and just kept to my own business. This email came to me out of the complete blue. Seems condescending to me with the use of the word "unfortunate", as he behaved like a complete jack ass which is why the break up was so hurtful. What are you views on it? Am I being a b*tch by thinking he's being condescending? Why did he send this to me now? to be honest i was kind of hoping that you were a man that received a random email from your ex-gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 EgoJoe thanks so much. I appreciate your comforting words. I figured his life was totally peachy keen, but maybe its not. SmokeyBear, why is this your worst nightmare? I don't get it? GloveSlap, you must be a man hoping to hear from your ex girlfriend? Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read and respond! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 EgoJoe, you wrote something I can't get my head around understanding. What does this mean.... it was reminiscent of emotional dumping Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Dropping all of the negativity on you by way of deflection or other processes. It is obvious from his message...consider his passive aggressive weak apology where he takes no responsibility. Dumping the blame and shame. This is why it is important for you to not respond. You don't want to validate him for any reason. Consider it a helping hand for his own healing and perspective. He doesn't get to know that it is all ok and that you forgive him etc. But, don't let it get to your head. The whole "you can take some small comfort" is me trying to appeal to your ego because I know it is probably rough to hear from him especially in such an immature way. Link to post Share on other sites
lalalandman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 It's sort of shocking he would send you this type of message 2 years down the road. Not to mention incredibly SELFISH and yes, self-loathing. He's got some nerve. I agree with EgoJoe. Ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye Reading this again takes nothing away from my previous evaluation (and I'm glad others agree) but the first line is so dramatically self-pitying, with a hefty dollop of sarcasm.... I don't see any form of apology there. His ego wouldn't allow that... the words 'sorry' would indicate to me, that he finds it disappointing that you should feel this way, because ..."really, can't you see your error of judgement here? And I'm such a caring fellow - look - I'm even sending your dog good wishes!" The breezy 'bye!' at the end would indicate that 'hey, I'm really doing ok without you, and am as cheerful as a sand-boy on a beach!' It's a façade. He's feeling so sorry for himself, he just wants to see if you'll lick his wounds.... .....An attempt to arouse your interest and make you curious. Like I said - ignore the bait. to be honest i was kind of hoping that you were a man that received a random email from your ex-gf. Why? Would that validate your pain and resentment, and confirm that all women are callous unfeeling wretched creatures? Pain doesn't gender-discriminate. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Absolutely a facade. A fake apology without ownership. As far as agreeing with you Tara, it is hard not to. Once you begin to view things objectively then things fall into place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Tara and EgoJoe! I couldn't agree with you both more!! You are so bang on, and have entirely reaffirmed what my initial feelings were the first time I read it. There is no real apology here. He is basically saying it's too bad that I feel this way about him, because in actuality, he's such a great guy and hasn't done anything wrong. Or doesn't see he's done anything wrong. Or doesn't want to acknowledge what he knows he's done wrong. I agree with you both. And EgoJoe, thanks for your explanation! I totally agree! He's deflecting and trying to put it all on me. Forget that sh*t. I will not take it on, nor will I respond. And Tara, I love your analysis and comparing his "bye" to a sand boy at the beach! Soooo true! Like what's with the "bye". What adult ends a message that way? Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Not sure if i am in any position to offer any advice, but..... Sounds like my ex to the T. Something she would do. my opinion, doing the "poor me" and maybe "victim" mentality, or seeing if she can "suck" you into a conversation. That is a very good observation Arbrn.. I agree! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye I think we are putting too many labels on this, using big words to try to understand what hes trying to say or saying thats hes deflecting or playing games. When you read it from your point of view, of course you think hes playing games or doing all these things to intentionally hurt her. Lets take this for what it is at face value. I agree that this is a purely egocentric email and one sided. With that I understand what hes saying. He's expressing his feelings. Everyone is reading his words at face value. There are 2 meanings though. Take yourselves out of the situation and put yourself into his shoes and see his point of view. He's self talking not projecting. So NC in 2 years and he had to express his feelings. Now read them as feelings, he feels that you no longer like him and you have a negative and low opinion of him. He's saying its unfortunate because he's grown up a lot and you can't see it and he's trying to apologize for it. I do agree with sticking to NC for a while for him to come out of his egocentric phase. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Tara and EgoJoe! ...... we make such good bookends....! Thanks so much! Hey, no problem! Be warned though... if he realises you haven't taken the bait, he may try again... with something like, "hey, did you get my message? Don't know if you got it.... it's been a while...." Egotists like to feel you're paying attention..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Thanks Tara. My best girlfriend who knew him when he and i were together read it today and her words were.... "he's a prick. he's trying so hard to sound cool". I don't know if that's what I got from it, but you've helped me immensely with your thoughts Tara! Now I just hope I don't run into him as I wouldn't even know how to react. I guess just do the same as I always do when he goes out of his way to bring his fluffy girlfriend to the places I go. Ignore them. I"ve gotten good at ignoring and acting like I'm more than ok. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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