betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yeah so what?? I have things that can't be helped. And i'm still slim because i even try my best to do exrecise even if i limp. So the girls that dont have broken knees or whatver have no excuse to be overweight and do nothing. You have depression and are in no fit state to date. That has nothing to do with the size of women. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 If guys don't want to chase girls they aren't attracted to, AND don't really want to work at becoming something the girls they want are attracted to, fine, but then they need to stop whining about how lonely they are. No they don't. They can whine till the cows come home. It's their choice. It's not one that's going to work, but it's their choice how they pursue their happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 If Women take care of themselves and are not overweight..They actually fit the young, slim, beautiful. Most women do. And also being a nice person is what i want. Most women who take care of themselves wil be like this so i'm not narrowing my pool... In fact it's the biggest pool. In fact of 100% of women in my age range of dating, 80 percent fit what i want. But the only thiing that those in that pool are missing is being nice and accepting of men that are not rich or great talkers.. And al i'm asking from them is being healthy and good heart. Meanwhile those women would ask of me to be rich and a great talker. You still haven't told us about what you have to offer in a romantic relationship. You can't keep any type of job so the woman would always pay for dates, you don't have friends and won't be social so that's no fun, you live with your parents and it doesn't look like that will change, you can't have sex, you are obsessed with lesbians, cuddle with stuffed animals and you think about dating 13 year olds! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 You still haven't told us about what you have to offer in a romantic relationship. You can't keep any type of job so the woman would always pay for dates, you don't have friends and won't be social so that's no fun, you live with your parents and it doesn't look like that will change, you can't have sex, you are obsessed with lesbians, cuddle with stuffed animals and you think about dating 13 year olds! He also writes like a 5-year-old and has extremely warped thought processes and doesn't seem inclined to seek help for them. If that is what he thinks the 'average' guy is like, what a HUGE insult to men all over the world. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 No they don't. They can whine till the cows come home. It's their choice. It's not one that's going to work, but it's their choice how they pursue their happiness. Good point, they're free to whine. They are just not then entitled to a lot of sympathy and compassion, or to call it "flaming" when posters call them on their BS attitudes. Better? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I guess, I see it like this: - Some men have unrealistic standards of a woman's weight. That is HIS problem. He is the one eliminating average (assuming around a BMI of 25ish is 'average'/slightly below average (ie. BMI 25+) women from his pool (which is the majority). HE is the one who has narrowed his dating pool. - Let's say he is the kind of guy who is only physically attracted to certain figures (slim/'curvy' with the hips/boobs but tiny waists, a somewhat unrealistic look) -> but he decides to start dating girls that he perceives to be somewhat unattractive sexually but decides to settle. - Now he decides to marry her. She has kids, gains weight, like most mothers do (and if any of you girls have children, you should know how much harder this is after a baby). - Now he comes onto LS marriage section and complain that he is so unattracted sexually to his wife that he wants a divorce. Now he's bitched at again for being shallow or whatever, AGAIN. Maybe he should have just stuck with his narrow dating pool in the first place. After all, if he's not going to date *you* because he deems you "chubby', are you upset that he's narrowed his chances and you dont' want him to be foreveralone? Or are you upset because you've just been called chubby by some guy you don't know and offended by THAT??? I am slim. I am 5'5 and 128lbs. I also have practically no boobs (maybe a big A/small B when nursing a newborn). Do I give a crap that a man will not date me because of it? Do I want him to date me and then tell me 5 years later that he always thought I was sexually unattractive but that he tried anyways because he should?? Uh no. I just date the ass man who doesn't care about the boobs and still loves my ass 5 years later. The way I see it, if a man is only attracted to slim women and finds chubby or obese women so unacceptable as to not be worth dating, then he has two choices. He can either hold out for that slim woman and hope and pray she'll never gain weight during their marriage, or he can adjust his thinking to be more accepting of women who may not have the figure he most desires, but he has learned to value other things which make women worth having a relationship with. What do you think he would be better off with? If he narrows his dating pool to that degree, then he better have quite a lot going for him himself. If he eliminates all the obese women from his dating pool, he removes 1/3 of the female population. If he eliminates all chubby but not obese women from his dating pool, that's another 1/3 of the population. If he eliminates all women who have other undesirable physical features that are not related to weight, he eliminates maybe another 10% of the female population. That leaves him with the top 20% of women to choose from. So let's be realistic--that top 20% of the most desirable women are being pursued by 80% to 100% of available men. How do you think a man that is short (5'6" is short, with the average being 5'8") is going to fare with those top 20% of women who could basically have their pick of any man. The vast majority of women consider height in a man to be a very desirable trait, and many would not consider dating a short man. Even women who are short themselves often prefer men who are at least average in height. So the fact remains that while these guys are limiting themselves to only the top 20% of women in the dating pool, those top 20% of women are limiting themselves to certain standards, such as height, weight, etc. Those women can afford to limit themselves, since they have 80% to 100% of men pursuing them. These shorter guys are, therefore, removing the vast majority of their dating pool who would accept a shorter man. That is why they are unsuccessful in finding a relationship. Their standards for women are not allowing them to have a dating pool that is going to result in a relationship for them. So they have two choices if they want to have a relationship--either change their thinking to increase their dating pool, or hold out for that top 20%, hoping that group will change their standards, which is not realistically going to result in a relationship. If men are going to be that set in their ways and in their thinking that they must be attracted to their spouse at all times, both before and during the duration of their marriage, and that being slim is a requirement for being attracted to her, then they had better be prepared to be alone unless they have a lot themselves to bring to the table. Because that top 20% of women are going to be very picky. What if they beat the odds and find that slim woman and she gains weight during the marriage? Are they now going to be repulsed and divorce, or are they going to adjust their thinking to not putting such a high value on being slender and decide to be happy with their wife for all the other reasons she makes their life better? If a man can't be satisfied with a woman who is not slender, then he had better be prepared to be alone, unless he also is in that top 20% of desirable men, and he better hope and pray she never gains weight during the marriage. I think he'd have a lot more chance of success in finding and keeping a relationship if he adjusted his thinking instead. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) You still haven't told us about what you have to offer in a romantic relationship. You can't keep any type of job so the woman would always pay for dates, you don't have friends and won't be social so that's no fun, you live with your parents and it doesn't look like that will change, you can't have sex, you are obsessed with lesbians, cuddle with stuffed animals and you think about dating 13 year olds! He also writes like a 5-year-old and has extremely warped thought processes and doesn't seem inclined to seek help for them. If that is what he thinks the 'average' guy is like, what a HUGE insult to men all over the world. Yes, what OP doesn't understand, and I'm not saying this to be mean, is that these qualities do not make him "average." Rather, they put him at the absolute bottom in terms of dating desirability (it could be argued that given his mental problems he probably shouldn't be dating at all). An average guy can hold up a decent conversation, have functional sex, process thoughts normally for their age level (not that of a 5-year-old), and make friends who are not 13-year-old girls. Therefore the women that are more likely to to give him the time of day are going to be the ones who are also at the bottom of the "desirability" scale. They might be obese, mentally unstable/ill, socially inept, etc. Edited January 18, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yes, what OP doesn't understand, and I'm not saying this to be mean, is that these qualities put him at the absolute bottom in terms of dating desirability (it could be argued that given his mental problems he probably shouldn't be dating at all). Therefore the women that are more likely to to give him the time of day are going to be the ones who are also at the bottom of the "desirability" scale. They might be obese, mentally unstable/ill, socially inept, etc. He gave himself a 1 out of 10, so he does understand his own situation if he's not underestimating himself, although I suspect he is. He also said it should be perfectly reasonable for him to expect to date a 7 out of 10, so you're right, he's DRASTICALLY out of touch with the reality of who is likely to date him. I don't like to date anyone more than a point or two away from my own perceived attractiveness level. Parity in a relationship is important...even if I were to attract a 7 and I was a 1, I'd have legitimate reason to always be concerned she would eventually leave me for a better man. I wouldn't want that to ever enter my head, so I date women similar to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Good point, they're free to whine. They are just not then entitled to a lot of sympathy and compassion, or to call it "flaming" when posters call them on their BS attitudes. Better? Again, they're entitled to any sympathy or compassion anyone chooses to give, and to call any responses they get whatever they wish to. What is it about free will you don't like? Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 The way I see it, if a man is only attracted to slim women and finds chubby or obese women so unacceptable as to not be worth dating, then he has two choices. He can either hold out for that slim woman and hope and pray she'll never gain weight during their marriage, or he can adjust his thinking to be more accepting of women who may not have the figure he most desires, but he has learned to value other things which make women worth having a relationship with. What do you think he would be better off with? If he narrows his dating pool to that degree, then he better have quite a lot going for him himself. If he eliminates all the obese women from his dating pool, he removes 1/3 of the female population. If he eliminates all chubby but not obese women from his dating pool, that's another 1/3 of the population. If he eliminates all women who have other undesirable physical features that are not related to weight, he eliminates maybe another 10% of the female population. That leaves him with the top 20% of women to choose from. So let's be realistic--that top 20% of the most desirable women are being pursued by 80% to 100% of available men. How do you think a man that is short (5'6" is short, with the average being 5'8") is going to fare with those top 20% of women who could basically have their pick of any man. The vast majority of women consider height in a man to be a very desirable trait, and many would not consider dating a short man. Even women who are short themselves often prefer men who are at least average in height. So the fact remains that while these guys are limiting themselves to only the top 20% of women in the dating pool, those top 20% of women are limiting themselves to certain standards, such as height, weight, etc. Those women can afford to limit themselves, since they have 80% to 100% of men pursuing them. These shorter guys are, therefore, removing the vast majority of their dating pool who would accept a shorter man. That is why they are unsuccessful in finding a relationship. Their standards for women are not allowing them to have a dating pool that is going to result in a relationship for them. So they have two choices if they want to have a relationship--either change their thinking to increase their dating pool, or hold out for that top 20%, hoping that group will change their standards, which is not realistically going to result in a relationship. If men are going to be that set in their ways and in their thinking that they must be attracted to their spouse at all times, both before and during the duration of their marriage, and that being slim is a requirement for being attracted to her, then they had better be prepared to be alone unless they have a lot themselves to bring to the table. Because that top 20% of women are going to be very picky. What if they beat the odds and find that slim woman and she gains weight during the marriage? Are they now going to be repulsed and divorce, or are they going to adjust their thinking to not putting such a high value on being slender and decide to be happy with their wife for all the other reasons she makes their life better? If a man can't be satisfied with a woman who is not slender, then he had better be prepared to be alone, unless he also is in that top 20% of desirable men, and he better hope and pray she never gains weight during the marriage. I think he'd have a lot more chance of success in finding and keeping a relationship if he adjusted his thinking instead. So Men under a certain height should not expect an attractive women regardless of what kind of shape their in or what they look like facially? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 You get what you're given. If you throw it away, that's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Again, they're entitled to any sympathy or compassion anyone chooses to give, and to call any responses they get whatever they wish to. What is it about free will you don't like? That it allows people to delude themselves into inactively wallowing in a victim mentality as opposed to solving their problems. I share her disdain for it...it's self-destructive to them, and absolutely pathetic to the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I eat better and work out more than almost all of my male friends, and at least some of my female friends. For the last month, I've cut out all grains, all processed foods, anything but natural sugar and carbs, made 95% of my meals from scratch, eaten somewhere in the neighborhood of 1200-1400 calories a day, on top of doing martial arts for 2 hours, belly dancing (which is actually pretty intense) for 1 hour a week on top of going to the gym three times a week in which I do carido for 30 minutes and power lifting for 30 minutes. I gurantee I can bench press more than the girl next to me. And I still look fat. Do you know if you have PCOS? That might be the problem. Otherwise, if you are doing that much exercise, it's possible you need to eat more calories. Try bumping it up by 300 calories for a week or two and see what happens. Body builders also do calorie rotation so your body doesn't become more efficient at using fewer calories. Example: Day 1 eat 1200 calories, Day 2 1400, Day 3 1600, Day 4 1800, then on Day 5 drop down to 1200 again and start all over. There is a ratio of Protein/Fat/Carbs that they also use but I don't remember. About ten years ago I learned this on the Physique Transformation program so you might google it. My google is a cool black color today for their protest! Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 The way I see it, if a man is only attracted to slim women and finds chubby or obese women so unacceptable as to not be worth dating, then he has two choices. He can either hold out for that slim woman and hope and pray she'll never gain weight during their marriage, or he can adjust his thinking to be more accepting of women who may not have the figure he most desires, but he has learned to value other things which make women worth having a relationship with. What do you think he would be better off with? If he narrows his dating pool to that degree, then he better have quite a lot going for him himself. If he eliminates all the obese women from his dating pool, he removes 1/3 of the female population. If he eliminates all chubby but not obese women from his dating pool, that's another 1/3 of the population. If he eliminates all women who have other undesirable physical features that are not related to weight, he eliminates maybe another 10% of the female population. That leaves him with the top 20% of women to choose from. So let's be realistic--that top 20% of the most desirable women are being pursued by 80% to 100% of available men. How do you think a man that is short (5'6" is short, with the average being 5'8") is going to fare with those top 20% of women who could basically have their pick of any man. The vast majority of women consider height in a man to be a very desirable trait, and many would not consider dating a short man. Even women who are short themselves often prefer men who are at least average in height. So the fact remains that while these guys are limiting themselves to only the top 20% of women in the dating pool, those top 20% of women are limiting themselves to certain standards, such as height, weight, etc. Those women can afford to limit themselves, since they have 80% to 100% of men pursuing them. These shorter guys are, therefore, removing the vast majority of their dating pool who would accept a shorter man. That is why they are unsuccessful in finding a relationship. Their standards for women are not allowing them to have a dating pool that is going to result in a relationship for them. So they have two choices if they want to have a relationship--either change their thinking to increase their dating pool, or hold out for that top 20%, hoping that group will change their standards, which is not realistically going to result in a relationship. If men are going to be that set in their ways and in their thinking that they must be attracted to their spouse at all times, both before and during the duration of their marriage, and that being slim is a requirement for being attracted to her, then they had better be prepared to be alone unless they have a lot themselves to bring to the table. Because that top 20% of women are going to be very picky. What if they beat the odds and find that slim woman and she gains weight during the marriage? Are they now going to be repulsed and divorce, or are they going to adjust their thinking to not putting such a high value on being slender and decide to be happy with their wife for all the other reasons she makes their life better? If a man can't be satisfied with a woman who is not slender, then he had better be prepared to be alone, unless he also is in that top 20% of desirable men, and he better hope and pray she never gains weight during the marriage. I think he'd have a lot more chance of success in finding and keeping a relationship if he adjusted his thinking instead. Oh please fat and chubby women are also heigtists because they say short guys make them feel even bigger Stop using scare tactics on short men telling them they need to settle and date women they dont find attractive because they aren't attractive Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 That it allows people to delude themselves into inactively wallowing in a victim mentality as opposed to solving their problems. I share her disdain for it...it's self-destructive to them, and absolutely pathetic to the rest of us. You're equally free to pour scorn, deride, challenge or question their beliefs. Without free will, we'd be somewhere like, um, life under the Taliban. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 So Men under a certain height should not expect an attractive women regardless of what kind of shape their in or what they look like facially? Let's just say their chances are not good in obtaining a relationship with the top 20% of women if they themselves are not the top 20% of men. Obviously, some factors, such as wealth, fame, social standing, etc., would improve a man's chances. But basically, that top 20% of women are going to be very picky, so unless the man is also in that top 20% group, his chances are not good with them, and he would be wise to adjust his standards to include a greater percentage of women. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 You're equally free to pour scorn, deride, challenge or question their beliefs. Without free will, we'd be somewhere like, um, life under the Taliban. Am I free to point out that repeatedly stating the obvious is annoyingly facile, or would you instead find it rather useful for me to point out to you that you're still completely free to continue doing so? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Am I free to point out that repeatedly stating the obvious is annoyingly facile, or would you instead find it rather useful for me to point out to you that you're still completely free to continue doing so? Let me put it another way: her inclination to frame her disdain in authoritarian language is obviously not going to work, and is probably causing her more difficulties. Much as she may not like this particular shower of sh*tclowns trotting out their conditioned responses, saying they can't or are not entitled to is not going to stop them doing so or, more importantly, it having an undesirable affect on her. Learning to emotionally detach is going to be more useful, for instance. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 So Men under a certain height should not expect an attractive women regardless of what kind of shape their in or what they look like facially? Dont listen to her she's crazy im short [between 5'7 and 5'8] and have had a lot of good looking women height is not the end all be all like some people make it out to be Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Oh please fat and chubby women are also heigtists because they say short guys make them feel even bigger Stop using scare tactics on short men telling them they need to settle and date women they dont find attractive because they aren't attractive Most women do want a guy that is at least average in height. But I do think women who are not themselves perfect or near perfect in size are more open minded in who they will date. I've seen plenty of chubby women with shorter guys. I'm trying to show a little realism here in this debate. Do you think it would be more advantageous to encourage men, who can't seem to find a woman who suits them, to have expectations that are self-defeating? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Dont listen to her she's crazy im short [between 5'7 and 5'8] and have had a lot of good looking women height is not the end all be all like some people make it out to be 5'8" is average height. 5'6" is short. Big difference to a lot of women. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I wonder if the crux of the problem with men under 35 having a sense of entitlement is down to their having attended a school where everybody was a winner, no one kept score, everybody was treated equally no matter how good or bad they performed or behaved. These are probably the same men who complain they aren't getting promoted at work or making the same amount of money that top earners get. That and female hormones in the water supply diluting their testosterone. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Let me put it another way: her inclination to frame her disdain in authoritarian language is obviously not going to work, and is probably causing her more difficulties. Much as she may not like this particular shower of sh*tclowns trotting out their conditioned responses, saying they can't or are not entitled to is not going to stop them doing so or, more importantly, it having an undesirable affect on her. Learning to emotionally detach is going to be more useful, for instance. Hmm. I prefer to believe that continuing to tell the pussies to stop crying like little girls and man up will eventually have its effect upon their sense of self-worth, but perhaps you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 5'8" is average height. 5'6" is short. Big difference to a lot of women. Well im not 5'8 im 5'7 and a half and the average height is between 5'9 and 5'10 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I wonder if the crux of the problem with men under 35 having a sense of entitlement is down to their having attended a school where everybody was a winner, no one kept score, everybody was treated equally no matter how good or bad they performed or behaved. These are probably the same men who complain they aren't getting promoted at work or making the same amount of money that top earners get. That and female hormones in the water supply diluting their testosterone. lol at this, young and women also have a huge sense of entitlement let's not at like its only Men Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts