Is it best for Average people to Date Average people and give up their dreams?

[azsinglegal]

Wow, 185 at 5'6. That is huge! I think he's either got a lot of fat as well, or he's on steroids.

 

If I didn't work out, I'd be like 120. I'm naturally very skinny. I can still get bigger, but it will be a lot of work.

 

Not on steroids, no fat on him. I think he might only be about 180 right now.

 

The man can bench 345lbs. He's a monster. I love working out with him...he pushes me. Because of him I have as much muscle as I do. I'm not a small gal either.

[ThaWholigan]

Emm. I really don't like that idea. Frankly I think using a bigger girl as an easy way to get sex is a horrible thing to do.

 

One of these days, you're gonna meet a chubby girl who is quite hot, and I swear you're gonna wanna bone her the moment you meet her .

 

I met a big girl like that, I was on it, I wanted her baaaad. Too bad she had a man, someone else thought she was sexy for a big girl too!

 

Don't ignore the big girls, a small section of them wear that weight well

[somedude81]

Not on steroids, no fat on him. I think he might only be about 180 right now.

 

The man can bench 345lbs. He's a monster. I love working out with him...he pushes me. Because of him I have as much muscle as I do. I'm not a small gal either.

Sounds about right. A genetic mutation. Just like how a woman can be thin with a natural H cup.

 

Some people just have good genes.

 

I'm certainly not.

[Untouchable_Fire]

ROFL! Hear that people? Untouchable_Fire thinks she's a 6.

And people said I had too stringent standards.

 

It has nothing to do with standards... and everything to do with taste.

 

She looks so young... I'm not into that anymore.

[Dust]

Somedude why do you want to be 120 lbs? I'd try to be 160 if I were you. I think it would make you more attractive to women even if it was a good percent fat. I think with minimal effort at the gym say weights 3 times a week you could be around that weight.

[KathyM]

I asked my brother and he basically said this:

 

"If I can't get hard thinking about her, it's not gonna happen". Crude, I would say, but accurate IMO. I think people should never date people they aren't attracted to.

If all men had that philosophy, there would be a heck of a lot of men who are lonely, unfulfilled, and unloved. What you're saying is that if a woman is not attractive enough to arouse you just by thinking about her, then it's better to be alone. There's a whole lot of men living very fulfilling lives full of love and attention from women they love who are not attractive, and may not make them hot just to think about, but they find many other things worth pursuing a relationship with these not-so-attractive women. I'm sure all men would like to fantasize about or desire an attractive woman, but they enter into a relationship because of other factors which are also important to them, such as because the woman provides pleasant companionship, caring, attention, humor, etc. Sex is not everything, arousal is not everything. I'm sure these men who do develop relationships with the not-so-attractive women do get enjoyment out of sex just because it's a good feeling, and because they love/admire the woman for other qualities. My uncle, for example, which I have mentioned on this board before, married a woman who was obese and not attractive (even though he was slim and attractive) because she was such a wonderful person, kind, sweet, caring, an excellent cook, etc. She made a wonderful wife, and an excellent mother, and he died a very happy man, married his whole life to her. I'm sure her physical attractiveness was not turning him on with just the thought of her body, but every other aspect of his life was enhanced by her presence, and I'm sure he also got enjoyment from sexual relations with her regardless. It still feels good, regardless of if a person's body is not that attractive. Believe it or not, obese people and unattractive people do enjoy sex, just like others, because it feels good. To hold out for someone far above your own attractiveness level, and to choose that over being alone, unloved and miserable, makes no sense IMO.

[somedude81]

I never said I want to be 120. That's just how heavy I'd be if I didn't work out.

 

The heaviest I've ever been was 163 and that was mix of fat and muscle. That was a couple of years ago. I haven't been as motivated about working out and just slimmed down.

[ThaWholigan]

If all men had that philosophy, there would be a heck of a lot of men who are lonely, unfulfilled, and unloved. What you're saying is that if a woman is not attractive enough to arouse you just by thinking about her, then it's better to be alone. There's a whole lot of men living very fulfilling lives full of love and attention from women they love who are not attractive, and may not make them hot just to think about, but they find many other things worth pursuing a relationship with these not-so-attractive women. I'm sure all men would like to fantasize about or desire an attractive woman, but they enter into a relationship because of other factors which are also important to them, such as because the woman provides pleasant companionship, caring, attention, humor, etc. Sex is not everything, arousal is not everything. I'm sure these men who do develop relationships with the not-so-attractive women do get enjoyment out of sex just because it's a good feeling, and because they love/admire the woman for other qualities. My uncle, for example, which I have mentioned on this board before, married a woman who was obese and not attractive (even though he was slim and attractive) because she was such a wonderful person, kind, sweet, caring, an excellent cook, etc. She made a wonderful wife, and an excellent mother, and he died a very happy man, married his whole life to her. I'm sure her physical attractiveness was not turning him on with just the thought of her body, but every other aspect of his life was enhanced by her presence, and I'm sure he also got enjoyment from sexual relations with her regardless. It still feels good, regardless of if a person's body is not that attractive. Believe it or not, obese people and unattractive people do enjoy sex, just like others, because it feels good. To hold out for someone far above your own attractiveness level, and to choose that over being alone, unloved and miserable, makes no sense IMO.

 

Well, I have always believed in the mantra "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". And many people I know have a broad idea of what they are sexually attracted to, so I wouldn't say that physical beauty is the be all and end all either.

 

Personally, I would prefer to be sexually attracted to my future SO, but not at the expense of other attributes. I don't think I am wrong for thinking so, it is just what I would like.

 

Besides, my brother has never had a problem attracting women so it works for him I guess lol

[iris219]

Too many people (Somedude?) go for looks before any other quality.

 

Have you ever tried to really get to know a woman you weren't physically blown away by at first and found you really liked her and had a lot in common? Forming a mental and emotional connection with a person often makes them much more attractive. I'm not suggesting anyone date someone they find repulsive, but you'd be surprised how attractive a person becomes when you really care about them. The OP wants women he has nothing to offer, and he's not alone in that respect.

 

Wolf18--Many women, myself included, strongly dislike men who are very muscular. That's about as unattractive as fat to me. My ex was 6', 170 and that was perfect. He was athletic and had an amazing body--toned, but lean.

[jobaba]

I asked my brother and he basically said this:

 

"If I can't get hard thinking about her, it's not gonna happen". Crude, I would say, but accurate IMO. I think people should never date people they aren't attracted to.

 

That's case by case for guys. The only women who can give me a hard on while thinking about them are women who I have emotional attachment to. Not even thinking about Kim Kardashian naked could do that for me. If I think about having sex with a woman, that can give me a hard on, but I've thought about having sex with many an unattractive women.

 

Me? LOL, I'm only 5'6.

 

Though I don't think me getting heavier is a good reason to accept a bigger woman

 

Oh you mean this girl?

 

Chelsea was my Jr. College crush.

 

The closest to a 10 I've ever seen in real life. She isn't even close to average.

 

She was so far out of my league it was funny. Real cool girl too.

 

Really. And you live in LA? I've see girls hotter than her all the time. But then again, I'm in NYC all the time. She is pretty hot though, I'd say 8 to 9 range depending on who's judging.

 

But I see your range. I don't think your requirements for a cute girl are out of line whatsoever.

[KathyM]

Well, I have always believed in the mantra "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". And many people I know have a broad idea of what they are sexually attracted to, so I wouldn't say that physical beauty is the be all and end all either.

 

Personally, I would prefer to be sexually attracted to my future SO, but not at the expense of other attributes. I don't think I am wrong for thinking so, it is just what I would like.

 

Besides, my brother has never had a problem attracting women so it works for him I guess lol

Like I said, I'm sure all men would prefer someone who was physically attractive, but if that is not possible or likely because the man himself is either not attractive or has other negative aspects that is preventing him from finding a more attractive woman, he should consider giving the fatter/plainer women a chance, since they may have other very good qualities, and it sure beats being alone and lonely/unloved/unwanted.

[ThaWholigan]

That's case by case for guys. The only women who can give me a hard on while thinking about them are women who I have emotional attachment to. Not even thinking about Kim Kardashian naked could do that for me. If I think about having sex with a woman, that can give me a hard on, but I've thought about having sex with many an unattractive women

 

Which is basically my point.

[ThaWholigan]

Like I said, I'm sure all men would prefer someone who was physically attractive, but if that is not possible or likely because the man himself is either not attractive or has other negative aspects that is preventing him from finding a more attractive woman, he should consider giving the fatter/plainer women a chance, since they may have other very good qualities, and it sure beats being alone and lonely/unloved/unwanted.

 

I think it is likely that a man can find a woman he is at least moderately attracted to physically, without forgoing other attributes essential to fulfilling relationship between the two. I have found many women who are bigger or perhaps considered plain to be very attractive from my point of view.

 

I think it is very easy to at least find someone moderately attractive, the key is being able to attract them at the end of the day, which I don't think is beyond most men or women.

[somedude81]

Too many people (Somedude?) go for looks before any other quality.

 

Have you ever tried to really get to know a woman you weren't physically blown away by at first and found you really liked her and had a lot in common? Forming a mental and emotional connection with a person often makes them much more attractive. I'm not suggesting anyone date someone they find repulsive, but you'd be surprised how attractive a person becomes when you really care about them. The OP wants women he has nothing to offer, and he's not alone in that respect.

WTF. Again?

 

Do people seriously not read my posts at all?

 

Reread what I said in post 35.

[jobaba]

Like I said, I'm sure all men would prefer someone who was physically attractive, but if that is not possible or likely because the man himself is either not attractive or has other negative aspects that is preventing him from finding a more attractive woman, he should consider giving the fatter/plainer women a chance, since they may have other very good qualities, and it sure beats being alone and lonely/unloved/unwanted.

 

I agree with you, but the other qualities should be there. And those qualities should make her more attractive. If Somedude meets a woman who is 5'3" 145 and she has the other stuff going on, I think he should move on it. It is important for him to get some experience too, since the older he gets and has never had anybody, the more it's going to be a red flag.

 

Interestingly enough, I've never had to date someone I wasn't physically attracted to. I've been shot down by women I've found physically unattractive when I was either drunk and trying to just play numbers or like them in other ways.

[KathyM]

I think it is likely that a man can find a woman he is at least moderately attracted to physically, without forgoing other attributes essential to fulfilling relationship between the two. I have found many women who are bigger or perhaps considered plain to be very attractive from my point of view.

 

I think it is very easy to at least find someone moderately attractive, the key is being able to attract them at the end of the day, which I don't think is beyond most men or women.

I think most people are fine with dating average people if they themselves are average. For those that can't attract even an average looking person, they would be wise to consider someone who has other good qualities that don't relate to physical attractiveness, because that person may have a lot to offer, and it is certainly more fulfilling to have a relationship with someone who can give you love and companionship, etc., than to be alone. This idea that some guys have on here that if she's not physically attractive, she has no value and cannot make any kind of good partner is just not realistic or accurate.

[somedude81]

I think most people are fine with dating average people if they themselves are average. For those that can't attract even an average looking person, they would be wise to consider someone who has other good qualities that don't relate to physical attractiveness, because that person may have a lot to offer, and it is certainly more fulfilling to have a relationship with someone who can give you love and companionship, etc., than to be alone. This idea that some guys have on here that if she's not physically attractive, she has no value and cannot make any kind of good partner is just not realistic or accurate.

Think for a minute what you are really talking about. And if it would be a good thing for the man or the woman.

 

Here's a hint.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304851/

[ThaWholigan]

I love it when women talk about this acting like women don't do it just as much.

 

Just scroll through Craigslist "Women 4 Men" section if you want to see what I'm talking about. "Me: 4'9 , obese polynesian pygmy that walks on 4 legs and is HIV positive. You: 9 inch penis at the least, 6 pack abs, must look like Scandanavian male model, no MIDGETS (Ie, men under 6'0), must be from the state of Delaware (sorry just my type)" .

 

Women if anything are worse about this. Most men know to cut their losses by their 30's and 40's, women will often choose to be alone over dating someone whose not their "type".

 

Women can certainly be extreme about this. But then again, I've met women who can be the complete opposite too.

 

Like I say, I personally think it is well within the power of most people to attract someone they are at least moderately attracted to.

 

I think most people are fine with dating average people if they themselves are average. For those that can't attract even an average looking person, they would be wise to consider someone who has other good qualities that don't relate to physical attractiveness, because that person may have a lot to offer, and it is certainly more fulfilling to have a relationship with someone who can give you love and companionship, etc., than to be alone. This idea that some guys have on here that if she's not physically attractive, she has no value and cannot make any kind of good partner is just not realistic or accurate.

 

Everyone can attract someone that can at least make them horny at night. Whether that is on a purely physical level or something else about them that makes them tick. If the sex is crap, it will probably fizzle out IMO, but if there is chemistry there, no problem. Doesn't have to be physical, but if it is, bonus.

[iris219]

WTF. Again?

 

Do people seriously not read my posts at all?

 

Reread what I said in post 35.

 

You've said yourself that you don't try to befriend women you aren't attracted to. My point was that sometimes attraction grows, but are you really giving this a chance to happen?

 

Here's what I remember about your last crush: you saying things like she didn't like the gym or dancing, two things you enjoy, and she wasn't even willing to try these things. What exactly did you two have in common? And what made her fun to be around? You said how weird she was about things like hugging. How often did she ask you to hang out? It sounded like she threw you breadcrumbs every now and then. What's fun about that?

 

My theory: You stuck around because she was cute and she gave you some attention. Because of this, you convinced yourself she was fun and you had lots in common. Maybe try it the other way sometime. Let the attraction form with someone who is genuinely fun, compatible with you, and actually likes you.

[quietGuy13]

"The OP wants women he has nothing to offer, and he's not alone in that respect."

 

 

You're contracting youself. Cause i said i'm a nice person and caring. And i'm getting a job someday soon. And then if i had a gf we would work together and help eachother. That's nothing to offer?

 

Then you're saying that what women would want me to offer them is being rich and be a perfect speaker? Why is me being average nothing to offer them?

 

Just cause i like decently pretty girls(which includes what you would call Average since most women who are slim and take care of themself are pretty) .

 

It's bad that i want a decently beautiful and healthy woman???

That's news to me.

[iris219]

^ Yet if I tell women to date not even ugly guys, but guys more in their league, to avoid the disappointments they have in dating, I find myself under a woman dogpile every time. Such hypocrisy when the typical woman has been proven to judge your romantic potential in a matter of minutes (or seconds for some).

 

So you admit it's good advice then?

 

What would you tell a woman who consistently dates below her league, yet still has difficulties?

[jobaba]

You've said yourself that you don't try to befriend women you aren't attracted to. My point was that sometimes attraction grows, but are you really giving this a chance to happen?

 

Here's what I remember about your last crush: you saying things like she didn't like the gym or dancing, two things you enjoy, and she wasn't even willing to try these things. What exactly did you two have in common? And what made her fun to be around? You said how weird she was about things like hugging. How often did she ask you to hang out? It sounded like she threw you breadcrumbs every now and then. What's fun about that?

 

My theory: You stuck around because she was cute and she gave you some attention. Because of this, you convinced yourself she was fun and you had lots in common. Maybe try it the other way sometime. Let the attraction form with someone who is genuinely fun, compatible with you, and actually likes you.

 

That logic doesn't work. I've been friendzoned by women I've had plenty in common with.

 

Women date guys who are totally unlike them in every way because they are good looking.

 

Women aren't about logic in dating. You might be. But Somedude is going to have to go through a lot of women to get to someone like you.

[somedude81]

You've said yourself that you don't try to befriend women you aren't attracted to. My point was that sometimes attraction grows, but are you really giving this a chance to happen?

I don't try to befriend women period. I'm trying to date women, not make friends. Friendship just happens.

 

Here's what I remember about your last crush: you saying things like she didn't like the gym or dancing, two things you enjoy, and she wasn't even willing to try these things. What exactly did you two have in common? And what made her fun to be around? You said how weird she was about things like hugging. How often did she ask you to hang out? It sounded like she threw you breadcrumbs every now and then. What's fun about that?

 

We met in a Japanese class. Which meant that we were both interested in Japanese culture.

She had a Ninja Turtle backpack.

On that backpack she had a little figurine of my favorite anime character.

She liked videogames

She liked anime

She liked martial arts

She liked goofy/stupid internet things

We never ran out of things to talk about

 

I enjoyed her personality and her energy. We made each other laugh.

 

Do I really need to go on?

 

No, she didn't like absolutely everything I did.

 

Yes, she had some issues with physical intimacy.

 

Let the attraction form with someone who is genuinely fun, compatible with you, and actually likes you.

I'd love to.

 

Unfortunately it just doesn't work that way for me. Women don't approach me. Girls never like me.

[AD1980]

Average women arent any easier to get or nicer in fact in my experience they at times are nastier then attractive women when you approach because their insecure about where the stand on the social food chain and when mr average approaches they get reminded of whos the available pool of guys approaching them..

 

If im gonna get humilliated and have a women disgusted by me approaching her it might as well be from a women im attarcted to why take **** from a women i have no attraction to?

 

 

Women can be transparent..went to a lounge for a buddys birthday with a friend of mine who women love..

 

When he was intorudced to the women who were friends of friends they had a huge smile on their face and looked happy as hell when i was intorduced it was such a unfriendly look and half a handshake:lmao:

Edited January 17, 2012 by AD1980

[verhrzn]

^ Yet if I tell women to date not even ugly guys, but guys more in their league, to avoid the disappointments they have in dating, I find myself under a woman dogpile every time. Such hypocrisy when the typical woman has been proven to judge your romantic potential in a matter of minutes (or seconds for some).

 

Then hit me up Wolf. I am infamously for having difficulties with guys, even while people claim I'm not ugly and have a decent personality. So I MUST be going for the tall, muscular, rich doctors, even though I've said over and over I far prefer the short stocky nerds, though apparently even that is outside my league. So here's a free shot-who exactly is in my 'league'?