butterfly34 Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years. We have 2 childrend and both work full time. We have always had a close relationship and I adore spending time with him. My husband is very (overly) devoted to his job. He is a supervisor and has a high demanding stressful job. He works about 50 hrs a week, and loves what he does, so I try to be as supportive as I can be. Needless to say that spending time alone and carrying the load of household chores/kids is no stranger to me. I have come to a level of tolerance with his job. My issue is this. Within the past 6mo-1yr he has become increasingly more withdrawn. Uninterested in spending any one on one time with me alone. Sex is virtually non-exsistant. We maybe have sex once a month. He always says he's too tired. He works very long hours (which he contributes to being a supervisor). He works (scheduled) 8:30-5pm. If he does get off at 5pm, he will ususally go to the gym or stay at the office to do paperwork. Things just don't seem right. There is a female coworker who is very friendly with him, who doesn't work directly in his dept. She stops by just to say hi, etc. When questioning him about her, he says. She works in the same building, don't be crazy, she just stopped by to see the new paint or whatever the case may be. She was overly friendly with my husband at a dinner function in my presence. Recently I was with my husband over the weekend at his office helping him(spending extra time with him) and who stops by? Mind you the office is closed at this time, but his car was the only one out front. Imagine her surprise to see me there. She just said, Oh I just wanted to see what was going on. blah blah blah. Am I crazy? Do you have any advice for me? I don't understand why he pushes me to the side. I feel like his roommate instead of his wife. When approached with this, he just says, Don't be crazy, You know I love you. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 trust your gut. you're not crazy. my h said i was crazy every time i asked him about a co-worker he worked with for 6 years. turns out they were having an affair. i found out years later. i was not crazy. neither are you. he said they were "friends". i believed him. he lied. my advice to you is to check up quietly. when he says he's at the office, go ahead and drive by and check to see if his car is there... and whether hers is there as well. don't just take his word. start checking up on him. does he spend time on the phone at home? if so, get caller i.d. and see who he's talking to. what about a cell phone? does he have one? if so, wait til he's in bed and call up the history. does he spend time on the computer? if so, install a keylogger. in short, pay attention to your instincts. they seldom steer you in the wrong direction. it will hurt nothing for you to check up on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Trust your gut!!!! My H did the exact same thing to me. I tried to compensate for his stressful job and run the house, take care of the kids, work full time , etc..... Thinking it would take the pressure off of him. He also developed little interest in sex. Manwhile, he was screwing a good friend of our behind both families backs. My radar went up and any time I confronted him, he told me I was crazy. He pretended he love me, etc. When I found the emails it confirmed everything. They had been carrying on an affair for 6 months. Just breathe is right, install a key logger on the computer that you can check him emails. Check the computer, you can recovered emails even after they have been deleted, check up on him at work, check the cell phone bill for numbers, etc. There are many things that you can do if you want to find out. Be prepared to see or hear stuff that you might not like or for him to be angry with you for doing this. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Whistles75 Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I agree with everyone...My husband was the last one anyone thought would cheat or have an affair....He will only continue to deny it if you confront him because he doesn't want to stop the affair. People told me my husband was cheating and because he hid it so well, and lied so convincingly, I believed him. Honey, if they are not interested in you they are interested somewhere else. Trust us we've been through it. I now feel like a chump, all the signs were there and I stayed a wimp. Check cell phone bills, email accounts even his car when he's asleep at night. Drive by his work. Heck , if you have some extra cash hire and investigator. Good Luck, Rachel Link to post Share on other sites
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