EyeAlone Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 This has happened to me 3 times this past week, all from different people. They are aware about my breakup, etc. Anyway, each of them asked me if I still talk to my ex or if I'm friends with him. I have been in 100% NC mode since the breakup and haven't entertained the thought of contacting him. I know better. So I told each of the people that no, we are not friends and no, we do not talk. One person said, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that..." Another said, "Wow, you must be really strong to not talk to him." The last one said, "Really? Even after dating for over a year?" WTF is this?? Why are people so shocked? Is it normal to stay in contact with an ex after they dump you? Screw that. I stayed in contact with an ex a long time ago and that was painful; my mental health improved once I finally cut off contact with him. Ever since, I don't care what the circumstances are regarding the breakup. It's NC all the way. Are other people that masochistic to stay in contact with someone who dumped them? It just adds unnecessary misery. Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I do not think it is unusual at all. I think it is easier for people to say "why not just be friends?" or be shocked that you are not talking to your ex because they are not personally going through your pain, so they do not know how hard it really is on you to be in contact with someone. In fact, I use to tell my friends the same thing when they went through break ups because at the time I had not idea what it was like to be heartbroken like that. Now that I have gone through heartbreak, I do not blame people for dropping contact with an ex, even if they were together for a really long time. It is really sad, but it is needed for healing. Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I know what you mean. I find a lot of people are so amused when you take the decision to go completely NC. Sometimes it's this almost "holier than thou" attitude when you hear friends say "oh, I still talk to all of my exs..." You know what I say to them? "****adoodledo." I think a lot of the time the people that criticise us for going NC are doing it out of jealousy because they've been unable to do it in the past. They'd rather FB stalk their ex partners and have chats where they pretend to be "friends" because deep down they're hoping for reconciliation. Like you said, they're completely masochistic. Also you get those smug bastards that say in such a nonchalant way "I think it's awful to be that bitter. You should move on and just be friends!" But there's nothing bitter about NC. You're not doing it because you're trying to hurt your ex or anything like that. You're making a mature and informed decision to move on with your life. If friend's don't agree with that they should at least respect it. Least people like us have the balls to do it. [/rant] Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am one of those people who doesn't 'get' NC long term. I understand why people don't want to talk for a while after break up but falling off the planet seems a bit extreme to me. Maybe because each time I made amends with my exes to a degree at least. I would hate to have any bad blood between us but that doesn't mean being chummy and pretending to be best mates. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I agree that NC can be good for healing. Unless I was abused in some way or had some other extreme issues in the realtionship I can't see any reason I couldn't be at least civil with an ex. There is no reason to be "best friends" with them unless you feel that way, but once truly healed there is no reason to ignore them either. Link to post Share on other sites
Bsham Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 NC is unusual. It requires a strong mind and extreme courage to do and too many people haven't got that. More people stay in contact after a break up than not and most of those people end up going in circles for years. I don't I just do NC, go through the motions for a couple of months, learn then move on again. Might be friends wqith them again a year or two down the line but rarely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EyeAlone Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yeah, if you're 100% healed, then it's a different story. Even then, I purposely don't seek out my exes to be friends with them. There's a guy that I dated 6 years ago and who I used NC when we broke up. Obviously I'm healed from that relationship, but I still haven't talked to him. I just don't see any need to reach out. It's not like I don't have access to him; we have a few mutual friends so if I really wanted to talk to him, I could. If we were to bump into each other, then yeah sure, I'll talk to him and whatever. But as I said, I'm not going to go out of my way. The people who I was referring to in my OP know that I'm not truly healed (and if they think otherwise, then we have another problem) because they know that we broke up last month. Yet they still are shocked! I was talking with one of them at lunch yesterday. She's been on-and-off with the same guy for over 5 years. Their most recent break up was back in November, but she has since remained in daily contact with him. She was telling me how miserable she feels because the guy is dating a new girl but she can't go NC because she's known him for 5 years. F*ck that. As Radiohead says, "You do it to yourself, you do And that's what really hurts Is that you do it to yourself Just you and no one else You do it to yourself You do it to yourself" Link to post Share on other sites
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