he told me I was a rebound..devastated

[I have no title]

So the guy I have dated for about 1.5 month, admitted that I was a rebound....he didnt say the word "rebound", but he said "I was having hard times with my gf and then you came along. I truly fell in love with you, but then I realized that my r-ship with my gf was more important to me, so I couldn't go on with you. I couldn't leave 2.5 years r-ship with my gf for somebody I knew only for 2 months (which is me). Me and her, we have many issues in our r-ship, so sometimes I feel like I don't love her at all, but then the feelings comes back. I just realized at some point that you were just an emotional rush for me."

 

That's what he told me...plus he said that now things are going really great with his gf..I told him that I payed heavily for his "emotional rush", but I am glad to know the truth even though I am completely over it right now. Of course I am not over him, and I just lied and laughed to make him think so, but honestly, Im devastated...That was so cruel of him, and I know he didn't do it on purpose, and I know that at some point he was really in love with me...but this is just so cruel..He didn't plan to use me as a rebound, and that's what I know for a fact! It came spontaneously, but it hurt me soo bad..He still writes to me on facebook chat, how do I cut him off? I can't delete him from FB, because it will make him think that Im still angry at him..I can't ignore him either because of the same reason...what should I do??? I can't stop thinking that he is with his gf now and I am here alone missing him...I can't even think anything bad about him...yes he is an *******, and he is very immature..but I just can't hate him, and I can't stop thinking about him...I miss him badly...so badly...

[nature]

The thing with rebound relationships, is that the rebounder usually never realizes this is what they are doing. They take all the feelings they have for the one they just broke up with, and try to replace those feelings with someone new. They jump in and throw themselves into the new person's life very quickly, making the new person believe they are madly in love with them. When in fact, the feelings they are putting on the new person, are actually the feelings for the ex that they are trying to replace. Unfortunately, many people get hurt when dating a rebounder. Rebound relationships can last a couple of weeks, months or years. But usually when the rebounder heals and is either over their ex or gets back together with their ex, then the person they are currently dating is no longer needed. This is you in your situation. No, he didn't mean to use you, and probably didn't even know what he was doing. But that is what happened. You need to stop worrying what he thinks and whether he thinks you are mad or not. Because honestly, right now, he doesn't truly care whether you are mad or not. His feelings are on being happy that he worked things out with his ex. I'm sorry if this hurts. So you need to look after you. Be happy it only lasted a month and a half, remove him from your facebook, and move on with your life. It is over and you served his purpose to help him with his emotional turmoil. I'm not trying to hurt you, but just want you to see it for the truth. He will not be coming back to you in any real sense, so you need to move on and move forward. Remove him from your fb and don't keep him on becuase you are worried he will think you are mad, or because you are trying to hold onto him. Look after you, be a strong woman with pride, and remove him and move onward and upward!!

[Renard99]

I think the best way to cut him off is to go ahead and block him.

 

You say you can't because he'll think you're upset and angry but to be honest.... it doesn't matter what he thinks. You've got to do what feels and works best for you. Why prolong the feelng of devastation by pretending that you're fine with his decision when you can shut him out and get on with getting over what happened. You also say that you can't stop thinking about him but seeing him on facebook will only prolong that. I blocked my ex on facebook after she dumped me but she works in the same building as me so I see her a few times a week, and, even though It's been a year since she dumped me, seeing her everyday has made the recovery so much harder. My advice to you is to delete him and then just concentrate on you. You've taken a nasty knock, now is the time to mend.

[stillafool]

I agree and why should you pretend he didn't hurt you? Why should you continue to do what is best for him when he had and has no thought of what this is doing to you? Why should you still be there for him when he has left you for someone else? Now is the time to take back your power and respect. How would he ever miss what the two of you had if you continue to be there for him? Let him go and let his girlfriend give him all the support he needs. Right now he's back with her but he still has you pinning on the side. Let him go.

[I have no title]

Thank you so much guys...you are right, each one of you...But how should I let go? Should I let him know that I am going NC and not wanting to talk to him anymore, or should I just delete him without any explanation?

The thing is...that I have already told him to not to write anymore....but since I was in despair, I have started chatting with him again after a week. He was quite pissed off that I kept on changing my decisions, but since then we've been talking for a month now, and I never write to him first, but he does..I pretend to answer friendly and I show no emotions, but it truly hurts me He has no idea how much I am hurting right now, and yes, he will never truly miss me if I keep on talking to him..

I want him to apologize, I want him to realize that he has hurt me and what he had done is not good at all..I guess that takes time. Do you guys think he is still talking to me just to keep me emotionally attached to him? even though I swear I don't show him any sort of emotion when we talk, and I told him I was over it..

[Chs]

Thank you so much guys...you are right, each one of you...But how should I let go? Should I let him know that I am going NC and not wanting to talk to him anymore, or should I just delete him without any explanation?

The thing is...that I have already told him to not to write anymore....but since I was in despair, I have started chatting with him again after a week. He was quite pissed off that I kept on changing my decisions, but since then we've been talking for a month now, and I never write to him first, but he does..I pretend to answer friendly and I show no emotions, but it truly hurts me He has no idea how much I am hurting right now, and yes, he will never truly miss me if I keep on talking to him..

I want him to apologize, I want him to realize that he has hurt me and what he had done is not good at all..I guess that takes time. Do you guys think he is still talking to me just to keep me emotionally attached to him? even though I swear I don't show him any sort of emotion when we talk, and I told him I was over it..

 

Let him go by just ignoring him, you don't need to explain it to him first. Especially not if you did that once already and then still ended up contacting him after, that will just seem like you are trying to make him miss you and then when it doesen't pay off you contact him anyways, which is probably also how it was. Im only guessing that because that's how i reacted a few times after my recent break up.

 

To let go you absolutely need to stop caring about his reactions to what you do, you can't think things like "should i let him know i don't want to be in contact anymore, i want him to apologize" very unhealthy thoughts that will keep you connected for a long time to him if you don't let them go.

 

He absolutely knows that he was wrong and that he has hurt you, and no he isn't talking to you to keep you emotionally attached. He is talking to you because it's the easy way off for him, he won't feel any guilt when he thinks you are over it and you can chat friendly like nothing happened.

 

Im sure he isn't proud of what he has done, but i also highly doubt he will ever actually apologize for it. Maybe not because he doesen't want to, but because it could be painful for both of you and it's easier to just let it rest. He is happy with someone else, im sorry but when that's true then he doesen't want another emotional moment with you by actually apologizing and talking about it. As you say he got pissed because you didn't make up your mind about contact/no-contact, well he couldn't make up his mind about what girl he wanted and i think it's very low that he would get mad at you for something so much less meaningful.

Edited January 16, 2012 by Chs

[I have no title]

Let him go by just ignoring him, you don't need to explain it to him first. Especially not if you did that once already and then still ended up contacting him after, that will just seem like you are trying to make him miss you and then when it doesen't pay off you contact him anyways, which is probably also how it was. Im only guessing that because that's how i reacted a few times after my recent break up.

 

To let go you absolutely need to stop caring about his reactions to what you do, you can't think things like "should i let him know i don't want to be in contact anymore, i want him to apologize" very unhealthy thoughts that will keep you connected for a long time to him if you don't let them go.

 

He absolutely knows that he was wrong and that he has hurt you, and no he isn't talking to you to keep you emotionally attached. He is talking to you because it's the easy way off for him, he won't feel any guilt when he thinks you are over it and you can chat friendly like nothing happened.

 

Im sure he isn't proud of what he has done, but i also highly doubt he will ever actually apologize for it. Maybe not because he doesen't want to, but because it could be painful for both of you and it's easier to just let it rest. He is happy with someone else, im sorry but when that's true then he doesen't want another emotional moment with you by actually apologizing and talking about it. As you say he got pissed because you didn't make up your mind about contact/no-contact, well he couldn't make up his mind about what girl he wanted and i think it's very low that he would get mad at you for something so much less meaningful.

 

100% agree with everything that you said.I am going to follow your advice and just ignore him without any explanation.

After you have explained it to me, it all actually makes sense. He probably knows he didn't do a good thing, but now it's to late to do anything about it.

Okay, let's say I will not talk to him anymore, ever. However, I still like him a lot as a person, and I think he is a good guy, but just immature.

If I will ever have a chance to meet him again, in a long time from now, how do you think will I ever be able to attract him again? or if he was attracted once and it went away, he will never be attracted anymore?

Im just curious, because I am not planning to see him again and I do want to get over it.But I'd love to know that if I ever have an opportunity to meet him somewhere, and he will be single then, if I will be able to charm him again...how do you think?

 

Thanks a lot for taking time to read and reply...It helped me a lot!!

[Chs]

100% agree with everything that you said.I am going to follow your advice and just ignore him without any explanation.

After you have explained it to me, it all actually makes sense. He probably knows he didn't do a good thing, but now it's to late to do anything about it.

Okay, let's say I will not talk to him anymore, ever. However, I still like him a lot as a person, and I think he is a good guy, but just immature.

If I will ever have a chance to meet him again, in a long time from now, how do you think will I ever be able to attract him again? or if he was attracted once and it went away, he will never be attracted anymore?

Im just curious, because I am not planning to see him again and I do want to get over it.But I'd love to know that if I ever have an opportunity to meet him somewhere, and he will be single then, if I will be able to charm him again...how do you think?

 

Thanks a lot for taking time to read and reply...It helped me a lot!!

 

I know what you mean with the last part, i still think that maybe me and my ex will get together sometime far away, and i hope it's a possibility even when she is dating another guy right now. But i just think that you should believe you are able to attract him, should you meet him when the opportunity is right. I know several couples this happened to, but there is always more that it won't happen to. And who knows, if you don't think about it you might be the one not wanting him when he comes begging for you in a year or two.

[I have no title]

well thoughts materialize don't they? I just hope at least I can meet him in a few years and see what person he has become....and maybe you're right, i might not be attracted to him anymore, who knows..its always interesting to meet your ex and see him through time...he is probably the only one of my ex's that I would contemplate reconciliation with