beenburned Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 LIL, The more you explain your XMM, the more angry I get. This as****e deserves for his wife to find out the truth. The reason he never wants a divorce is so he won't have to pay child support and alimony, or split half of all assets. He doesn't sound like he is capable of loving anyone except himself. Does he have NPD? Again, why were you with him for 8 years? Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I was with xMM for 7yrs. Although he had dday in year 6, he didn’t suffer any consequence by using the denial, gaslighting, and refusal to disscuss it defense, and his W basically not pushing and buying into it. When I realized he wouldn’t be “punished”, I was a little miffed. I don’t know why I was so bothered by the fact that they pretty much went back to life as usual. I wanted him to have a little payback for times that I felt unhappy or slighted. I felt I had endured all the hardships that goes with being the OW, and I thought it was only fit (and justified) for him to get the fallout of dday. I didn’t want him to get off scot-free(damn it, he did). I had all the same thoughts as you, the feeling sorry for the W, the it’s just not fair, etc. I mean, if she only knew his one night only, non-physical encounter was really a 7yr EA/PA, she may want to take a different course than what she had/is. However, I don’t advocate the idea of telling her, and I’m glad that you decided against the idea. I really can understand your feelings but after 8yrs, it just seems vengeful, hypocritical, petty, and out of place. Sometimes, you just have let the chips lay where they fell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 LIL, The more you explain your XMM, the more angry I get. This as****e deserves for his wife to find out the truth. The reason he never wants a divorce is so he won't have to pay child support and alimony, or split half of all assets. He doesn't sound like he is capable of loving anyone except himself. Does he have NPD? Again, why were you with him for 8 years? BB You are EXACTLY RIGHT about he not wanting to split his assets or paying child support! He always said why should I give her half when I have worked my ass off? Umm Hello!!!!! Yes he has NPD! I always give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and ALOT of CHANCES and I am Very Giving Person.....(to a fault)!!! Why was I with him???? He had a big penis....lol lol lol......Just a little levity!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 Well right there, in that one act, you learned what his W lives with on a daily basis: His gifts come with strings attached and price tags you had better admire. Mmmm, yuck. In counseling most cheaters learn that it WASN'T that they weren't getting enough in their marriage; it was that they weren't GIVING enough....you know, time, attention, respect, consideration, kindness....sexual gratification. Because in any relationship, you have to give that to get it. And the less you give it, most likely, the less you get it. So I think you are right. He will continue the pattern of probably being a s##t H and find another OW who is, at first, oh so impressed with him, and in time he will prove himself to be a s##t BF to her. Why should a leopard change its spots if life circumstances doesn't for it to? SPARK!!!!! So agree with your response....ALL OF IT........and yes he will find another OW, I hope this one dimes him out to his W....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 I was with xMM for 7yrs. Although he had dday in year 6, he didn’t suffer any consequence by using the denial, gaslighting, and refusal to disscuss it defense, and his W basically not pushing and buying into it. When I realized he wouldn’t be “punished”, I was a little miffed. I don’t know why I was so bothered by the fact that they pretty much went back to life as usual. I wanted him to have a little payback for times that I felt unhappy or slighted. I felt I had endured all the hardships that goes with being the OW, and I thought it was only fit (and justified) for him to get the fallout of dday. I didn’t want him to get off scot-free(damn it, he did). I had all the same thoughts as you, the feeling sorry for the W, the it’s just not fair, etc. I mean, if she only knew his one night only, non-physical encounter was really a 7yr EA/PA, she may want to take a different course than what she had/is. However, I don’t advocate the idea of telling her, and I’m glad that you decided against the idea. I really can understand your feelings but after 8yrs, it just seems vengeful, hypocritical, petty, and out of place. Sometimes, you just have let the chips lay where they fell. Hi Skylar!!! Oh do I hear what you are saying! Yes, I am feeling vengeful, petty and out of place...But as I have gotten older I have learned to think things through and not be so IMPULSIVE!!! No I won't tell her.. And yes he goes back into the comfort of his M for whatever that is worth! Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 LIL, He had a big penis.:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 LIL, He had a big penis.:eek: Like I said Just a little levity!!!!!!!!;);););) Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 No Dust I don't Exaggerate AT ALL!!!!!! And please go back and read my posts on this thread...I WILL NOT tell her. He is HER problem. And yes she is very happy "PLAYING HOUSE". She is very INTO her children and her lifestyle. She does have a good life if you can call it that, she lives in a beautiful home, new car, doesn't have to work, and he TRAVELS CONSTANTLY all over the world, so yes he can get it ANYWHERE! She would be a fool to leave that! No matter what he is doing! xMM and W were very tight at one time (but he had always said that something was missing) YEAH A WHORE!!! lol lol) and I hope that she and he can get back there again or at least something better! They both said they would NEVER divorce....NO MATTER WHAT!!!! He said to me that he lives in a "CORDIAL ENVIRONMENT"! Hey if they can achieve that, why not? I did read your posts and you're making my points for me again in this post. Thanks:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 I did read your posts and you're making my points for me again in this post. Thanks:cool: Thanks Dust!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 The point being that you need to break tht cycle of being the "silent" victim. Break that pattern that you learned as a little girl. Yes, tell her your truth. She can then decide what to do for her. Staying silent is old behavior - and to break past that is very freeing. If you stay silent - you willingly accept that victim role that you played as a child. I say " change is very good!" Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I was with xMM for 7yrs. Although he had dday in year 6, he didn’t suffer any consequence by using the denial, gaslighting, and refusal to disscuss it defense, and his W basically not pushing and buying into it. When I realized he wouldn’t be “punished”, I was a little miffed. I don’t know why I was so bothered by the fact that they pretty much went back to life as usual. I wanted him to have a little payback for times that I felt unhappy or slighted. I felt I had endured all the hardships that goes with being the OW, and I thought it was only fit (and justified) for him to get the fallout of dday. I didn’t want him to get off scot-free(damn it, he did). I had all the same thoughts as you, the feeling sorry for the W, the it’s just not fair, etc. I mean, if she only knew his one night only, non-physical encounter was really a 7yr EA/PA, she may want to take a different course than what she had/is. However, I don’t advocate the idea of telling her, and I’m glad that you decided against the idea. I really can understand your feelings but after 8yrs, it just seems vengeful, hypocritical, petty, and out of place. Sometimes, you just have let the chips lay where they fell. Really good post Skylarblue, very real. I rarely ever advocate telling the BS...it's the problem of the MM. Very rarely does an affair become long term without some sort of discovery, a lot of the time the spouse would rather have it go away and is in priddy hardcore denial. Some just don't care. My suggestion would be to work on you. Period. Heal from this and move on, in fact move on today not giving either of them a second thought...work on the "feelings" you have/had for him, but distance yourself at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 No Dust I don't Exaggerate AT ALL!!!!!! And please go back and read my posts on this thread...I WILL NOT tell her. He is HER problem. And yes she is very happy "PLAYING HOUSE". She is very INTO her children and her lifestyle. She does have a good life if you can call it that, she lives in a beautiful home, new car, doesn't have to work, and he TRAVELS CONSTANTLY all over the world, so yes he can get it ANYWHERE! She would be a fool to leave that! No matter what he is doing! xMM and W were very tight at one time (but he had always said that something was missing) YEAH A WHORE!!! lol lol) and I hope that she and he can get back there again or at least something better! They both said they would NEVER divorce....NO MATTER WHAT!!!! He said to me that he lives in a "CORDIAL ENVIRONMENT"! Hey if they can achieve that, why not? Why would you refer to yourself in this manor? It sounds to me like you had/have real feelings for him...why do you feel this way about yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostinlife4now Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 Why would you refer to yourself in this manor? It sounds to me like you had/have real feelings for him...why do you feel this way about yourself? I was speaking in GENERAL terms, not specific! Link to post Share on other sites
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