counterman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Back when I was with my ex-girlfriend, it always bothered her when we didn't come first. It got the point where she yelled "how come we are always last?!". We were on holidays and there were a few other couples there. We would play these couples game and I thought we were playing for fun. On top of that, a few times when we were on dates, her friends would call her asking her where she is and instead of telling them that she was with me, she would lie. She was also very reluctant to introduce me to her new friends are university as well. I always wondered, why does it matter so much what others think? I've been hearing lately from some girls saying that they'll be proud to bring a tall guy home and some of my guy friends saying that they'll be proud to be with a hot girl... I have my opinion on this but before I share, I wanted to know what others thought. I couldn't think of a better word to use so I used the word 'proud' (but I guess I mean proud on the outside, if that makes sense) -- but within the context I just described, do you have to be 'proud' of the person your dating to date that person? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 That's really up to you and what's important to you... If I'm with a girl that I'm crazy about, then I will be "proud" of her...not in the way that I'm trying to show her off to make myself look better, but in the way that I know this girl will make other people's lives better just as she has made mine better. She'll be fun to be around and make people laugh. If I'm not truly happy with someone, then I surely won't feel that she would make others happy, so I am not quite as inclined to "share" her with the world...I don't really want to be that guy with the lame girlfriend... So to answer your question, yes, I want to be proud of the person I'm with... Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Yes. I'm not looking for a seat filler. I'm looking for a partner I admire, respect and love madly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author counterman Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I would want to be proud of my girlfriend and really admire here and if I had a girl like what you described, hokie, I would be so proud that I might be inclined to talk about her a lot. However, I personally don't feel the need to have my girlfriend is better than your girlfriend sort of thing going, which is what I went through -- even though I was doing well, in the most petty of things, my ex found areas where I fell short compared to other guys, whether it be a silly card game or a muck around race. But I guess she didn't respect or admire me. Also, there are those people that feel the need to exaggerate about their loved ones, who lie to make them sound better than they actually are, who try to compensate for what their partner is 'lacking'. Why can't someone just like another person for who they are without having issues about what others may think of him or her? I guess I'm starting to see why I would want someone to be proud to have me as a boyfriend, proud of who I am, not who I am compared to others. But I also want someone I can be proud to say that's my girl, nothing more than that. Haven't met anyone like that yet but I'll keep trying Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Your ex's complaints about your coming last in couples competitions sound somewhat silly OP I need to respect the man I'm with and if I respect him, I'm proud of him as well since he has qualities I admire. That's all you need, respect. That shouldn't be too hard for a good person. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I wouldn't label some one my gf unless I was proud of them. If I'm like "you're my gf but don't you dare tell any one or I'll get'ya" then maybe she's more of a dirty secret gf... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Yes, most definitely. If I didn't love, admire, respect and genuinely like the man I'm with, I would be wasting my time and his! If you're not 'proud' to introduce your partner to your family and friends why are you with them? Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Counterman, I also think people want to be proud of their SO. In your case, I do question how long you two were together. Many men and women are reluctant to bring a person they're dating into their personal lives until they are 100% sure this is "the one" or that this is a full on RL. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 If your with someone who is ashamed of being with you there is an irreconcilable problem with that relationship. There are serious esteem issues with someone who chooses to be with someone who is ashamed of them as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author counterman Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 We were together for almost a year but this was a couple of years ago. That was my first and only relationship. I always questioned how she felt about me but she would always tell men she loved me. I guess she wasn't that proud or happy to be with me, and I think she stayed because I was just a seat filler until she met someone 'better', someone she would be proud of. I stayed because I was insecure and had low esteem, I felt the need to keep earning her approval. I thought her complaining that we weren't winning the couple's games was silly too and although I was the best I could be, it was never enough. If it gets to that stage, it would be safe to say that no one is worth staying for that, having to always measure up to other couples and an increasing yard stick. If she's not proud to have me, she isn't worth it. Reason I asked is because I've had chances to be in relationships over the past couple of years, but I felt half-hearted about these girls and felt reluctant to introduce them to my friends. Also, some girls were luke warm about me and keeping me an option, and I just moved on straight away. I didn't know whether I was being too picky but now I know I'm doing the right thing. Thanks for the response! Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 You need to work on your security and self-esteem, you can't walk the earth feeling like crap and expect a woman to be proud of you when you're not even proud of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author counterman Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 That's true, Ninja. I do tend to be hard only myself and don't completely enjoy all my successes and take compliments well but I've definitely been working on it. I'm proud of myself and how far I've come since and am feeling more secure as time goes on. Though, it's ever-going process of self-improvement. I'm proud if myself and won't allow myself to be treated like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 We were together for almost a year but this was a couple of years ago. That was my first and only relationship. I always questioned how she felt about me but she would always tell men she loved me. I guess she wasn't that proud or happy to be with me, and I think she stayed because I was just a seat filler until she met someone 'better', someone she would be proud of. I stayed because I was insecure and had low esteem, I felt the need to keep earning her approval. I thought her complaining that we weren't winning the couple's games was silly too and although I was the best I could be, it was never enough. If it gets to that stage, it would be safe to say that no one is worth staying for that, having to always measure up to other couples and an increasing yard stick. If she's not proud to have me, she isn't worth it. Reason I asked is because I've had chances to be in relationships over the past couple of years, but I felt half-hearted about these girls and felt reluctant to introduce them to my friends. Also, some girls were luke warm about me and keeping me an option, and I just moved on straight away. I didn't know whether I was being too picky but now I know I'm doing the right thing. Thanks for the response! My very first relationship was similar. She'd call me her boyfriend and seldom as possible and not introduce me as such unless prodded. Oddly enough, she'd grab me and make out with me in public. F@ck society and what they think about who you date. Whomever you pick to date feel proud about it. Even if it's this guy. http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1600&bih=781&tbm=isch&tbnid=Kfhtd8qzuMw38M:&imgrefurl=http://blog.mtvasia.com/2009/12/10/when-short-men-sm-meet-tall-women-tw/&docid=HRHFbihBU3GiTM&imgurl=http://relaunch.blog.mtvasia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/80474900.jpg&w=336&h=500&ei=zy4WT5SzKIn02QXB7ZCQAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=181&vpy=114&dur=795&hovh=274&hovw=184&tx=90&ty=174&sig=106747106848394077863&page=1&tbnh=144&tbnw=105&start=0&ndsp=39&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0 If I was dating an ex con who was a black dwarf, making $15,000 a year, with four kids and living in the slums of the Bronx, I'd be proud of it! Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Some people won't date anything less than a certain standard. Fine... But ... if you do decide to date somebody, have the guts and decency and common courtesy to that person to call them your mate in public and not hide the fact that you hang out with them. My very first GF did some of the stuff you mentioned and a girl I know did it to a guy she dated for like 4 years. She never ever introduced him as her BF or kissed him in public. She'd hang out on the weekends and never tell him where she was. If you decide to date an Asian dwarf who makes $15,000 a year, is an ex-con and lives in the projects, be proud of it. F@ck society and what they think. Stop being a bunch of lemmings!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author counterman Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Totally right, Jobaba. I can't see it any other way -- if you decide to date somebody, then you shouldn't hide from it or be ashamed of him/her. And if you decided to date this person and someone else doesn't think he or she is good enough for you, why does it matter so much? I don't think I can go through what I went through in that first relationship again, it was like being in a prison. We kept it secret for so long until she reluctantly let it show and even then it was really uncomfortable being in public or even near public. Point taken -- I've learnt from that and am feeling better Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Having someone in my life worth admiring and appreciating, and thus being proud of, is very important to me. So yes, I have to be "proud" of my SO. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 If I was dating an ex con who was a black dwarf, making $15,000 a year, with four kids and living in the slums of the Bronx, I'd be proud of it! If you decide to date an Asian dwarf who makes $15,000 a year, is an ex-con and lives in the projects, be proud of it. May I ask why you feel the need to cite specific races and ethnicities when listing disparaging qualities in a mate? Don't you think your point would have made just as much sense with out doing that, or is being black or asian ON TOP OF being a poor, pint-sized, ex-con just the icing on the sh*t cake for you? Link to post Share on other sites
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