Why would a female dumper ignore you?

[YouNeverKnow86]

I want to know the reasons why a female dumper would ignore you after a breakup. Is it their way to move on? A female dumpers perspective would be appreciated.

 

I have been the dumper twice (male) and I never ignored any of my ex's.

[I have no title]

depends on why did she break up with you.....If it was because she didn't love you anymore or got somebody else, its just a way for them to move on.they don't want you in their life anymore, that's it....sorry if it sounds harsh..

Women are more strict about the break ups I think, and if they do decide to break up, they don't go back and forth and talk to their ex and try to be friends and bla bla bla - they just cut it off...At least that's how I do it..

I also ignored my ex, because I moved on and was not interested to talk to him anymore. I didn't want to spend my time on talking to him. It's quite cruel, but this is how it is...

I did contact him thoug when I was feeling sad, but just to vent my sadness though...I was quite immature, and don't do it anymore, but maybe it will help you anyway.

If she ignores you, it means she either deleted you out of her life and wants to move on, either she is mad at you for something. but again, it depends on why did the break up occur

[stillafool]

Wouldn't that be the reason one would break up with a person because they no longer want to be with them? So why would they still maintain contact as it seems that would be defeating the purpose of the breakup. I for one would not want to hear from a person again after being dumped. I would want to move on and away from them as fast as possible. When I have broken up with someone I never tried to contact them.

[Kamila]

I want to know the reasons why a female dumper would ignore you after a breakup. Is it their way to move on? A female dumpers perspective would be appreciated.

 

I have been the dumper twice (male) and I never ignored any of my ex's.

 

It's a way to move on and to detach yourself 100 %.

 

But the woman may still be in love with you (that's my case).

 

Suppose you try to be friends with them, then there is no hidden agenda, the feelings are almost gone and you don't want to reconcile with the man. Well, at first, ... It's possible she can't detach herself from you and maintain contact and do the blabla friends thing. She'll hurt inside but won't show you.

 

For me, the friends thing didn't work out. I didn't saw my ex as a friend, I saw him as a lover and potential husband. I cut contact because it was too hard to be friends. You want to be with me 100% or not at all.

[YouNeverKnow86]

It all makes sense....I was just shocked she didn't respond to my Merry Christmas wishes or even just wish me a happy birthday. Initially she wanted to be friends then it all changed. There was nothing for her to be mad at me about besides the fact I initially didn't give her space but she always told me I never had to apologize to her because I didn't do anything wrong. She always said I was a great catch but something was off.

 

She started to become mad and bitter towards me once she found out I started going on dates. She even saw me out with another girl once and I unfortunantly think she saw me kiss her.......It wasn't my fault though, I was moving on with my life.

 

All I know she is still single and it has been almost 6 months post breakup, 3 months since she has ignored me. I guess she isn't indifferent if you just can't say Merry Christmas back or wish me a happy birthday.

[fucpcg]

After 2 months of dating my girlfriend I got tired of all the **** that was going on, that mainly related to her drinking and partying, so I broke up with her, the conclusion of several prior warnings. She contacted me nonstop for a week, came by my house, begging me for a chance to work things out. I never ignored her, I was never nasty to her, and eventually I met up with her to talk things out, and we did and moved forward with an amazing relationship. After about a year together, she broke up with me, and honestly at the time I wasn't being a great boyfriend, mainly because I was under pressure dealing with some major $hit I was going thru with my business. So she breaks ups with me, I email her once a weekend saying hey can we please get together snd talk about this, with no response. Finally after a month of trying, she got pissed and wrote me an email that my emails were harassment, that she was nothing but nice to me and I ruined it (huh?), and that she would never tlak to me or see me again because I didn't deserve it. 11 months later, she still refuses all contact with me.

 

With a year of history behind us, she wouldn't even give me what I gave her after a 2 month start of pure disaster, a chance to talk. On top of it, she calls contacting her 4 times in 4 weeks harassment, when she was texting me every hour for a week straight. Go figure.

[YouNeverKnow86]

After 2 months of dating my girlfriend I got tired of all the **** that was going on, that mainly related to her drinking and partying, so I broke up with her, the conclusion of several prior warnings. She contacted me nonstop for a week, came by my house, begging me for a chance to work things out. I never ignored her, I was never nasty to her, and eventually I met up with her to talk things out, and we did and moved forward with an amazing relationship. After about a year together, she broke up with me, and honestly at the time I wasn't being a great boyfriend, mainly because I was under pressure dealing with some major $hit I was going thru with my business. So she breaks ups with me, I email her once a weekend saying hey can we please get together snd talk about this, with no response. Finally after a month of trying, she got pissed and wrote me an email that my emails were harassment, that she was nothing but nice to me and I ruined it (huh?), and that she would never tlak to me or see me again because I didn't deserve it. 11 months later, she still refuses all contact with me.

 

With a year of history behind us, she wouldn't even give me what I gave her after a 2 month start of pure disaster, a chance to talk. On top of it, she calls contacting her 4 times in 4 weeks harassment, when she was texting me every hour for a week straight. Go figure.

 

This is similar to my situation. After trying to stay friends with her and being nice she starts implying the whole harrasment thing with me too. One time I just demanded that she would see me so we could clear things face to face and go our own ways. This was important to me because she broke up with me over the phone, she refused. She then started to say I was "scaring her".....All I did was demand that she would see me face to face and she just flipped on me. It is crazy how dumpers are able to turn things around when things are not going the way they like it too.

[fucpcg]

Well when she sent me that email, she listed everything I got wrong in the relationship. A lot of it was fluff, but some of it very valid. I wrote her an apology and addressed everything she did in that email, and sent it 6 weeks later, though really took me 6 weeks to get it where I felt totally comfortable. After that I ended all contact, and did my best avoid her out, knowing the places she frequents. At this point you should do the same. If you have final feelings to communicate, do it by letter, then give her the space she is demanding. Sux but nothing else you can do.

[flitzanu]

dumpees (me included) seem to focus on "rights" for conversation.

 

you know, you don't have any right to demand time or conversation from anyone, actually. the people you dated CHOSE to date and communicate with you, and they can also choose to not communicate and not date you.

 

if they choose to leave, they don't owe you anything, honestly.

[Kamila]

I guess she isn't indifferent if you just can't say Merry Christmas back or wish me a happy birthday.

 

Indeed. At first glance it seems like she doesn't care.

 

If you dig further, the more you ignore someone, the more you want to forget them.

 

Aka 'no contact'.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Kamila

[flitzanu]

I guess she isn't indifferent if you just can't say Merry Christmas back or wish me a happy birthday.

 

Indeed. At first glance it seems like she doesn't care.

 

If you dig further, the more you ignore someone, the more you want to forget them.

 

Aka 'no contact'.

 

or maybe they're just in the middle of having sex with someone when you sent that text and they forgot to text you back.

[fucpcg]

dumpees (me included) seem to focus on "rights" for conversation.

 

you know, you don't have any right to demand time or conversation from anyone, actually. the people you dated CHOSE to date and communicate with you, and they can also choose to not communicate and not date you.

 

if they choose to leave, they don't owe you anything, honestly.

 

I couldn't disagree more. If you have a relationship with someone, you invest who you are with that person, and that person as well invests into you their world, then you owe it to be respectful to that person. I have never, nor shall I ever, treat a woman I have dated with disrespect, silence, comtempt, etc. Those things may have been pulled on me, doesn't matter.

 

I have a heart, I only wish to date others with a heart, and it sucks when I get duped by someone into thinking they have one, but that sure doesn't mean I am going to turn into the person they are.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I guess she isn't indifferent if you just can't say Merry Christmas back or wish me a happy birthday.

 

Indeed. At first glance it seems like she doesn't care.

 

If you dig further, the more you ignore someone, the more you want to forget them.

 

Aka 'no contact'.

 

 

I totally agree, I can say Merry Christmas to all my other ex's because I am indifferent. She obviously still harbors something if she can't respond back.....Either it is feelings/bitter/hatred....Who knows. So weird

[Dark Phoenix]

dumpees (me included) seem to focus on "rights" for conversation.

 

you know, you don't have any right to demand time or conversation from anyone, actually. the people you dated CHOSE to date and communicate with you, and they can also choose to not communicate and not date you.

 

if they choose to leave, they don't owe you anything, honestly.

 

I agree with this post 100% i believe op has some big time insecurity issues hes needs to work on

Edited January 18, 2012 by Dark Phoenix

[Kamila]

I totally agree, I can say Merry Christmas to all my other ex's because I am indifferent. She obviously still harbors something if she can't respond back.....Either it is feelings/bitter/hatred....Who knows. So weird

 

Or it's feelings of love which she doesn't know where to put them anymore.

 

I did the total ignore thing, because I didn't know what to say to my ex-bf. He seemed so cool about this friends-thing. I wished I had the courage to lash out to him and tell him how much I hurt and miss him. But I didn't, I just kept all those raw emotions inside of me hoping that time and analyzing will make some sense out of this mess. It wasn't to punish my ex or so, it's just that I couldn't be friends with the one which I've been so intimate with. I didn't want to PRETEND that everything was okay. It also really has something to do with the character and actions of your ex. Mine was passive aggressive and always negative about any plans we could make for the future. In the end I got frustrated and depressed and cancelled a date, he didn't respond to it nor did he make an attempt to ask me why... A week later he told me he has been on a date with someone else he had been in contact with. Does that count as cheating you might think ? But then he told me he had doubts about us for a year... Okay, so we were already broken up and I didn't know it. I just can't trust the guy anymore. He violated my trust and I care very much for honesty which he wasn't able to give. I asked him if we were 'okay' and he said 'yes' which he wasn't. So that meant that he lied to me. And he never apologized for anything that he done to me.

 

So, staying friends with an ex depends on the circumstances of the break-up, the characters of the ex and you, the nature of the relationship you had when you were lovers, and other factors...

 

But anyway, if she chooses to ignore you, she has her reasons, maybe she doesn't know why she does it, she still has to figure it out, maybe she'll never figure it out. It's not a mathematical equation, it's not rational, it's about feelings and irrationality. If she feels uncomfortable when you text her (like I do when my ex-bf texts me), let her be. Or if you really want to make a decision tell her and be firm about it. That is what would work for me : a true decision based of trust and care and not some wishy washy 'we'll see where we're going' - thing. It's a ' You want to be with me 100% or not at all '.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Or it's feelings of love which she doesn't know where to put them anymore.

 

I did the total ignore thing, because I didn't know what to say to my ex-bf. He seemed so cool about this friends-thing. I wished I had the courage to lash out to him and tell him how much I hurt and miss him. But I didn't, I just kept all those raw emotions inside of me hoping that time and analyzing will make some sense out of this mess. It wasn't to punish my ex or so, it's just that I couldn't be friends with the one which I've been so intimate with. I didn't want to PRETEND that everything was okay. It also really has something to do with the character and actions of your ex. Mine was passive aggressive and always negative about any plans we could make for the future. In the end I got frustrated and depressed and cancelled a date, he didn't respond to it nor did he make an attempt to ask me why... A week later he told me he has been on a date with someone else he had been in contact with. Does that count as cheating you might think ? But then he told me he had doubts about us for a year... Okay, so we were already broken up and I didn't know it. I just can't trust the guy anymore. He violated my trust and I care very much for honesty which he wasn't able to give. I asked him if we were 'okay' and he said 'yes' which he wasn't. So that meant that he lied to me. And he never apologized for anything that he done to me.

 

So, staying friends with an ex depends on the circumstances of the break-up, the characters of the ex and you, the nature of the relationship you had when you were lovers, and other factors...

 

But anyway, if she chooses to ignore you, she has her reasons, maybe she doesn't know why she does it, she still has to figure it out, maybe she'll never figure it out. It's not a mathematical equation, it's not rational, it's about feelings and irrationality. If she feels uncomfortable when you text her (like I do when my ex-bf texts me), let her be. Or if you really want to make a decision tell her and be firm about it. That is what would work for me : a true decision based of trust and care and not some wishy washy 'we'll see where we're going' - thing. It's a ' You want to be with me 100% or not at all '.

 

Thank you for your insight . I guess this whole ignoring thing is new to me and was unexpected since there were no problems during the relationship and the breakup was pretty much a blindside. I am on good terms with all my other ex's and no contact just came naturally after those breakups while this seemed more pushed for by her. I also believe the fact we are not on good terms bothers me. There is probably underlining issues on her end that I just don't know about because she obviously wasn't able to communicate her feelings during the relationship so it comes as no shock she wasn't able to afterwords either.

 

It just amazes me that she would be so bitter towards me after finding out I was going on dates when she herself told me to move on. A week after seeing me with another girl she posts this on Facebook: "That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good f****** life." Her friend told me she deleted that a few days later.

 

Either way I have ran into her mother as well as her sister since then and all seemed well with them. I have nothing to be ashamed of and have handled things well during these last 3 months of no contact besides the one time I wished her a Merry Christmas.

[flitzanu]

I couldn't disagree more. If you have a relationship with someone, you invest who you are with that person, and that person as well invests into you their world, then you owe it to be respectful to that person. I have never, nor shall I ever, treat a woman I have dated with disrespect, silence, comtempt, etc. Those things may have been pulled on me, doesn't matter.

 

I have a heart, I only wish to date others with a heart, and it sucks when I get duped by someone into thinking they have one, but that sure doesn't mean I am going to turn into the person they are.

 

and that's totally awesome and would be a fantastical world to live in, if everyone shared such an idealistic perspective of human relationships.

 

but again, you are stuck behind the idea that just because YOU will treat someone with such utmost respect that they are going to do the same to you.

 

you can't force your own expectations of behavior on someone else, just as they can't force theirs on you, right?

[stillafool]

I totally agree, I can say Merry Christmas to all my other ex's because I am indifferent. She obviously still harbors something if she can't respond back.....Either it is feelings/bitter/hatred....Who knows. So weird

 

 

Or, sometimes people just are too busy with their life and forget to respond. They have every intention but if you don't do it right then you forget and later when you remember you just let it go.