How do I stop reacting/thinking like a 6 year old and more like an adult?

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross,

 

I think it's obvious you suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is really common. I also suffer from extreme anxiety, and I have since I was a child. Somehow I learned to push through it. I feel all the anticipatory symptoms, but I force myself to deal with them and push through them.

 

I think it comes from growing up and just thinking my anxiety was "normal"- mostly because I didn't know feeling any other way was how people without anxiety faced the world.

 

I have a great fear of getting lost when I go someplace new. I will often sweat, panic, think over and over again that I've missed a street I was supposed to turn down. I will work myself up before I go and have an internal frenzy going on. Guess what? I've always made it to my destination, and I've always made it back. I might have driven past the street, gone a little too far, maybe encountered a detour that was totally unexpected... Always made it though- and I know you have as well.

 

People with anxiety go to the worst case scenario for most situations, we live with our glass half empty instead of half full.

 

You have to acknowledge that whenever you've gotten lost in the past, you've made it home (or you'd still be out there driving right now after a wrong turn you made 2 weeks ago). The trick is to remind yourself that how you are feeling is irrational. You have to acknowledge that, and you have to tell yourself that over and over.

 

You have to ask yourself- what's the worst thing that can happen if you get lost while driving? Is it really possible to never find your way home again? Has that ever happened to you? Obviously it hasn't.

 

The biggest obstacle is to face things we don't want to face- but it's also the best reward when you face it and everything works out (like it will most of the time). When something works out- acknowledge that experience and feeling of accomplishment, and add it to your collection of positive outcomes.

 

The way I deal with my anxiety is to expose it to myself. I am using driving as an example because I know that is one of your "things" that bother you. Firstly, before you leave, remind yourself that you've never gotten lost before and not made it home. When you are driving, and you start getting nervous, remind yourself that you can always pull over and call someone or ask someone for directions. Most importantly- embrace the rational notion that making a wrong turn or missing your street is not the end of the world. It's not rational to think you'll never get where you need to go, or never get back home afterward- and that's what you have to remind yourself of over and over.

 

You have to use your internal voice of reason to talk over your anxiety. It takes some practice, but it works.

 

Listen, the fact that you have such anxiety about driving, but endeavour to set out in your car in the first place illustrates progress.

 

Talk to yourself, it's possible to talk yourself down and rationalize with yourself.

 

Thanks D-Lish.

 

I grew up thinking it was normal too.

[Ross MwcFan]

Well done for trying it, Ross! Unlike some people on here, you really do make an effort and I commend you. Obviously a phone session would be better but you can't afford it. I suggest doing "I'm not important" next to see what happens. I don't know if you can use your same email address. You might have to create another email account. Try repeating the process and see how it feels, if it "loosens up." I hope you spoke out loud as instructed and didn't just "think" the process.

 

The problem I had with the website was Morty went really fast. Feel free to pause the video and really let what he is saying sink in. Also, it can be a little confusing reading one thing and hearing him saying something different.

 

You might find watching

helpful to see how it's done. It's in five parts.

 

You will receive links to Morty's blog and there are a lot of interesting and helpful articles.

 

I'm so pleased you tried the Lefkoe Method and really appreciate your feedback. It totally changed my life! You can PM me if you need more help.

 

Thanks FC. Yeah I spoke out loud and I did pause the video sometimes too. I'll check out that link when I have the time.

[xxoo]

Hi Ross

 

I have anxiety, too.

 

I saw something recently that resonated with me. It is a quote of Joyce Meyer, a Christian speaker. I'm not even Christian, but the quote really spoke to me!

 

The quote is:

 

Do it afraid.

 

That describes me. I wouldn't have half the things I have in my life (my degree, my job, my house, my husband) if I hadn't gone for things while telling my fears to shut the heck up! I lose sleep, get diarrhea, feel sick to my stomach--but I do it anyway.

 

And it gets easier.

 

Join me!

[pie2]

Honestly, I don’t know any 6 y/o kids that are asking how to grow into a more mature adult. Just by the fact that you’re searching out solutions to your troubles is very admirable.In my opinion, you are one of us who suffer from a type of perfectionism that is rooted in pride. To overcome your feelings of anxiety at not being absolutely perfect at all times, I think there are many things you can do:

 

1. Try to get to the heart of the matter. Did your parents not let you have any room for failure? Did you feel like you had to be “perfect” to earn their love? If so, your parents failed you in this regard. However, it’s time to move on by choosing a new reality for your life.

 

2.Journal on your feelings as they may relate to being a perfectionist. Start by thinking of one particular experience that brought about these similar feelings of anxiety. Describe the situation and when the feelings began. Make note of your reaction to the situation, and then note some possible alternative reactions you could have made (i.e. co-worker seems mad at you, so you avoid her. Alternative reactions would be to cheerfully act like nothing is wrong, or ask yourself if you could have offended her in some way and apologize, or to ask her what seems to be bothering her). Do this for a month or two so that some possible patterns arise. As you do this, ask why it’s so important that you appear to others that you have it all together.

 

3.Explore your spirituality. I feel very strongly that faith in God and having a relationship with a higher power can offer a healthy perspective on who we are, what we’re doing here, and how humans operate. When you see how small and helpless we ALL really are, and yet there is a higher power who is ultimately in control, you can learn to let go and realize that each experience in life is meaningful and meant for ultimate good...life’s experiences (even the seemingly difficult ones) are not meant to be feared.

 

4.Embark on experiences that will throw you so far into the unknown that, when you come out the other side, you will have a wealth of experiences showing you that you can fail at a task, but not fail on the ultimate journey. Another poster mentioned going on an adventure, which I think is a great idea. Taking a karate class is something else you can do a little closer to home that may be very empowering in many ways. There are lots of examples of things you can do to test your limits.

 

Best of luck, and remember that you are not alone.

Edited January 28, 2012 by pie2

[florence of suburbia]

I agree with what D-Lish said about asking yourself questions when you start to panic. She mentioned:

 

"What's the worst that could happen in this situation?"

 

This isn't a rhetorical question. Really slow down and think it through. Give yourself an answer each time.

 

Some other questions I've asked myself when in a panic...

 

"What am I scared will happen? If that happened, how would I handle it?"

 

"What is bothering me right now? Is this a legitimate fear?"

 

"What if I do X? Or on the other hand, what if I do Y? What is the likely outcome of each situation?"

[RecordProducer]

Yeah, I would actually find asking for directions very hard to do.

Are you serious??? Why?

 

You have to make yourself get out of your comfort zone. Do things you'd never do, just don't get too hazardous. It sounds like you've been living under a glass bell your entire life.

 

Turning a threat into an opportunity sounds interesting, could you give an example?

Yes, when some guy wants to rob you in the street, you have the opportunity to beat him up.

[Ross MwcFan]

Are you serious??? Why?

 

You have to make yourself get out of your comfort zone. Do things you'd never do, just don't get too hazardous. It sounds like you've been living under a glass bell your entire life.

 

Yes, when some guy wants to rob you in the street, you have the opportunity to beat him up.

 

Why wouldn't I be serious?

 

I'm shy, so there are certain things that I find way too hard to do in certain situations.

[RecordProducer]

Why wouldn't I be serious?

 

I'm shy, so there are certain things that I find way too hard to do in certain situations.

Well, unless you're looking for a whore house, how hard it is to approach someone and say, "Excuse me, I am looking for 340 Chestnut Street, do you know where it is?"

 

My kids were asking strangers for directions (e.g. where the restrooms are at a restaurant) when they were 6. Once, when they were 7.5, I heard some people at a restaurant in Atlantic City speaking in my former country's language. So, I sent the kids to ask them if they're from my former city. They did and the people exclaimed "Yes!" and gave them $20 (to each kid). I told the kids to thank them and to return the money, but the people turned around and said "No, we just won $150,000 in a casino, so we want them to have the money!"

 

My point being rather symbolic than pragmatic: by getting out of your comfrot zone and knocking on closed doors, you expose yourself to possibilities that you would otherwise miss. Those doors are closed, but they'renot locked. What's the worst thing that can happen by talking to people? You have to just make yourself do itover and over again. All the public figures who get out there and feel so comfortable in front of cameras and thousands of people in the audience have reached that level of confidence because of practice. It becomes a habit. Very, very few people were born with self-confidence. Most of us have acquired it through life by forcing ourselves to be strong and fake confidence - until we became comfortable with it and realzied that these are just people, not wild animals who will chew our heads off. You have to try again and again and again.

 

Let me tell you a fable. The rabbit was very scared of the lion, so he sat in hishole afraid to come out. Finally, he realized he had to come out sooner or later, so he got our but stayed very close to his hole. Then he realized he couldn't stay just close to his hole, because he would starve to death, so he went a little further, but not too far. Encouraged by his experience, next time he went further. Each time he got our, he went further and further becasue he was less and less scared. Finally, he realized he was not scared anymore at all and went everywhere bravely.

 

The message of the story is not that the lion won't eat the rabbit, but that when you face your fears, you eliminate them gradually. And in your case, there is no lion. There is just freedom.

[Ross MwcFan]

Well, unless you're looking for a whore house, how hard it is to approach someone and say, "Excuse me, I am looking for 340 Chestnut Street, do you know where it is?"

 

Very hard.

 

My kids were asking strangers for directions (e.g. where the restrooms are at a restaurant) when they were 6. Once, when they were 7.5, I heard some people at a restaurant in Atlantic City speaking in my former country's language. So, I sent the kids to ask them if they're from my former city. They did and the people exclaimed "Yes!" and gave them $20 (to each kid). I told the kids to thank them and to return the money, but the people turned around and said "No, we just won $150,000 in a casino, so we want them to have the money!"

 

My point being rather symbolic than pragmatic: by getting out of your comfrot zone and knocking on closed doors, you expose yourself to possibilities that you would otherwise miss. Those doors are closed, but they'renot locked. What's the worst thing that can happen by talking to people? You have to just make yourself do itover and over again. All the public figures who get out there and feel so comfortable in front of cameras and thousands of people in the audience have reached that level of confidence because of practice. It becomes a habit. Very, very few people were born with self-confidence. Most of us have acquired it through life by forcing ourselves to be strong and fake confidence - until we became comfortable with it and realzied that these are just people, not wild animals who will chew our heads off. You have to try again and again and again.

 

Let me tell you a fable. The rabbit was very scared of the lion, so he sat in hishole afraid to come out. Finally, he realized he had to come out sooner or later, so he got our but stayed very close to his hole. Then he realized he couldn't stay just close to his hole, because he would starve to death, so he went a little further, but not too far. Encouraged by his experience, next time he went further. Each time he got our, he went further and further becasue he was less and less scared. Finally, he realized he was not scared anymore at all and went everywhere bravely.

 

The message of the story is not that the lion won't eat the rabbit, but that when you face your fears, you eliminate them gradually. And in your case, there is no lion. There is just freedom.

 

It's good that your little kiddies can do that, but I can't, I'm sorry for being so pathetic.

[RecordProducer]

Very hard.

Why? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of? What makes it hard to ask for directions? How do you feel when people ask you for directions?

 

You must talk to strangers at least once a week about some business.

Do you buy groceries or movie/transportation tickets? Do you have a problem doing that?

 

It's good that your little kiddies can do that, but I can't, I'm sorry for being so pathetic.

You're not pathetic; you just have an issue that you need to work on. And it's completely irrational. Do you have any siblings? Did you grow up with both parents? What's your family/childhood situation? Edited January 29, 2012 by RecordProducer

[Ross MwcFan]

Why? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of? What makes it hard to ask for directions? How do you feel when people ask you for directions?

 

I'm not sure why I'm afraid, but I just feel very self concious and like I might be annoying them.

 

When people ask me for directions I feel fine.

 

You must talk to strangers at least once a week about some business.

Do you buy groceries or movie/transportation tickets? Do you have a problem doing that?

 

I don't have a problem with buying groceries, but I don't realy talk much, it's kinda like 'Hi', 'Thanks', 'Bye'.

 

I do talk to someone on Skype a few times a week though, and I talk to a therapist once a week, usually I feel fine, but there are times where I will struggle with talking because I just don't know how to put things or find the right words, and that makes me feel very awkward and like I'm coming across as very awkward, and possibly making the other person feel uncomfortable.

 

You're not pathetic; you just have an issue that you need to work on. And it's completely irrational. Do you have any siblings? Did you grow up with both parents? What's your family/childhood situation?

 

Yeah I have siblings. When growing up they treated me fine, although now it's as though we've grown apart, and they live far away from me. Surprisingly they all seem confident, and they all live normal lives.

 

My mum has always controlled me though, and shouted at me for no reason. Whenever I try doing things in life, she is always very discouraging, and is always negative about it, saying 'It wont work', and 'This will happen', and 'That will happen'. And I think it's that which has caused me to not be able to get anywhere in life. But I'm slowly trying to change that now.

Edited January 30, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

My mum has always controlled me though, and shouted at me for no reason. Whenever I try doing things in life, she is always very discouraging, and is always negative about it, saying 'It wont work', and 'This will happen', and 'That will happen'. And I think it's that which has caused me to not be able to get anywhere in life. But I'm slowly trying to change that now.

 

I had a mother who constantly thought disaster would strike upon us no matter what we did. It's extremely unhealthy, especially for children. It's very liberating, though, the day you discover that it was all BS. Tell yourself, over and over, how much BS that was. In the end, you might believe it.

 

Another strategy I use in situations when I struggle or feel anxious is asking myself "What's the worst thing that can happen?". Then, if I think it through, I often realise that even the worst case scenario isn't very much to be afraid of.

[FitChick]

Ross, your mother said things and did things when you were growing up and you made an interpretation, formed a belief that you weren't good enough. Perfectly logical from a child's perspective, given what you knew at that time. What are some other equally logical interpretations of your mother's behavior?

1. She believed disasters happen because disastrous things happened to her.
   
2. She wanted to protect her small son from the outside world.
   
3. She wanted to make you dependent on her so she wouldn't be alone when your siblings left home.
   
4. When you are little, you need to listen to your parents' advice but when you are older, you make your own decisions.
   
5. She thought you weren't good enough but she was wrong.
   

So, Ross, is it THE TRUTH EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME that you aren't good enough or is it just one possibility out of many possibilities?

 

Did you actually see "I'm not good enough" in the world or did you make it up?

 

(Does this little story sound familiar, Ross? Do that interactive Lefkoe Method again until you feel a shift)

[Teknoe]

Ross,

Are you currently seeing a therapist?

 

Your topic title is a HEAVY question, and not something to be fixed over the internet. You need a real life licensed professional whom you can develop trust with to share this with IN PERSON.

 

The fear of asking for directions for example -- that is very extreme. You think you'll annoy them... there's some deep rooted issues there, with you believing deep down you're not good enough to be given the time of day.

 

A lot of our pain and issues are rooted in how we were raised and how we grew up. I don't know you but I'd assume you didn't become who you are today without some "mis-steps" along the way from your own family. And as you wrote recently, your mom put you down constantly and that belief was deeply ingrained within your conscious.

 

I dunno what the real issues are, but please, if you aren't seeing a therapist currently, make plans to do so.

 

We all have issues, but sorry friend, it's obvious your issues go beyond the average person. You need a professional to help you sort out these issues.

[RecordProducer]

The fear of asking for directions for example -- that is very extreme. You think you'll annoy them... there's some deep rooted issues there, with you believing deep down you're not good enough to be given the time of day.

Maybe Ross doesn't want to give THEM the time of the day. I think he is introverted (possibly among other things). Introverted people won't start communication unless they have to. I think Ross feels like talking to strangers - for a reason that he did not plan - is an intrusion into his inner peace. You know when you see a neighbor and you pretend you haven't seen them because you're too lazy to say "hi"? And they're happy you did that because they too don't care to greet your ass with a smile on a rainy morning. We all do that.

 

Ross, you might want to research on the net articles about introverts.

Here's one: http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/the-introvert-a13661

Ans another you may like: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

Edited February 1, 2012 by RecordProducer

[Teknoe]

Maybe Ross doesn't want to give THEM the time of the day. I think he is introverted (possibly among other things). Introverted people won't start communication unless they have to. I think Ross feels like talking to strangers - for a reason that he did not plan - is an intrusion into his inner peace.

 

I'd like to hear from Ross himself on which is likely more accurate -- does he feel like he's not worthy enough to be given the time of day (and it could be a very subconscious thing -- based possibly upon how his family raised him growing up) or is it HE doesn't want to give THEM the time of day?

 

I'm inclined to heavily think the former is more accurate as, if you're lost, asking someone for direction isn't exactly detrimental since you got nothing else to do!

 

Saying hi to a neighbor on a rainy morning is completely different.

 

When I'm lost, I seek directions from a stranger (preferably a gas station worker). Fact Ross can't do this concerns me.

[josie54]

The definition of "social phobia" according to the U.S. National Library of Health:

 

"Social phobia is a persistent and irrational fear of situations that may involve scrutiny or judgment by others, such as parties and other social events.

 

Causes: People with social phobias fear and avoid situations in which they may be subject to the scrutiny of others. It may begin in adolescence and may be associated with overprotective parents or limited social opportunities. Males and females are affected equally with this disorder.

People with social phobia are at high risk for alcohol or other drug dependence, because they may come to rely on drinks or drugs to relax in social situations.

 

 

Symptoms: People with social phobia become overwhelmingly anxious and self-conscious in everyday social situations. They have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others, and of doing things that will embarrass them. They can worry for days or weeks before a dreaded situation. This fear may become so severe that it interferes with work, school, and other ordinary activities, and can make it hard to make and keep friends.

 

Although many people with social phobia realize that their fears about being with people are excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome them on their own.

 

Social phobia can be limited to one situation (such as talking to people, eating or drinking, or writing on a blackboard in front of others). Or, it may be so broad (such as in generalized social phobia) that the person experiences anxiety around almost everyone other than family members.

Physical symptoms that often occur with social phobia include:

• Blushing
  
• Difficulty talking
  
• Nausea
  
• Profuse sweating
  
• Trembling
  
• 
  

Social phobia is different from shyness. Shy people are able to participate in social functions. People with social phobia are constrained by their condition to the point that it affects their ability to function in work and relationships.

 

Some of the most common fears of people with social phobia include:

• Attending parties and other social occasions
  
• Eating, drinking, and writing in public
  
• Meeting new people
  
• Speaking in public
  
• Using public restrooms..."
  

More information about social phobia and its treatment is also on this site, at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001953/.

 

I think we don't understand social phobia because it's a disorder that, like most disorders, we can't understand if we don't also suffer from it. It requires a special course of treatment, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and desensitization.

 

Good luck in conquering this fear, Ross. If you expose yourself little by little to uncomfortable situations, push through them, and realize that nothing bad has happened, you'll be able to get past this and move on with your life.

[Feelin Frisky]

Ross, you're posts since I've seen you here have consistently reflected a harsh opinion of yourself--but more importantly, that you are often being the subject of other people's scrutiny. I've said this several times before but everyone is worrying about themselves in similar ways and not concerned with anyone else usually in the manners you describe about yourself. This is something you have to come to know deep down--I don't know if you can keep telling yourself this and that this will be enough to work but since you haven't developed that yet, it's a start. I have recommened considering medicine for social anxiety in the past as well of the SSRI variety because all feelings are "chemically" induced and consist of chemical impules. If you catch those before they fire by using medication, the possibility exists for you to see that there is no boogey man and nothing and no one to fear. You'll "know" who you are and think what to do if you find yourself lost. But you have low self esteem and a chemistry that is heavy on the worry juices.

[Ross MwcFan]

I had a mother who constantly thought disaster would strike upon us no matter what we did. It's extremely unhealthy, especially for children. It's very liberating, though, the day you discover that it was all BS. Tell yourself, over and over, how much BS that was. In the end, you might believe it.

 

Yeah, I 'know' it's all BS, but it doesn't 'feel' like it is, for some reason. Hopefully I will be able to change that by telling myself over and over that it's all BS.

 

Another strategy I use in situations when I struggle or feel anxious is asking myself "What's the worst thing that can happen?". Then, if I think it through, I often realise that even the worst case scenario isn't very much to be afraid of.

 

The thing is, is that the worst that can happen, does feel absolutley terrible to me, and would leave me feeling very hurt, depressed and maybe even suicidal.

 

 

Ross, your mother said things and did things when you were growing up and you made an interpretation, formed a belief that you weren't good enough. Perfectly logical from a child's perspective, given what you knew at that time. What are some other equally logical interpretations of your mother's behavior?

1. She believed disasters happen because disastrous things happened to her.
   
2. She wanted to protect her small son from the outside world.
   
3. She wanted to make you dependent on her so she wouldn't be alone when your siblings left home.
   
4. When you are little, you need to listen to your parents' advice but when you are older, you make your own decisions.
   
5. She thought you weren't good enough but she was wrong.
   

So, Ross, is it THE TRUTH EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME that you aren't good enough or is it just one possibility out of many possibilities?

 

 

Did you actually see "I'm not good enough" in the world or did you make it up?

 

(Does this little story sound familiar, Ross? Do that interactive Lefkoe Method again until you feel a shift)

 

 

Yeah, it's just one possibility out of many possibilites. I gues my mind made it up, because my mum made it feel like it was that way

Edited February 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Dust]

Well, unless you're looking for a whore house, how hard it is to approach someone and say, "Excuse me, I am looking for 340 Chestnut Street, do you know where it is?"

 

 

Haha wouldn't that be classic. To stop a woman or family on the street and ask them where I could find the nearest whore house...

[denise_xo]

The thing is, is that the worst that can happen, does feel absolutley terrible to me, and would leave me feeling very hurt, depressed and maybe even suicidal.

 

Yes, I see where that's coming from and have felt that way too (I have been suicidal at various points in the past and also tried to kill myself when I was younger). I'd like to echo FF's post above that the way we experience such situations in that kind of state is very very different from how people around us view us. It sometimes helps to realise that 'the worst thing that can happen' is more about a feeling/state inside ourself and less about actual external events, at least it helped me to work on achieving the 'feeling' and not just the 'knowledge'. I understand very well what you mean about the difference between 'knowing' something and not 'feeling' it, and it can be a tough issue to work on. But keep trying to integrate that feeling. You are being so proactive in so many ways and you sound very up going and reflective about your own predicament here on LS, so I just can't believe that you won't be able to move forward if you keep going at it.

[FitChick]

Yeah, it's just one possibility out of many possibilites. I gues my mind made it up, because my mum made it feel like it was that way

 

You believed her because when you were little, adults knew everything (or so you thought). Knowing what you know now, can you see that it was just an interpretation you made of those events and never really was The Truth?

 

Knowing you just made up the belief that you aren't good enough is powerful stuff because it means you created it and have control over it. You can create a different belief based on another interpretation, i.e. Mum just wanted to protect her young son from being hurt by the outside world; she wanted you to take care of her in her old age so didn't want you to leave home. Nothing to do with whether Ross is good enough or not! Can you see that? More importantly, can you feel it?

 

Again, I still recommend either doing the video "I'm not good enough" belief or trying "I'm not important" which approaches the problem from a slightly different angle. Pause the video to let each bit really sink in. Then let me know how it goes! I will try to do the 'I'm not important' one myself since it's been years since I did it and might need a tune-up!

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross,

Are you currently seeing a therapist?

 

Your topic title is a HEAVY question, and not something to be fixed over the internet. You need a real life licensed professional whom you can develop trust with to share this with IN PERSON.

 

Yeah, I'm seeing a therapist, it is him who made the revelation. I asked him how I can change, but the answer he gave was quite vague and I can't remember what he said anyway.

 

The fear of asking for directions for example -- that is very extreme. You think you'll annoy them... there's some deep rooted issues there, with you believing deep down you're not good enough to be given the time of day.

 

That is how a lot of people used to always treat me, where I used to live, it's what I grew up with.

 

A lot of our pain and issues are rooted in how we were raised and how we grew up. I don't know you but I'd assume you didn't become who you are today without some "mis-steps" along the way from your own family. And as you wrote recently, your mom put you down constantly and that belief was deeply ingrained within your conscious.

 

I dunno what the real issues are, but please, if you aren't seeing a therapist currently, make plans to do so.

 

We all have issues, but sorry friend, it's obvious your issues go beyond the average person. You need a professional to help you sort out these issues.

 

I know, I'm totally ****ed up.

 

Maybe Ross doesn't want to give THEM the time of the day. I think he is introverted (possibly among other things). Introverted people won't start communication unless they have to. I think Ross feels like talking to strangers - for a reason that he did not plan - is an intrusion into his inner peace. You know when you see a neighbor and you pretend you haven't seen them because you're too lazy to say "hi"? And they're happy you did that because they too don't care to greet your ass with a smile on a rainy morning. We all do that.

 

Ross, you might want to research on the net articles about introverts.

Here's one: http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/the-introvert-a13661

Ans another you may like: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

 

Nah, I'm not really like that, I enjoy saying hi to my neighbours, unless it's a neighbour I feel shy with saying hello too, then I'll sometimes pretend that I didn't see them.

 

If I didn't feel so shy and if I had enough confidence to ask someone for directions, I would do, wanting or not wanting to give them the time of day wouldn't come into it, as knowing how I can get back home or to a particular destination would be the most important thing.

 

I'd like to hear from Ross himself on which is likely more accurate -- does he feel like he's not worthy enough to be given the time of day (and it could be a very subconscious thing -- based possibly upon how his family raised him growing up) or is it HE doesn't want to give THEM the time of day?

 

I'm inclined to heavily think the former is more accurate as, if you're lost, asking someone for direction isn't exactly detrimental since you got nothing else to do!

 

Saying hi to a neighbor on a rainy morning is completely different.

 

When I'm lost, I seek directions from a stranger (preferably a gas station worker). Fact Ross can't do this concerns me.

 

I'm happy to give anyone the time of day, as long as they're a nice person, I quite like the little interactions with strangers when they happen. If they aren't a nice person though, then I don't want to give them the time of day at all. It's like, **** you, you don't exist to me.

 

Ross, you're posts since I've seen you here have consistently reflected a harsh opinion of yourself--but more importantly, that you are often being the subject of other people's scrutiny. I've said this several times before but everyone is worrying about themselves in similar ways and not concerned with anyone else usually in the manners you describe about yourself. This is something you have to come to know deep down--I don't know if you can keep telling yourself this and that this will be enough to work but since you haven't developed that yet, it's a start. I have recommened considering medicine for social anxiety in the past as well of the SSRI variety because all feelings are "chemically" induced and consist of chemical impules. If you catch those before they fire by using medication, the possibility exists for you to see that there is no boogey man and nothing and no one to fear. You'll "know" who you are and think what to do if you find yourself lost. But you have low self esteem and a chemistry that is heavy on the worry juices.

 

I've been on medication (mainly SSRI's) for years, I've tried all sorts of different ones too.

 

Yes, I see where that's coming from and have felt that way too (I have been suicidal at various points in the past and also tried to kill myself when I was younger). I'd like to echo FF's post above that the way we experience such situations in that kind of state is very very different from how people around us view us. It sometimes helps to realise that 'the worst thing that can happen' is more about a feeling/state inside ourself and less about actual external events, at least it helped me to work on achieving the 'feeling' and not just the 'knowledge'. I understand very well what you mean about the difference between 'knowing' something and not 'feeling' it, and it can be a tough issue to work on. But keep trying to integrate that feeling. You are being so proactive in so many ways and you sound very up going and reflective about your own predicament here on LS, so I just can't believe that you won't be able to move forward if you keep going at it.

 

 

That's true, I've never thought about it like that.

 

Yeah, I'm going to keep going at things, I don't really feel like I have any other choice to be honest.

 

You believed her because when you were little, adults knew everything (or so you thought). Knowing what you know now, can you see that it was just an interpretation you made of those events and never really was The Truth?

 

Knowing you just made up the belief that you aren't good enough is powerful stuff because it means you created it and have control over it. You can create a different belief based on another interpretation, i.e. Mum just wanted to protect her young son from being hurt by the outside world; she wanted you to take care of her in her old age so didn't want you to leave home. Nothing to do with whether Ross is good enough or not! Can you see that? More importantly, can you feel it?

 

Again, I still recommend either doing the video "I'm not good enough" belief or trying "I'm not important" which approaches the problem from a slightly different angle. Pause the video to let each bit really sink in. Then let me know how it goes! I will try to do the 'I'm not important' one myself since it's been years since I did it and might need a tune-up!

 

 

Yeah I can see it, not sure if I can feel it though.

Edited February 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[RecordProducer]

The thing is, is that the worst that can happen, does feel absolutley terrible to me, and would leave me feeling very hurt, depressed and maybe even suicidal.

What exactly would make you feel suicidal? Suppose you asked someone for directions, they stopped, gave you directions, didn't seem annoyed (which is usually the case), what about it scares you? What possible scenario in your head makes you afraid or nervous, depressed or suicidal?

 

And what if someone didn't stop and just told you on the fly "Sorry, I'm in a hurry"? How would that make you feel? I agree with Teknoe that we can rule out introversion since you denied the main traits of introverts. Feeling suicidal because of asking someone for directions when you're lost does sound a bit extreme. Is it possible that you might have some kind of psychosis/neurosis? I am not an expert at all, but if you're seeing a psychologist, I think it may be time to start seeing a psychiatrist.

Edited February 2, 2012 by RecordProducer

[Dust]

What exactly would make you feel suicidal? Suppose you asked someone for directions, they stopped, gave you directions, didn't seem annoyed (which is usually the case), what about it scares you? What possible scenario in your head makes you afraid or nervous, depressed or suicidal?

 

And what if someone didn't stop and just told you on the fly "Sorry, I'm in a hurry"? How would that make you feel? I agree with Teknoe that we can rule out introversion since you denied the main traits of introverts. Feeling suicidal because of asking someone for directions when you're lost does sound a bit extreme. Is it possible that you might have some kind of psychosis/neurosis? I am not an expert at all, but if you're seeing a psychologist, I think it may be time to start seeing a psychiatrist.

 

I think he should travel to Tibet and study with monks out there. Western medicine hasn't done him any good he's been seeing doctors all his life. I doubt he would actually feel like comitting suicide if some one was rude to him. People have been more then rude to him on here and he has an above the top reaction of anger for that person not for himself.

 

I understand being afraid of what people might think. Often though when faced with a rude person you forget to be embaressed and just get angry at that person.