atloss4love Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 He is a coworker and I care deeply for Him. He is married but was getting a Divorce. We became close until he Went on vacation. When he came back He said he was gonna try and work on His marriage. I have never cried and Screamed so hard in my life. I came To work and decided to give him his Space and just avoid him. Since I have Done this he now seems very upset With me. Why would he avoid me too. I'm hurt, this is the only way I know How to deal with this situation. Why Would this bother him. It was his Choice to go back. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 It doesn't matter why he is upset. Lots of people throw hissy fits when they don't get what they want. You CANNOT continue to be his "friend" while getting over him and he shouldn't try to be your friend while working on his marriage. Don't guilt trip yourself and allow him to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself. He cannot have his wife and you by his side as his best friend and if he is mad about that....then you can see that your best interest is NONE of his concern so long as he gets his way. Be glad he is staying put and continue ignoring him. Soon you'll realize he is NO friend of yours, as he is only a friend when you're playing by his self-serving rules.Someone who really cares for you would understand you need to detach and wish you happiness as they try to pursue their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Yea, sounds like a whole lot of fun to be his cheerleader while he stays w/ his w. what else did he expect you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 YOu have done the right thing by him. You backed off so he could work on his relationship. He in turn needs to do the decent thing by you and leave you ALONE. It is difficult enough when you are so disappointed . You don't need to to be dealing with a spoilt petulant brat. I think you should count yourself lucky you don't have to deal with his hissy fits on a full time basis. Just try and stay away from him Good Luck, GG Link to post Share on other sites
Author atloss4love Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 I tried to avoid him and he got upset and started Avoiding me. I cannot go on the path because we Have to work together. I am trying to move past This man but sometimes he knows all he has to do Is give me that look. I think most of my issue is The fact that we never had sex although I tried It never happened. It hurt my ego and I felt Spoiled because I did not get what I wanted. That feeling eats me alive. I want this feeling to Go away. I have worked for this company my Whole life so I have to deal with it. I can try to Avoid him but we do have to work together. It hurts me to say that I love this screwed up Man but I know in my heart that he is the worst Thing that could ever happen to me. Am I really That screwed up over this? No other man has a Shot with me if I keep comparing them to him. I have thought of him 24 hours a day for the last 9 months of my life. I KNOW this is wrong.. I know this is Not Healthly. How can 1 person Overpower us this way. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I tried to avoid him and he got upset and started Avoiding me. I cannot go on the path because we Have to work together. I am trying to move past This man but sometimes he knows all he has to do Is give me that look. I think most of my issue is The fact that we never had sex although I tried It never happened. It hurt my ego and I felt Spoiled because I did not get what I wanted. That feeling eats me alive. I want this feeling to Go away. I have worked for this company my Whole life so I have to deal with it. I can try to Avoid him but we do have to work together. It hurts me to say that I love this screwed up Man but I know in my heart that he is the worst Thing that could ever happen to me. Am I really That screwed up over this? No other man has a Shot with me if I keep comparing them to him. I have thought of him 24 hours a day for the last 9 months of my life. I KNOW this is wrong.. I know this is Not Healthly. How can 1 person Overpower us this way. They can't. You willing gave your power away. He didn't man handle it away from you. He took what you offered. You say you love this person...what do you find so loveable? Is it the way he treats his wife?Is it the way he handles you avoiding him?Or could it be the way he honored his marriage? When you say you love someone, there should be concrete reasons for doing so. Look at him....are there concrete reasons?If not why?If there are...are you willing to be open with his wife and family(your's too) about your feelings for him and his for you? Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I think most of my issue is The fact that we never had sex although I tried It never happened. It hurt my ego and I felt Spoiled because I did not get what I wanted. That feeling eats me alive. I want this feeling to Go away. Am I really That screwed up over this? No other man has a Shot with me if I keep comparing them to him. I have thought of him 24 hours a day for the last 9 months of my life. I KNOW this is wrong.. I know this is Not Healthly. How can 1 person Overpower us this way. he isn't "overpowering" you...you are allowing him to have this hold over you, and no offense, but i have to ask why? Is it because you didn't get what you wanted (sex with him) and , as the saying goes, people always seem to want what they can't have? Stop doing this to yourself and move on...as long as you keep giving him space in your mind and heart,you'll never have room foe anyone else. Is that how you want to live your life? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 It hurt my ego and I felt Spoiled because I did not get what I wanted. This doesn't sound like love, it sounds more like an unhealthy feelings of lust and deep emotions. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/letting-go-of-a-relationshipthat-doesnt-exist/ Not saying your relationship didn't exist, but you should read this link and apply some of it to your situation, especially the parts of thinking about him 24/7. It IS unhealthy and causing you a lot of harm. Get your life back, get "you" back. You're wasting your precious time and energy on someone who isn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author atloss4love Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 Best advice I have ever read I think the book was wrote about My guy or should I say my ex Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 He is a coworker and I care deeply for Him. He is married but was getting a Divorce. We became close until he Went on vacation. When he came back He said he was gonna try and work on His marriage. I have never cried and Screamed so hard in my life. I came To work and decided to give him his Space and just avoid him. Since I have Done this he now seems very upset With me. Why would he avoid me too. I'm hurt, this is the only way I know How to deal with this situation. Why Would this bother him. It was his Choice to go back. Is this a poem? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 . Why Would this bother him People who cheat also lie. How can 1 person Overpower us this way Your feelings are entirely your responsibility. Any 'power' you give him is a choice. You can choose differently. Since he's a co-worker and you're a long-time (for your life) employee, have you met his wife at company social functions? Usually, such realities have a way of putting things into perspective. Limit contact and keep it business would be my advice. Respect his choice to work on his M and don't accept any personal contact from him. Also, don't interact with him at all on company IT if you can avoid it. The company owns those transmissions. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Best advice I have ever readI think the book was wrote about My guy or should I say my ex So, what are you going to do about it? Best advice you've read.. Put a plan into action - Get some counseling to help you through this so you can truly grieve the loss and heal. If you do nothing, or stay in the mindset you're in now, your life is hold and you'll be miserable. Life is short so DO NOT waste time on someone who doesn't give a crap about you! Link to post Share on other sites
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