Wanting them back??

[NicoleM]

I definitely had some self-esteem issues before I met him.I suppose he knew low self-esteem problems ( maybe he could sense it) and he knew which buttons to push and how to take advantage of me and I ignored it thinking he will change he will change.The more I look back and the more you pointed out he was acting like a woman! I sometimes kick myself and wish I could go back into time and had some balls and have great self-esteem and told him where to go a long,long time ago and not have hung on to him for so long wishing he would change and blaming myself for not doing things right when it was never me it was him! My sister says I should see a counselor and talk about my problems and work on my self-esteem and maybe even take some yoga classes and focus on myself instead of blaming myself and thinking I did everything wrong when in reality once again it is him not me. I think I should follow my sister advice and talk to someone and take up yoga. I need to forget that loser ever existed and focus on myself and be thankful I never married or had a child with that toolbag.

[Sugarkane]

It doesn't make us the better ones, but in this case, we are the better ones. Read OP's post: he was abusive, and yet she could never hurt him purposefully. He destroyed her self-esteem. Sounds to me like he's a petty piece of shyt.

 

Nicole, your best revenge is to ignore this scumbag. Let him see he's a nobody in your life. Don't ever show interest in anyting he does. Anyone who finds pleasure in mentally/emotionally abusing his partner and destroying her self-esteem is a loser. He is going to do this to every woman because he is one miserable SOB who will never be happy, no matter what. One thing you can afford to lose in life is a loser.

 

I completely agree with RecordProducer.

[RecordProducer]

I definitely had some self-esteem issues before I met him.I suppose he knew low self-esteem problems ( maybe he could sense it) and he knew which buttons to push and how to take advantage of me and I ignored it thinking he will change he will change.The more I look back and the more you pointed out he was acting like a woman! I sometimes kick myself and wish I could go back into time and had some balls and have great self-esteem and told him where to go a long,long time ago and not have hung on to him for so long wishing he would change and blaming myself for not doing things right when it was never me it was him! My sister says I should see a counselor and talk about my problems and work on my self-esteem and maybe even take some yoga classes and focus on myself instead of blaming myself and thinking I did everything wrong when in reality once again it is him not me. I think I should follow my sister advice and talk to someone and take up yoga. I need to forget that loser ever existed and focus on myself and be thankful I never married or had a child with that toolbag.

I totally agree wiht your sister. And I should do the same. I've been through so much and never sought counseling. I did have 3 sessions in my life, the therapist sucked and I gave up.

 

I completely agree with RecordProducer.

[Thieves]

I dont understand this concept if someone doesn't want to be with us, it doesn't make us the better one's. It's they choice for good or worse.

 

I completely understand where you're coming from on this, Ffw.

 

When we break up with someone, or when they break up with us, it's very easy to scramble to different conclusions of why things didn't work out, and who was more in the "wrong" than the other.

 

When things are still fresh, neither a person's heart nor their mind are in the right state to make clear distinctions about what it actually is from what we want it to be. Our hearts are still stuck in that fog of pain and heartbreak, and let's face it, most of us generally see the people who broke our hearts as complete and utter jerks at first.

 

I also agree with your post that says a relationship ends due to the faults of both people, though it's easy to place a lot of the blame on just one person. A relationship is (most of the time) something that is 50/50, and as adults, we all have our own mistakes to take responsibility for and own up to -- even if that mistake was staying too long in a relationship that is clearly not healthy for us, or bending over backwards too many times for someone who is barely reciprocating the effort. It's not the easiest thing in the world to admit, because that means we also to work on ourselves... but we can't ignore that we had a part in all of it too.

 

I sympathize with Nicole here, and in this situation, I do actually think she is a slightly better person than her ex seeing as he was abusive to her in ways that no person should be to someone they "care" for. I think she's doing a great job at realizing that while it does hurt, she is absolutely doing the right thing by trying to move on from this man who is not right for her. She is making the right choice for her, and for that, she's already on her way to becoming a better person.

 

Her ex made a choice as well, and only he will know whether it was the right one for him in the end. Only he can choose to learn from the mistakes he's made. If anything, it's clear from Nicole's posts that he still has a lot to learn about relationships.

[NicoleM]

Thanks. I sometimes wonder if he even has a soul:o He just discarded me ( which is a good thing since he was a jerk anyways) but...... I just wonder how a person like that even lives or even has a conscience or sleeps at night knowing what he did and having no remorse. He still hasn't changed and still acts like a jerk. He clearly has a girlfriend and he already chases tail at work and he couldn't possibly dump her no, no then he wouldn't have a woman who cooks,cleans, babies him and lets him freeload at her house and doesn't have to live with his uncle anymore he is living in the dream so to speak. I just hope his girlfriend realizes what a fool he is and kicks him to the curb because clearly he is using her just like he used me and made me believe he was a decent person but in the end he was a self-centered jerk who has no regards to anyone's feelings but himself. I know once she kicks him to the curb or realizes what a fool he really is he will come crawling back to me begging for forgiveness saying let's work this out and I will say no way not now not ever! I made that mistake once and getting therapy for it there is no way I am letting you in my life ever again. How can someone like that be so callous?