I have to see her today....

[AwptiK]

Pretty short story, just goes along with the title.

 

I was dumped after a pretty heated argument on NYE. (Not officially until a few days after, when we cooled off and all).

 

Thing is, this girl is a coworker. We've been NC outside of work for around 2 weeks, but there's a few days a week where I have to see her for a few minutes when shifts are changing. Today at 3 is the first time i'll have seen her in around a week.

 

It's been really rough without contact, but I have awful awful days when I do see her. Working, period, has some tough moments because i'm reminded of her. Really not looking forward to seeing her though, she's going to smile at me, because we agreed to be "friends" at work.

 

Bit of rambling:

There's so much i'd love to say to her and i'd do anything to have her back right now. (For anyone who may not have seen my posts, she left me because of my anger (non-physical) - stating it's the one thing she disliked about me. Since then, i've been in therapy at least weekly and been doing a lot to control my anger. Yet, she said that damage has been done in that last argument, and she doesn't have feelings anymore). I don't know how true that last statement is, because she may have said it knowing it would hurt me a little bit/even "help me" in a way.

 

As far as saying stuff to her, that week between the breakup and NC, I was slightly mean to her. It's not who I am at all, but it hides my feelings and pushes her away for her sake.....

 

Maybe she'll come back around, but I really need to work on moving on and be more okay with the fact that I do have to see her.

Edited January 19, 2012 by AwptiK

[fucpcg]

You had said you purposefully said things to make her hurt, so that is an issue you need to deal with, one that takes time. Remember, I am the guy who responded with his own anger issues. Almost a year after losing my ex, I still basically shatter when I see her, its not easy. I continue to do all I can to make myself a better person, and that is the best and only thing I can do. Knowing how bad I hurt her, albeit unintentionally just happened thru temper, bothers me still 24-7. If she ever gave us a second chance, and I did it again, she'd be gone, and I totally wouldn't be able to live with that. Fix yourself, first and foremost.

[AwptiK]

Yeah I remember your story man and the advice. I'm working around the clock on the anger issues. I was more or less seeking a way to find comfort in knowing I was going to see her yesterday, after it's been a few days..

 

Yesterday wasn't bad though. Went in and said hey, talked for a few minutes before I clocked in and she clocked out and left. It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, and i'm so glad that was the case.

 

Of course, like the normal days that I see her at work, I have to fight off being upset and the desire to text her. Same thing yesterday. To my surprise, she ended up texting me though a few hours after she left. It was about potentially changing work shifts, but she threw in a bit about her life and I guess in a way (based on our past), she wanted to test my interest. I was pretty to-the-point, but nice and sort of trying to tell her that I wasn't really interested in talking.

 

Just so I can get it out of my head, the conversation was basically:

-Do you have class in the morning?

+Nope

-Well would you like to work for me?

+A double? (Because I already am scheduled for the afternoon)

-Oh, I didn't realize you had to close! No biggie! I'll work, I was just hoping to be able to get some stuff done before Blake's birthday party.

+Alrighty

-Did you check my vacation hours?

+Nah, I'm not really one to creep. But I can check for you

-Lol ok

+65 hours

-Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

+Yep

-Awesome! That'll be a huge help when I get my laser eye surgery in April.

+Cool cool

 

 

-----------------

I was probably a bit short, but I've been through a hundred scenarios and situations with this girl, and she likes to share her life with those that she likes. Not looking for anything or pulling straws, but i'm curious as to what my reply to her is going to be when she either texts me again and i'm short, or she flat out says something to me in person about being short. "Calling out" is a huge sign of interest from her, I guess something about not getting what she wants out of talking to me. I don't really know what my reply will be though, I really don't want to play games.

 

 

On a bright note, i've been talking to a new girl for a few days now and it's been really nice.