old friends on fb..

[passions]

So..I'll just start talking..

I used to have two close female friends in school, we walked to school, always rang eachother, hung out in school and so on. Super close. We even read eachothers diaries.

We were 12-14 then. It was a stormy age and we were very immature kids always trying to embarrass eachother and do bad things to eachother simply, quite a bit of jealousy involved as well. We had fun a lot of the time until things just went overboard and I decided to go my own way, I told them some really nasty things so that things would change for sure.

I went from being a popular blonde girl that a lot of boys liked to .. touch.. and talk about, to dressing in old saggy clothes and colored dark hair and without make up. I was alone from that point on, ridiculed by everyone, focusing on my studies. My former friends spent the following 1.5 years talking behind my back and bullying me. And they've never said sorry for anything though they managed to hurt me a lot, I never intended for that to happen, they just never seemed to forget my betrayal or whatever u want to call it.

I think this change was a lot more deep than I imagined because I've never really been able to have friends since. I always keep distance to people, trying to keep a large level of freedom to do what I want to do and not be influenced by others or hurt or something. I also have mostly male friends.

I've tried keeping in contact with one of them because we were the closest and I basically grew up in her home, but it's so hard cos we're so different.. and the other girl I swore never to talk to again because she did the worst things ever to me. Now it's been 10 years.

Nearly a year ago I removed my friend from fb saying it was a pity we didn't really communicate anymore and she didn't reply, until now, asking why I had removed her.. And I explained but she said it was my own doing. Well I sent her another request and told her she can be my friend if she wants to.

I would like to talk to them both, cos I'm not the same girl as was but wow, it's so hard! The girl I haven't spoken with for 10 years has tried befriending me on facebook but I've declined. And when I talk to the other one it's like we're 12 again and nothing''s changed. I've seen that they still talk to eachother. I so wish we could just get on again...like we used to, without the childish jealousy and so on. Is this possible.. Maybe we can all laugh at what happened? Maybe. I am willing to forgive and forget but ..how.

[Lucky_One]

I am not really sure why you want these particular girls in your life now? I am thinking that there was too much unhappiness in the friendships to be resurrected, both past and present. Time to remember the good parts, learn from the bad parts, and move on.

 

Because honestly, you are saying that you want things to be like they were? Well they are; you have friended and unfriended, you have refused friend invites - you have shown them recently that you are still harboring grudges and being unfriendly yourself.

 

If you really, really believe that having two childhood friends in your adult life is this important, then I would write a thoughtful letter out, let it sit for a few days, re-read and re-write it, let it sit a few days more, and then re-read it again. Copy it onto grown-up writing paper, and mail it to them. Don't let your letter be a litany of blame or finger-pointing or hurt or jealousy; just let it be a simple, honest apology for the things that YOU did with a stated desire to start over and an open door for a reply.

 

(And don't do all of this over FB. It is not a good place for "real" friendship work. It is merely a social networking site.)