nea clementine Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Hi everyone, First, a confession. I was really embarrassed to share this story, not to mention, disappointed and felt like I'd betrayed my principles. But then I thought, maybe someone can benefit from reading this - and decide for themselves whether it is worth breaking NC. I had been NC for a good 15 months. Although I still thought about him many times, I no longer felt regrets or remorse towards the ex and had let bygones be bygones - you know. I could function again, started showing interest in other people, joined an online-dating site. In essence, I felt okay. Then the email came. It was a short Christmas greeting. Nothing personal being said.me, thinking I was at a better place then, and wanted to be cordial, replied with the same greeting. He then asked for my PIN (we both used Blackberry). At first I politely declined, but he insisted. Bear in mind that I was overestimating myself by thinking I could handle contact now, and that I was really over him. I gave him the PIN and we started chatting. That was when the old routine quietly seeped in. He texted, I replied. He replied hours afterwards. He said he wanted to talk. I waited. Never happened. I texted asking about the talk. He said he'd fallen asleep. No talk or any other contact for almost a week. I waited. And waited. And became very pissed off. That was when it hit me! Holy crap, I canNOT believe I'm STILL NOT over this stupid prick!!! (Well of course now I can swear it, but two weeks ago I was wallowing and crying while saying that). I deleted him immediately, but missed him days after that *rolling eyes*. So I emailed him under the excuse of wanting information about a travel agent he once told me about. He immediately replied and asked to be reinvited to BBM. I reinvited him. Please remember that I was still NOT over this guy and just realised that two weeks ago. I can't remember how many times I explained to him the necessity of NC, but in the end it was I who would give in to the urge. I mean, after 15 mths, I would have believed it was over, but apparently it was not. So naturally I deleted him, again, and *hope you guys catch on the sarcasm here* - just this morning I emailed him, laying my feelings and all, explaining how it would be best that we did not contact each other. I did not feel relieved after that, to tell you the truth. I certainly did not go back to square one, but it did feel like breaking up all over again, minus the drama and the long wallowing afterwards. So...there you go...my NC failure, and I really hope you guys take some serious thought before even considering 'being cordial' to the ex. Whether you do it or not is up to you, as you know yourself best. But as for me, I learnt my lesson, again, and will try to remember it this time. Thanks for reading. Stay strong, everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Pens55 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Oh you sooo sound like me! Get mad/frustrated/hurt/whatever and delete the number...then when they text again, the number stays in the phone until I get upset again (never re-added, but left the number in my text queue, etc.) Then of course there is the fallback of verizon saving your deleted contacts via their account website...that screwed me quite a few times as well. Anyway, I hope my silliness makes you feel a little better. Happens to all of us, but every time you make a mistake, it strengthens your resolve just a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 ...Oh you dum-dum! Never mind... you can always start again, today.... .... chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
Newflor32 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I do am goin through the same thing. It was well over a year since i last saw him. He was friendly too..... He wanted to stop by. A few months ago he told my mom to have me call him, that he wanted to talk. We chatted last thurs for the first time after months of nc. Then the next day nothing and i feel same way i did before nc. Waiting for crumbs, i really cant do this anymore. I cried for first time in long time. I wanted to confront him today but what good does it do, ive been here before, wanting to hear from him and texting if he doesnt. It really sucks. Im trying hard not to and im going to ignore him again. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It happens. Dont beat yourself up. NC is really for you and nobody else so just stick too it. At least your not like me. I still have contact once every four months or so because we have a grown Son from our long marriage. Sometimes she just uses some lame excuse to contact me. But it's better than the first year where I was the one constantly using excuses to contact. I have a fiancee now and she knows it so I am willing to bet that was the real reason for her contact. First thing she asked me was "Congrates, when are you getting married?" As if it really mattered right? Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nea clementine Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 Thanks, everyone. Sorry I am using the mobile web so I can't replu to each post as the window is pretty small and the connection is slow. I just want to encourage those who are still struggling with NC, to keep doing it. I would not say NC or die!, as I'm a firm believer in hope. Maybe one day in the far far future, my ex and I can be cordial (and maybe you and yours as well), but for now, when there's even a slightest doubt, I think we must remain NC. Stay strong, everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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