Kamila Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Hello all, I was at a party, and a friend of mine and I started talking about break-ups and how we've been coping till now. She told me his ex came back after a year and wanted her to get back together. She refused because she didn't feel the love anymore. She explained that she felt more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. She sure wants to have children but not with a bloke that's not good for her. So then she dropped me a question that made me spacey for some seconds: "And you ? Would you take your ex back if he asked you back?" I said after some pause (I think I even giggled ) : "... under certain conditions..." She looked at me and asked me if he was dating and all. I remember for some months ago that he indeed had a picture on FB telling the whole world he has another girl... I haven't had any news since then ... So I told her, yes, he's seeing someone. Anyways, that question got me thinking. And still, what are the odds someone comes knocking back on your door ? 0.0001 % ? And 'under some conditions', why the hell did I even say that ? There's love and love. Loving someone and wanting to be with them. But if the relationship is toxic for you, it's not even worth bothering. It's just asking for trouble and the pain all over again. I'm no contact since a year now, and still when someone mentions him I feel like the air is sucked out of my lungs. So my question to you, what would you do if or better 'feel' if someone asked you that question ? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 If you asked me this a year ago, I probably would have said yes. If you ask me now, I would probably say no. I'm in a much better place now. And besides, none of my friends will ever ask about her...because they all thought she sucked... Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 If someone asked me this now, I would laugh that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I would not take him back at all...I am a better person without him Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I'm not yet at the point where I would say no completely. But just hearing that she wanted to get back together and make it work with a bunch of empty words would not mean anything to me. I'd want to see her get into therapy, and make various other changes, before I would ever believe her. And I can't see any way she'd ever finally be willing to confront these issues, so short answer: no, I don't need to worry about taking her back, because these things would never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 My friends ask me that every once in awhile - trying to get me to say no. Like "well you'd never want to be with him after what he did to you. how could you trust him?" And I think about it often on my own. And I'm not proud to say that I would still want to be with him right now. Maybe someday that feeling will leave, but right now, if he came back and apologized and wanted to try again, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I would never take him back. For any reason. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Absolutely not! Link to post Share on other sites
Michael30 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I think my wife would tell her to piss off for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 So most of us wouldn't want their ex back. Link to post Share on other sites
The Aviator Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I'm very surprised how many people said they wouldn't take their ex back!?? Mine left me out of the blue 9 months ago. I never saw or heard from her again...complete NC from day one. I have slowly been rebuilding my life as it was a tough year for me last year however I still wish that she would come back into my life. I think I would still take her back. Ok it would take a LOT of explaining and trust rebuilding and whilst I am still trying to move on I still have a lot of feelings for her and wish this had never ever happened. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 What if your ex wanted you back ? Reactions ? I'd ask her to clear it with the BF who mysteriously appeared as soon as she filed for divorce, but never has mentioned to me. That would be my honest reaction, right before I'd suggest that she's fµcking loony. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Ok it would take a LOT of explaining and trust rebuilding and whilst I am still trying to move on I still have a lot of feelings for her and wish this had never ever happened. This exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 Ok it would take a LOT of explaining and trust rebuilding and whilst I am still trying to move on I still have a lot of feelings for her and wish this had never ever happened. Yes, trust is key here. On my part, I also wished he didn't act the way he did. And I also wished we could have worked it out, but his actions told me otherwise... and that's where I find a way to accept things. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 My reaction would be sudden and uncontrollable dry heaving, followed by a polite "No, thank you." Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 It's honestly very hard to say. Only if enough time has passed, and he learned from what he did and has matured an immense amount. But even then, I'd be more tempted to just be good friends... Link to post Share on other sites
EyeAlone Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 When this happened in the past, it was always over the phone so the ex could never see my facial expressions but it usually goes something like this: I feel shocked , annoyed with their stupid apologies/explanations , nauseated thinking about going back to them after all the misery , but confident when I tell them "nope" After I hang up, I find it all hilarious and then eventually feel satisfied If my most recent ex wanted to give the relationship a second try, I imagine that my response would be as above. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) Jesus.. pfft.... I really wouldn't know where to start. logically speaking though, it would depend on why she would want me back and if she was aware why the relationship went asunder in the first place. I would like directness ( on my side and hers) which are qualities I don;t think she would have even if she wanted to get back with me.. alas I know her too well.. To be honest I know I would probably yield, but after all this fallout has produced, I am not sure if it would be for anything shy from the self-gratifying need for company.. the previous feelings of purity or sense of a strong union just seems drained by some of the stark hideousness of character that exuded from her words and actions. But also the sheer shock of knowing that this hideousness seems to be oblivious to my ex herself. I am no saint, but she pretty much justified all her actions as being tolerable because she didn't realize what she was doing, not even attempting to learn from them. I know I am not the only one to see the inherent problem with this... I would want to be quite self-restrictive with my emotions though and just put the foot down on "no", a reaction I wish I had the gusto to do...... to be frank I'm starting to be well-received to the idea of never seeing her again, as at least then I would know I would'nt try to do anything stupid.. Edited January 23, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) I think most people who still love their exes - short of past infidelity - would take their exes back, but only for as long as they're still in love. But, that has to be combined with the challenge factor: the returning ex must have been a challenege and an object of longing for a significant period of time OR they must have the upper hand in some way. I decided to stop waiting for my ex to come back, because as minuscule as the hope may be, it's ruining my life. So, today I decided to give my ex until my next birthday to come back or I am done with my hopes for good (he doesn't know about the deadline or any of this, we're in NC right now). I am 10,000% sure he's not going to come back, but I need that deadline for my own peace of mind. It will be 8 months of him dating his skank and 18 months after our official divorce and my birthday. If he doesn't know by then that he made a mistake and that he loves me - then he didn't make a mistake and doesn't love me. Of course, it's already over, I know that, and I don't hope at all that he will come around within the next seven weeks, but I had to make a clean, sharp cut in my head and have my closure. I have to know that God talked to me through this imposed deadline and told me "It's really over, you should move on now." So, I am setting my mindset on acceptance of the reality and moving on. Otherwise, this agony could go on for years. Read this inspirational story I had a neighbor who divorced her husband after 5 years of marriage because he cheated. She was terribly hurt and left him. His GF moved into their house, slept in their marital bed with him. My friend moved to another state (that's how she became my neighbor) and started a new relationship with a guy from another state (LDR). After dating him for 10 months, some woman calls her and tells her that she has been dating him for the past 11 months. Of course, my friend broke up with him. When we chatted once around that time, she told me that she wasn't sure that she would not take her ex-husband back. She was also doing the dating sites and just when she was about to quit because she lost all hope, she met the love of her life. They've been together for about 3 years now and they recently bought a house. The moral of the story: she would've taken her ex-husband back, she dated another cheater, she almost gave upon love... but then she fell in love and found happiness. So, we should NEVER give up because new love does come along and we shouldn't go back to our exes just because we've lost faith in love. Edited January 23, 2012 by RecordProducer Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I don't even think I would/could talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Two weeks ago, I'd have given anything to just see her one last time. Now that's all changed. Still would love to see her, but simply as a friendly catch up. I know my feelings are still there, but they've taken a back seat (soon to be dropped off on a lonely road somewhere and forgotten). So if she were to somehow come back fully, I really don't know. I think most of me would be thinking no but I know that's not my style as there are things I'd want to discuss. Stuff that's stayed with me for a long time. There's also the major factor that I no longer see her with those rose-tinted glasses on. There are things about her that bother me and right now, make me believe we could never be in a relationship. I guess I'd probably not say no or yes, but instead want to talk and then take things slowly. Not just to see if she's changed, but also to see if I have - by that I mean, have I lost the feelings totally... if so, then I know for a fact that I've never gone back. Once the feelings have gone, they've gone for good with me. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 <blank face> Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I would have taken her back if she had got with any one OTHER than him! I understand the reasons she left and I take 99% of the responsibility but the fact she started seeing him leaves me with too many questions that I don't think I want to know the answer to! I hope to catch up as friends one day, but I don't think that'll be any time soon. I do wish her all the best though - she deserves to be very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
orbiting Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I don't even think I would/could talk to her. It's 'him' for me, but exactly this. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 Let's face these people would have to work really hard to get back into our good books . But they never do. It's always easier to take the easy way out. You could be waiting forever. I wouldn't even give my ex The time of day Link to post Share on other sites
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