Regaining confidence

[Pirouette]

Exactly. It's a big deal because I feel it is. That does not make my feelings any less valid. Who exactly gets to decide what's a big deal and what's not? Neither one of us has the authority to say how a situation really is. I am the one who was there when it happened, so I am going by my own opinion. For me, this is my reality and this is how I feel at this moment. If I change my mind, it will be due to whatever actions/words happen between myself and this person.

 

I find it very interesting that you are jumping to his defense without a single word of acknowledgement about how annoying his behaviours are.

 

I'll just say this. Irrational is still irrational no matter how keenly you feel it. Saying you feel something and therefore it's valid is simply an excuse to indulge every impulse if you don't bother examining why you feel that way and if the feelings are proportional to the situation.

 

No one person gets to decide what is right, but since you don't exist in a vacuum, majority rules and that will have a real effect on your life. So if the majority of people see it as no big deal, they're not going to adjust their perspective and expectations to be in line with yours.

 

What if someone has a phobia of a colour? Should people be careful to never wear that colour around that person? Is it alright for that person to get mad at others for wearing that colour? To yell at them? To think badly of them? Does that person have a right to restrict others from wearing that colour? Are others expected to just know about and understand that person's colour phobia?

 

I'm not jumping to his defense. I'm saying he is not responsible for your reactions. You are. He's not forcing you to do or feel anything. He has the right to do as he wants without infringing on your rights. You have the same. It doesn't matter if he's annoying or not.

 

I say all this with good intentions. I'm not disagreeing with you just to be disagreeable. I'm not trying to 'pick you apart' as you seem so afraid of. If I challenge your thinking, it's because I think you can benefit from looking at it from a different angle. I'd say this to any friend who was confiding these fears to me because this is my true perspective as someone outside your head. Just because someone doesn't think the same as you, doesn't mean they're trying to tear you down.

 

As for the fear, I don't see how you can conquer it without challenging it. All fears stem from something, and if you're not afraid of being hurt, then yes, it has to be coming from somewhere else. There's a why and a because behind everything. And no, asking you that why isn't so I can use it as a weapon against you. It's because one needs it to truly understand your situation, but since it makes you do defensive, don't answer it. I think you should think about why it makes you feel like that, and also why you feel like I'm picking you apart and telling you what's wrong with you when this is all a part of posting on a anonymous forum about personal growth and delving into deeper issues.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Pirouette

[SpiralOut]

 

As for the fear, I don't see how you can conquer it without challenging it. All fears stem from something, and if you're not afraid of being hurt, then yes, it has to be coming from somewhere else. There's a why and a because behind everything. And no, asking you that why isn't so I can use it as a weapon against you. It's because one needs it to truly understand your situation, but since it makes you do defensive, don't answer it. I think you should think about why it makes you feel like that, and also why you feel like I'm picking you apart and telling you what's wrong with you when this is all a part of posting on a anonymous forum about personal growth and delving into deeper issues.

 

I told you earlier that I didn't want to discuss that topic in detail.

 

Hmm. I am not going to answer that here. Let's just say that manipulative people scare the crap out of me. It is perverted to mess with someone's mind. I hate trusting someone, only to find out they have made a fool out of me.

 

That was as much as I felt comfortable sharing. Perhaps I could have been more clear and assertive about that, but I thought you understood that I didn't want to talk about it in depth. There are certain things that are too private to discuss here.

 

I started this thread in order to get support from people and as a place to vent. I understand that this is your way of trying to help, and you've said some things that I think are worth considering. But I don't want to be analyzed further.

[Pirouette]

I told you earlier that I didn't want to discuss that topic in detail.

 

That was as much as I felt comfortable sharing. Perhaps I could have been more clear and assertive about that, but I thought you understood that I didn't want to talk about it in depth. There are certain things that are too private to discuss here.

 

I started this thread in order to get support from people and as a place to vent. I understand that this is your way of trying to help, and you've said some things that I think are worth considering. But I don't want to be analyzed further.

 

That's why I said don't answer it. Just like in real life, I too am entitled to my own opinion and to voice it in a public venue. I see, you want well wishes, but not help, and so I respectfully bow out from this conversation.

[SpiralOut]

Alrighty. On with the show.

 

So the party last night went pretty well. It was a small one. I was quiet at first but started talking more around the halfway point.

 

There was one person I clicked with better than the others, so that was refreshing. I went over to her and we had a good conversation. I find it difficult to find people I connect with.

 

I felt a serious disconnect with a woman whose sense of humour is ultra conservative. Her idea of a funny story is something boring her kid said. I don't think she appreciated my jokes about dead barbie or creepy carebears who kill people LOLOLOL whoever laughs at that stuff are more my kinda people. At least half the people there thought I was funny. Sometimes I have trouble sharing my humour with others because I know it can be offputting to certain types, but if I can get a laugh from someone then maybe it's worth it.

 

Also I spent most of the night showing interest in other people, much more so than talking about myself. I can tell when people need to be listened to, so I just set aside whatever I felt like sharing for a different time. I'm glad that I did that, I think that was the right approach to take.

 

I went to meet up with a group today but I didn't see them anywhere. I showed up late so maybe I missed them, or maybe I walked right past them without seeing them. There will be more meetups later this week so I'll just go to another one.

Edited October 28, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I just realized that I have a twisted and dark sense of humour. I can also be sarcastic. Sometimes it's funny when people act horrified at demented jokes. This might sound bad but I'll admit it, I love to say shocking things and get a reaction out of someone from it hahaha. I love reading satire too.

 

That makes me awesome. Also, there's a sentence in my previous post that totally cracks me up. Haha I am the best.

[SpiralOut]

I think I'm getting better at recognizing when someone has stepped out of line. Specifically I mean people who push at me too hard and don't know when to stop. I hate pushiness. Most people don't like it.

 

I'm starting to feel less awkward around people. So I guess that's good.

 

I have an appointment with a career counsellor next week. They will probably just give me a bunch of crap to research but I think I'll feel better once I finally tell someone my goals and to have that person take me seriously.

 

I now have a deadline for leaving my job. My company just announced that it will be re-locating in the spring. I dont' see the point of staying with them for that. I'm not sure how a new location will magically solve the negative work environment that we currently have. It will inconvenience me to travel further and spend more money on transportation. Why should I do that for a place that treats me like crap and doesn't even pay that much. So these next few months will be stressful as I try to figure out my next move. Something has to change.

[SpiralOut]

I have a new theory about my anxiety.

 

As I may have mentioned earlier, I was emotionally numb for a long period of time. I think a lot of my issues are coming from this process of thawing out.

 

Feelings are coming back. They freak me out sometimes. I've encountered a couple of people who I felt a connection with. It scares me. Sometimes I will pull away. I've been struggling all year with talking to people because I did not want to feel obligated in any way to anyone. For some reason I just could not handle that. It made me feel guilty and stressed out. So I held myself away from people so I would not hurt them (or myself).

 

Tonight I met two people I chatted with a little bit. They were nice to me even though I'm clearly an awkward person. It was nice. I am trying harder to act normal when people reach out to me to befriend me. It used to make me feel weird. Sometimes I still do feel surprised or weird that someone sees me as someone interesting they actually want to talk to. But I think I'm getting a little bit better at accepting it.

 

I feel the connections on a deeper level than just talking about peanut butter or whatever. It's like something runs through me, a certain empathy or understanding or something like that. It makes me realize exactly what to expect not just from a friendship but also from a real romantic relationship. I've been randomly dating people throughout the year just wanting someone fun to talk to. But a serious relationship would be a very intimate and real and scary deep connection on a mental and emotional level. I don't know if I can handle that.

 

The other major struggle is just accepting my negative emotions instead of feeling so freaked out by them. Having a bad day makes me feel panicked. Having a day where I'm unproductive and stay in bed half the day and don't eat makes me feel like a failure, like I'm slipping back into bad habits.

 

So my way of dealing with it is to accept my emotions for what they are. They are what they are and that's okay.

Edited November 3, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

This is going to sound bizarre but I just realized that my hips are becoming less tight. When I stretch them, I can actually feel the area where they have shifted into a new range of motion I could never move them into before. In yoga the hips are the area where emotions are stored. Opening them up is supposed to help them release pentup emotions/memories.

 

I've been working on my hips all year and finally I'm getting somewhere with them. Then this past week I have an emotional breakthrough, in the sense that I suddenly feel more comfortable talking to people. It's like something shifted in my head somehow. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not, but I like to think that the yoga is healing me.

[SpiralOut]

A few things that seem to be helping...

 

I don't think of myself by my first name anymore. In my head I refer to myself by my middle name. It makes me feel better. I haven't officially introduced myself to anyone with this name but I've filled out a couple of forms and things with it. I'm going to a group thing again this Friday where nobody knows me, so hopefully I'll have a chance to do it then. When people call me by my first name, it feels like they aren't even talking to me, they are just talking to who I used to be.

 

When I get home at the end of the day I try not to jump on the computer right away. That's a bad habit. Today I just rearranged my furniture before coming on here. Last week I played with the cat and did yoga.

 

I'm getting stressed out by my energy levels. I have some important paperwork to do this week and today I just didn't get around to it at all so now I"m far behind. Tomorrow I can do some of it but not all of it. I feel so frustrated that there is a limited amount of time in the day. I wish I could be one of those people who has boundless energy and just gets so much done every day.

 

I've been indulging my night owl tendancies on weekends. It's just the way I've always been and I'm getting tired of stifling it. Obviously I can only stay up so late on worknights but I'm thinking I may book a day off in the middle of the week for no reason. This whole monday to friday, 10-6 schedule sucks. I want to stay up late in the middle of the week, sleep in the next day and do whatever I want. I miss my student schedule.

 

I'll update after going to my career counselling appointment this week. Hopefully I'll get something useful out of it. I'm really nervous that I won't. This is my last hope. I am starting to feel desperate about making my goals come true.

[SpiralOut]

Okay, my appointment was cancelled. The guy I was supposed to be meeting with sent me an EMAIL at 2:30pm today asking if we can bump up the appointment by 30 minutes because of his train doesn't arrive until 10 minutes before our appointment.

 

I just opened the message tonight at 8pm.

 

Umm excuse me? That's not even a request, that was basically him informing me that he won't be there on time. He didn't even have the professionalism to CALL me or give me proper notice?? I emailed him back telling him that no sorry, I am unable to move it up to that time due to my work schedule. Then I called the main office (it was someone else who arranged the appointment) and left a message requesting that my appointment be rescheduled. I explained the situation just so they knew why I was no longer coming in in the morning. Why should I wake up early and go in when he likely won't be there on time?

 

I'm pissed off. This guy is acting just like my ex-boyfriends, thinking his time matters more than mine! I was so excited to go in and talk to someone about my professional goals. I'm feeling deflated right now.

 

oh and apparantly I am now going to someone's b-day thing. I don't know if this is good or not. I just feel obligated, as not going would be kinda a dick thing to do on my part since I just went to a recent party of hers, we've been working together for a couple years now and she has always tried to include me in things. I dunno. It should be interesting. Hopefully I won't be totally surrounded by couples. But that's not for another couple of weeks.

 

I'm not feeling very well now. I just made dinner and I can't eat it. I feel so depressed about my current job situation. I don't know what to do. I am now looking at graduate programs. I found a couple that interest me and that I am qualified to do. I guess I'm hesitant to get into them until I get more industry experience that would let me know if paying money to study stuff is worth it.

 

I hate my job so much but can't think of anything else to do that's better. I can't even call into work sick tomorrow like I want to do or it screws over everyone. It kills me to work there. I need to leave. I can't decide if I'm desperate enough to leave to take up shifts at my old job. It might be humiliating to go back there and admit that I never ended up being successful.

[SpiralOut]

Just booked off a day a couple of weeks from now. I have a meeting in the morning with the school where I did my undergrad. I'll be speaking to them about graduate programs. Basically I want to learn more about the programs they currently have and maybe be put in touch with students or graduates who took them. I really like the idea of having a specialized degree that could help me to get me well-paying, challenging jobs. Yeah of course there is no guarantee as with anything but it may be worth it. I'm good at academics. It's the cost of it that scares me. How would I pay for ANOTHER program especialy when I live alone? How would I work fulltime to support myself while going to school? I'm afraid I may have to leave my apartment that I love and live with people I hate. I hate roommates. I'm tired of moving around and feeling uprooted and never being able to settle down. I love it here and don't want to move even though I may have to to afford more education.

 

Tomorrow I have a free career counselling appointment somewhere else. More than anything I need support that I am not crazy. Also it may help to put me more in the direction of programs/careers that would suit me. I feel like there must be something I can do with my current skills that pays more than what I make now. If I can find a way to do that, it would be so much easier for me to save up for grad school.

 

I am an academically minded person. It's good that I took a couple of years to focus on other parts of my life. But it's time for me to get back to who I am. I am the type who loves to learn, who likes to study. I am not content to plug away at a job that has little opportunity for growth. Even if I move to a different company my options are still limited due to my education level. I feel happiest when my intellect is being pushed and challenged.

 

I've been trying to teach myself stuff in my free time but it's not enough.

 

Something else. I've been spending less time on facebook which is good. That place is ridiculous.

 

Anyway I'm supposed to bring in a resume for tomorrow even though I haven't had a chance to update it and frankly I don't know if I'll bother to tonight. Ugh I feel stressed out. I just need the weekend to get here so I have more time to deal with certain things.

 

Thanks for reading, whoever checks this. I do realize that I sound like some crazy person on the internet trying to get her **** together but whatever. If I can get through this bad period of my life then so can anybody else.

[Some Swamis are Fat]

You have made this woman into a symbol of your problems. She isn't. Just say to her, "I'm not sure you realize that what you just said is a little condescending," or something to that effect. Challenging her politely keeps you smelling like a rose. Say, "Excuse me, I'm not sure what you mean by that" or "I'm sure you didn't mean that to sound insulting." That sort of thing. Don't let her dis you. But hold your own space by remaining kind and actually neutral.

 

What you really want is to feel better about yourself so little things won't trigger self doubt. Working on yourself, you have tons more confidence. And you meet others doing self-work, too. Get out walking, swimming, hiking or cycling. Freshen up your perspective about yourself. It only takes a day or two to change your energy. My book, "Some Swamis are Fat" addresses all kinds of angles about self-improvement. You're not alone in feeling lousy, but you won't be alone either in improving yourself, and that's a more joyful crowd.

 

Ava Greene

[SpiralOut]

I spoke to the career advisor yesterday. I was wrong to complain about him. I completely misinterpreted his intentions and overreacted. He turned out to be a very nice man.

 

He told me all sorts of things that I needed to hear. If I want more advice I have to pay a fee to get one-on-one in-depth consulting and guidance to put together an action plan for myself. It would be helpful to do it but the price is just so high, for only a few sessions, that it's not doable right now. But it was nice to hear that I'm not crazy for having a blog; he told me about another client he had where he helped her to put her own blog together and it helped her to build a good reputation for herself which allowed her to get somewhere in her career. He seemed very interested in the fact that I have one already. Wow. Most people just act like my blog is something dumb or boring that's a waste of my time. But this guy who knows what he's talking about seemed impressed that I put in the time to start one.

 

So I guess I haven't been wasting my time after all. I am on the right path. It is just a very hard one where not many people seem to believe in me.

 

I've also decided that it's okay for me to like videogames. Growing up, my mother always acted worried about the fact that I like them. Earlier this year she actually had the nerve to tell me "I used to worry about you because you played them so much." That's because she doesn't understand them. They are not wastes of time. Something like a well-made RPG game is a work of art. It is a form of storytelling that is interactive. It takes talent to create an engaging storyline, interesting characters with good dialogue, not to mention the artwork and everything else that goes with it. Why is it okay for me to read lots of books, and why is it okay for my father and brother to watch movies and tv all the time, but when it comes to the computer or videogames its like omg something must be wrong with you? That's ignorance!!!

 

My book that I'm working on is slowly turning into not-a-book. It is a series of plans that I have for a game that I've been wanting to make. I am sure that if I follow through with creating a game and selling it online that my mother would act all proud and happy which is STUPID because she never supported the idea of me playing them. You can't make them without knowing what it's like to play them. I am not saying a word to her about what I'm doing until after it is pretty much done.

 

You know, my mother has also given me a hard time all my life for using the computer. That's because she doesn't understand those either. Only recently has she figured out how to use them and now suddenly she is the one using the laptop all the time when I go to visit. I'm still resentful of the way she's always put me down for it. I mean I'm building a platform for myself with a blog, which is a computer program, which a career advisor thinks is a good idea, so it looks like she was wrong all these years about me wasting my time. Screw her. She's the one who is not with it. Anyone who has read my thread about her knows what a control freak she is and the crazy crap I dealt with growing up.

 

Anyway. I just used my day off today to take care of myself, by cleaning up the place, buying some necessities, doing my nails, etc. I did a lot of work this week with researching career ideas, so I'm just giving my brain a chance to soak it all up and think on it some more.

 

Also I'm thinking I may have to confront my mother next time I see her. So that should be fun.

Edited November 10, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I've been updating here a lot . . . .

 

I see things more and more clearly. There are a few members on here who have given me really good advice and seem to respect me. It is good to read comments, on my other threads, about how I am making progress and growing. Thank god I am not just running around in circles. Sometimes it seems that way. I'm thankful to these people for their help.

 

Isn't it funny how the world looks when you put on a new perspective. I have settled back into my role of observer as I gain a better understanding of what's really going on with the people around me and the way in which others interact. I notice something new every day.

 

It feels like I'm waking up from something.

 

I'm having a really hard time focusing on my personal goals. I think I'm becoming lonely and depressed. Hooray. So I signed up for a meetup group, which I'm pretty sure has an event this weekend. I am feeling enough confidence in myself to go to it and not make a complete ass of myself.

 

Also signed up with a dating profile and actually paid money. It is a higher-end website than that other one I was using, so maybe I'll have better luck. Geez I must be desperate. I don't know. Just going on another date will help me to feel better, like at least I'm not giving up.

 

I'll probably make myself go to a coworkers birthday thing. I have mixed feelings about that.

 

Still waiting to hear back about the volunteer orientation. I'm upset that I can't attend it tomorrow night. I hope I don't have to wait too much longer for the next one. I'm starting to feel anxious about getting started. I think it's a really good way to a) do volunteer work that will help with my career and b) meet likeminded people. I don't know many environmentalists.

 

I am now looking into fitness clubs. I won't buy a membership. I just want to be able to drop in. It might help me to feel better if I can get out a few extra nights a week just to run on the treadmill or something and be around people. I don't care if anyone talks to me or not, but just being in a social atmosphere should help me to feel less antisocial.

 

The last time I went through a difficult emotional time, I got through it by sticking to an exercise schedule. It gave me something to focus on. It made me feel strong and empowered. So that's what I should do now. I've been doing yoga almost every day now, actually but I think I'm ready to add some cardio and strength-training.

 

Two years ago today I was very different. I am very slowly building a new life for myself. I am changing my attitudes. I am learning to be assertive. I am trying to go for my dreams. Two years ago I was living with a boyfriend who took and took and took. When I quit my job to try and recover from the stress of working + school + needy selfish boyfriend, he belittled me. I was absolutely burned out but he didn't get it.

 

I think there's a part of me that's afraid of becoming burned out again. Maybe that's why I stay away from people. I don't know.

[SpiralOut]

Still stressed out....

 

When I come home on my lunchbreak I feel so alert and ready to focus. I began doing some research on parttime programs that interest me. Then I was interrupted as I had to go back to work. When I come home at the end of the day it's like my energy is completely gone.

 

Good thing I booked a day off for next week. I have trouble focusing on weekends and evenings but maybe an afternoon off is what I need. That's what I used to do at my old job whenever I felt overwhelmed and needed time to think about my future; I would call in sick then spend the day doing stuff that needs to be done.

 

I have no focus whatsoever right now. I'll probably just play a game for a while then go to sleep early. I can't concentrate.

[SpiralOut]

Okay so last night I stayed up until 4am looking at job postings. I didn't apply for anything yet but I feel so much better just having a better idea of what's available right now. I hardly slept at all but I felt super awake, calm, alert all day at work.

 

I feel like I'm remembering who I am. I am so much better than this life I've been living. I am capable of so much. The major thing holding me back is a lack of belief in myself.

 

I am planning to do a bunch of social things this upcoming week that are completely outside of my comfort zone. I won't say what they are until after I do them.

 

What I need right now is contact with people I have something in common with. It will help me to feel like I'm not crazy for being who I am. Not that I think I am crazy, but it will give me some added confidence next time someone tries to tell me that I suck.

 

I also just splurged on a book The Tools. It helps to follow along with a book or a TV show that I can relate to. Watching someone else go through similar issues as me helps it all to make more sense. So far I've read Women Who Run with the Wolves and I've watched the entire series of Dollhouse and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hopefully this book will help.

 

Anyway that's all for now. This week is going by fast. I'll update after I've gone to a few events.

[SpiralOut]

I'm feeling very stressed out. I just spent 3 hours going over my finances since I've neglected doing so for the past four months. It's under control but I'm not able to save any money, and I've got some events coming up that will cost more than usual. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, and food, and my cat, and a supportive family (even though they are out of town). It still feels like I'm scraping by, though. I thought that looking at my bank account statements and so on would help me to feel better, more in charge, but instead I feel worse as I realize I need to make changes. I feel like I'm just barely in control. I stupidly allowed a cheque to bounce, not due to lack of funds but just inattention on my part. I need either a better job or a second job. My current income is not enough to let me live the life I want. It's not like I eat out all the time or anything either. I hardly go anywhere or do anything.

 

 

Anyway. I can't focus on that anymore tonight. I don't know how to make my stress go away. I might have to do for a late night run in the cold with wet hair. I don't know what else to do. I feel like I need to scream.

 

ETA: Oh yeah one piece of good news. I am getting better at dealing with the weird things people say to me. I just take my time to look at them long and hard before I decide what to say. I don't care anymore if it makes people feel uncomfortable. I would rather respond carefully, than to just instantly react.

 

I also feel like i'm getting better at seeing the nature of people. I pay more attention to the pattern of their actions. And you know what I figured out about that woman who yells at me? At least two other people are offended by her so much that they have made comments. One person called her a bully right to her face. Another person called her mean-minded. Because she is. She is rude and mean towards other people too, not just me. My main struggle right now is to not allow anger and hatred take me over. I'm finding it very difficult to look at certain people with compassion. It used to be easy for me to do that but that's what got me walked over. So I guess basically I'm looking for that line in between that I need to walk on. It's really hard.

Edited November 18, 2012 by SpiralOut

[teri50]

First of all, you should be very proud of yourself. This is YOUR LIFE and you should do only what makes you happy..... You tell that girl SHE WILL NOT TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT, and walk off. Do not allow anyone to mistreat you and make you feel bad about yourself. Again I am very happy that you have decided to put YOU first....

[SpiralOut]

I'm still waiting to get news on my blood test results. Kinda anxious about them. I just want to get a referral and medication asap while I still have benefits that will pay for that stuff.

 

I haven't gone back to my weekly group thing and I'm not sure if I ever will. I don't care who thinks i'm "irrational" for feeling the way I do, but I am not going to put myself in a position where there's someone I don't feel good around.

 

I am feeling better able to connect with people and I think it's because I'm becoming better connected with myself. It's still tough to maintain the type of boundaries I should have but at least I'm aware of that.

 

I have a day off coming up soon. It should really help me to feel more like myself. this mon-friday 9-5 treadmill of working just makes me feel crazy. I need an extra day off to do some extra thinking. I need a change in routine.

 

Also I'm wondering if I've been acting selfish this past year. Maybe I have been. I've just been treating myself like **** for most of my 20s, treating myself like I don't deserve to have fun or to have nice things or to have friends. I've been blowing my money on stuff that I want, or classes/activities that I want to do. So this year I've been jumping all over the place with my hobbies but that's okay. I think I'm feeling calmer about some of these things, not feeling the urge to buy as much stuff. Right now I'm focusing more on finding my spirituality.

 

Oh right I also attended a photography workshop, and somehow blundered my way through someone's birthday party of like 20 people I haven't ever met, and tomorrow I'm supposed to meet up with some women but it depends if I get out of work on time or not.

 

I have a funny feeling I'll be spending new years eve alone again which is an awesome feeling.

Edited November 28, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

updates on progress made . . .

 

- realizing that the way I was raised had a serious effect on me and probably contributes to some of my problems, like unhealthy thought patterns, and personal fears. my mother was a control freak. I can't blame her for all my problems but I know that most kids who are raised by controlling parent(s) are affected negatively by it

 

- I am taking steps to discuss things with an actual psychologist/psychiatrist. I think talking to counsellors helped me to deal with immediate problems but did nothing to deal with deeper issues

 

- admitting what my real goals and passions are. I'm following through on things that I want to do. This includes trying new hobbies/interests, buying myself stuff that I want (so long as it's within my means), and researching how to make certain things happen (eg. saving money for trips)

 

- reaching out to people. i've been trying to strengthen certain relationships, like becoming closer to my brother and to long-distance friends. Tried out a couple of groups/clubs. Say yes to invitations (so long as I like the people who asked). Am going in next week for volunteering.

 

- taking control of the not so fun parts of life such as managing finances, looking after my personal health, furnishing my apartment, paying more attention to my personal appearance, etc

 

- finding my spirituality. I tried to follow a religion when I was younger but my mother wasn't respectful of it. I shouldn't have stopped, but I did. I am now trying to get back into it.

 

Overall, I'm learning to be who I really am and figuring out what my core issues are. What are my specific issues that have prevented me from being who I want to be and living life the way I want. Where exactly does my anxiety come from. Where did these issues come from, how can they be fixed, etc etc so that I don't slide backwards from all the progress I've made.

 

I'm feeling more clearheaded than before, better able to put my finger on things.

[SpiralOut]

Two most helpful things so far: riding my bike, and introducing myself to people using my middle name. My first name doesn't feel like me at all. How can I be myself when I am called by someone else's name. People who knew me by my first name are finding out about my name change and are asking questions, which is stressful to deal with but not the end of the world.

 

The cycling helps to burn off anxiety and makes me feel independent. It's not as good as having my own car, but at least I'm not calling taxi's and taking the bus all the time to get everywhere. Plus I'm usually energized enough afterwards to do other stuff that needs to be done.

 

I also just got contacted by job recruiters for a position in a financial advisement type of company. I don't know if it's something I would want to do but it feels good to know I have options. Maybe I'll call them next week. I uploaded my resume to a job search site, and applied to a job in my field. My cover letter is kickass. I think I know what I'm doing now. I think I know how to make myself look appealing to hiring managers.

Edited December 20, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I now realize that I am not as socially inept as I used to think I was.

 

Yes I am shy and awkward. And I know that I've made a few social blunders. I'm pretty good at recognizing them, though, either immediately after or maybe a few months later. Then I make efforts to not repeat those mistakes. And you know what, in spite of my quiet and shy nature, people still like me and go out of their way to include me.

 

Many of my posts on LS have been about people making social blunders that piss me off, and asking for reassurance that I'm not imagining things. I spent most of my life thinking that everyone has better social skills than me, and it's pissing me off to realize that's not true.

 

Some of the worst insults I've received have been from people who are socially inept themselves. Even worse is that they say unkind things. I've been told that I'm a really nice person. Maybe these people are able to see my awkwardness, and the way that I still get along with people, and for whatever reason it pisses them off and makes them want to put me down.

[picasoflake]

One of the best way to boost confidence is reading good books such as "YOU CAN WIN"...

[NewPerspective93]

There's nothing wrong with being the way you are; a lot of people are shy and awkward. I'm probably worse than you are, in terms of social ability.

 

Regardless, it's not healthy comparing yourself of your abilities to those of others; it's completely futile and will lead you nowhere. Be yourself, and work on certain areas you want to see improve. Want to be more social? Well, go and start with making small talk with other people and see where it goes from there. Easier said than done, I know, but it has to start somewhere.

 

Other socially inept people have their own issues to work on, so fragmenting some of their comments will not help you out in the long run. Maybe they can see your awkwardness, and so what?!?! Be yourself, and if they don't appreciate your idiosyncrasies, it's their loss.

 

Also, positive thinking can help. Thinking about how good a situation can turn can lead one to become more optimistic overall, thus enhancing their view on everything. If you harbor a pessimistic view, some people might be able to sense that, thus why you might get put down. This might not be true as I don't know, but I have noticed people picking up on vibes when I would be in a pessimistic state. Once, at this pre-med camp one of the other students straight up asked me if I was alright because she sensed a tense vibe from me. Body language could also contribute to this, but I'm not too knowledgeable in that regard.

 

Hope things go well for you, and best of luck.

Edited December 27, 2012 by NewPerspective93

[SpiralOut]

 

 

 

Other socially inept people have their own issues to work on, so fragmenting some of their comments will not help you out in the long run. Maybe they can see your awkwardness, and so what?!?! Be yourself, and if they don't appreciate your idiosyncrasies, it's their loss.

 

 

Hope things go well for you, and best of luck.

 

That's right that socially inept people have their own issues to work on. Why aren't they doing that, then? Why do they feel the urge to put me down. I don't do that to them. I leave them alone because I know I'm not the right person to criticize them.That's what pisses me off. If anyone is going to call me out on my little quirks, it should be someone who actuallys knows what they are talking about, not some person who clearly has their own problems to deal with.

 

I know it's not good to compare myself to others, but I can't help wondering WHY they put me down. People don't usually do that unless they feel threatened in some way. What is it about me that's threatening to others, I wonder.