Internet Forum Bullies

[carhill]

So if I have this correct: loveshack is kind of a closed community for right now?

 

No new members?

At this point, apparently yes.

 

This link will show the last member registered and confirmed. Then it's a simple matter of comparing that member's number (183665) against the number of the newest member (from the main page, currently 189238) to see how many potential unconfirmed accounts there are. Further, compare member stats, which gives a clue to old/duplicate account deletion. On the main page, there are currently 189,036 members. On the member list page, there are currently 40079 members. Quite a discrepancy. Combine with that the observed (by myself anyway) decline in trolls, sockpuppets, bullies and spammers, the numbers start to deliver a message.

 

ETA a relevant example of placement (of the OP) can affect exposure as well, a nuance that not all members may be aware of. As an example, this post, placed in this sub-forum, is viewable by the currently 995 guests and 95 members viewing the site. The same would apply if it were placed in the LS comments and questions forum. However, if it were placed in the Water Cooler forum, only registered and logged in members (not guests or unconfirmed members) would be able to view it. That forum, amongst others, is invisible to everyone except registered and logged-in members.

Edited January 23, 2012 by carhill

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow, so cyberbullying and spamming was a much larger force here than I ever would've guessed. Of course Eric probably had about 12000 of those accounts.

 

It's kind of nice to know that there are more legit people around instead of just a few guys in their basements creating crazy multiple IDs to prove how "crazy" women are.

 

Really, we don't need their help. We can show we are crazy all by ourselves.

[MissBee]

I agree that bullying is a reprehensible activity. It can be very damaging, especially during the formative years.

 

That being said, I've also witnessed, IRL, and on LS---that accusations of bullying can be used as a deflection tactic, by people/posters, when their OWN actions are called into question, and they are held accountable.

 

Instead of saying, "Yes....I stole the cookies from the cookie jar."; the response is ....

 

"You're just picking on me/harassing me/bullying me......"

(Look how mean YOU'RE being..)

 

So the person who painstakingly baked batches of cookies, only to have them pilfered, is the "Bad Guy"? Because they said, "Hey----no fair!!!"?

 

That's just one example.

 

I've also noticed accusations of bullying being bandied about, just because someone has an opposing opinion. There are some personality types who feel attacked by anyone seeing things differently, and respond by going on the offensive. (claiming victimhood the entire time)

What dismays me, is that I fear that too many unfounded allegations of bullying will detract from the legitimate cases. Like the Phoebe Prince story, for example.That WAS bullying, absolutely.

 

IMO, someone holding a firm stance on an opposing opinion, does NOT constitute bullying--as long as they adhere to the TOS here.

 

 

I agree wholeheartedly!

[Spark1111]

I agree that bullying is a reprehensible activity. It can be very damaging, especially during the formative years.

 

That being said, I've also witnessed, IRL, and on LS---that accusations of bullying can be used as a deflection tactic, by people/posters, when their OWN actions are called into question, and they are held accountable.

 

Instead of saying, "Yes....I stole the cookies from the cookie jar."; the response is ....

 

"You're just picking on me/harassing me/bullying me......"

(Look how mean YOU'RE being..)

 

So the person who painstakingly baked batches of cookies, only to have them pilfered, is the "Bad Guy"? Because they said, "Hey----no fair!!!"?

 

That's just one example.

 

I've also noticed accusations of bullying being bandied about, just because someone has an opposing opinion. There are some personality types who feel attacked by anyone seeing things differently, and respond by going on the offensive. (claiming victimhood the entire time)

 

What dismays me, is that I fear that too many unfounded allegations of bullying will detract from the legitimate cases. Like the Phoebe Prince story, for example.That WAS bullying, absolutely.

 

IMO, someone holding a firm stance on an opposing opinion, does NOT constitute bullying--as long as they adhere to the TOS here.

 

Great post and I agree!

 

I am an adult and I cannot be bullied on a public internet forum where I and others post anonymously under pseudo-monikers.

 

I can shut down the screen, turn the dial, power off and walk away.

 

True bullying is about power, and no anonymous poster at an internet site has any POWER over me, an adult, with their expression of an opinion, or even attack, because I can disagree, ignore, move onto another site, or power down. I simply give them no importance.

 

A child, battered spouse, adolescent, employee does not have the same emotional, and or physical ability to ignore the bully; or often, the freedom to report or get away from the abuse.

 

PIH, that is a much more grevious situation than blogging on the internet, yes?

[Janesays]

I think a lot of people here are needlessly harsh and rude with their replies when people are asking for simple advice or feeling emotionally vulnerable. However, I try to remember that a lot of people here are also unhappy with their love lives and if they take a shot at me, it's probably more about their personal frustrations than it is about me and my life and I try to shrug it off. As a grown woman, I find it difficult to fathom that I'm being 'bullied.' Insulted, sure. But I still have my lunch money in my pocket!

[pureinheart]

 

 

 

 

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you.

 

In bold this is the bottom line. I used to think I had to defend myself after my words would get twisted beyond recognition...go back quote the entire conversation that pertained to the distortion in order to try and unravel it.

 

I think it's interesting that two of the people that I have asked in the past to please stay away from anything having to do with me on LS have posted in this thread...this really speaks for itself. Certainly this is an internet forum, of which everyone can participate...although if someone asked me to not have any contact with them I would honor that with NO problem...so in essense it's a gentlemans agreement.

 

Hey, thank you all for posting, I really enjoyed some of the comments!!!!

Edited January 23, 2012 by pureinheart

[donnamaybe]

Great post and I agree!

 

I am an adult and I cannot be bullied on a public internet forum where I and others post anonymously under pseudo-monikers.

 

I can shut down the screen, turn the dial, power off and walk away.

 

True bullying is about power, and no anonymous poster at an internet site has any POWER over me, an adult, with their expression of an opinion, or even attack, because I can disagree, ignore, move onto another site, or power down. I simply give them no importance.

 

A child, battered spouse, adolescent, employee does not have the same emotional, and or physical ability to ignore the bully; or often, the freedom to report or get away from the abuse.

 

PIH, that is a much more grevious situation than blogging on the internet, yes?

Geat post Spark!

[pureinheart]

I want to outline some of the typical comments that have been directed at me and others, that IMO are used to excuse bad behavior and possible bullying...

 

This is the WWW, so you can't control what goes on-

 

This forum in anonymous and we have the choice to delete or turn off our PC's-

 

They're just words-

 

on and on this list can go...

[donnamaybe]

Geat post Spark!

That would be GREAT post Spark! lol

[donnamaybe]

As a grown woman, I find it difficult to fathom that I'm being 'bullied.' Insulted, sure. But I still have my lunch money in my pocket!

Perfectly stated.

[bentnotbroken]

Great post and I agree!

 

I am an adult and I cannot be bullied on a public internet forum where I and others post anonymously under pseudo-monikers.

 

I can shut down the screen, turn the dial, power off and walk away.

 

True bullying is about power, and no anonymous poster at an internet site has any POWER over me, an adult, with their expression of an opinion, or even attack, because I can disagree, ignore, move onto another site, or power down. I simply give them no importance.

 

A child, battered spouse, adolescent, employee does not have the same emotional, and or physical ability to ignore the bully; or often, the freedom to report or get away from the abuse.

 

PIH, that is a much more grevious situation than blogging on the internet, yes?

 

 

 

Beautiful.

[anne1707]

I was once accused of ganging up with my H who also posts on LS and bullying other posters. I would like to think that those who know me here do not consider me a bully (plus my H and I try to make a point of not posting in the same thread).

 

So anyway there I was being accused of being a bully by a poster who I have seen being accused of being a being a bully by probably a dozen plus other posters. Her reason for having a go at me? I did not bend to her viewpoint - I had my own opinion which differed from hers and she did not like that.

 

Her problem, not mine - a poster who makes false accusations is not going to tell me what I can do, where I can post, etc.

[pureinheart]

Great post and I agree!

 

I am an adult and I cannot be bullied on a public internet forum where I and others post anonymously under pseudo-monikers.

 

I can shut down the screen, turn the dial, power off and walk away.

 

True bullying is about power, and no anonymous poster at an internet site has any POWER over me, an adult, with their expression of an opinion, or even attack, because I can disagree, ignore, move onto another site, or power down. I simply give them no importance.

 

A child, battered spouse, adolescent, employee does not have the same emotional, and or physical ability to ignore the bully; or often, the freedom to report or get away from the abuse.

 

PIH, that is a much more grevious situation than blogging on the internet, yes?

 

In bold is a good illustration of the excuses given to condone or act in bad behavior. Words hurt and bullies and abusers know this. Not implying you Spark in that ...it's just that the wording was there.

 

The workplace and schools are notorious for breeding bullies. There are things and actions that can be taken..it's all about education.

 

The whole point of the bully is to prey on what they perceive to be weaker. There is a lot more to it, although I don't have the time right now to communicate all of it...a bunch of family here ----Partae!!!!!

[pureinheart]

Real fast...one thing I find interesting...

 

Based on most of the replies, internet bullying is acceptable?

[Feelin Frisky]

After not bothering with forums for more than because of rampant "passive aggression" going on and moderators almost universally unprepared to see it and handle it properly, I decided to try forum life again and chose a much less "high brow" philosophical forum where if passive aggression wasn't being waged out-right snobbishness and ridicule were. I came to "Love Shack" where I felt I could talk to people of both genders who are all united by the same basic need and want. I liked the fit and comfort but there were some people who were here with "political agendas" to "hate" on "liberals" where they didn't get into the spirit of the forum and only stuck to the "political and war-mongering" section as if they were getting paid to infiltrate this place and influence people to hate like them and demonize "liberals" and President Obama. I have complained about these people at every turn for their poison and obvious disinterest in sharing our experience, strength and hopes about practical relationships with the real people we know and care about. A year and a half later, I find Love Shack to be much more focused on its theme and far less--if at all--like the "Hate Shack" some posters I don't see anymore tried with success at one time to make it.

 

I don't notice much "bullying" now. There is however some occasional rudeness and sarcasm that is unnecessary and toxic. Lately the forum seems to have resolved a lot of the spam, returning toxic posters, and as far as I can tell is being moderated fairly. I'm grateful for the progress and have learned some restraint of my own when it comes to stepping into the traps of the "passive aggressive" who deliberately work the edges of rules to piss people off and then try to look like the innocent victim when they get someone else warned or suspended. No complaints and lots of gratitude from me right now.

[anne1707]

Real fast...one thing I find interesting...

 

Based on most of the replies, internet bullying is acceptable?

 

 

Where has anybody said that?

[freestyle]

I was once accused of ganging up with my H who also posts on LS and bullying other posters. I would like to think that those who know me here do not consider me a bully (plus my H and I try to make a point of not posting in the same thread).

 

So anyway there I was being accused of being a bully by a poster who I have seen being accused of being a being a bully by probably a dozen plus other posters. Her reason for having a go at me? I did not bend to her viewpoint - I had my own opinion which differed from hers and she did not like that.

 

Her problem, not mine - a poster who makes false accusations is not going to tell me what I can do, where I can post, etc.

 

Your story illustrates the point I was making quite well, Anne.

 

There are occasions where the people/posters crying, "Bully!" are in fact the ones most guilty of trying to browbeat others.

 

Based on what I've studied about bullying---when a bully gets exposed for who he/she really is, one of the first things they'll resort to is playing the victim.

 

(I've had to deal with this IRL--it's frustrating beyond belief. There's little you can do to defend against it either, except stick to the high ground & hope that eventually the truth will come to the surface, bringing vindication with it.)

[D-Lish]

Real fast...one thing I find interesting...

 

Based on most of the replies, internet bullying is acceptable?

 

Wow, did you really just say the above after preaching what you've been preaching in this thread?

 

That's really passive aggressive. You talk about people twisting words, yet this comment is an example of just that, and it's clearly designed to stir the pot.

 

Not agreeing with someone's point of view is not the same as bullying.

[Dust]

Wow, did you really just say the above after preaching what you've been preaching in this thread?

 

That's really passive aggressive. You talk about people twisting words, yet this comment is an example of just that, and it's clearly designed to stir the pot.

 

Not agreeing with someone's point of view is not the same as bullying.

 

Oh no it's D-Lish one of our forums biggest bullies...

 

Don't worry every one I'll wrestle her for you!

[nofool4u]

There are many bullies on the internet and this forum period...read the article, I should not have to explain a thing.

 

I refuse to engage harassment and attacks any longer, it is insanity IMO and plan to ignore.

 

This forum is meant for support and education.

 

Sorry, but here is the problem. You get to hurt someone in real life, then claim being bullied here?

 

It doesn't fly.

 

And after handing down hurt to someone else, claiming to be bullied here is an insult to those that are truly bullied in real life, or online. Sorry, stating truths as people see it isn't bullying. Not liking what you read isn't bullying. And if you think it is, then you are a real life bully to someone else, whether directly or indirectly.

[nofool4u]

You post about the fun times of screwing someone elses husband and then get upset if people are not happy for you and tell you it is wrong? I don't ever see bullying at all in this forum. I see people trying to help others out of a terrible lifestyle choice that not only hurts them but others.

 

You poor dear, people really need to cheerlead your decision to have an affair. What is wrong with them.

 

VERY well said. But since its the truth, you are now a bully

[carhill]

Ever have someone smash your face with their fist and opine 'you stupid disgusting fat pig'?

 

IRL, that's a form of bullying, one of many I experienced decades ago. Now, consider venue. Out in a field somewhere is one venue. At school, during recess, is another venue. Where would the bully be more likely to get away with their behavior, presuming the potential response proffered in the thread of, essentially, turning the other cheek and walking away? At school, in addition to what any decent human being would consider proper treatment, there are rules. Beating on other children and attacking them verbally is against the rules and there are sanctions. It doesn't matter how the bullied person responds. The bully's actions are still against the rules.

 

The operative determining factor on LS is 'the rules', not about who's an adult and who's a child and who's insecure and who's not and who has power and who doesn't. It's simple. Blow the rules and you go. I'm good with that.

[donnamaybe]

Real fast...one thing I find interesting...

 

Based on most of the replies, internet bullying is acceptable?

 

No. Based on the posts I have read one person's idea of "bullying" is nearly everyone else's idea of differing opinions. Bullying is a whole 'nother thing. And it isn't happening.

[whichwayisup]

I'm putting it out there and honestly, I think every single person IS guilty of this, including you Pure. WE ALL have said nasty or mean things at some point in here. BS's to OW, OW to BS's, fighting, pointing fingers, accusations, snide comments, passive comments etc, etc, etc. Some are worse than others.

 

Disagreeing and having discussions that sometimes get out of hand is NOT internet bullying. So, if you believe this, or anybody else believes this, then we are ALL bullies of some form and level.

 

For well over 4-5 months the constant fighting back and forth has stopped. Sure, once in a while there are blips on the radar but nothing like it used to be.

I'm happy about it and i'm sure others are too.

 

Not sure the point of this thread, if it truly is about internet bullying then it should be moved to the water cooler as I suggested earlier.. But if this thread was posted here to get reaction, it's happened.. And I don't see any threats or bullying on this thread.

 

I say all this with respect, but these threads always go to the gutter because of past history between various posters, the trust level isn't there and many assume the worst of one another, therefore creating more reaction. so pointless.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm putting it out there and honestly, I think every single person IS guilty of this, including you Pure. WE ALL have said nasty or mean things at some point in here. BS's to OW, OW to BS's, fighting, pointing fingers, accusations, snide comments, passive comments etc, etc, etc. Some are worse than others.

 

Disagreeing and having discussions that sometimes get out of hand is NOT internet bullying. So, if you believe this, or anybody else believes this, then we are ALL bullies of some form and level.

 

For well over 4-5 months the constant fighting back and forth has stopped. Sure, once in a while there are blips on the radar but nothing like it used to be.

I'm happy about it and i'm sure others are too.

 

Not sure the point of this thread, if it truly is about internet bullying then it should be moved to the water cooler as I suggested earlier.. But if this thread was posted here to get reaction, it's happened.. And I don't see any threats or bullying on this thread.

 

I say all this with respect, but these threads always go to the gutter because of past history between various posters, the trust level isn't there and many assume the worst of one another, therefore creating more reaction. so pointless.

 

 

Another beautiful post.