TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Hey Everyone I'm writing this because I've told my story from start - to well, finish (or as finished as I thought it would be)... Last week I ran into xMM walking into work, I usually completely ignore him, but he opened the door for me, I looked at him and said thanks and went on my way. Later that day I get an email from him saying that he knows I don't want to listen to him and he's not expecting a reply, but he just wanted to say that he's sorry for lying to me. we ended up talking (very quickly) - and yes it turns out that the daughter that he kept a secret from me for almost a year turned out to have been born just 2 months before we met! - yeah... Anyways, he just wanted to apologize for the way things went down. It came out that him and his gf went to counseling (to work out their issues as a last shot - and during counseling they delved into his constant compulsive lying), but they split up and he says that therapy was the best thing for them because now they actually get along better and can raise their kids better from separate homes. He asked if I was doing ok and I couldn't help but smile, because I am truly happy with my life and my boyfriend. I made sure to tell him that I appreciate the apology and we're ok now "but from far". I didn't want him to get the wrong impression and think that we're friends and have him email me and all that crap. The few days after all this happened had mixed feelings: - I got the apology that I NEVER thought I'd ever get - and that was really something to me...I can't explain it, but it was a validation of sorts. - I relived the mourning of the relationship. I think it was because we actually met up briefly on my floor and talked, it just brought back so many memories of us doing that all the time back in the day. The whole thing brought back the memories, the pain, the sadness ... just a mixture of everything. But the truly fantastic thing was, the day I met up with xMM and we talked and pretty much got "closure", all I wanted was to be with my boyfriend, be with the man that I truly love, that makes me so happy. I'm not asking for advice or anything in this post, I just figured that since I've come here so many times with "ma stories" - I might as well give the ending too I know that not everyone will get an apology or closure, and I truly never expected to get any of that from him, so I was moving on with or without it, I hope that anyone that's been down that same road realizes that things do get better with or without it p.s. I know that a lot of people will think that he's doing this because he's trying to weasel back in and that could be his motivation, however: - The fact that I can't even be sure if THAT new separation is true or not, is flag enough to know to stay away - The fact that I would never give up or cheat on my bf for him or anyone else, makes the whole thing moot - And the reason I met him when I had gone NC for over a year was because I knew that I could and that I wouldn't fall back into anything with him no matter what he had to say. We are ok - but definitely from VERY FAR. I don't intend to let him into my life in any way. The apology was just a good way to finally close the book on that novel. Edited January 24, 2012 by TigerCub Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Sounds good and like you have moved onto a healthier scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 He gave you a piece of the puzzle so you can finally have peace. Only advice I have: If he emails, calls or tries to be 'buddy/buddy' with you, slam the door and make it clear to him that there's no hard feelings, but you're not looking for any friendship, or personal talk about your lives. Wish him well and hope that he finds love again with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Sounds good and like you have moved onto a healthier scenario. Yeah I sure did Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 He gave you a piece of the puzzle so you can finally have peace. Only advice I have: If he emails, calls or tries to be 'buddy/buddy' with you, slam the door and make it clear to him that there's no hard feelings, but you're not looking for any friendship, or personal talk about your lives. Wish him well and hope that he finds love again with someone else. Oh I definitely intend to do that. Thanks for the advice WWIU. Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 ^Yeah... exactly that. You can't be friends with your AP. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Ahhh Good for you TC!!!! You sound like you are happy and doing Just Fine!!!! That makes me smile!:):):) Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Yay!!! That's good news, steady enough w/ new BF to not get sucked back in. They hate it when you've moved on, closure or not Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Ahhh Good for you TC!!!! You sound like you are happy and doing Just Fine!!!! That makes me smile!:):):) aaww thanks Lost, you're so sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Yay!!! That's good news, steady enough w/ new BF to not get sucked back in. They hate it when you've moved on, closure or not haha, that's probably true in almost all cases. The truth is, I don't want him to hate it or get hung up on it. If what he told me is true and that he really is trying to work on his issues and be more honest, etc...I am honestly happy for him for doing the right thing to be in a more peaceful place. Thanks Heather Edited January 24, 2012 by TigerCub Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 You deserved an apology and you got it. Good! Sometimes when someone has been an arse and hurt you it helps when they own it. I'm glad you have a wonderful man and sound so happy with your life. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 So pleased for you. Everything seems to have worked out just fine AT LAST. GG Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 congratulations to you tigerclub! you sound like you are right where you should be!! Thank you HockeyFan, you've always been very supportive Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 You deserved an apology and you got it. Good! Sometimes when someone has been an arse and hurt you it helps when they own it. I'm glad you have a wonderful man and sound so happy with your life. Good for you! Yeah, I never thought he'd have the balls to admit that he did wrong... Thanks Donna Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 So pleased for you. Everything seems to have worked out just fine AT LAST. GG Thanks so much GG. I know that you too have worked hard and maintained NC for quite some time now. I hope that everything works out so great for you as well Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Now this is good stuff here, Tigercub! "I know that not everyone will get an apology or closure, and I truly never expected to get any of that from him, so I was moving on with or without it, I hope that anyone that's been down that same road realizes that things do get better with or without it :)" ....I hope so too! Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I'm so happy for you TigerCub. Good for you! Closure is a wonderful thing. Best wishes to you and your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Now this is good stuff here, Tigercub! "I know that not everyone will get an apology or closure, and I truly never expected to get any of that from him, so I was moving on with or without it, I hope that anyone that's been down that same road realizes that things do get better with or without it :)" ....I hope so too! I definitely think that its possible and I hope that everyone that needs to be ok and move on and be happy will find that. I also believe that even if one slips and backtracks its not the end of the world, just get up, get the focus back on what the goal is, and try to get there again. Thanks Skywriter Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 I'm so happy for you TigerCub. Good for you! Closure is a wonderful thing. Best wishes to you and your bf. Thank you Spice! As always, you're supportive and so kind. I wish you the best too Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 So glad for you little Tiger.. They (MPs) always come back in our lives when everything is better and we are happier. The irony of meeting with MP after the end of the A and mourning is done is that it allows to look at them from a different perspective, out of the fog and get closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Thank you for sharing. I am glad you received an apology. The both of you are now in a better place in life and that's a beautiful thing. I am happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 So glad for you little Tiger.. They (MPs) always come back in our lives when everything is better and we are happier. The irony of meeting with MP after the end of the A and mourning is done is that it allows to look at them from a different perspective, out of the fog and get closure. Thank you East I know what you're saying, but the one thing I will disagree on with that is that seeing him now and hearing what he had to say, I still didn't know if it was true or not - the 1 year NC gave me the chance to see him in a more realistic light without all the sparkle of the A, but seeing him after the NC just for that final "closure" I didn't see anything I hadn't seen all year. I have to be honest and admit that although I didn't know what to really believe - there was a part of me that after the meeting was sad if it was true .... because it would mean that after I went NC with him, 3 months later they decide to go to counseling and break up - and I thought Why couldn't he have done that when I wanted to be with him? That thought made me really sad, then as soon as I thought it, my brain kicks in saying: - you don't even know if its true - even if he did that and you guys got together, you know you'd never trust him and it would never have worked out - this woman will always be in his life with the chance of them falling back together because they do have a bond and have kids - its not impossible. etc... I dunno, those were the feelings I had that made me feel as though I was mourning the loss of him all over again. But it passed, and I'm glad that it was only a few days of such thoughts and questions. Anyways, sorry I went on a huge tangent. Thanks for always being supporting mon chou Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you for sharing. I am glad you received an apology. The both of you are now in a better place in life and that's a beautiful thing. I am happy for you. Thank you Emme, you're very sweet Link to post Share on other sites
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