My letter to her if I could send it

[moosekaka]

dear ***,

 

I miss you. More than anything I want to reach out to you and say how sorry I am for screwing up everything and patch things up with you. I am still very emotionally attached to you and I know that will just drive you further away.

 

Its only being two months and a week but its felt like a whole year since we talked. What can I say to you anyway if you won't engage with me on a level that I want? I feel I need to tell you how much I felt for you, how much chemistry that I know we had and I need to have that validated.

 

I know its going to take a lot more time for both of us to heal. I have a feeling we will sit down one day to talk. I only hope that when that day comes I will be ready to handle myself with dignity and respect. My regret is not appreciating how a relationship can take a long time to build and only seconds to destroy.

 

I am not evil or malicious and I hope you know that, even though I was harsh and let my emotions get out of hand. I don't believe nor want my behavior towards the end to define me as a person or our relationship. I am trying everyday to move on and grow to be a better person.

 

Whatever happens I will always remember you and cherish the good times we had.

[moosekaka]

you know what, i just realized that even though our relationship was short (6 months), there were a lot of happy and dramatic moments and when I started writing about them as a way to record the memories I realized how interesting (to me at least) and funny some of the situations were.

 

I don't know if anyone else has done this here, but I am writing a short story which is like a memoir of our relationship. At least that is something creative and tangible that I can do, because my mind is sure stuck when it comes to real work at the moment!

 

Don't know if writing about a relationship is therapeutic or counterproductive, maybe both as I am forced to reflect on the past again, the good times and the bad (which I haven't gotten to yet as that would be the very end of the story....)

[Philosoraptor]

It matters not what path you take as long as it leads to the feeling of peace. If the path that you take leads to more pain, a different path you should choose.

[TaraMaiden]

Could I suggest you read this thread, and talk to the OP?

 

while I completely understand why you wrote it, and how you'd like to send it....

really, there is no better message than silence.....

[NicoleM]

You can write the letter but do not send it! I read somewhere online where you can write whatever you are feeling how much they hurt you etc,etc but never ever send it because in the long run it really doesn't do any good. They call them break-ups for a reason and yes they hurt you and yes you just want to tell them and possibly get closure you never will. Just leave things alone and try to move on. I know it's tough! I have been there done that been down that road. My ex hurt me emotionally destroyed my confidence and in the process told me how much better he was with her ( ouch) I would of loved to have told him off but it really doesn't do any good.

[moosekaka]

to all: I have no intentions of sending the letter. Reading what I wrote just a day later it comes across as sappy and discomforting, I guess I was a little affected by the ONE beer I had last night.

 

having said that, about the memoir writing, I find it now so much harder to fill in the blanks to the outline I wrote up yesterday, it almost seems like my mind is afraid or unwilling to go there to revisit the past. I do want to eventually finish it though, if only to preserve the mental snapshot of the relationship.

Edited January 24, 2012 by moosekaka