Gentlegirl Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Has anyone met up with xMM again long after the split? I would like to hear from you about the experience . Did it put you at peace, let you move on, disillusion you? How did it go? I think one day in the far far future I would like to see xMM again, just to say goodbye. There was a kind of Dday and I have been NC ever since. Certainly not ready to do that yet, but there has been no closure for me. GG Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Hi GG, It's been quite awhile since you and exMM split? And still no closure. Is there any way that you could look for a way to get closure without him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gentlegirl Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 It has been 14 months since we split. Sometimes I go along really great and then other times not. I don't know whether it would help or not. As I said, maybe in a year or so I would like to see him again, but not yet. Hell who knows anything ?????????????????????????? GG Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 It won't help....seeing him again. My X & I had a 6 mo. affair - broke things off for a year. Saw each other at a club - He started calling again & the A started again. That time it lasted for a year. He then caught up with me again (after his divorce was final & he had a new girlfriend & I was separated) Saw him again "Just As Friends" - (a loose term) Well, it hurt even worse that time.....'saying goodbye' Every time you go back it'll be a little harder to break things off. Please don't be disillusioned into thinking that seeing him is the closure you need. The odds are against you that FRIENDS will be all that happens. Until you make peace with yourself - move on yourself - have closure within yourself.....Seeing him again is just not a good idea. However, once you've done all of the above - I say seeing him as friends, talking etc. isn't that bad of a thing. As long as you keep your distance & remember, you're not there to start the affair back up again......... good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I think one day in the far far future I would like to see xMM again, just to say goodbye. There was a kind of Dday and I have been NC ever since. Certainly not ready to do that yet, but there has been no closure for me. Just my 2 cents.. I think somehow you need to make peace and create your own closure without meeting him somewhere down the line to 'have a goodbye.' You two had a D-Day and he's chosen to stay married and you're in NC. That kind of is the "goodbye" in some sense. What if in a year or two, you reach out and ask to see him, hoping for closure or that goodbye and he says no, I don't want to see you? All the healing you would've done, could be a set back/step back for you, feel pain again. For what? Just to hear that he did care about you, he's sorry for choosing his wife and family over you? It may do more harm than good. If a year goes by, let's say you met someone else that you enjoy and like a lot.. Then xMM calls and wants to see you.. What then? Do you truly want to open that door a crack just to have a goodbye after so long? Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 GG, Closure is a gift we give ourselves. You don't need to see xMM to get closure. Simply decide it's over, it wasn't meant to be, and move on down the road. Barr Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It has been 14 months since we split. Sometimes I go along really great and then other times not. I don't know whether it would help or not. As I said, maybe in a year or so I would like to see him again, but not yet. Hell who knows anything ?????????????????????????? GG Wow GG, I am so sorry. What about self help books? I'm reading a book called "Letting Go" and it has really helped. I found I had so much that I had not let go of, and it has practical applications to help with the "withdrawl". I totally understand...there is that "tinge" that hits every now and them that holds you back, almost feeling like you're back to square one, quite nerve wracking IMO. This (bold) gives me a feeling that doesn't settle or flow well...not that it sounds like your going to fall at this feet madly in love or anything. I really believe your done. Maybe write him a letter then destroy it? You know, I'm sure you've thought of this stuff already...I just don't have anything to add accept I hope you don't...I just can't describe it GG ((((hugs love)))) P.S. No matter 14 mo or 14 days, it's just plain hard, ya time helps, although I understand because I was and am there now.... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It won't help....seeing him again. My X & I had a 6 mo. affair - broke things off for a year. Saw each other at a club - He started calling again & the A started again. That time it lasted for a year. He then caught up with me again (after his divorce was final & he had a new girlfriend & I was separated) Saw him again "Just As Friends" - (a loose term) Well, it hurt even worse that time.....'saying goodbye' Every time you go back it'll be a little harder to break things off. Please don't be disillusioned into thinking that seeing him is the closure you need. The odds are against you that FRIENDS will be all that happens. Until you make peace with yourself - move on yourself - have closure within yourself.....Seeing him again is just not a good idea. However, once you've done all of the above - I say seeing him as friends, talking etc. isn't that bad of a thing. As long as you keep your distance & remember, you're not there to start the affair back up again......... good luck. Ya tell me about it. I finally broke the ties, although prior to that man what a joke...back and forth, back and forth...this type of "relationship" (and I use that term loosely). It just does things to the soul that are so counterproductive to healthy living. Happy-sad-happy-sad is just no way to live. GG, you are a strong, lovely lady...YOU CAN GET HIM OUT OF YOUR MIND FOR GOOD!!!!!! I think you just have to find the right recipe...I will go through this book I suggested and find the chapter that deals with this and get back to you...he who knows, maybe it will work! Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It won't help....seeing him again. My X & I had a 6 mo. affair - broke things off for a year. Saw each other at a club - He started calling again & the A started again. That time it lasted for a year. He then caught up with me again (after his divorce was final & he had a new girlfriend & I was separated) Saw him again "Just As Friends" - (a loose term) Well, it hurt even worse that time.....'saying goodbye' Every time you go back it'll be a little harder to break things off. Please don't be disillusioned into thinking that seeing him is the closure you need. The odds are against you that FRIENDS will be all that happens. Until you make peace with yourself - move on yourself - have closure within yourself.....Seeing him again is just not a good idea. However, once you've done all of the above - I say seeing him as friends, talking etc. isn't that bad of a thing. As long as you keep your distance & remember, you're not there to start the affair back up again......... good luck. I did this, met up with xMM many years later. He'd been divorced for many years by that time. My experience is that once you have really moved on, it doesn't really matter whether you see him or not. I did ask him some questions pertaining to us, but it was more out of curiosity and, strangely, after asking, I realized I didn't really care about his answers. So, I think it really is true that closure comes from within because once you have it, what the other person says and does is of no or little consequence to you. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 ask yourself if there is really anything you can say to him or he can say to you that will change anything... sometimes things are what they are and you have to accept that there is nothing you can do to change that, as much as you may wish it otherwise Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Has anyone met up with xMM again long after the split? Yes, 14 years later. The 'real' was a healthy cleanser. For myself, this dynamic, as an individual path, was the clearest data point of 'letting me love her' that I have received to date and was, adjunct to MC, the healthiest example of my own failings I could have presented. Great life lesson and exMW has my sincere thanks for it. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I agree with those that say that seeing him will not bring closure. I'll never have closure with my xMM either and seeing him one more time wont do it either. What will seeing him even do? We'll/You'll see him one more time and do what? Talk? Hug? Reminisce? (my spelling sucks) Then what..he turns around and goes back home to his wife, just like he did before. Closure is something we'll have to find for ourselves. Maybe we'll never really get the perfect closure, but if we focus on the present moment and on moving forward we can stop looking back so much. Time heals all wounds is cliche, but I have found it to be true with my other relationships. I've had break ups that cut through my soul and now when I bump into or hear about an ancient ex, I no longer feel a thing. For some reason, this break up with xMM did do more damage to the core of my being, but I'm determined to move on. What hurt so much was that I really thought that he was finalizing his divorce and that I was wife material in his eyes and that we'd be together. In the end, not only was I not wife material, I was regarded as trash and disposed of. Well, I'm nearly 5 months NC now and I no longer have urges to contact him. I still do think about and process the relationship but I also think about other things as well. Everything happens for a reason and one day this will all come together and make sense. Peace to you, GC Link to post Share on other sites
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