mike588 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Ok I heard from her again...3rd time now and I haven't responded to any. Sunday night I get another e-mail saying... Well since I haven't heard anything from you now after several weeks I'm guessing I'll never hear from you again. You have every right to do so but I just wanted to say again that I'm so sorry for hurting you....I had to do what I felt I had to do and so dreaded hurting you. It was not easy for me either. You were/are the sweetest...most loving...caring man I've ever known and I was just overwhelmed by it all. Please believe me when I told you I loved you and you meant so much to me...and still do. Mike, I'll never forget how happy I was..how you made me feel so special and loved.....how you listened to me and cared and how well you treated me.... and my family.I'll never forget that! I hope life is treating you well and your happy...if you would ever like to talk call me. (Her name) Gotta admit this made me feel good and hasn't set me back...none! She still hasn't mentioned one word if she's still with her ex. or asking me to try it again with her and I hope she doesn't. I'm done with her...can't go back...no,just can't or wont!! I guess this was (and hope it is) her LAST attempt to contact me. I don't have those feelings any more for her. I'm tempted to reply with... Hope you are well too but please leave me alone but run the risk of her replying to that. Silence speaks more I believe. For all of you here who are suffering a recent b/u and are heart broken just hang in there...stick with N.C. it does get better..I'm living proof of it. I'm not trying to add any drama to my situation or seeking advise...just an update but any comments are welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 There is no louder, clearer and stronger message than silence. Keep doing what you know is right and good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Mike you are doing great. You are an inspiration to people on this site. You have showed through your story, that you can hit rock bottom and come back stronger than ever. I am baffled though. It seems you provided everything a woman could want. Sadly some people never know how good they have it. I have a STRONG feeling you will be her one BIG regret in life after the years have passed. When someone has messed up like she has, she doesn't deserve a second chance with a great man. We should only get one shot with the great people in our lives. If we blow it then we need to let them go, so they can find someone more deserving of their love. You deserve more than her and what is great is that you can see this now so clearly. Maybe her R is in a mess, maybe it's not. it doesn't matter. What was obvious is that is failed once and seemingly was a very volatile relationship. I have a feeling she will have the exact same problems second time round with this guy. Who cares though. Your ex was selfish in the relationship, when she cheated and nothing has changed. She is selfish in the aftermath of the relationship. She is either sad, lonely or full of guilt. Maybe a combination of all of the above. She is reaching out to the one person she shouldn't. If she thinks you are that amazing she should have never contacted you again and let you live your life in peace. Her words mean nothing. Empty words from an empty vase. You should be very proud of how far you have come Mike. You are a HUGE influence on me. I have been a lurker for longer then I have posted and your strength has shown me I can be strong too. You are ready to meet a girl that will appreciate what this girl didn't. When you do, you will never look back. Life provided you with this test, you passed it with flying colours. Onwards and upwards.. Wow..Thanks. I don't think I'd take a million dollars to go back to where I was 5.....4 months ago and all the pain I endured and how I so looked foward to the way I feel now...I had doubts I'd ever feel this way!! Yeah who knows what's going on in her life and I agree it doesn't matter anymore!! and I don't care!!!! Just to clarify.. it's their 3rd time back together...what a joke! It is beyond great NOT to dwell on her/us anymore...to rarely think about her...not to be bothered by going places (resturants..grocery store etc) that we frequented. I truely have forgiven her from my heart....she had to follow her heart and I respect that. I hold no anger or hatred toward her...none! I'm perfectly ok being single now...it has it's advantages. If it weren't for following the advise given to me here..especially following strict N.C. I wonder where I'd be emotionally now?? Thanks to all! Edited January 24, 2012 by mike588 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Thought this would happen to you Mike, She is confused and I bet went back to her ex over confusion and guilt and has now seen that it wont work (again) and she has realised what a nice person you are and now gone pear shaped again has realised what she has lost in you. Danger is if you let her come back she may well get confused and guilty again. You are on top of the situation. You must feel good Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Good to hear from you Mike. I agree with Geegirl. Ball is in your court now. Keep it that way. Don't let it slip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 Thought this would happen to you Mike, She is confused and I bet went back to her ex over confusion and guilt and has now seen that it wont work (again) and she has realised what a nice person you are and now gone pear shaped again has realised what she has lost in you. Danger is if you let her come back she may well get confused and guilty again. You are on top of the situation. You must feel good I'm actually surprised that I heard from her at all....I was so convinced that I would'nt because I was her rebound guy....her heart was never there...I was her bandaid from their previous breakup and I didn't mean that much to her....guess I did after all. You all know how good I was to her...how well I treated her and what I did for her...just human nature not to appreciate/forget those things and possibly want more?? Months ago I would of given my right arm for this....Oh how I wished..prayed and hoped for this....The sayings true.....Be careful what you wish for.....you may just get it! Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I have read Mike that when your'e a rebound, you are often 100 times nicer than the ex they cant get out of their head but it doesn't matter because they cant get over their ex. When she went back and things went tits up, she obviously realised exactly what good qualities she has lost in you. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 it is a weird situation, especially if she's not with her ex anymore, then its kinda obvious that she wants you back. or thats she's really hurt and just insecure about her feelings. stick to nc. i mean if you dont even have those feelings anymore, why would you go back?. and if that would happen its really up to her to ask you not the other way around. congratulations man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 it is a weird situation, especially if she's not with her ex anymore, then its kinda obvious that she wants you back. or thats she's really hurt and just insecure about her feelings. stick to nc. i mean if you dont even have those feelings anymore, why would you go back?. and if that would happen its really up to her to ask you not the other way around. congratulations man. Who knows who cares...I'm think that the honeymoon period may be over with them again....3rd time..dumb ass! and she's trying to eliminate her guilt. Oh well. I couldn't/wouldn't go back if she begged...pleaded on her knees!! I could just see it if....if they broke up again....she's hurt..she needs a shoulder to cry on..to comfort her...(me) then months down the road.....Mike...I'm sorry I'm going back to the ex. See ya! Oh no....not again!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Learn from your mistakes, don't be too hard on yourself, and never treat another human being (or indeed animal) the way you treated me. Be single for a bit. I hope you find your own peace and happiness. I forgive you. Now please stop emailing me. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Hey Mike. Well no response needed. And still sounds more friendly/please don't feel this way about me than wanting to get back together anyway. Sometimes we do make decisions where we wish had chosen otherwise but that doesn't mean we would come back with egg-on-our face and do the hard work to go back- it would be awfully difficult for me to try to get back with someone I know I hurt because I would always feel they didn't deserve me. But it would be also hard to never make peace...it may take a while but I'd at least want you to know you meant a lot to me. That's what you always said you wondered...if you meant anything to her. Well, now you know (in case you didn't believe me when I told you;). IMO not responding keeps them wondering for a while and thats good for some situations. For me, if i have zero interest or curiosity I would have replied after the first or second time and put it to bed. Thanks and all the best kinda thing so there is no "more contact." But hopefully she's not looking to chase, only apologize, and her thoughts and actions follow the finality of her words. So, good for you. Discipline got you where you needed to be all along. Link to post Share on other sites
Jam3s Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hi Mike, You seem to be in an identical situation to me regarding being hurt and requesting no contact whilst they still continue to contact you. It's reassuring to know you are staying strong when receiving messages like I have been and also tempted to reply but sticking to your guns. Just want to say keep up the good work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hey Mike. Well no response needed. And still sounds more friendly/please don't feel this way about me than wanting to get back together anyway. Sometimes we do make decisions where we wish had chosen otherwise but that doesn't mean we would come back with egg-on-our face and do the hard work to go back- it would be awfully difficult for me to try to get back with someone I know I hurt because I would always feel they didn't deserve me. But it would be also hard to never make peace...it may take a while but I'd at least want you to know you meant a lot to me. That's what you always said you wondered...if you meant anything to her. Well, now you know (in case you didn't believe me when I told you;). IMO not responding keeps them wondering for a while and thats good for some situations. For me, if i have zero interest or curiosity I would have replied after the first or second time and put it to bed. Thanks and all the best kinda thing so there is no "more contact." But hopefully she's not looking to chase, only apologize, and her thoughts and actions follow the finality of her words. So, good for you. Discipline got you where you needed to be all along. Hey M2155 I was hoping to hear from you and always respect your comments...thoughts.Yeah kinda feels that way to me too...just wanting to make peace..I hope that's all..time will tell. Yep you were right...AGAIN,lol..about if I meant anything to her. God at one time I would of jumped on this (contact)..hoping she would want to try it again so I could dump her in an awful way...hurt her ..a payback..but now I'm not interested in doing that or even hearing from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Phoenix Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Mike, 2 Things 1)Everytime you get an email and post it here, you are reliving this breakup over again in your mind. Its not emotionally healthy for you. Shes only reaching out for friendship. 2)You can say all these words that you are moving on etc, but you are not. You are only talking. Actions speak louder then words. If you really wanted to move on, you would block her email address, block her facebook and focus on your life in the present and detach yourself from the past. You choose not to do because deep down you hope she comes back. You say it in your own words. Only you can decide what you chose to do but right now, you are doing nothing. Talk is cheap. This is the 3rd post in how many weeks? Yet you have to do any actions in one way or another. You do nothing, you avoid because doing anything will cause you more conflict. Either email her back and be friends with her or close the door and move on. Any further emails unsolicited emails from this point from her are your responsibility and your own pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Mike , I'm so proud of you ! She is pathetic , she's like my ex , doing this just to make herself feel better . Obviously she's not happy at the moment , responding will send a clear message . Ignore the negative comments here , you are moving on . Xx Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It's going to be okay. You can let go of your connection to her and it will be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Mike- You are in good shape here.. YOU were the nice guy who didn't do anything wrong, she realizes it and its too late. Obviously you still have feelings for her, but you're ok moving forward. Well done and keep it up. You'll find a woman who will appreciate you and not play games with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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