No money, no house, no career, no love.How to improve?

[quietGuy13]

Hi all. i'm in my 30s. and yeah i'm that.

I'm poor living with parents , dont have my own house or apartment, have never had a career and have never had love.

 

What can i do to improve. I dont want to end up like this forever.

 

Where do i start??? I'm searching for jobs but there's nothing.. And even if i find something it won't be a fancy career , it will be just a 8 to 5 job doing some repetitive officework or whatever. Like it has always been and they always fire me or they are just temporary jobs and end.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Given all the information in your posting history here I think you probably need some professional assistance to change your life. I have suggested before that you look into moving into a group home. If you don't want to live in your parent's house forever, you will need to take steps to find another way to live.

 

There are many social services available to help people with disabilities to gain more independence in their lives. I'm sure you could have a job you'd enjoy if you were willing to learn a skill. Why don't you concentrate on things like this and forget about stalking teenagers on the Internet or women at bus stops.

 

If you get your life in order, your chances of finding companionship will increase a lot.

[RecordProducer]

QG, you have too high expectations in life and keep dreaming instead of taking small steps to improve your life. You've never had love and yet all you care about is to date the girls that everyone wants to date, the hot, sexy ones, and my guess is you want them also to be smart, kind, good, etc. So, you want the girl to be perfect while you admit to be average or even below average.

 

The money/house/career/living with parents issues are all related: you have no career. Don't you think it's up to you to achieve that? You live with your parents because you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anything in your life. You expect these things to fall from the sky - right in your lap. You actually wouldn't even appreciate them if they did fall in your lap.

 

Sorry, but I have to give you some tough love. Go get some training and become something. You don't need to be a genius to acquire some skills and become an expert in something, be it a mechanic, nurse, insurance agent or a salesman. How you're going to get money for training/education? You figure it out. For once, figure something out in your life and stop whining. Go work three jobs, go to school, and get your own place. You can't? You build your character when you do things that you "can't" - the hard stuff in life. Everyone can do the easy parts. You're having it easy: you live with your parents, you don't have to take care of yourself, you don't have to make money or keep a job because nobody depends on you - not even you. And you have an excuse for everything by simply labeling yourself as a loser.

 

Seriously, dude, snap out of your dream that the former prom queen is going to date you when even you wouldn't date yourself. What do you have to offer? Same with your career and self-esteem. YOU have to offer something to an employer - and for that to happen, you have to invest some hard work and time. Of course they're going to fire you: you're replaceable and don't value yourselfone bit! What do you think the rest of us are suckers for struggling through life, eating crap, working hard, getting into debt, and choosing the harder ways because they bring better rewards at the end? I know we're in the midst of an economic crisis, but 10 years ago we weren't - why didn't you get out of your parents' home then to live on your own? Why didn't you do whatever it took at age 20 to become attractive to employers? Most people leave at age 18 or when they're done with school/college.

 

You want to invest nothing in yourself, but you want to be treated like the people who have invested a lot in themselves. Do something about your life. Have you seen those disabled people who live full lives and never give up? Wake up. Princess Charming is not going to come wake you up with a kiss and give you a CEO job at her father's chocolate factory. Only you have power and control over your life. You can DO whatever you set your mind on - but you have to DO, not DREAM and whine.

 

And what's wrong with a 9-5 repetitive office work? What do you want to be, a rock star?

Edited January 25, 2012 by RecordProducer

[Meeks7]

^ Good post. Tough love is good for one's soul sometime. But he has to be ready and willing to receive it.

 

QG, what did you study in college? What is your field of interest?

 

I'd say forget about girls for the time being. Think about the job.

 

Believe it or not, I lived with my parents until I was 24. It was a little embarrassing because 99% of my friends moved out at 18.

 

I was just a late bloomer.

The good news is, maybe you are too.

 

Better late than never. But you better start the process now.

[RecordProducer]

There are many social services available to help people with disabilities to gain more independence in their lives.

 

QG, are you disabled? If yes, I apologize for my post which was written for the "average" guy.

 

Mme. Chaucer, where did you get this information?

[johan]

Get a job. Make it into a career. Earn some money. Buy a house.

 

Voila.

[Dust]

Why don't you ask your parents for some help? You can't really get advice for this sort of thing over the internet. You need to talk to some one in your life. Also you need to just start trying things.

[josie54]

I'm searching for jobs but there's nothing.. And even if i find something it won't be a fancy career , it will be just a 8 to 5 job doing some repetitive officework or whatever. Like it has always been and they always fire me or they are just temporary jobs and end.

 

None of my first jobs were "fancy jobs." All were "8 to 5 jobs doing some repetitive officework." But by taking those jobs, I earned money, gained experience, and developed work ethic. Those jobs helped me work my way through my college so I could get....well, yet ANOTHER 8 to 5 repetitive job. But that job helped me pay off all my debt and buy my own house. And then I applied for the job I have now--I work from home doing a job that I'm good at and that other people respect, earning full-time pay. More than twice as much as I earned with my first job out of school.

 

You've got to work your way from those jobs up. You can't just step into the perfect career, especially if you don't know what you want to do to start with. If you can't find a paying job, then take a volunteer job or unpaid internship position (no one "fires" you from those, unless you don't show up or don't do any work once you get there)--I've worked those too. They don't pay, but they go on your resume to show that you have work experience and initiative. They show that you've taken the time to develop your skills.

 

You also say "they just fire me." Why do you get fired? I think I've read in your other posts that you consider your communication skills lacking. Well, if that's the case, your first priority is to get training in those skills. Take a public speaking or communications class--learn how to project yourself in the world so that people take you seriously. If it's about being shy, get counseling.

 

I agree 100% with the other posts here. No magic genie is going to show up and give you three wishes and help you make your life into what you want. Nothing changes unless you change. The way other people got what you want? They worked for it. They did what it took to do it, period. Some had it easier, some had it harder, but they went to school/got counseling/stuck with the less glamorous jobs/etc. and worked their way up.

 

That's probably not what you want to hear, but it's really the only answer there is.

[Star Gazer]

 

QG, are you disabled? If yes, I apologize for my post which was written for the "average" guy.

 

Mme. Chaucer, where did you get this information?

 

Yes, he's disabled. He talks about it in about 25% of his threads.

[Ross MwcFan]

And what's wrong with a 9-5 repetitive office work? What do you want to be, a rock star?

 

For some people repetitive office work is incredibly boring, I'm pretty sure I'd find it incredibly boring anyway. And there are more interesting achievable jobs which don't have to involve being a rock star.

[josie54]

For some people repetitive office work is incredibly boring, I'm pretty sure I'd find it incredibly boring anyway. And there are more interesting achievable jobs which don't have to involve being a rock star.

 

 

Ross, I actually had to laugh when I read your post, because it implied that people like Record Producer and I LOVED repetitive office work and found it incredibly interesting. That wasn't Record Producer's point (or mine). Most low-level office work is INCREDIBLY boring. That's why it's entry level. I spent hours wishing I was anywhere else but at those jobs. But I put in the best work I could, and I got recognized with promotions and raises.

 

You might argue that no one should have to work at a job they don't love--but the time goes by fast. If QG does nothing but complain about his life, in two years he'll be exactly where he is now. But if he takes some boring job and does good work, after two years, he'll probably have gotten a raise or a promotion, or moved to a different, better job based on his experience at the first. A job like that is a stepping stone, not an end point. It helps you meet people and allow them to see what you can do. These are the jobs that give you references that you share with other employers so you can get the job you actually want. EVENTUALLY.

 

If QG isn't willing to take on these kinds of jobs, then he really doesn't want to change his situation.

 

But, let's say that QG absolutely will not work in an office job. That doesn't change the fact that he still is going to have to put in the work to get to get another entry-level job of some sort. I'm not sure what jobs he wouldn't find "incredibly boring." Construction work? Working with animals at the zoo? Being a theater stage hand? Bartending? Even those jobs require that you start at the bottom, work hard, and do what it takes to gain the appropriate skills required for the job, whether it's going to college, attending training courses, or simply agreeing to take a job doing the "grunt" work so that you can prove that you're ready to take on a more responsible "interesting" position.

 

And, if he can't find a job that pays, a volunteer job is just as valuable in terms of using it as a stepping stone to get a paying job. When paying jobs aren't available, nonpaying jobs are the next step. Quietguy lives at home and has, I assume, very few living expenses. That means he can afford to take on an unpaid position in the field of his choice--very few companies turn down free labor. (Although you do have to make sure that there's a limit on the time frame of unpaid work--6 months is usually a good term.) Doing so really opens up his potential opportunities to go after a "dream job." He can gain experience in a field he enjoys and when the job market gets better, he now has a resume with relevant experience that he can use to get a paying job. There's also a chance that the place where he had been working for free will offer him a position. You never know what will happen.

 

There are a very lucky few who have had their perfect lives handed to them--mostly the children of very wealthy families. But that's like winning the lottery.

 

And then, there are those lucky few who grow up knowing exactly what they want to do (say, write books or become actors) and just jump into that effort with their entire soul (write for hours each day, move to Hollywood and go on a million auditions until they get their first part, etc.). Many of them also land interesting lives for themselves while very young--but they really worked for it, too.

 

The rest of us just used trial and error to build our lives as we went along. We started off in college or in low-level positions. Some of my friends went through a few different careers before they settled on one they loved. Two people I know got pregnant very young, got married, dropped out of school, worked as messengers and secretaries while raising their children and going to school part-time. It was tough, but now she owns her own business, and he is a computer science engineer. Some of my friends worked as clerks at Wal-Mart right out of high school, and now 20 years later, they're supervisors and regional managers making quite a bit of money.

 

The point is, they WORKED. It doesn't matter how or where, but they WORKED to get where they now are--making money, owning their own homes, having their own lives.

 

Anyone who believes an "interesting job" will just fall into their laps without any effort or work on their part is dreaming--not to mention, most likely sitting at home, living with their parents, hoping to find a life partner, even though they haven't done the work it takes to develop themselves into interesting human beings.

 

There's nothing stopping QG from taking the steps he needs to take to get what he wants. Does a disability put him at a disadvantage? Certainly. But that doesn't mean he can't help himself more than he's doing at the moment. That first step might be looking at why he is getting fired from past jobs, and then seeking out counseling or even the help of agencies that help adults with disabilities to help him address those problems, and then help him find a job he can do. But as long as he expects wonderful things to happen while he does little to make those things happen, he'll continue to see the same results.

 

It's the harsh reality that we all faced. Most of us faced it when we turned 18 and realized we were going to have to start taking care of ourselves. It's a reality that you've already faced, Ross (and faced well, from what I see in your other posts.) It's one that QG will have to face too.

[Steelrain322]

Join the army.

[Ross MwcFan]

josie, I never implied that you and RP loved repetitive office work and found it incredibly interesting.

 

I guess maybe I assumed that RP found it okay. But I honestly can't remember, it was a long time ago when I made that post.

[Rimer]

QG, you have too high expectations in life and keep dreaming instead of taking small steps to improve your life. You've never had love and yet all you care about is to date the girls that everyone wants to date, the hot, sexy ones, and my guess is you want them also to be smart, kind, good, etc. So, you want the girl to be perfect while you admit to be average or even below average.

 

The money/house/career/living with parents issues are all related: you have no career. Don't you think it's up to you to achieve that? You live with your parents because you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anything in your life. You expect these things to fall from the sky - right in your lap. You actually wouldn't even appreciate them if they did fall in your lap.

 

Sorry, but I have to give you some tough love. Go get some training and become something. You don't need to be a genius to acquire some skills and become an expert in something, be it a mechanic, nurse, insurance agent or a salesman. How you're going to get money for training/education? You figure it out. For once, figure something out in your life and stop whining. Go work three jobs, go to school, and get your own place. You can't? You build your character when you do things that you "can't" - the hard stuff in life. Everyone can do the easy parts. You're having it easy: you live with your parents, you don't have to take care of yourself, you don't have to make money or keep a job because nobody depends on you - not even you. And you have an excuse for everything by simply labeling yourself as a loser.

 

Seriously, dude, snap out of your dream that the former prom queen is going to date you when even you wouldn't date yourself. What do you have to offer? Same with your career and self-esteem. YOU have to offer something to an employer - and for that to happen, you have to invest some hard work and time. Of course they're going to fire you: you're replaceable and don't value yourselfone bit! What do you think the rest of us are suckers for struggling through life, eating crap, working hard, getting into debt, and choosing the harder ways because they bring better rewards at the end? I know we're in the midst of an economic crisis, but 10 years ago we weren't - why didn't you get out of your parents' home then to live on your own? Why didn't you do whatever it took at age 20 to become attractive to employers? Most people leave at age 18 or when they're done with school/college.

 

You want to invest nothing in yourself, but you want to be treated like the people who have invested a lot in themselves. Do something about your life. Have you seen those disabled people who live full lives and never give up? Wake up. Princess Charming is not going to come wake you up with a kiss and give you a CEO job at her father's chocolate factory. Only you have power and control over your life. You can DO whatever you set your mind on - but you have to DO, not DREAM and whine.

 

And what's wrong with a 9-5 repetitive office work? What do you want to be, a rock star?

 

Awesome post! Thank you. As I've said in so many posts here that have tried to kick me in gear this was once again one of those great posts. I'm starting tomorrow to collect all kinda posts from here, other internet sites i've been reading for motivational posts. C&P them into notepad and make a little top10 things list for my cell that I can always read when I get down or straw away from my goals. Why tomorrow? It's 1am here i'm getting up for work in 5 hours. need some sleep =) Also I actually ordered a book about psychology and gonna read that once I get it. I'm not a big reader but psychology has really started to interest me in the last month or so. See I'm starting to find some things of interest